"I try not to look forward. I try not to think back to the precious few days I had as a free person. I try to live in the present as I have on past occasions when I have been locked up. This approach worked in the past but is not working well now. I am tired and disappointed in myself. Two years I dreamt of freedom. I had it and lost it through a combination of compulsion and stupidity. It is a failure I find impossible to dismiss easily."