Model College Essay Notes by Emily Wilkinson

Model College Essay Notes by Emily Wilkinson https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7 Please post the title and short overview of the model college essay you chose to read here. Also post your notes on what you learned about what you want to do--or don't want to do--in writing yours. en-us 2022-10-03 20:04:27 UTC 2022-10-07 03:31:00 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet.net/icons/png/1f4d6.png Kaitlyn Huang https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2324843111 "Stepping Out of my Comfort Zone" by: Samuel
- Samuel was an eleven year old when he first was introduced to the sport, squash. He joined a program combining squash, academic mentoring, and service opportunities called Squashbusters. Looking back, this group pushed him out of his comfort zone and inspires him to join something similar at Hopkins.
1. I like how the story begins with him not knowing about the sport and ends with him wanting to pursue it in the future.
2. I learned that there isn't a need to explain a lot about the school and rather focus on how your vision of the sport changed you. I did not think him mentioning that he transferred schools was necessary.
3. I liked how he explained how his vision of the sport changed and why it helped him become the person he is today. ]]> 2022-10-04 02:09:47 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2324843111 Isabella Zirn isabellazirn23 https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2324946948 "Hurricane Transformations" by Jason Y. Shah

Jason adapts from his comfortable life in a New Jersey suburb to hurricane-ridded Florida. As Jason faces Hurricane Charley, he realizes life is much bigger than himself and luckily those around him are willing to help him pursue his goals.

1. Something I like is that Jason blended his real-life challenges (Hurricane Charley, family move) into his own personal growth (community service, leadership).

2. Something I dislike is how broad Jason's activities are. He literally states he "launches himself into community organizations," and "defied odds he'd never dream of."

3. Something I like is how Jason's overall perspective towards life's challenges is now optimistic because of his hope for a better outcome.

]]> 2022-10-04 03:46:30 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2324946948 Taylor Jordan taylorjordan23 https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2324977786 "Puzzles" - Anonymous
In this essay the writer starts with a theme of puzzles, giving us a prior experience in which her grandmother brought her a puzzle, which she was determined to finish. She explains that her determination and satisfaction she got when finishing the large puzzle starts an ongoing cycle of passions and interests (such as science). She explains prior research that she has done at UCLA, tying her determination, at time frustration, and problem solving skills in such experiences to the puzzle.
1. Something that I learned and would like to do in my own essay is how the writer expressed her past experiences that built up her skill (UCLA program) and also explained the root of these interests. (which she tied into the theme of puzzles)
2. Something that I learned and would like to do in my own essay is how the writer explains not only skill that she gained, but also her possible frustrations. We get to see the writer's character and personality within her essay.
3. Something that I learned and would like to do in my own essay is how the writer ends the essay. She ends it with the way it began, speaking of the puzzles, which brings the whole essay together.
4. Something that I do not like about this essay is the way the writer transitioned into her second paragraph, which explains her science program at UCLA. The transition was not very smooth between the first and second paragraph and jumped right into the topic of the program.]]> 2022-10-04 04:22:40 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2324977786 Amy Chen https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2325004096 "Left and Right Don't Exist" by Stella

Stella utilizes her pilot experience to invoke readers' interest. She states that the most important lesson that she learned through flying is "to consider all points of view, regardless of [her] personal perspective." Then she ties this statement to journalism, a major that she wants to explore in the future, and enlists various activities that she does to make her a qualified, impartial journalist.

1. I learned that I can use my own anecdote and connect the takeaways to another aspect of my life. For instance, Stella connects skydiving to her passion for journalism.

2. Something that I like is the various kinds of activities that Stella did to further develop her interest.

3. Something that I like about this essay is that Estella does not limit her topics to politics. Instead, she includes different kinds of topics as a journalist.

