The big practices that will take a little (or a lot) more work for me to accomplish are to unclench, to stop, take a deep, restorative breath, and to be present. I carry most of my stress in my shoulders, neck, and jaw, but I can feel tension in all the muscles throughout my body. This is a learned behavior and a coping skill that I have learned throughout my life, and I feel it will be a struggle for me to unlearn. As a single mom who works, goes to school, and juggles all the responsibilities for our family by myself, I have learned to bypass my wants and needs to accommodate the wants and needs of my family. I don’t often have the opportunity to stop and take a deep breath. I am learning SLOWLY that I need to take that time, that it isn’t going to present itself. The same goes with being present, not just for myself, but my kids and our family as well. I often get caught up in my responsibilities and forget that I and my children need and deserve my presence. It is difficult for me to not be doing something at all times, so it is hard for me to just stop everything and be present, even for a few minutes. I know this is something I need to work on for my own sake, but also for my children, our family, and my future patients. No one wants to feel like the person whose time they desire most doesn’t have time for them.  

Gratitude = when someone unexpectedly does something nice for me and doesn't expect anything in return.

Serenity = being in nature, especially in the forest away from the city or near water.

Interest = murder mystery movies, tv shows, or books.

Hope = when my children go out of their way to do something nice for another person like hold open a door, give a homeless person a protein bar, or tell a random stranger they are pretty.

Pride = tackling personal goals and watching my children accomplish theirs.

Amusement = watching funny movies or watching my dog or kids act silly.

Inspiration = listening to music.

Awe = looking at the moon and stars on a clear night.

Love = spending uninterrupted time with my children.

When I was 8 years old my maternal grandfather had a massive heart attack. At the time our small town family doctor was also the local hospitalist. My entire family gathered together to meet with the doctor and find out if anything could be done for my grandpa. It was discovered that he had several occlusions in multiple major arteries and was extremely lucky to be alive. The doctor decided the best option would be to perform an angioplasty as soon as possible. The doctor had known me my entire life and could tell that I was scared. He came over to where my dad and I were standing and asked if I wanted to watch my grandpa's procedure. I was hesitant, but curious, so I said yes. My dad accompanied me back to a room adjacent to my granddad's procedure room. There was a television on the wall and the doctor could talk to us through a intercom. I couldn't see my grandpa on the gurney or when they made the incision, but we were able to watch as the guide wire was advanced all the way to my grandpa's heart, the balloon was inflated, and stents were placed. I could see my grandpa's blood slowly begin to course through the vein that just moments before had been almost completely blocked off. I was in absolute awe of what was happening in front of me and knew from that moment on that I wanted to be a nurse. Our family was blessed to have an amazing doctor who saved my grandpa's life that day and gave us 20+ more years with him. I hope to someday be able to make such a difference in someone else's life and the lives of their family members.

Survived sexual assault

Graduated high school

Moved out of my parents’ house

Moved to the other side of the state away from my family

Earned my CNA certification

Got married

Bought my first car

Earned my medical assistant certification

Lived by myself in my own apartment

Got married AND divorced

Gave birth to my two babies

Stood up to my abuser

Raised my two babies entirely on my own

Took care of my dad when he was terminally ill

Earned three associates degrees while raising two children by myself and working full time

Earned Dean’s list every semester while earning my three associates degrees

Earned my LPN license

Went back to school for my RN-BSN

Continued to seek mental health help throughout my adulthood

1. My children

2. My friends/family

3. My dog

4. My therapist/therapy

5. My resilience

6. Coffee

7. Music

8. Dark chocolate

9. Hot showers

10. Take out after long days

1. Honesty

2. Responsibility

3. Excellence

4. Serving others

5. Healthy relationships

6. Integrity

7. Gratitude

8. Respect

9. Accountability

10. Passion

My strengths are in the areas of having the ability to receive and give feedback, an ability to listen, and an ability to follow through.

The areas where I need some improvement are in being an open communicator, taking initiative, and relationship building.

Ways that I can strengthen these skills are to remain aware of my need to make improvements in these areas, be open to suggestions and feedback regarding ways to improve my skills, play an active role in building my communication skills with others, ask questions and take notes regarding my role and responsibilities allowing me to take initiative and feel confident doing so, and make sincere and repeated attempts to build relationships within my work environment to build rapport and comradery.

1. Focusing on self, causing isolation, rather than being a professional member of a team and complex system.

2. Identifying self as the problem to be fixed and not on the systems causing the stressful work environment.

3. Unhelpful gender stereotypes of pampered women and not reflecting the mental work intrinsic to true self-care practices.

4. Unintentional undermining of serious mental health concerns.

5. Masking the need for system-level responses.

6. Burnout

7. Moral distress

8. Does not encourage advocacy for needed systemic changes.

1. Self-awareness/paying attention

2. Not falling into the "victim narrative" of burnout and PTSD.

3. Inherent resilience

4. Use posttraumatic growth narrative

5. Personal strength

6. Emotional intelligence

7. Appreciation for life

8. Spiritual development

9. Self-regulation

10. Motivation

11. Empathy

12. Social Skills

1. Maintain a healthy sleep schedule

2. Go for a walk after dinner 3 - 4 x a week

3. Read more and watch less television

4. Stretch my muscles every morning

5. Drink an adequate amount of water every day

6. Eat more fresh fruits and vegetables

7. Limit fast food

8. 5 minute daily reflection before bed

9. Make my words and actions intentional

10. Get a new job!