Vents by Mushroom

Vent

2022-03-08 01:29:39 UTC

My mom is abusive toward me and my trans brother, so we're trying to get full custody with my dad. and shes being rlly mean

cont

2022-03-08 02:00:16 UTC

i also have no control over my life, everyone seems to think that the way they live is the way i should live and i just cant take it anymore

Vent . (TW)

2022-03-08 13:52:06 UTC

^{most of the time , my mom is abusive . She's always making me feel less then everyone else in my family but I stopped caring years ago. earlier yesterday, she found out I was molested when I was younger and almost raped this year which caused me to relapse over and over until she found out about that too. My dad's a deadbeat . He used to abuse me and my siblings till he had gotten kicked out and got sent to jail for domestic abuse and drug charges . My life isn't at it's greatest point nor was it ever, I'm not even supposed to really be here if I'm honest. My mom doesn't really pay attention to me anymore but she's off my ass sometimes . Over the years, our relationship has gotten worse over time for the dumb shit I do and how she treats me , home doesn't feel like home . I'm tired .}

Vent (TW SA, Rape, sh)

scream4me — 2022-03-09 04:42:55 UTC

I feel absolutely worthless, and unloved . My boyfriend consantly reminds me how loved I am but , if I'm loved why did the things that happened happen? When I was 10 or 11, I was raped, I said yes at first but it got to much for me and I kept saying stop and took away my consent at that point it is rape . when I was 12, I got my tits grabbed by a 'friend' he said he only did it as a 'joke' this went on for a while, I am a trans person so yeah..when I was in 3/4th grade I started self-harm the worst part was..my mom didnt notice she didnt even care, so I kept doing it. It's still a habit im 2 days clean currently, I recently did it cause I hurt someone's feelings.. I'm so tired of this repeating cycle ..

Vent

2022-03-09 20:56:28 UTC

I'm a completely selfish bitch with no consideration for any one else but me, I ruin lives with my actions, lying is natural for me. I hate myself and what I do. But I do these things without meaning too.

VENT .

2022-03-10 01:43:11 UTC

honestly, everything's getting to be too much for me .. I feel like I'm losing all sanity , I just want to cry and stop everything . .

2022-03-10 05:08:42 UTC

vent.

2022-03-12 07:05:02 UTC

i fucked everything up .

Vent ig.

scream4me — 2022-03-12 08:04:20 UTC

I feel so fucking useless, I feel like I can't be there when my partner needs me and that they really just don't need me and i fucked up big time , I know that , I keep apologizing and trying to make it up to them and they say it's fine when they don't mean it. I really just wanna be around the person i love , I don't even like being in an open relationship but they do so I stay quiet and keep my mouth shut and try to not get upset when they talk about their other partners cause it makes me feel like i'm not needed and they should just be with them instead..

VENT .

2022-03-12 08:17:15 UTC

In complete honesty , I'm tired. I really fucking tired of trying to please everybody when I can barely do shit for myself. I relapsed and I feel like I can't tell shit because I can barely get a word out. I'm sorry I'm not the best partner, not as good as I used to be but shit, I can't just do what you want.. I understand my partner wants quality time with me but I'm tired, I'm trying really FUCKING hard to give them every ounce of attention I have. Between School and tutoring younger kids, I can't fucking manage to do that. Maybe my mom was right, I don't deserve anything .

vent kinda

scream4me — 2022-03-12 09:55:30 UTC

I miss them so much fuck, I can't sleep I just wanna hold them in my arms hearing the breathe softly. I hate long distance relationships but I wouldn't give up what we have for the world. They make me feel all warm and safe and fuzzy and I love that feeling , I just wish I could feel it in person . i wish that i could have sleepy make out sessions and late night talks about out future . I really want them in my bed next to me letting me hold them or them holding me because honestly if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be here , I wuld still be doing sh as much as I used too, they made my life so much better . Yeah I relapse here and there but so do they and it makes me feel safe to know that they can understand . and they don't ever get mad about me self harming they get disspointed they couldn't stop it but they never yell at me or lecture me . They don't make me feel bad about it. I likebeing arounf them and yeah I self sabatoge sometimes but we always work i out. we have our small silly fights we've only really argured about something serious once. He's..He's a great boyfriend/partner . I wish I knew how to show them how much I appercited them .

2022-03-13 01:18:47 UTC

Iranaway, an hour of d Running from my hell. But when i got to the highway the police caught me. Its like im in prison, this is hell

vent

2022-03-15 06:51:46 UTC

im sick of hating myself. this cycle ends now.

2022-03-15 17:17:26 UTC

I found out my brother cut himself after being w months clean, I threw up when I saw them.

Vent .

scream4me — 2022-03-15 18:53:56 UTC

Look , I know I'm not a great person , but when I break up with someone because I do not feel comfy in an open relationship and becuase I did not to feel stable to have more than one partner am I really a disgusting person ? And then he's gonna tell me that he feels bad for the next person to fall in love with me because I'm just gonna break their heart ? Yeah no wonder I stayed with kai and not you Rosten . I know I'm a bitch and that I'm not that great of a person but at least kai gave to shits about me you selfish bitch . At least she's not gonna compare me to our abusive ass ex , at least they arent gonna make me feel like nothing . I never fucking acted like Kaydeen you did . And Kaydeen abandoned you I did not fuck off slut .

vent . TW self harm .

scream4me — 2022-03-16 04:06:28 UTC

I wanna fucking self harm . I don't know who to go to, if I tell my mom she'll just take everything . I'm too scared to go to my partner and all my friends are sleeping .

VENT .

2022-03-16 04:38:26 UTC

I was mad yesterday, Not because of my partner or my friends . I was mad at myself because I can't manage to go to sleep or just sleep in general. I've been off my meds for about a month so I mean I'm tired. My body won't let me eat , sleep or even drink anything without throwing up . I can't even look at my wrist without being disgusted with myself. I lost around 16 pounds and It's all because of me not taking my meds . My meds are out of order and they're not working properly . I feel weird when taking them but I feel better when I don't. As much as I'd love to tell my partner or my mom , I know the risk so I say fuck it. I hate everything about myself because I was never taught to love myself properly. Today , I felt okay for once . Overally decent to say the least , my mom decided to call me a she , and continued to misgender me all because I wasn't wearing my binder as for I normally do. I spent hours in the bathroom, crying because gender dysphoria decided to kick my ass.. And I let it. I'd love to tell my partner this but I just can't find the words to describe. I realized that I can't seem to tell anyone shit because I'm too scared to see what they say. It's not because I'm a pussy, It's just because I'm not good at expressing myself verbally about how I feel truly and overall about my issues personally. I hate everything and I need a fucking break .

tw abuse

yourlocalfag — 2022-03-18 04:02:06 UTC

well i don’t really know where to start because there has been a lot of things going on ig i will start off with my biological dad. I haven’t really told anyone my experiences as a child well thats because ig i was always to scared to talk to anyone about it lets just say my dad was never the brightest towards me, my siblings nor my mom. My dad got out of prison in may this year i go see him often but i absolutely hate it but i go see him anyways i’ve always felt bad for people no matter what and i don’t know why i feel bad for him so i just go see him. when i was younger my dad was really abusive i guess thats why i usually have a hard trusting people my dad would drink a lot an dit never ended good every time i just remember on my 11th birthday that my dad showed up out of nowhere i haven’t seen him for a while at that time so i was a bit surprised when he came but it didn’t last long because all he did was get drunk and be past out on the couch my whole birthday my step dad i don’t like him either the only people he likes is him own kids and not me or my siblings i fucking hat my family every part of it

Vent .

scream4me — 2022-03-19 05:09:19 UTC

Things have been hard today . I should've just stayed home . I wanna go back to texas I feel home sick . I miss my big brother , well my step brother , He lives with his real mom but I miss him he never comes around . We used to hang out all the time he used to protect me but now he cant I can't have that protection anyore..

Vent . TW Self-harm scars

scream4me — 2022-03-19 05:14:57 UTC

I look at my thighs and wanna vomit , the scars are healed but I just feel so disgusted with myself . It feels so selfish..I wish I could tell my partner but I dun't wanna be a burden ..

2022-03-20 02:47:41 UTC

I can't handle everything thing at once, or maybe I can idk. It's just painful to face the problems. I'm not sure I'm okay anymore

2022-03-20 20:16:54 UTC

I'm trying my best. I really, really am but I feel like my best isn't good enough for anyone. I try to helpful but I just slack or I just push it to the side because I don't know how to help in certain situations. I put people in front me , I care for others more than I do for myself. I take of others and I don't take care of myself because I'm so worried about helping other people first. I don't explain everything to anyone, there's always more to it , I just shorten it because I hate people having pitty on me, It makes me feel weak.

VENT

2022-03-21 01:45:12 UTC

god i feel fucking useless.

