Lily´s Writing Feedback :3 by Lily Bishop https://padlet.com/25lbishop/smib7bt06yu7 Hope you enjoyed my writing piece! Please leave some kind and helpful comments. en-us 2018-09-28 17:50:24 UTC 2020-02-05 14:35:43 UTC hello@padlet.com https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2012/04/18/03/53/write-36784_960_720.png Fictional Narrative 25mdwyer https://padlet.com/25lbishop/smib7bt06yu7/wish/313991000 Wow, Lily! I really enjoyed your story! Your hook was amazing and it really draws the reader in. The italics you use in it really set the scene for the rest of your story. Your descriptions throughout your entire story were fabulous! They really help the reader understand what is going on around the cats. One piece of advice that I can give you is to try to describe the supporting characters a little more. Readers know what Morder looks like but not what Skylar and Elskede look like. Perhaps you could include that. Overall, I really loved your story! Fantastic job!]]> 2018-12-12 18:42:40 UTC https://padlet.com/25lbishop/smib7bt06yu7/wish/313991000 I love the over all story I Like that they are cats and not humans. Also I like the reference to bendy and the ink machine. The extra details about the fur and the wind is fabulous. Something that I thought you should do is that you should do is add in that Morder has a demon inside. 25jchludzinski https://padlet.com/25lbishop/smib7bt06yu7/wish/314402002 2018-12-13 18:35:02 UTC https://padlet.com/25lbishop/smib7bt06yu7/wish/314402002 Fictional Narrative 25jocana https://padlet.com/25lbishop/smib7bt06yu7/wish/314408604 The beginning was fabulous. One swift blow and wham, the kings dead and Morder is wanted. Then, you brought out the cleverness of cats when Elskede mislead Morder into thinking that she finally loved her, and when I read that “Hello, Love.” Elskede greeted” part my heart was just AAAAAAAAHHHHH. The only thing that put me off was a few missing indents. That and only that. Anyways, spectacular characters, story, and development. ]]> 2018-12-13 18:45:54 UTC https://padlet.com/25lbishop/smib7bt06yu7/wish/314408604 Persuasive essay 25dfitzgerald https://padlet.com/25lbishop/smib7bt06yu7/wish/347304289 I love how you only put a little dip into your opinion in the thesis. I like how you made me cry because it is very powerful and will move the readers. I just wish that you would add a little bit to your sum it up because it is lacking just a little bit.]]> 2019-04-01 17:26:32 UTC https://padlet.com/25lbishop/smib7bt06yu7/wish/347304289 https://padlet.com/25lbishop/smib7bt06yu7/wish/347755258 Star- I like how you supported your data throughout your essay.
Star- I like how you provided very effective data.
Wish- In your conclusion for each piece (heart,future, and zinger) you are saying the same thing.

]]> 2019-04-02 17:45:03 UTC https://padlet.com/25lbishop/smib7bt06yu7/wish/347755258 Essay 25smurray https://padlet.com/25lbishop/smib7bt06yu7/wish/347864816 I like how educated you are on the topic. Also I like how passionate you are on the topic. I wish you elaborate more on the conclusion though.]]> 2019-04-02 23:17:47 UTC https://padlet.com/25lbishop/smib7bt06yu7/wish/347864816 https://padlet.com/25lbishop/smib7bt06yu7/wish/365375542 Wish - A small man named Edd stepped ever so softly his body slightly quaking. I’m sure that sentence makes sense with the wording but I found it confusing.Star - The hook is really good because it makes you think where is he sneaking to? What’s happening?Star - You put as much description in as possible with every sentence having detail. ]]> 2019-06-03 17:51:20 UTC https://padlet.com/25lbishop/smib7bt06yu7/wish/365375542 Descriptive Writing 25sheta https://padlet.com/25lbishop/smib7bt06yu7/wish/365376221 Star- I really like in the beginning when you said “...stepped ever so softly…” It sounds really good and adds more to the story!  
Star- You have really good word choice throughout your piece :) 
Wish- I wouldn’t say “...kinda…” in your piece. (Towards the end of your story) I think you should just take it out of there. You could add in “...kind of vibe sounding like the Cheshire cat…”, but you don’t have to replace it if you don’t want to. 

]]> 2019-06-03 17:53:55 UTC https://padlet.com/25lbishop/smib7bt06yu7/wish/365376221 DW 25smurray https://padlet.com/25lbishop/smib7bt06yu7/wish/365870828 Your descriptive writing piece was really unique. I’m assuming that the character was Edd from Eddsworld? Anyways, the description was great and I could see everything in my mind. One thing, is some parts I didn’t know what was going on. They’re in a science building? Overall good job!]]> 2019-06-05 14:46:57 UTC https://padlet.com/25lbishop/smib7bt06yu7/wish/365870828 https://padlet.com/25lbishop/smib7bt06yu7/wish/420758379 I really liked your plot with the dogs. It was an interesting adventure.


 I also really liked the detail and the descriptive words you used to describe the story.



Wish However I wished the story was a little less rushed. Overall a round of applause to your story.
]]> 2019-12-06 14:37:46 UTC https://padlet.com/25lbishop/smib7bt06yu7/wish/420758379 Persuasive Essay https://padlet.com/25lbishop/smib7bt06yu7/wish/440934533 I really liked your essay. I thought the bridge in the intro had alot of good info]]> 2020-02-05 14:34:57 UTC https://padlet.com/25lbishop/smib7bt06yu7/wish/440934533