]]> 2022-10-04 04:51:20 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2325004096 Emily Manookian emilymanookian23 https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2325810687 Title: Beyond Plug and Chug Math

Overview: This author talks about her love for math and its many real world applications. She sees the beauty in math and appreciates how versatile it is. However, she wasn't always good at math. The author had to get extra tutoring and spend more time studying in order to get the grades she wanted. Her persistence and fascination with the subject is what led to her success.

Things I learned:
1. I liked how the author gives examples of the ways she uses math on an everyday basis. She uses math to "draw graphs" for fun, "count to ten to calm down, and save money at the store."
2. I liked how the author shows growth in her essay. At first she struggled with math, then, with hard work, she succeeded.
3. I didn't like the opening of this essay. I think the author could have made it more interesting. I didn't necessarily want to keep reading after the first line. ]]> 2022-10-04 14:23:29 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2325810687 May Xu https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2326004566 "Left and Right Don't Exist" by Stella

In Stella's essay, she discussed how her experience as a student pilot has affected her perspectives. Through flying, she acknowledged that her right may be that pilot's left, which leads her to consider all points of view regardless of her personal perspective. Stella expanded her discussion on how she embodies various perspectives by making connections to her academic interest, journalism. She used these two important aspects of her identity to show her audience her passion to explore the world's complexity.

1. Something I learned is that the usage of personal experience is powerful. The author puts her audience in her shoe and illustrates her passion for journalism and flying.

2. What has inspired me and I would like to do in my personal narrative is use one of my identities, for example dance, to reflect on other aspects of my life.

3. I like how Stella implicitly shows what she can contribute to the school's community. For example, being a good listener.]]> 2022-10-04 15:57:14 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2326004566 Kate Mann kaitlinmann23 https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2326036840 "Dancing Together" by Dayann

In this essay, Dayann discusses his lack of skill when it comes to dance. He uses humor to talk about how he embarrasses him family at events by attempting to preform West African cultural dances. He links himself learning dance skills with his ability to work with others in a classroom setting.

1) I liked his sense of humor. Incorporating this in his essay made me want to keep reading.
2) He linked something a lot of people can relate to to how he would be beneficial in a classroom environment.
3) He shows growth in his essay by talking about his personal findings.]]> 2022-10-04 16:13:58 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2326036840 Maddie Lubeley https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2326214718 "Superheros" by Stephanie

Stephanie shares her interest of photography with a creative story of her impact for others. She shares her need to inspire others and how she will continue to make an impact for her future college. She shares her new understanding that people can be superheros without having to fit one specific description.

Things I learned:
- She connects her career at school into the story so readers can learn more about her and her academic interest.
-I like that in the story you can see her growth and views on her own influence shift
-She makes clear what she will bring to the school and the impact she wants to have towards others ]]> 2022-10-04 17:49:48 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2326214718 skylar medina https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2326351372 Queen's Gambit- Dante

In his essay, Dante connects what he’s learned while playing chess to when he plays on the soccer field, focusing on what he’s learned and how he gains from it. His essay also demonstrates how he can apply his various skills and what he learns throughout his day to day life, which is what colleges and universities would like to see.
Some things I took away from this essay were that I really want to focus on what I learned from my experiences and how I benefit from them throughout my college essay, and truly demonstrate that I am prepared for college. As well as this, I agree that it’s important to demonstrate your way of thinking through college essays, especially in consideration to the admissions committee. Something I also took away from this piece was that I want my essay to consist of more of an outcome/how I can demonstrate I’m ready for college, rather than summary.

]]> 2022-10-04 19:10:56 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2326351372 Nikki garriola nicolettegarriola23 https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2326500050 "dancing together"- Dayann

Dayann starts off by saying how he was never able to dance. He goes into detail how he was made fun of for his horrible dancing then switches it to how he now dances at school pep rallies and embraces his dancing. He does know how to dance but was only suppressed by negative commentary and thoughts. This lead him to become a cooperative person and love working in a community.