Kyle-Vent TW SELF HARM & DEEP THOUGHTS

Corpsie555 — 2022-03-21 08:39:42 UTC

A while ago I hated the way I looked and the right before then got cheated on. Turns out whenever I trust someone and let down my guard, thinking they are the perfect person in the world, they go and fuck it up. And so I just took my one and only knife, which just got taken away, and just went at it around my ankle. Everytime I look at it, I feel happy for some odd reason, I’m also getting random bruises and things have been changing a lot. I got suspended at school, banned from a public library, got caught giving hickeys, and a whole bunch more. Now going to the hickeys, a bit after I was skipping class one day with my best friend and we where vaping and talking and he’s transgender (ftm) so we both were just chilling in the same stall vaping. We got talking and he said he wanted to be in a relationship with me and the thing is, I’ve liked him ever since the day i saw him. So we got closer then we became a couple privately but as time went on I stayed over at his house and his family loved me so I would stay over all the time, so now I got really comfortable with him and his family, but still a little bit scared to see what’s going to fuck up like I said earlier. He has helped me get rid of one of my phobias which helps me so much in life, and I love him, I can’t say that about many people in my life but I truly love him and don’t want to lose him. So we where messing around when his mom wasn’t home, and his dad wasn’t ever in the picture, he also struggles with ADHD, bipolar, anxiety and depression. So we where messing around and I got to give him a shit-ton of hickeys that where really dark. After I gave him about 8-10 he took a video of his hickeys and said ‘imagine dating a vampire, totally couldn’t be me’ and the day after we where going to the movies. Right after we woke up he got caught with his vape by his mom and it scared the shit out of both of us and he’s not allowed to smoke nor vape so i was scared that I was going to get sent home and yelled at, but luckily I didn’t and things went smoothly, until his mom noticed one of the higher hickeys. She pulled me over and she showed me all the hickeys and said ‘wanna explain?’ Because she isn’t stupid, now then I was like ‘urmmmmm no I would not like to’ and I was scared shitless. His mom was fine with it just told me not to do it anymore (but yk I still will I see him tomorrow and we already plan to go to the bathroom at school tomorrow and make out because we missed each other from not seeing each other for over a week) then after that we just saw the movie and things where fine, THEN AFTER THAT I ENDED UP GETTING FUCKING SUSPENDED FROM SCHOOL FOR SELF DEFENSE (even tho I kicked the guy in the balls) BUT STILL WHY WOULD YOU SUSPENDED ME??? So I was talking to a friend and out of no where this guy comes up behind me a cheepshots me in my face and so I kicked him in the balls and he tried kicking me, I took him down to the floor and then he got up and hit me straight in the lip, I went for another hit before we where separated and sent to our administration. It was even before the bell rang I WASNT EVEN THERE FOR 20 FUCKING MINUTES. Then after everything settled down I got a one-day suspension because I guess ‘if you kick someone in the balls it’s automatic suspension’ which is bullshitz because I was self defending, and I had problems with him in my first grade so now he just took it up a notch and he fucked with the wrong kid so now I have to see him tomorrow and hopefully he doesn’t try something like that again.

vent

2022-03-21 23:15:55 UTC

i just realized that the person i love the most in this world and would die for them doesn't even care about me, for three fucking years i have been their fucking lap dog, i do everything for them, almost all of my decision's are either for their benefit or so they can notice me. Three essential years of my life, imagine that. Every single FUCKING choice. i lost everything for them. Everything. Yet they still don't give a fuck. Every day, the only reason i breathe is for them. the only reason i feel is for them. yet it still isn't enough, just for an ounce of love. i'm fucking done. fuck this

Vent . (TW: lots of mentions of sex)

scream4me — 2022-03-22 03:40:05 UTC

I am never satisfied with anything . I love my relationship I do , i'm just not satified , i feel like the only time im really any use is when my partner wants a good fuck . Maybe my mom is right , the only thing I'll ever be good for is being a cum dump . While yes , I do love out sex it's just always so rough and feels rushed . I love being rough and treated like nothing but I also wanna have sweet loving sex filled with kisses and laughter and praises . I am hard to please honestly . I don't wanna be just a play thing while yes , they reassre me everyday they love me it's just sometimes hard to belevlie it . Honestly I wish I could just shut everyone out start a new life but I wouldn't be happy without my lover , I've grown far too attached . I find it hard to trust they won't cheat on me or find someone better..I know , silly right ? Funny how you get cheated on once and you're fucked up . Funny how your ex bf breaks up w/ you and gets together with your best friend and youre fucked up now? Isn't that funny Aren?? Cheating on my with my bestfriend . Isn't that funny Kaydeen , being abusive then breaking up w/ me cause im to clingy then getting with my bestfriend ?? ahah so funny right ? Im honestly just fucked up . A waste of flesh . It's just a bunch of shit and giggles til you're getting screwed over again.
fuck
my
life.

vent .

2022-03-22 04:09:23 UTC

Honestly, I feel like I'm not good at anything. Pleasing anyone really, my partner, my mom , my friends, anyone and everyone. Today, I broke up with one of my other partners of 2 years because I felt like we weren't working anymore. I'm trying my best to sit and take things but I don't know, this kind of ruined me because I loved her a lot , I just felt like there wasn't a bond between us anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love my other partner , I really , really love him , he gives me a purpose that I might be able to finally please someone without feeling like I did something wrong but then again there's always a thought, you know? Personally, sex wasn't and isn't really my thing.. I've never been into it since recently so .. I'm still trying to please my partners needs and expectations when it comes to sex or anything really. I feel like I'm not achieving it at all.. I feel like a waste of space, air, flesh , anything. I'm not good for anyone anymore.

why can't i be useful?

2022-03-22 23:42:35 UTC

They left me

The hard truth of things .

scream4me — 2022-03-23 04:50:24 UTC

I know I shouldn't take it to heart that my partner said i wasn't their first priority and was their third . School, something else, then me. It just kinda hurt knowing that their my first priority . Maybe I just care to much but , I can't help but overthink it . It really just did hurt. I'm a bitch baby and annoying and clingy . My mother is right , I'm just a piece of shit . worthless. Can't even seem to please my partner . It's not fair , life just isn't fair . I work my god damn ass off to please everyone..but the good damn moment I try to take a moment for myself ? I'm a lazy brat who doesn't care about anything . I've been stuck , getting walked on my whole entire life and litterally the other thing my mother and 'friends' have done for me is fuck things up ! It's the hard truth , in the grand scheme of things I'm just a worthless, slutty fag . I'm worthless . I'm not enough for my partner they need someone better . Someone who doesn't self sabatoge . They desever someone good and not fucked up .I just..I wasn't meant to be here . I really do try . a bit too hard .

if I

died

would
anyone

miss,
me..?

Happy vent

2022-03-27 17:04:22 UTC

I went to Schnepf Farms with my brother and his girlfriend and it was super fun Cruz there was some super cool rides and his girlfriend isn't actually that bad, She bought me a monster and was super nice, she also invited me to a indie rock hangout place that she goes too, Cuz she's a photographer and in really excited to go because I've never been there before and it looks cool. I'm actually quite happy

idfk

scream4me — 2022-03-28 02:20:34 UTC

You ever just , youre waiting for youre partner to respond and youre mind goes''their busy, youre their THIRD priorty '' and then youre like ''im being dramatic they didnt mean it in that way''

vent .

2022-03-28 04:35:50 UTC

Fucking christ , why do I feel so useless? I'm nothing more than what they put me as but yet they say shit that knows affects me. I'll admit , I got jealous .. I'm not a jealous person but damn. I get it, she wants you , she practically 'needs' you but don't forget that I exist too. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not good enough , I'm tired of feeling like I'm bound to get replaced by someone who knows them better than I ever will . Fucking christ am I not good enough for them? Maybe Kameron was right to say that I'll be replaced .. Maybe he was right . I do deserve nothing but shit since no one will ever love me as much as they say they do .

scream4me — 2022-03-28 10:00:51 UTC

Well damn , I fucked up . Again . surpised he didnt leave me this time heh . Try making your own partner feel useless, I wouldve dropped me sl fast, they on the other hand did not . i dony get why they keep mearound.

Tw: self-harm

scream4me — 2022-03-28 10:04:39 UTC

I did it again , i felt so bad about hurting them like that , so i thought ot would bee good to hurt me too . Im sorry i promised...I broke a promise again im sorry im sorry im sorrry..

.

scream4me — 2022-03-28 14:06:39 UTC

I fucking hate myself. I had a good thing a great thing and Zi had to go fuck it up again . I love them so much and what do i do to show it? Be a shit boyfriend ,aybe im just not cut out to be someones lover let alone some who overthinks. I didnt mean to make them feel worthless I keep saying sorry its not fixing anything they wanna ba left alone and I cant fucking do anything about it . They dont really beleive im sorry . I broke a promise a couple months ago, i brokw our trust so thats on me but they blame themself . I'm a bitch , they say they aren't gonna break up with me unless it has to be done but honest;y maybe cam and aeren were right . I'm not fit to be in a relationship , i cant really handle them , i self sabatoge . Im sorry . i love them so much and i dont how to show it anf i dont know how to fix my screw up . i fucked up .

Awkward vent

2022-04-05 03:17:59 UTC

I was crying in a bathroom stall when my science teacher and a girl who I guess had told her I was being a crybaby walked in. It was awkward n stuff but after I told her everything she just said something like "You don't have to fix every problem you find. And stop setting standards on yourself that you don't set on the people you care about." which I think she might've gotten from Pinterest but, its the only dumbass quote from a teacher. That's actually made me feel better

Vent

2022-04-07 23:50:12 UTC

My brother got back from the hospital yesterday and so we went to our uncles to celebrate. It sucked. My stupid idiot cousin (whose 9) kept making emo jokes about me and my brother, he didn't seem to notice the cuts on said hands tho- and the rest of the family fucking agreed with him. And then my aunt kept touching my hair and complaining about how awful it looked and why I cut it. Then proceeded to move my bangs and make of the dark circles under my eyes

Vent . Trigger warning ; Self harm

scream4me — 2022-04-11 03:55:49 UTC

I wanna cut, I wanna cut myself for every mistake I made , I wanna cut for taking my sexual frustation out on my partner, I wanna cut for have a 35 in social studies , I wanna cut of for accidently mean a bitch all the time . I deserve the pain, I also wanna watch the blood drip from my thighs knowing its all my fault, punishing myself for being so stupid .

vent . (mentions of suicide , self harm , and molestation . )

2022-04-14 03:37:44 UTC

I'm tired of trying to please people , at this point I'm tired of everything . Every waking moment is a moment of fucking dread to where I'm trying my absolute hardest for everyone and anyone. This past year has been a fucking shit show . I used to self harm over the fact that I was molested when I was 5 and nearly raped at 14 by someone I thought was my best friend . I still cut myself over it , all over , my arms , legs , stomach , anywhere I can just to get the thought of what happened out of my head. 5 suicide attempts this past year, 15 weeks in the hospital just because of how I feel. Of course my mom didn't listen to the doctors she said , ' my daughter isn't depressed. " funny, after 2 years of being out to her, she can't even call me her fucking son because I'm such a disgrace to her . I'm trying my best to be what she wanted, even if it's being the daughter she gave birth too . I'll do whatever it fucking takes to have her love me like she loves everyone else in my family. Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be enough for anyone to see that I am worth it. I think about all of this . While tutoring , working , sleeping . I can never get a break from what I want gone . 9 years of physical abuse . I'm really fucking tired of letting people walk all over me at this point .