Things I noted-
-I like how his story wasn't a sob story and took such a simple thing and wrote how it impacted his life
-He connects this experience with his performance in the classroom and how he grew from this time which I also liked.
-I love his starting sentence "I cannot dance". It really grabs you and this is why I chose to read this essay.

]]> 2022-10-04 21:23:37 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2326500050 Ally Sandino allegriasandino23 https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2326501331 "Dancing Together" by Dayann

Dayann opens the essay by proclaiming that he can't dance, but realizes later that his dancing abilities are not the problem. He learns that he works and dances best when working with and getting input from others.

1. I like how he connected something so simple as being a bad dancer to performing best when collaborating with others
2. I feel like he could've had a more graceful transition sentence when moving to talk about how he likes the community at Johns Hopkins(but maybe that's just me)
3. I like how he manages to add some humor]]> 2022-10-04 21:24:59 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2326501331 Sophia Islas https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2326634688 "Left and Right Don't Exist"- Stella
Stella connects her expereinces and skills of a being a student pilot to her love and passion for journalism. Journalism and flying planes is similar because it forces the person to look at things in different perspectives and points of view.
- I enjoyed the way Stella related two completely different subjects together.
- The passions and interest for writing to make an impact on people is something I would like to consider.
- I admire that Stella is clearly an open-minded person in her writing because it demonstrates her maturity. ]]> 2022-10-05 00:15:27 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2326634688 Blue Nydam addisonnydam23 https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2326725709 "Dancing together" - Dayann
Dayann, the writer of "Dancing together", declares he cannot dance in the very beginning of his writing. He reveals that the reality of it is he can dance but only when collaborating, that way he learns, understands, and performs better. He had only thought he could not dance because he was isolating himself from his chances at getting better the same way he did by starting the essay with such a declarative sentence.
1. I learned that stories within essays don't have to be an exact moment in time but rather a reference to a time/ over all consensus.
2. I liked the usage of complex diction but it felt somewhat random compared to the rest of the word usage.
3. I am inspired by how clear the message and reflection are conveyed, and in such few paragraphs .]]> 2022-10-05 01:28:19 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2326725709 Kayli Armas kayliarmas23 https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2326751078 "Red Over Black" by Elizabeth

Elizabeth opens her essay with a story of her grandmother teaching her how to play solitaire and why the rules are important. Her grandma explains how solitaire is a game for two sides of a person and that cheating won't leave any room for growth. Elizabeth takes these words into account and discovers there is no easy way out in life and facing these challenges allows her to become stronger and more resilient.

1. Something I learned is that something trivial can leave a great impact on a person. I would never think a game of solitaire would have such a lasting impact on a person and change the way their view challenges and difficulty in their life.

2. Something that inspired me is how she was able to use the strategy of solitaire and compare that to how she views the world.

3. I liked how she expresses maturity in her writing and realizes the importance of doing things the hard way instead of finding a shortcut. ]]> 2022-10-05 01:49:55 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2326751078 Izzy Mozilo https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2326878858 "Dancing Together" by Dayann

Dayann writes about his inability to dance but later realizes that he can dance. He was just unwilling to give it effort. He draws a connection between his dance experience to his community/field of study to show how the lesson can be applied to other aspects of his life.

Things I learned:
1. I liked how he made the essay as if we were just having a conversation. He didn't make it too fancy and he showed that he is human, but then described how he grew from that.
2. He connected two things that people normally wouldn't put together. His inability to dance and collaboration with his community.
3. I learned not to take it too seriously and have a good hook. I liked how he left his hook vague and simple to make the reader want to continue.

]]> 2022-10-05 03:37:45 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2326878858 Skye Price skyeprice23 https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2326972663 "Unshakable Worth" By: Sarah Langberg
- Sarah's essay is written about life with an absent father. Sarah's father had no interest in getting to know her and no intentions of providing financial aid for her mother. However, Sarah turns this situation into something positive. While she will never get to know her father, his loss of not getting to know Sarah is ultimately greater.

Things I learned/ liked:
1. I liked that she turns her trials into something positive and doesn't allow readers to pity her.
2. I liked the active phone call because it allowed readers to understand her pain and the gravity of her situation.
3. I like that Sarah paints a picture of her father and, in the end, decides to put a positive spin on it. She sets you up to dislike her father, but in the end, she's confident and portrays her strength. ]]> 2022-10-05 05:18:13 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2326972663 Charlotte Taylor https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2327008342 "Dancing together" - Dayann
- While reading this essay, I learned many things about Dyann. First, we learned that he is physically incapable of dancing in a pleasant manner. He goes on to explain that he can't even perform basic movements. He talks about how his dancing is an embarrassment to his grandmother given the fact that he came from a background with cultures that included dancing.

Something I learned from him right from the start was that he wasn't afraid to try his best and dance even though he knew it was terrible. I liked how he connected his story about dancing with his life in the classroom. I also found the essay fun to read and I enjoyed his sense of humor. I felt that the essay was not too serious but was still maturely written. ]]> 2022-10-05 05:55:28 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2327008342 TC Daniels theresedaniels23 https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2327042763 "Stepping Out of my Comfort Zone"-Samuel
Samuel truly painted the picture of overcoming something unfamiliar and uncomfortable and transforming it into something he loves. His newfound love, Squash, has allowed him to challenge himself and grow as a person, pushing him passed his limits and strengthening his mindset. He also learns to become more social and outgoing through this activity.

1. Something I enjoyed about this essay was his brief, yet detailed explanation of how his life was changed and how it has formed him into a brand new person.
2.At the end, I think it is impressive for colleges to see a set plan of the student, and here he does that as he lays out his plan in embracing his new community.
3. I took away the element he created of how he evolved as a person over time and how this sport molded his life into who he is now. ]]> 2022-10-05 06:28:59 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2327042763 Mia Murillo https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2327092473 "Crime Scene Report" By Lauren Sanders
This essay talks about Lauren's personality now and her hopes of the future through a missing person report. This report tells the story of her future self "going missing" and as "evidence the essay talks about her, her life, and her interests.

Creative format
Creative ways of showing off herself and her personality
- Notes on what she hopes to accomplish in the future
- Notes on who she is now
- Showing her interests
Bold
specific details about Duke (the school this is going to)
- What things she wanted to do there
Third person perspective
Eliminating redundancy

]]> 2022-10-05 07:13:38 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2327092473 Ellamae Fortin ellamaefortin23 https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2327165413 "Beauty" - anonymous
This essay was about this person overcoming an insecurity of their's but it ultimately led to having a bigger impact on them than just being happier with how they looked in the mirror. This person was determined to get rid of their acne after realizing it was due to a poor diet. Although the healthier foods helped her skin, it would be hard to sustain the diet without relapsing and binging. In the end, they found a way to find a healthy relationship with food, leading to so much more than a clearer face. Overall, on the outside, it may just seem like they got rid of acne, but on the inside this person has a newfound confidence and mental strength.
1. I liked how even though this essay didn't use the biggest and fanciest words, it was still able to portray an important message vividly and effectively. The word choice was still able to paint a picture of this story very well.
2. This essay used a combination of long, complex sentences and short, concise sentences. It kept the essay very engaging.
3. In the last sentence, I liked how it connected a small idea that may be trivial, like outer appearance, to something very important and valuable, being inner appearing and how you view yourself as a person.]]> 2022-10-05 08:10:17 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2327165413 Julianna Zwart https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2327658311 "Left and Right Don't Exist" -Stella

In this essay, Stella first discusses her experience as a student pilot and how she learned to look at planes and their directions not just through her view (so to the right or left of her), but, instead, through compass directions (so North, South, East, and West). She then related this to her work as a writer and journalist, pointing out that what makes her work so successful and interesting is the way that people all have different perspectives in life.