Why can't I be good ?

Rant/vent type thing. Lots of profanity.

coffee_grounds — 2022-04-14 20:01:04 UTC

I haven’t fucking cried in ages, I was doing so fucking well and then I got yelled at- which happens quite often, and I fucking cried. I don’t fucking believe it. How can I be so bloody weak- I got yelled at. That’s bloody normal. I’m such a shitty person, and why the bloody hell did it happen? It was a good day, I was fine, I actually slept earlier, I ate, I drank. I got to watch a movie. Then I cried. and when I was crying, I fucking laughed. I was laughing, and crying. Why the fuck? What kind of sicko am I? That can’t be normal. But the wierd fucking thing here, is the thing I don’t know who I was bloody laughing at. Then again, later, in bed, I cried again. I’m so fucking confused, why the actual hell did it happen? I don’t cry- I cant fucking cry. I’m not weak, so I can’t cry.

Vent . Trigger warning

scream4me — 2022-04-14 20:55:08 UTC

I'm a terrible partner, making arguments with my boyfriend just to get him to open up? Yeah great move Crow, go ahead and make his life harder . I almost lost him and because of what ? Because I wanted to be selfish and not keep our relationship an open one . He doesn't want to choose, why should I make him ? I don't want to lose him, I can't lose him, if I did I'd have no one. He's always been there for me, through everything, always making time for me even tho he's super busy, im thankful for that I really am . I don't want to be alone ever again , he's always been with me . Six fucking months and I almost ruined it, I'm scared, im so scared . He says he's going to marry to me but- but what if he likes he other partner more ? Im aware he trusts me more but..but what if someones better ? Im not good enough for him, I cant make him feel special like he makes me feel special, I cant buy him things, I cant even properly show him love . I wish I could be half as good as him, I look up to him so much . I wish he could see that I look up to him, I wish I could show him how good he is, I wish I was a better Partner..

Vent

coffee_grounds — 2022-04-15 00:04:34 UTC

Too much noise. Just, stop the yelling.

Vent //Possible triggers for some//

scream4me — 2022-04-28 23:05:14 UTC

God damn it, Why can I be good enough for anyone other than Xavier , don't get me wrong, I love how he praises me and makes me feel good but why is it im only good enough for him ? I'm not good enough for my mom . I never get a "good job" or "im proud of you" I love Xavier I do, but how my come my boyfriend loves me more than my own family? They don't even love me half as much as he does . I'm greatful for him ..I just wish he wasn't the only who thought I was worth something . I'm so tired of my mom calling me a liar, I am not a liar, I never have been, but everytime I tell someone something abusive she did to me, she yells and calls me a liar . Today she left the bathroom door open, so the dogs went in there and tore up trash , she then blamed me , how could it be my fault when I haven't left my room all day? I said it wasn't me and it was her and the bitch goes "I don't need to lie like you, im tired of your bullshit" I DIDNT FUCKING LIE . I told her I wasn't lying and she goes "WHy don't you shut the fuck up and not be a dissapointment for once?!" I forgot . I'm a dissapointment to my family. fuck you, fuck all of you, I didn't ask for this . Burn in hell, you pieces of shit .

I just got out, everything is normal yet I don’t feel happy I should be but I fear that if I open up I’ll fall back in the hole of self doubt. For if I were to tell you how I felt you would push me away, what do I have to fear? What more could I lose? I pretended to be someone I’m not, what does that say about me? For is everything I know a lie? I’m scared, I admit it, I’m not scared of dying I am scared of life. The people I know are all so perfect with their pretty smiles plastered on their faces. Are they lying too? Maybe I have been deceived and other aren’t as happy as they seem.

scream4me — 2022-04-29 02:33:12 UTC

Fuck my life

scream4me — 2022-05-13 03:39:59 UTC

im so close to relapsing, I just want him. Is that too much to fucking ask? He comes back and says only three things to me. Fuck you too, thanks for screwing me over, I only loss sleep and engry from puking and not eating or sleeping because I'm too busy worrying about you . Okay, thanks I guess. What a great person you are, it's really my fault tho if we're honest . I'm a bitch, I'd want to stay away from me too, I thought he was different you know? I really fucking thought he wasnt gonna leave for long periods of time . Of course I still love him with everything I am and would never leave him, but god it's getting so fucking hard not to relapse, I just want to feel like he loves me ..

tw: Self harm

scream4me — 2022-05-13 04:05:42 UTC

...I relapsed..theres so many...im supposed to go swimming this weekend..

VENT .

2022-05-14 00:37:44 UTC

maybe if i was here more, they wouldn't have done what they did.. i'm a horrible boyfriend, i know and i leave for multiple eriods at a time without telling anyone anymore.. i relapsed for the first time in months actually and i just can't handle being around anyone . don't get me wrong , i love him .. more than he knows but god i feel like shit for leaving .. i should've been here for him , comforting them whenever but no, i can't fucking do that .. i can't do anything right and everyone knows it . spent last night in a hospital bed so i couldn't get on , got out this morning and i still felt the same but this makes me feel horrible because i wasn't there to stop anything .. fucking christ i'm so useless.. why does he stay ? Why ,why why..? i screw people over but then again i can't control myself anymore , im sorry. . so fucking sorry .

Vent:

2022-05-17 23:55:32 UTC

A little happy note before I get to the sad things I passed 3 of my exams and I told my parents. They said that we can get cookies. Now onto the sad stuff, so I envy my brothers.. it is like they get all the attention. So one of my brothers told my parents that the got a certificate of something. At dinner they wouldn't stop talking about it, like.. every time I tried to say something it was ignored. I envy my brothers because they can do something so small and get praised for it and when I do something, like draw or write. They just brush it off.. I mean my brothers could do the same thing and get praised about. I feel forgotten...

5//23//22 {Tw: abuse and self harm.}

scream4me — 2022-05-24 04:59:59 UTC

It was an accident, I didn't mean to drop the key, I saw looking they yelled at me and told me I did it on puropse, "Kick her in the gout jody" she was kidding, it wasnt funny. We get inside I had forgot to sweep, we started to argue , "give me your phone" "what the hell for what?" Smack It came out of no where, we argue some more she starts getting close, I pushed her away, i'm crying, it leads to a panic attack, I throw up. I call my aunt, Danae takes the phone from me and tells lies. I've bitten my nails til they started bleeding, I relapsed, theres so many, all the blood, what did I do? I thought we were having fun today , I was wrong. She makes fun of me for crying. she comes in my room, wakes me up and turns on my light, she was going to give me my phone til I had gotten upset with her, she said it was my fault, of course it was. An other argument, she shoves me, hard, it took out my breath. I cut my thighs, im crying, I need my boyfriend, I dont know where he is, I need someone.

Vent. TW: [mention of suicide]

2022-06-03 02:42:14 UTC

So my friend was hanging out at my house a few days ago and found my vent journal. She read it out loud. And started to laugh at how I felt. She said I was being just attention seeker and didn't really want to commit suicide. Even though, I am tired of waking up every morning, i hate how I look. I can't even eat a lot anymore, it makes me feel so sick.. one of these days I can't wait for the day I won't wake up. She ended up ripping up my journal, which cause me to get upset and get in an argument with her. I also feel like I need to be less clingy with my boyfriend... it feels like we talk less and less. It kinda hurts.. one of these days I feel like I am going to wake up and he isn't going to like me no more.

Vent

2022-06-11 05:31:04 UTC

I am just in pain right now. I woke up, I am trying to sleep because it is late. I am struggling to go back to sleep, my heart hurts like hell...my back burns...I can't sleep

Kyle-I’m happy for once

Corpsie555 — 2022-06-19 07:37:50 UTC

I was finally able to hangout with my partner and we almost did the nasty, but it was still good times. I also got over a little phobia so now it’s just a fear. I am so fucking lucky to have the partner I have. :)

fuck it.

scream4me — 2022-06-23 17:56:03 UTC

she made empty promises, she lied. she broke up with me and got with my no ex best friend , i hate her but i dont. fuck, i dont know what to do.

8.2.22

scream4me — 2022-08-03 03:48:26 UTC

I wish I could back to how things were, me and Kaylani, just us, in ‘love’. I wanted to try again she will wants friends with benefits. I dont think she loves me the way I love her…she knew she fucking knew she was my whole world..

Idk why not

2022-08-04 00:42:21 UTC

I was boring, anyway, im out lol see you hopefully never

You should prob lay off the molly

2022-08-09 13:58:45 UTC

Vent

2022-08-12 23:29:24 UTC

I asked to go ride my bike cause I thought it would be fun. My friend was recently sick. Well I asked to go ride bike, around my block and just immediately got yelled at. My dad said "You are planning to sneak over to your friends aren't you?".. I said no. "Mhm" he said in a tone that didn't seem like he believed me. All I want to do is ride my bike and lose weight.. I told my parents I was going to ride my bike yesterday but they told my tomorrow so I waited and today is now tomorrow. I fucking get yelled at for wanting to ride my bike. My dad also said "If your mom gets sick with covid I am going to be piss at you!" My mom can die if she gets covid so I understand. But I just wanted ride my bike now I don't... I don't want to go anywhere. I just want to hide in my room, not eat, and cry..