Things I learned/liked:
- I really liked how Stella was able to use the two different stories/sides of her life and combine them to describe a singular lesson she's learned in her life.
- I wish she had explained a little bit more at the beginning about being a student pilot and what that really means.
- Something that I can take away and use for my own writing is finding something I am truly passionate about and maybe relating that to other parts of my life. I think writing is more interesting when the writer cares deeply about the subject. ]]> 2022-10-05 14:07:18 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2327658311 Estella Bakke estellabakke23 https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328123949 Exit door
No matter how focused you are in life, you will come to face obstacles. When you face these obstacles merely acknowledge them and see them as a positive.

1. How to paint a scene while keeping the story moving

2. Something that I didn't like was how the author sort of glossed over the actual impactful moment of the essay and lingered on the setup of the scene

3. Something I did like and would like to implement into my writing is how they started off their writing with a direct and clear topic and expanded on it throughout their writing

]]> 2022-10-05 18:40:27 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328123949 Luella Hood https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328219520 "Left and Right Don't Exist" -Stella
The author of this essay recounts a story from her flight lessons. In her lesson, she and her co-pilot have different right sides. She then ties this into her journalism experiences by discussing the importance of acknowledging and appreciating different perspectives. She aspires to be a journalist in the future and knows how important it is to pay attention to all views and opinions in order to truly understand the matters she writes about.
1. I liked how she used one very different topic (flying) and tied it into another (writing) in order to convey a greater lesson.
2. I would like to narrow down the main ideas of my personal statement like this author
3. I didn't find this essay to be hugely engaging and I feel like she could have described two very exciting hobbies more passionately.

]]> 2022-10-05 19:50:05 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328219520 Marie Milton mariemilton23 https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328265616 "Red Over Black" Elizabeth
- This essay starts with a hook sentence
- It starts with a dialogue of the scene she is talking about then talked about the lesson she learned and how she recognized it throughout her life and then goes back to how she remembers playing solitaire with her grandma
- this essay is about how this girl is playing solitaire with her grandma which is a one person game and she wonders why she can't just cheat and look at the card below and her grandma says that it is a game for two sides of a person; an internal battle, a strengthening of the mind. "If one side of you cheats, how would the other side get better"
- she realizes these lessons in different circumstances throughout her life and later learns never to let herself cheat and to always hold herself accountable and to work hard in every competition.
- What I learned from this essay is that you can start with the dialogue instead of giving an introduction to what you are going to talk about
- I learned that if the scene you are talking about is from a while ago, to relate it to how if had affected you now and then what you learned from it]]> 2022-10-05 20:34:37 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328265616 Ace Lillard https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328283451 "Bacon"
2-3 sentence overview of topic and main idea:
The main idea of the paper was to communicate the student's love of school through a metaphor of bacon. It relies on humor and detailed imagery. Something I want to do that this essay does well is communicate a good balance of familiarity and professionally. Something I don't want to in my own writing is take the same amount of time to describe a situation. Half of the essay was descriptive and didn't give the collage info about the author, other than their ability to write.

]]> 2022-10-05 20:54:20 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328283451 Carly Crossland carlycrossland23 https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328337123 "Stepping Out of my Comfort Zone" - Samuel

I really liked Samuels story, he did a great job of being able to allow to reader to picture him doing all of these things that were pushing him out of his comfort zone. He was able to grow as a person by pushing himself even when he was maybe uncomfortable doing so.

1. Something I liked was it was a very quicks story that got the point across. It didn't drag on yet it was still able to share all the details needed to understand his story.
2. I liked how he was able to connect his past experience to something that he would do at Hopkins. I think it is important to show your reader why they should admit you to their school.
3. I learned that it is important you show you overcoming what happened and what skills it has given you to be the best you can now. ]]> 2022-10-05 22:03:52 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328337123 Karolyn Barsamian karolynbarsamian23 https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328464225 "Crime Scene Report" by Lauren Sanders
This essay is in the format of a crime scene report including case descriptions and notes. She is writing about herself using very descriptive language about her goals and what she has accomplished before she went "missing". Even the physical evidence is reflecting on who Lauren Sanders is. The database search resulted in authorities "searching Duke University" (where this essay was going to), and she was "found hidden in the incoming student body.

1. I loved how she shaped her whole essay on a specific school, which I am assuming was her top choice, and wrote a whole make-believe story about herself getting lost and being found at the university.
2. This format is so intriguing and not commonly done. The certain type of language used is the inspiration for me to use in my own writing.
3. Before writing, she wrote crime info such as location, time, and who "investigated" this. It really sets the scene and she stuck with it.]]> 2022-10-06 00:42:49 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328464225 Erika Caballero https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328493427 "A Different Kind of Love" -Oana Emilia Butnareanu
Oana speaks about her love for Spanish and how she was constantly kept away from it due to her background. In high school, she was exposed to Spanish and learned how to fluently speak. She then speaks about how she plans to use her love and passion for Spanish to make an impact on the world.
1. I enjoyed how Oana started the essay with the attention grabbing sentence "I fell in love." and then connected this falling back to her love for Spanish. This is an approach that I found creative and plan to use in my writing.
2. I like Oanas use of terms relating to love such as "love is blind" and the use of strong personification and imagery throughout the writing.
3. I like how the writer emphasizes her love for Spanish. She does a good job at expressing her passion for the language by using strong vocabulary.]]> 2022-10-06 01:08:45 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328493427 Sara Gutierrez https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328563476 "Exit Door"
Fareez Giga

This essay takes a simple story of trying to walk in the exit door instead of the entrance and turned it into a life lesson. They first describe themselves and what they are like and then bring the essay to a time they had Las Vegas. Giga describes the city and you could picture exactly what they saw. This person goes through the story of how there was a line for the entrance so they tried to go in another door that no one was going into. They realize it was the exit the moral of the story was you need to make mistakes to put life in perspective

1. I really liked how they took something so simple and created a whole story around it that ended in something so much broader than the situation.

2. I don't think I would want my essay to be so short but it works for this essay.

3. The description of everything made you feel like you were there and I hope to write as descriptive in my essay.

]]> 2022-10-06 02:06:27 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328563476 Cameron Bender https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328625155 "Stepping Out of my Comfort Zone" by Samuel

In Samuel's essay, he explains a time in his life where he stepped out of his comfort zone. He entered a new school that was much larger than the one he was previously in. This made him feel very irrelevant and ordinary. Then, he joined a sport called Squash and it taught him so many life lessons. He grew as a person and has found ways to love himself for who he is. By stepping out of his comfort zone, he was able to find himself.

1. I really liked how Samuel explained the characteristics he inherited from trying something new. He compared his life after squash to before squash.

2. He turned something simple into a life changing experience

3. He became vulnerable and explained how he saw himself before he joined squash.

]]> 2022-10-06 02:55:57 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328625155 Celina Maduka https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328630185 "Crime Scene Report" - Lauren Sanders
Sanders shows her qualities in a creative way by using a crime scene report format. She implies what she is capable of achieving in the future at Duke by describing her "missing self".
Things I Learned:
1. I realized the importance of showcasing your personality and what truly sets you apart from others.
2. I liked how she acted as if she was already a student at Duke in her essay. I think that really shows her confidence and determination to the admission officers.
3. I learned that you really shouldn't have a boring introduction. It's alright to think outside the box and "break the rules" in the right way. ]]> 2022-10-06 03:00:19 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328630185 Gabriela Munguia gabrielamunguia23 https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328674110 "Dancing Together" by Dayann
Dayann chose to write about his experience with dance. He starts off his essay by claiming that he "cannot dance" and proceeds to explain throughout his essay how dance has given him the opportunity to collaborate with others so that he can improve his dancing skills. Dayann also mentions his cultural background in his essay to describe how it has shaped him.
1) I learned that it is important to recognize how you have learned from an experience and how it has shaped you for the better.
2) I also learned about the importance of showing your personality and finding your voice.
3) I would like to write about my cultural in my writing because I like the way that Dayann explained how it was a huge part of how he is. ]]> 2022-10-06 03:41:00 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328674110 Julianne McLane juliannemclane23 https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328703167 "Power of People"
Suzanne Arrington