2022-08-14 03:59:06 UTC

Every single time i wake up and try to be a good kid, this shit has to happen. Why do i even care anymore? Their always gonna say stuff about me, whether i like it or not. Its my fault for being so hateable, and mean and stupid and dumb and hurtful

Tw?

scream4me — 2022-08-14 05:25:55 UTC

I just want to scream at her, Just scream. Everything i feel, How she makes me feel :/. I cant bring it up without it being a fight, ‘I can feel us dating again soon’’ -not even a weeks later when im just trying to express how i feel- “ITS NOT GONNA HAPPEN RIGHT NOW SILAS, MAYBE LATER BUT NOW” Just a wholr ass audio recording of her yelling at me :/. I know , ‘Let her go’, “She doesnt want you” “You need to explain what she’s made you feel “ I TRY, I REALLY DO BUT SHE JUST GETS MAD AND YELLS AND STARTS BIG THIS BIG DEAL ABT AND RANTS ABT HOW SHE DIDNT CARE ABT CAM. AND ITS LIKE I WAS JUST TRYING TO TELL YOU I DONT WANT TO BE REPLACED AGAIN AND THAT IM SCARED AND THAT SHES CONFUSING ME, IF SHE DOESNT WANT ME -name- DOES, -name- IS FUCKING AMAZING. THEY WANT ME, SHE DOESNT, AND I DONY KNOW WHY I CANT ACCEPT THAT. EVERYONES LIKE “if youre not willing to let her go then we cant help you” THEY DONT GET IT THEY DONT FUCMIG UNDERSTAND AND EVERYONES SO FRUSTRATED WITH ME AND ITS LIKE I DONT KNOW HOW TO HELP MYSELF WHY CANT YOU FUCKING SEE THAT -name- CANT EVEN SEE HOW MUCH SHE EFFECTS ME SHE DOESNT UNDERSTAND THAT ALL I WANT IS HER TO WANT ME ITS NOT MUCH ITS NOT MUCH TO ASK FOR HER TO FUCKING LOVE ME LIKE I LOVE HER “I do take an interest in you, I just dont want anything serious with anyone” THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WANTING TO DATE SOME BITCH? WHAT ABOUT ME? WHERE THE FUCK AM I IN THIS ? IVE DONE NOTBING BUT HELP YOU AND BE THERE, I CANT HELP MYSELF AND I CANT TALK YO ANYONE ABOUT IT LUKE HATES ME HE MAKES ME FEEL LIKE SHIT HE MAKES ME FEEL BAD FOR HYPERFIXATIONS TURNS EVERYTHING INTO A FUCKING ARGUMENT I CANT EXPRESS ANYTHING TO ANYMORE WITHOUT SOMEONE GETTING MAD AT ME AND -name- MAKES ME LOSE MY SHIT ONE MOMENT SHES ALL OVER ME AND EVERYTHING TO HER AND THE NEXT IM FUCKING NOTHING IF SHE DOESNT FUCKING LOVE ME I WISH SHE WOULD SAY SO IF IM JUST A QUICK FUCK TO YOU PLEASE JUDT FUCKING TELL ME LET ME KNOW LET ME KNOW I NEED TO LWT GO STOP MAKING IT HARDER THAN IT NEEDS TO BE FUCKING LOVE ME OR DONT I WANT HER TO GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME BUT AT YHE SAME TIME I DONT I WANT HER STAY WHY DID THINGS HAVE TO CHANGE? I DONT UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING IS HARDER THAN IT NEEDS TO BE EVERYONES LEAVING KAYLANI DUMPED ME VARON DIED ITSUKI DOESNT TALK TO ME MY FRIEND JUST DROPPED ME LUKE MIGHT AS WELL JUST SAY HE HATES ME

Ermm, so i will admit i have some anger issues

2022-08-14 14:26:38 UTC

Keep up the good work? KEEP UP THE GOOD FUCKING WORK? I RAN TEN MILES JUST TO BUY TOU A FUCKING SLUSHI AND SEE IF YOU WERE OKAY, I THINK THE FUCK NOT. TYPI, WHEN YOU CALL SOMEONE BAWLING ON THE PHONE, OTS FOR SMTH IMPO. TYP WHEN SOMEONE CLIMBS UP A STOY HOUSE TO SNEAK INTO YOUR CIG SMELLING ROOM ITS FOR SMTH IMP. I WAS SO SCARED THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME, I WAS SO FUCKING WORRIED, ALL FOR IT TO JUST BE A FUNNY LITTLE PRANK YOU AND YOUR NEW FRIENDS PULLED ON ME. WE MADE A FUCKING BLOOD OATH TOGETHER, YEAHH REM THAT? WHEN YOU SCR
ED YOUR KNEE AND THE WALL COMING UP INTO MY BEDROOM SO WE MADE A STUPID APPA WORTHLESS PROMISE TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER? yeah, well now all thats gone and its my fault anyway.

saixx — 2022-08-15 02:54:23 UTC

she wanted to throw me out of the house lol. she was going to call the cops and send me back to that terrible hospital. i hate the skin checks, i dont want her looking at my gross body, esp since she thinks that just becuase i have a pussy that im a girl, i dont know how mamy times i have to say it,, i am a boy.

saixx — 2022-08-15 02:56:46 UTC

i just want a friend that i can cling to. why cant i have that. im so obsessed with them but they just think of me as that funny friend.

8.18.22 Tw: sexual thoughts and sh scars

scream4me — 2022-08-18 22:34:13 UTC

I get it, okay? I'm just a teen I shouldn't be having these thoughts, the thought of having someone touch me in those places, light kisses down from my neck to between my legs just sounds nice, the thought of just being fucked is nice..I just want someone to worship me, love my body, kiss the scars, hold me, leave marks on me, make me theirs. Maybe I'm just confused or maybe it's just hordkwd but somethings going on. I thought..if I went along with what she said she would like me more than the other girl..I thought I was..proving something? Then I got caught, Danae walked in, saw me on my phone, listened to the audio of me moaning..she wont let me live it down, she reminds me everyday about how disgusting I am, how wrong it is of me to like the same gender, how this isnt okay, how im just a kid. But the thing is, im not just a fucking kid, im not legally an adult but I had to grow up faster, I didnt get to keep mt stuffed toys, they got sold, I got takens away from my 'mom' multiple times, Ive been taking these stupid pills since 2nd grade, why isnt it better? why am I not better?

why

am I
not
enough..?

8.28.22 tw; caps

scream4me — 2022-08-28 22:26:01 UTC

IM A BOY WHY CANT YOU SEE IM A BOY SAY IT SAY IM A BOY SAY YOU THINK IM A BOY SAY IT SAY IT SAY IT IM A FUCKING BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY I IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOYM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY IM A BOY

Vent

2022-08-29 01:33:40 UTC

I told my parents many times how uncomfortable I am being shipped with my guy best friend because people are shipping me with him. Today.. my mom fucking says "well in 15 years, you'll going to go to your a party and see [his name] there. He is going to be so hot and you'll ask him out." I said, "no I wont.. I don't like him like that." She huffed,, and said "well me and your dad are best friends." I AM NOT FUCKING LIKE YOU! LET ME HAVE MY OWN FRIENDS AND LIVE MY LIFE!! STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME LIKE YOU!! I FUCKING HATE IT... I hate it... why can't I have a friend.. that is a guy. You know I hate being shipped with him mom..but.. why.. why do you insist on me and him? I don't like him.. I never will like him so stop. Please..

Vent: [Tw, mention of sexual things]

2022-08-31 01:37:12 UTC

What's wrong with me..? My body feels as if it isn't mine. Then people in my class are talking about have sex and using toys. Well.. I mean seem like uh.. fun? Though I don't like the idea of being touch or anything sexual. But someone my age should sexual feelings towards someone. I dont.. I just like the person and the unconditional love from someone. I still want to date my boyfriend. But.. I don't want to have sex, or be touched sexually.. I don't understand.. why is that?

2022-09-03 22:28:12 UTC

I know this is stupid to cry over. So my school's homecoming is next weekend. And well, my allergies are really bad right now and my mom is going to make me take a covid test. If I am sick with covid...my mom is going to be upset about it cause she spent 70 dollars on everything for homecoming. I know I am not sick but... I am worried..

yourlocalfag — 2022-09-05 21:50:56 UTC

im so fucking tired of my family like why the fuck do my siblings decide to snitch on me for everything like im literally going to be grounded for so long like how the fuck did my sister even find out i was drinking and smoking weed like wtf i dont ever do anything to my siblings for them to snitch on me for no fucking reason i wish my mom never got with her stupid boyfriend bc im so tired of him and his stupid fucking kids i wish they would break up already is that bad of me to wish that they would break up??

yourlocalfag — 2022-09-10 01:45:39 UTC

why does everyone pretend like they care im so tired of everybody pretending to like me like how are you going to say we cant hang out but hang out with someone the same day if you dont want to hang out just say that its not that hard and the only person that ever wants to hang out with me has to leave the day all my other siblings are going somewhere and leave me at the house to keep myself company and then every adult in my house is going to a concert so im going to be at the house by myself this whole fucking weekend i feel like its wrong for me to feel like all my friends are fake but its so hard not to feel that way when everyone makes it seem like they dont actually like me

yourlocalfag — 2022-09-16 04:02:23 UTC

do i feel to much? why do i have to have feelings all they do is screw with my day i can never just be happy why, why cant i be happy? why do i feel like crying everyday? im surrounded by so much of my friends a lot of the time and yet i feel so alone jealousy, jealousy gets the best of me everyday why does everyone else get to be happy? why does everyone else have this perfect s/o and the most friends and the nicest parents why is it always everyone else why....why am i not good enough, what do you do when you hear our song? the one you said reminds you of me the one i play on repeat wishing it was still true hoping i was the first person you said reminds you f me, hoping i could be myself again...and be able to sleep, eat, not cry in the middle of the night because a song reminds me of you i need love too i need someone to hold me to...i need someone to care, someone to hold, and most importantly someone i can call mine someone i dont have to cry over every night someone who doesnt make me stay awake all nigh...why do i feel so much??

starz4quinn — 2022-09-16 04:28:45 UTC

I finally figured myself out. I know my sexuality, what pronouns I'm actually comfortable with. I've been in a happy relationship for a couple of months now. So why do I miss him? He fucked up my life. He lied about loving me. He wanted me for my body. He admitted that. I wasn't pretty to him. But of course, I have tits. A tiny waist. Yk, things guys like him crave. So, he used me. He was smart about it, too. Lied about his feelings for me, told me he loved me, I was foolish enough to believe him. He was.. So amazing to me for the first month or so. Then.. He started asking me for things I wasn't ready for. And it pissed him off when I'd say no. So.. He cheated on me. Then played me when I was dumb enough to give him a second chance. So why do I miss him? I tell myself i hate him, i tell everyone else i hate him. But i dont. I cant. I miss his dumbass. I miss turning to see him smiling at me like i was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. I miss listening to him singing little parts of love songs to me. I miss falling asleep on him on the bus. Even if he was faking the whole time like he said he was.. I miss his love. I crave it. He wont even so much as look at me anymore. Why the hell did i fall for him in the first place? Its not like he was good-looking. He was a total fucking asshole to everyone. So why? He just wanted to use me. Why the fuck can't i hate him. Sometimes i wanna go up to him and just tell him how much i miss him. Beg for him to tell me he was lying. That he does love me, he was just scared of the thought of falling in love. That's what I wish about when im awake by myself. I just wanna be held by him again..

9.16.22

scream4me — 2022-09-16 23:46:54 UTC

God, Kai , I'm so sorry, I'm so so so sorry, I messed up, I'm shitty, I'm a terrible person. Why do you want to stay friends with me? Even after I did that to you? I did like you, I thought the feelings were gonna stay but she just- she just does something to me and I'm so in love with her, I thought I was ready to move on and I wasn't..she came back, she WANTS me, I know you wanted me but I just...I don't know..I fucked up and I hate myself for it. I should've never said anything..please tell me you hate me, yell at me, go off on me, please do something..im sorry im sorry..I love her and I loved you but shes just someone I cant let go of..someone please tell me what a bad person I am, I desreve it. I desreve everything bad that happened to me..

9.17.22

scream4me — 2022-09-17 05:52:08 UTC

Forgive me please, it's my fault he's gone, I shouldnt have said those words to him, I didnt want him gone, please come back your death date is coming up,,I miss you please..im sorry Itsuki..I let Veron down and now hes dead im sorry..

9.17.22

scream4me — 2022-09-17 19:28:30 UTC

I wanna puke my guts out, I shouldnt have opened up, I stressed you out again, didnt i? Youre gonna leave again..please dont go again I love you, I need you..dont make me do it alone please

I’m proud and happy 😊

Corpsie555 — 2022-09-21 00:48:49 UTC

I am in cross country and I’m also on anti depressants but I’ve upped my dose so many times, nothing is working for me. I just feel numb but I don’t know how to tell my therapist. Anyways I was at practice today and I didn’t take my meds this morning but it was a B day so I was ready to get harassed by everyone like I usually do, they didn’t do much today and I felt nice. I also helped my Math teacher fix her pen because I’m smart like that. Going back to the cross country, I pushed myself harder than usual and my coaches noticed. They told me good job and to keep it up. I also made sure I kept my mouth shut around the teacher I hate. I’m happy and proud of myself today! :)

-kaiii

yourlocalfag — 2022-09-21 01:07:14 UTC

i can never be happy for five fucking seconds without someone ruining it i get grounded for no reason whatsoever because i was apparently outside when no adults where home but i literally wasnt like just bc you are fucking grounded doesnt mean you falsely accuse me of doing something i didnt do like bitch the fuck and now i cant go anywhere bc my stupid ass sibling alway have to be a bitch about everything i fucking hate everyone in my family i fucking HATE the i wish they all where gone i wish the world would just go away im so tired of everyone and everything i feel bad bc ive been lashing out at a lot of people that didnt do anything but its not my fault ugh im so pissed at the world i want people to leave me alone ald why the only day when i feel like eating everyone wants to take my fucking food and i just give them all of it bc i cant ever say no to anyone for some reason i want to punch someone in the fucking face so so so so so bad

9/21/22

scream4me — 2022-09-21 05:24:33 UTC

im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry

starz4quinn — 2022-09-21 21:45:31 UTC

I wish they knew. Everyone in real life, I mean. Every time they call me by Kaydence, or call me a girl, or use she or her.. I hate it. I hate it all so much. That's not who I am. Not anymore. It makes me wanna cry sometimes. But I can't tell them. I just fucking can't. Especially not my parents. They're.. They're really quick to judge. Hell, my sister came out as bisexual to them and they're still convinced that it's just a phase. I know that if I tell them I'm Non-binary, or I like girls too, or that I just wanna be called Vile- they'll look at me differently than they already do. They'll tell me it's just a phase. They'll tell me I'm being influenced by my friends and social media. Then they'll tell my aunt's and grandma. Then they'll say the same thing. Sure, I could tell some of my friends. But then my family would find out too. But- just every time they refer to me as a girl, or their daughter- it feels horrible. It feels wrong. I just wish they understood

starz4quinn — 2022-09-23 00:30:17 UTC

I hate her. I only tolerate her cause my dad loves her. She won't even treat me like I'm her kid, or even her husband's kid. I get yelled at and called a bitch because I didn't do my little brothers chore for him while he "went to the restroom" [stood in there waiting for me to finish so he didn't have to do it] but when he goes around swearing at school, telling kids to shut the fuck up and fuck off, he gets grounded for the rest of the day. Not even the week. Just the rest of the day. If i did that- i woulda been beat. Yelled at. Grounded for a month. Why does he get to be babied and i have to be treated like absolute shit? Hes about to be 11- stop fucking babying him so he can grow a pair of balls already. Why cant they see how much i try. Why cant i just be good enough for them? Where did i go wrong. At least fucking pretend you love me. Even that would hurt less

starz4quinn — 2022-09-23 04:12:14 UTC

So.. I got back in touch with one of my friends from 6th grade. Jason. Jason D. In 6th grade, we were literally best friends.. And both liked each other. We never did anything about it, and he ended up moving away during spring break. A few days ago, I managed to get back into contact with him. He remembers me, too. He wants to join the military and be a marine. I sent him recent pictures of me, and he did the same. He looks different, but the exact same somehow. He called me pretty. He says he still has feelings for me, and I want to believe him, but at the same time.. What if he's just saying that cause he thinks I'm pretty? Talking to him still gives me butterflies. Not that I'll admit it to him. Jason never seemed like the kid to use someone cause they're pretty, but how can I really be sure? Idk anymore

so..

scream4me — 2022-09-25 06:54:50 UTC

Why dont you care..? Why dont you notice..im suffering..im hurting im anxious and all you do is simply...ignore it. I'm so sick of pretending to be okay..you're supposed to love me..I should be happy I shouldnt be crying cause of you..quit making me feel bad, stop making feel like i have to apologize. You dont love me, do you..? I'm just the only one who wants you arent I? Stop it, stop please, if you dont love me just leave now please dont let me get attached again and let you in just for you to hurt me all over again..comfort me for once please..why cant you be your old self..I want the you that babied me and pretended to care when I talked about something..quit saying you dont care when i bring /it/ up..you told me you didnt even feel bad..you didnt feel bad for hurting me like that...how are you supposed to love me if you dont even care how badly you hurt me..you wouldnt care if I went back to my old habits, would you? Not your problem right?

starz4quinn — 2022-09-30 01:39:23 UTC

He wants to die. He flat-out told me he wants to end it all. Why can't he see how much that scared me. Doesn't he understand how much I love him? I thought I was doing well at showing it-? I just sent him a long message last night telling him how much I love and need him.. Wasn't that enough..? I'm sorry Im not enough, Sebby.. I wish I could be. I wish I could make it better for you. Im trying to be enough for you.. You know? I reassure you all the time that I love you. That I'll never leave you.. You say you love me.. You call me your wife.. Is that not enough? Im sorry you and him fight.. Maybe y'all just aren't as good together as y'all thought..? Hes too toxic for you, Seb.. Why cant you see that..? Sometimes, i think you just crave his attention.. Why do you think i try so hard to give you all of mine..? I spend every second i can talking to you.. Telling you how much i love you.. And you tell me you wanna end it all..? I wish i could tell you how much that made me cry. But i dont wanna guilt trip you. Or make things worse for you. I just hope you understand i love you. Even if no one else does.

starz4quinn — 2022-09-30 02:03:42 UTC

He took my comment off his profile..? Me and his other partner had left a comment on his profile. Mine just said "♥️ Vile . Loves . Him ♥️" and his other partner had just left "<333" he deleted mine.. But kept the other one..? He's not even fighting with me.. So why did mine get deleted..? He'd just told me he loved me..? I feel so panicked right now. I cant breathe. I might take a break for a lil while. Idk

Kyle- Turns out my dad doesn’t care

Corpsie555 — 2022-09-30 03:08:13 UTC

Today my dad went to Walmart and I guess he picked out mine and my siblings costumes, he wants us to be ghostbusters. When I told him that I was annoyed that he chose them and that I wanted to choose my Halloween costume he said who and I said TECHNOBLADE. He said ‘you really wanna be someone who nobody knows again?’ Last year I dressed up as Ranboo. ‘Nobody’ knows him, huh? Everyone I ask will know him. You don’t because you don’t give a shit. He asked me why and he then realized ‘oh that’s the guy who died to cancer’ he still didn’t care. Little does he know I was planning to tribute him by dressing up as him because him and Ranboo saved my fucking life but if I told him that he’d go fucking ballistic. I am so fucking done with him

starz4quinn — 2022-10-01 00:47:26 UTC

So.. He tried. To end it all, I mean. Razorblade and such. He's in the hospital, can't be on for a few weeks. I feel like shit. I know he misses his dad, ik he wants to be with him again. I just wish I was enough to help. If i had helped more, this wouldn't have happened. Its just like the last time. I didn't help enough, he ended up in the hospital. I dont know how else to help though. I love him so much, but i dont do good enough to show how much i love and care for him. It makes me feel like shit. Im so sorry.. I'll do better.