This essay shows great hope in humanity. Suzanne witnessed people like herself going out on the BPMS150 Houston bike tour to raise funds for research for multiple sclerosis, which her father has a states that it is a great motivator to go out a help others who struggle with it too. Suzanne also saw people coming together when Hurricane Ike hit her family's home location and opened her house as a place for her aunts and uncles to stay. Suzanne closes this essay saying she wants to follow a career path in public health in hopes to help as many people as possible and even if issues are not completely solved, when people come together, there is nothing more powerful.

1. I like that Suzanne starts out the essay with strong hopefulness that people are capable of doing good when coming together as a community.

2. Does a good job putting an image or scene in your mind describing what it feels like seeing thousands of people gathered together participating in the bike tour.

3. I felt like I got a glimpse of Suzanne's life story and it's inspiring to see something that is challenging or an issue in humanity and use it as motivation to help others and be driven to follow that as a career.]]> 2022-10-06 04:13:27 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328703167 Gianna Sabatella giannasabatella23 https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328713287 "Dancing Together" - Dayann
Dayann speaks about his grandmother's perception on his dancing. Dayann and his family are of West African decent, where his cultural dancing is rooted from, and his grandmother refers to his dancing as a "tragedy". Dayann realized that he was too focused on what others think rather than working with one another collaboratively. Dayann discovered his love for collaboration through dancing at school and his experiences in John Hopkins's Physics Lab. He expresses his love for John Hopkins because of their collaborative environment and his success with collaborative work.
1. I really like how Dayann shows his character development through his realization while also being brief and to the point.
2. Dayann shows a tremendous amount of maturity by realizing the faults his family shined on him and rising above their views.
3. Dayann provided the reader with character development, family background, and his interests in such a straight forward, to the point way. ]]> 2022-10-06 04:24:53 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2328713287 Natalia de Kansky https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2329441543 "Left and Right Don't Exist" - Stella
Stella recounts a time during her first flight lesson when she learns the importance of perspective. Using the words "left and right" does not work when you are 30,000 ft in the air because every pilot has their own perspective. She connects this experience to her time being Editor in Chief for her school's newspaper and how being a journalist requires one to interview and write about people/subjects through an "unbiased lens."
Something I took away from this essay was the two unrelated, but somehow connected stories Stella told. She was able to transition to her main point without any confusion or complicated connections. The transition was good but in my writing, I would make the transition smoother instead of just entirely switching scenes/]]> 2022-10-06 14:05:03 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2329441543 Xinyue Bella Gao https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2330410833 Title: No Longer Invisible
by: Angelica

Overview: Angelica tells the story of her growing up, from being afraid of being in an unfamiliar environment at first to gradually overcoming her fears and becoming a better version of herself.
She recounted her experiences at three different boarding schools, from the fear of being in contact with others at the beginning to finding her hobbies and strengths in many activities.
In simple terms, this is the story of Angelica going from invisible to wanting to be visible and eventually becoming visible.

3 things you learned from this essay:
1. I like the way she bluntly emphasizes the main point of the essay, that is, the constant repetition, the constant repetition of "I wish I was invisible" and "now I am visible" at the beginning and end of the article also reflects her growth.
2. Her story is straightforward and easy to understand but has depth and fits the question.
3. But I'm a little bit concerned that stories like this are too common for me to write as common app essays.]]> 2022-10-07 03:31:00 UTC https://padlet.com/ewilkinson23/sixf3anr8kes1wy7/wish/2330410833