Stupid, I am stupid

2022-10-01 17:56:47 UTC

I thought it would be nice to come out to my boyfriend as poly, so I did so..He is poly as well. So I didn't see a problem. Now I am single, funny right..?

kai

yourlocalfag — 2022-10-05 01:30:58 UTC

why am i so scared of death? i think about it everyday to the point i cant breath, stupid isnt it? i just- i just really need someone to be able to talk to right now im so scared and i dont know why its so scary to think about and i cant seem to take my mind off of it, what will happen when i die? i know its common to fear the unknown but its so overwhelming everything is just so hard for me right now i cant sleep properly because im so scared that i might not wake up the next morning im so tired everyday i just want to be able to sleep...please just let me sleep

scream4me — 2022-10-05 17:53:33 UTC

starz4quinn — 2022-10-07 22:09:39 UTC

Kill me. My stepmother is pissed at me once again for whatever dumbass reason, and knowing her, that means she's already told my dad she's mad, which means my dad is gonna be pissed at me when he gets home. I can't eat, it makes me so fucking sick, I throw up every time I try. I feel weak as hell, can't sleep whatsoever. I feel nauseous from the lack of food, but if I eat it'll be worse. School's absolutely kicking my ass, making my parents more pissed cause I can't do anything right. Fml.

starz4quinn — 2022-10-07 22:17:54 UTC

Hell, my head feels foggy and I cant breathe right

saixx — 2022-10-11 22:14:57 UTC

my nerves won’t calm and I’m so stressed bro.
can someone give me tips on stuff to smoke and how to get things as a minor ?

-kaii

yourlocalfag — 2022-10-14 01:08:10 UTC

so noisy.... all my parent do is yell at each other they never shut up, i just wish they would be quiet

-kaii

yourlocalfag — 2022-10-14 01:37:49 UTC

shut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut upshut up

🤡

starz4quinn — 2022-10-14 05:36:23 UTC

I caught feelings for someone again. Help 🥲

starz4quinn — 2022-10-15 04:33:13 UTC

UHBBJJNNJFIS I MISS HIM AGAIN 😃🔫 Jacob. That fucking dumbass that destroyed me. Why can't I let go of you?? I know how much you hurt me. I still fucking cry over it. I mean, I cry every night. For various reasons- but you're always part of the reason. I hate that I miss you. I really do. Yet- I can't just seem to hate YOU. I hate that I miss you, I hate that I cry over you, I hate that you hurt me, I hate that I still think about you. And yet- with everything I hate about you, and everything you did, I can't force myself to actually hate you. You played me. Cheated on me. Used me for my body. Got aggressive when I wasn't ready to let you fuck me. Cheated on me, then broke up with me a few hours later. Came back to me a couple weeks later. Begged for a second chance. Told me you were sorry. I let you back in. Honestly, what kind of fucking idiot am I? I know I'm fucking stupid, but why use me like that? Because I loved you? You're so fucked up. I wish I could stop crying over you. You dated my friends after you cheated on the girl you cheated on me with. Then you cheated on them too. I hate myself. Not you, but myself. Because I was so quick to throw myself at you as soon as you said "I love you," but I can't fucking help it. I just wanted the damn love I can't get at home. I crave it so much- and you helped for a little while. Hell, I was really happy. Till you started pushing me into things I wasn't ready for. Im sorry im so sensitive to anything sexual. It's still scares me okay? I had to deal with my own damn grandpa using me when i was little. So yes, i am scared of sexual things. But i tried for you, didn't i? I let you kiss my neck, even let you touch me. I was trying. Im sorry i wasn't enough. Im sorry i wasn't ready to give enough. I miss you. I mjss being held by you. I miss you singing songs to me while i fell asleep. I miss your hugs. Your cuddles. Your random kiss on the cheek. Turning to see you smiling at me like i was the prettiest person you've ever seen. I miss it all. Even if it was a joke to you. Im sorry im such a screw up.. Just come back..? Please?

kaiii

yourlocalfag — 2022-10-17 04:35:06 UTC

i hate this place i want to leave....every night they always have to fight i wish they would just be quiet....just shut up... i hate it here i fucking /hate/ it why cant i just have a happy family why cant we just be normal every night i cant sleep because of one of there stupid fights

To my ex/vent

2022-10-18 09:36:32 UTC

Imagine being so fucking toxic that you tell your ex to kill themselves! You fucking told me to kms over and over. Hell you even called me names.

starz4quinn — 2022-10-19 20:46:15 UTC

Sometimes I wish I could drop outta school 🤡 like. I'm not even learning anything there. Of course, I'm only a freshman. Still underage. Parents would never let me. But like- everyone there is just.. Omfg so bitchy. I can't even get enough sleep during the night to even actually pay attention in class. I sleep through half of my classes. I literally have ONE friend. And we've been friends since like- 6th grade so.. Not much of an accomplishment. I mean, the only thing i have to be proud of is that im somehow still passing. How tf do i manage that?? I have no fucking clue.

Bio mother.

starz4quinn — 2022-10-19 20:53:12 UTC

I miss my mom. My birth mom. Not my step mom. It's been almost 7 years now, I believe. That's when her and my dad split up. My dad took me. I haven't seen her since they split up. I still think about her a lot though. I mean, she was like- my best friend ig. Sometimes i let myself sit here and pretend i dont know why she hasn't come back, or at least tried to message or call. But i do. Ofc I do. She's replaced me. The new guy shes with, has a little girl. Who's named.. Kaydence. My name. And I bet she calls her Munchkin too. I bet she dresses her up and does her hair. I bet she brags to everyone about how pretty and adorable and fucking amazing her little girl is. Because thats what she did for me. I talk to my dad ab it sometimes. He feels bad. The last time we talked ab her, i broke down, asking why she hasn't tried anything. He had no answer. He doesn't know either. Sometimes I feel like i was just a barbie to her. Something to dress up and then toss aside when the newer version came out.

starz4quinn — 2022-10-19 23:47:22 UTC

Fucking hell I'm gonna have a breakdown again

starz4quinn — 2022-10-19 23:59:07 UTC

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I won't break up with him, even though you tell me it'll be for the best, cause he's clearly hurting me. I know you love me and care for me, but I can't fucking hurt people. Im sorry im an attention-desperate whore. Im sorry Im making you stay. You're hurting yet i still have the fucking audacity to be so fucking selfish. Im sorry im so damn sensitive lately. I know i cry too easily. But certain things scare me so much to the point where i want to fucking puke my guts out. I'm sorry i cant be the perfect daughter. Im sure you'd come back for me if i was, right? And im sure id get yelled at much less too. Im sorry i still call you Mia instead of mom. But the thought makes it so hard to breathe. Im not ready to give up on her even though ik shes not coming back. Im sorry i have a fucking breakdown every night. Theres just so much that hurts and i dont know how to control it or make it stop. Im sorry Im not ready to date you again. Im just so fucking terrified from the last time we tried that. Im sorry. Ill get better, i promise

starz4quinn — 2022-10-20 00:49:49 UTC

Fucking hell. I can't sleep anymore, which makes me super sick, therefore I can't fucking eat without puking. I'm dropping weight like it's nothing, because of that. My bf broke up with me and I think I get butterflies when I talk to my bsf. What the actual fuck is my life.

SK3lll — 2022-10-21 07:59:50 UTC

I just want to go to fucking sleep. I didn't ask to be cursed with all this awful shit. every morning they ask me how I sleep, its good mama I slept fine. the eyebags say otherwise.

FUCKING LISTEN TO ME FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKVFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

scream4me — 2022-10-21 21:09:03 UTC

starz4quinn — 2022-10-22 20:44:00 UTC

I'm so tired. I'm tired of pretending like I'm happy. I'm tired of fucking scratching myself till I bleed just so I don't breakdown when you yell at me. You act like I fucking asked to be here. You act like I'm actually fucking happy to be here. You always fucking tell me I have no need to cry cause "I'm not in trouble" but if I'm not in trouble, why the hell are you yelling at me. Such fucking bullshit. Just fucking get rid of me already. Throw me out, send me to live with someone else. Idfc. Anything to get away from here. Please

starz4quinn — 2022-10-23 02:41:21 UTC

Istg. I get in so much trouble every single time I lay a single hand on my brother- but when he slaps the shit outta me? Oh no. He just gets a small little talk. His dumbass is gonna be a fucking wife beater and it's gonna be their fault. I got yelled at by my stepmom, and then told I should have no reason to be crying. Then, the second my dad gets home, I get yelled at again. "You're 14 you should know better." Right, right. So now I'm 14. I couldn't even get a happy birthday from you. From my own damn dad. I'm only 14 to you when you wanna say you have higher expectations for me. Other than that. I barely even exist to you. Just fucking send me away. I can't deal with this anymore. I can't even cry without getting yelled at. I'm sorry, okay? But I can't keep trying for something I'll never reach. Your expectations are unreachable.

starz4quinn — 2022-10-23 05:00:22 UTC

Knsbkskkx I'm gonna fucking kill myself

kaiii

yourlocalfag — 2022-10-27 00:24:52 UTC

what's the point of trying? all my parents do is fight but I can't even take care of myself because I don't talk to people cant i just get a moment to myself, I'm sorry i can't socialize at the moment because of the things going on at home and im sorry that my feelings are such an inconvenience for everyone

Parents

BoomBoom_Boi — 2022-10-27 22:33:15 UTC

I don’t think my parents care anymore about my feelings nor my mental health. They’ll say hurtful things then just tell me to get out of my feelings, like how the fuck do I just get out of my feelings!? Or there like “just joking gees” and laugh it off like it doesn’t matter. When I told them I’m getting really bad sleep they just say stop lying and using that as an excuse to be grumpy or any feeling that’s not happy! How the fuck I’m I so posed to be happy when we don’t have a house and are living in hotels!? I can’t even cry in front of them or anyone really! I’m just glad I have a friend that cares about how I feel…

kaiiii

yourlocalfag — 2022-10-28 01:22:15 UTC

oooooo i cant wait till 8:30 man i swear on my life if you dont pull up like yall said you would ima find you guys and beat your asses personally, you wanna come for my family if you wanna run your mouth you better have hands to back it up, oh so you got family by your side i do to bitch see what happens when you pull up i got my uncle, my aunt, my dad, my grandma, my cousins, and my siblings dont chicken out when you show up cuz i promise you its on sight i got guns to so run your mouth i got you

Rose

BoomBoom_Boi — 2022-10-28 18:43:52 UTC

You ever just wish you could die but are afraid of death and just the thought of not being able to breathe but knowing it’s a possibility because you have trouble breathing every day.

BoomBoom_Boi — 2022-11-02 16:13:22 UTC

I wish I could die I’m just a disappointment

Kyle- I wish he could stay…..

Corpsie555 — 2022-11-09 02:19:44 UTC

My best friend, Van is moving away to North Carolina. His parents are travel nurses so I understand but we got so close, so fucking quickly…. I really wish I could kidnap him and let him stay with me, I will even make sure he does good in school and everything. He’s my age but I can still take care of him, I don’t care if he has to be my responsibility. I just want him to fucking stay!! No one in my family fucking understands, I just really want to hold him (yes I like him) and tell him it’s going to be alright, when we both know it’s not. I’m going to dread going to school after he leaves because he is the sunshine in my day. I look forward to seeing him everyday. I got lucky with him and the world is taking him away from me. I will even fucking fit myself in a box or suitcase and he can take me with him. I can live underneath his bed and easily get a job, I’m pretty good at working so I can help provide. My family is also talking about politics and the diesel running out and the world needing in about six months. They say they don’t want to scare me but prepare me but it’s just adding more stress from my Great-Grandmother dying and then dealing with my Great-Grandfathers death from nine years ago and my Grandmothers death date coming up soon, I wasn’t too close to any of them but it still fucking hurts. God I wish things could go back to when I was carefree and had more time. On top of that my teachers and classmates expect everything out of me and it emotionally and physically drains me but they don’t seem to notice, or care. The ONLY fucking person that seems to care is Van because he understands what’s going on and he didn’t know me when I was younger but we are so fucking similar. He just knows that we both feel the same way!! I just want people to understand and the world to give me a god damn break.

11.14.22

scream4me — 2022-11-14 07:11:33 UTC

fuck you. you know who you are.

Rose

BoomBoom_Boi — 2022-11-15 17:18:08 UTC

Bro there’s these 3 boys in my home room who are annoying as fuck they stole my snack wich was blueberry bread and I needed that because I’m going to be waiting outside school for while then they keep messing with my friend and stole there iPad! Like they want to die well they have it coming because Carmas a bitch even more when the person helps it…

I'm sorry..

starz4quinn — 2022-11-15 21:57:44 UTC

I know I'm being really distant.. I know it affects you too.. You're my best friend, and I love you very much.. I just.. I need some time. I just found out my mom is gone. And I mean, GONE gone.. She can't come back. My dad still won't tell me how. But I just.. I feel so empty right now.. Before, I was able to put on a smile, and get on everyday and comfort y'all, because I care so much for each and every one of you. But.. Right now, I don't even have the energy for that.. I promise, I won't leave you forever. I will be back. I just need some time. I'm sorry..

scream4me — 2022-11-16 21:41:28 UTC

Yeah..

starz4quinn — 2022-11-16 23:50:22 UTC

So.. On top of losing my mom.. My bf js killed himself. I keep losing ppl.. Im so fucking scared-..

11.18.22

scream4me — 2022-11-19 05:25:05 UTC

FUCK PLEASE PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU LET HER STAY PLEASE WHO EVERS WRITING MY STORY PLEASE I LOVE HER DONT DO THIS TO ME STOP

SK3lll — 2022-11-19 22:50:53 UTC

make it stop god please stop stop stop stop. make the nightmares go away please just let them end please I'm so scared and so jumpy and they all call me a paranoid wuss but oh my nobody sees what I see. nobody know what nightmares I have.

Kyle

Corpsie555 — 2022-11-23 06:48:01 UTC

God dammit. I already miss him as if he’s fucking dead. He’s just a couple states over but it’s still hard. He tries his best to stay positive but it’s hard when almost nothing can make me cry but he can make me cry in a fucking second, but I love it. It hurts but the pain also feels nice….

Kyle- Bru i hate my fukin dad

Corpsie555 — 2022-11-24 04:16:09 UTC

So I was watching the chucky movie, seed of chucky, and Tiffany’s kid was indecisive about their gender identity. I loved it that they where including gender identity so I told my dad about it and we have also been arguing abt what cisgender meant when I looked it up and proved him wrong, he replied with "Honestly at the end of the day I couldn't care because its just a mental illness" like wtf!!!!

11.24.22

scream4me — 2022-11-24 23:13:28 UTC

anyone elses mom keep promising to let them to her make up then tells them no lol

11.25.22

scream4me — 2022-11-25 18:38:15 UTC

she broke up w me yesterday...um..yeah.

Just a let down

BoomBoom_Boi — 2022-11-28 02:54:58 UTC

I just let everybody down….

11.28.22

scream4me — 2022-11-28 23:59:36 UTC

she was supposed to give me the note she wrote me for our one month today. Such a pity how even the one person you thought would never hurt you, broke your heart into a million little pieces.

ur_fantasma — 2022-11-30 04:56:31 UTC

sorry I let u all down but then again not really. fuck sorry for being toxic tho

:/

2022-12-05 19:23:47 UTC

I love how parents say they fucking have your back, but then they dont fucking trust you

12.7.22

scream4me — 2022-12-08 00:06:54 UTC

#myexkeepslyingtomeandpromisedwecouldbefriendsbutactslikeshehatesmesoisentheraparagraph

BoomBoom_Boi — 2022-12-08 13:42:14 UTC

When you don’t feel like you belong..it’s hard to live without feeling useless….

kai

yourlocalfag — 2022-12-08 20:40:41 UTC

Ofc i get broken up with on the week of finals just my luck am i right? god...why cant i be good enough for anyone? i just want someone to love me pls someone just love me im so tired of this, no one ever cares about my problems but they can go on and on about theres, and people call me selfish...yeah right...

ur_fantasma — 2022-12-09 01:17:48 UTC

I just can't keep doing this anymore.

kai

yourlocalfag — 2022-12-12 23:44:10 UTC

i hate this place i absolutly hate it im tired of all of my step siblings and parents one of my step sisters is a bitch all the tim and they really think that i wasnt to share a room with her how stupid can someone possible be to put me and her in the same room both my mom and her boyfriend knows that me and her hate each other i hate my whole family everyone sucks why would my mom get with this stupid man and she lets him put his hands on me he's not even my dad and im glad he hasnt married you because if he does im actually going to kill myself i cant wait until im old enough to move out of this hell hole i swear when i turn 17 they better let me move out because im not going to stay here for longer than i have to be i dont care if im going to have to drop out of school or something like that i will do whatever just to get out of this stupid house all my moms boyfriend does is get me in trouble everytime one of his kids mess with me it so annoying everything is always my fault no matter what i do i will never be good enough for anyone but i dont really care about anything anymore i dont care if you hate me its not like i like myself that much either i cant do anything right and i know that that's why everyone leaves no body ever cares about me so why should i care about everyone else i dont have to live up to anyone expectations you think i really wanted to be here? i swear im just so tired of waking up in the morning i wish i could just sleep all day i dont want to be here for Christmas break i want to leave but knowing my mom i wont be able to go anywhere because her stupid boyfriend told her to say no she always listens to him she never listens to us i wis they would just break up he is just as bad as sean they both hit us so what is the difference you say you left our dad because of him hitting us but you get a boyfriend that does the same thing you dont care about anyone but yourself. why is everything always me why do i have such bad luck? i have been doing so could but no matter how hard i try im not enough and i just really really want to be good enough for someone just one person thats all im asking i dont need a whole bunch of people to care about me but please just someone anyone someone just care its so exhausting

Rose

BoomBoom_Boi — 2022-12-14 16:53:42 UTC

Bro school is to fucking tress full I’m only 12 yet I’m stressing over school work just because in I want to be able join girls basketball. My life is fucking hell

what a shame

ur_fantasma — 2022-12-17 16:39:14 UTC

I cannot stand any of them, all they fucking do is talk shit about their friends and whine and complain like little babies. wtf am I supposed to do?fix ur fucking problems? bitch how? leave me alone. its not a fucking pity party. you guys get mad when I'm not online like your my fucking partners or smth, so what? I was fucking busy not being a dramatic pick me.

kai

yourlocalfag — 2022-12-18 05:33:50 UTC

i cant ever sleep my mom is always yelling at me talking about my grades and how oh maybe if i went to sleep i would get good grades but thats the thing i CANT sleep and i dont know why i stay awake every night just staring at my ceiling not getting any sleep and just waiting time, you think i choose to stay up? you dont know how hard i try to sleep but i cant sleep when all of these thoughts are racing through my head and keeping me up and im so sorry that im not as happy as i used to be i just dont have the energy and yes i know thats not an excuse but i really am trying anf i just need someone to see that i have been trying my hardest all this time nothing is like how it used to be i wish i had all of my old friends i know i have a whole bunch of new friends but they just feel so distant from me and that they dont like me maybe im over reacting but its like no one likes me and thats fine i completely understand but i just want one person who cares shit i cant even eat properly anymore all my clothes are getting to big for me but i just cant get myself to eat i cant even get out of bed i mean whats the point? what is the point of anything someone please just give me a reason to get out of bed everyday i just want to be happy...why cant i just be happy its like im just getting worse

kai

yourlocalfag — 2022-12-24 19:09:13 UTC

im so fucking done with my moms boyfriends kids like wtf are you doing breaking our glass door you're fucking psycho and then you want to talk about my mom calling her a bitch and all that she did not have to spend over 400 dollars on your Christmas presents you are the most ungrateful person i ever met like have some self respect its fucking crazy bro his kids only care about themselves and then he wants to blame everything on the past like bitch my father abused me and my mom and im not acting like a fucking psycho and you say oh its different you're mom fucking left you thats it she didnt abuse you all she did was leave ive had it way worse yeah i get it losing a parent fucking sucks get over it its been so many years since your mom left you wtf is wrong with this world latley its like no one cares about anything anymore like they dont even care about themselves they obviously have no self respect not even a little and you hate my mom? the one that has been taking care of you for four whole years she didnt have to put up with all of your shit she chose to and honestly i dont know why if i was her i would have left your father so fast you guys think its so cool to put your hands on my mom i will fuck you up dont play with me yeah i talk she on her sometimes but you will never catch me putting my hands on my mom i love that woman to death and for you to go and do that shit is not going to slide im tired of my moms boyfriend as well like how are you gonna stand up for that little bitch that broke our back door oh right because its your kid but now if that was me you would beat the shit out of me but no you only care about your kids

ur_fantasma — 2022-12-30 14:45:36 UTC

Why? What did I do wrong? I was perfect. Why am I not good enough for the bimbo loving tv dad and my alcoholic mom? Not even drunk people love me

if anyone wants to vent to me my discord is Moss 🦋#8696

scream4me — 2022-12-30 23:06:37 UTC

ur_fantasma — 2023-01-04 10:32:17 UTC

I miss you so bad it hurts.

Friends

BoomBoom_Boi — 2023-01-04 17:03:14 UTC

I just hate it when your friends will be like “oh my god I have no one” and shit like that. Like I’m I even here!? It’s like they just forget about you, as if you where never there friend

BoomBoom_Boi — 2023-01-05 14:56:32 UTC

Just started a new semester in school it’s the second day and I’m been shaking all day and anxious. Can’t wait tell today end

ik ur there cyrus, pls respond

scream4me — 2023-01-24 00:57:27 UTC

kai..

yourlocalfag — 2023-01-26 23:37:37 UTC

i cant stop thinking i want to have a talk with both my mom and my father in the same room but i dont want to cause any fights to happen, i want to scream from the top of my loungs at both of them i want them to know how they made me feel i want them to know that i like the both of them even if my faller abused me i love both of them but they hurt me so much and i just feel like nothing will ever gt better i want to scream and cry i want to feel better, i want to be better i want to be someone they can love i want to be me but i cant do that because every little mistake separates us even more i just want this pain to end i want to be a normal family like in the movies god why cant life just be like the movies... i want them to get along so badly i want to feel normal again i feel like a whole part of me is missing and my mom's boyfriend isnt helping yes i know he loves us like we were is real kids but we arnt and he needs to understand that i want him to understand that after everything that my father did to me i will always choose him i know its stupid but i just feel like he can change i know he can change but nothing can be fixed unless we can all just sit down and have a sivilized conversation with each other like old times no i dont want my mom and him to get back together i want them both to be happy i want us all to be happy i want my mom and him to start talking like friends nothing more just friends. sorry for not being o and talking things hve just ben so hard for me lately

i wanna be her golden retriever boy so bad.

SK3lll — 2023-01-27 20:39:44 UTC

Kyle- its all my fault....

Corpsie555 — 2023-01-27 20:40:30 UTC

Its all my fucking fault. If I wouldn't have told my coaches that I thre up and wouldn't have been such a wimp them I would feel bad, I would be in so much pain, I wouldn't want to cry every night, and my mother wouldn't have to rent a new car and my mum would have to be in so much fucking pain. I hate the fact that I was a pussy and didn't push through it. I feel like shit because now we have to go to the chiropractor every other day and I wouldn't have seen the ER. I hate it.

Rose

BoomBoom_Boi — 2023-01-28 02:13:08 UTC

I just realized my copying mechanism is just me inflicting pain on myself bye tapping really hard on myself, scratching my hand and neck hard, and biting my nails to wear they could almost bleed…

kai.....

yourlocalfag — 2023-01-28 02:18:46 UTC

how could you be so calm when you know you could die at any moment what is wrong with you...you cant leave..not yet i love you so much i dont want you to leave.... please dont leave i want this all to be a dream i wish the doctor never said you only had a couple of months to live please tell me this isnt real i dont want this to be real i want to wake up, i want to wake up and this all be a dream, you're one of the coolest friends i ever had i want you to stay please just stay

dont you love when your bf doesnt tell you what hes planning so you dont answer his call then he tells you its something youve been begging for that he wasnt gonna make you work for but now since you didnt answer the call cause you didnt know hes not gonna give it to you unless you give him something totally not crying bc my ass is so sensitive i cant even handle that

scream4me — 2023-01-28 07:42:53 UTC

kai...

yourlocalfag — 2023-02-04 16:27:04 UTC

it feels like everything around me is falling apart. my friend is about to die, my best friend doesnt like me back, my childhood best friend doesnt want to talk to me. i keep getting ignored by basically everyone, my mom and sep dad cant stop arguing for five seconds, i hate all of my siblings, shit i cant even sleep as good as i used to what the hell is wrong with me? am i just not a likable person? please someone just tell me because i am so confused

TW suicide

2023-02-04 17:58:55 UTC

My mom fucking took away my electronic privileges cause I said "I love you" to my girlfriend yesterday. Then is now threatening to send me back to my old school because I have an F in one of my classes because the damn teacher won't put in fucking grades. Went through my fucking phone again. She says she is doing this because she cares about me when that is bull shit. She is making very fucking suicidal. Oh and- she is also threatening not to let me go to prom and is saying that she wasted her money on a prom dress when she is controlling her own actions, not me. I don't feel like arguing with her anymore. It just gets me in more trouble.. I just want to be happy, and I am only my happiest when I am with my new friends at my school and I am going to lose that... I don't want to lose that.. I hanging on by a thread, and those people are the reason why I am hanging on. If I go back to my old school, I will fucking kill myself without hesitating.. I am using my school laptop to be on..

for my beloved father (tw: very violent thoughts, patricide)

whois_cyrus — 2023-02-06 03:36:09 UTC

if I could, id fucking bash his face in with a beer bottle until he fucking bleeds out and dies. he's such a pretentious asshole and a degenerate maggot. hes a filthy fuck and I want him to just fucking divorce my mom instead of hurting her emotionally consistently having affairs with random ladies. turns out one of his 'loves' is barely a adult. hes so disgusting and hideous there is no way that man Is my father.

kai

yourlocalfag — 2023-02-06 04:05:12 UTC

god just tell me you hate me already...im tired of everyone pretending that they like me just tell me you dont like me at least that would be better than being ignored and its not like its just one person its practically all of my friends shit i dont even know why i call people my friend anymore im i really that useless? god im so pathetic why am i even here?

Kyle-idk what to feel anymore

Corpsie555 — 2023-02-15 18:05:09 UTC

First of all, a lot of things have happened since the last time I vented here. Such as I got into a car accident, I couldn’t feel my legs and had to learn how to re-walk, and Valentine’s Day was yesterday and I was able to fuck my bf. We got very cocky in front of his family and then railed each other. He’s never been pleasured that much and he love it. I love seeing his face and body when I’m in control because usually he’s in control but I prove him wrong some days. I fucking love him and I love being in his arms, whether I’m crying, smiling, grinding, scratching, or cuddling. It all feels right whenever I’m with him. Nothing could make me this way again. He already wants to marry me and he said that he’s going to craft our wedding rings. The thing is that I’m going to be making his wedding ring while he makes mine. I want him to put stuff that reminds me of us in both of the rings and apart of each other. Im going to put things I love into the ring and I’m going to engrave our names into it. He doesn’t know about my thoughts and I want to tell him but I can’t. He would say that he doesn’t want me to do anything for him like that because he wants to treat me like a queen, unless we are in bed. Whenever we are in bed I am his baby girl, his slut, HIS. And only his.

whois_cyrus — 2023-02-26 05:32:36 UTC

damn now I feel bad for tryna murder my dad last week. he read my journal nd stuff and then took me shopping after making me talk to him for like 2 days. I see this as a win he also gave me 50 bucks

Kyle-can I just fucking end it?

Corpsie555 — 2023-03-04 18:59:24 UTC

I hate it here, I hate it. I hate it. I fucking hate all of it. I have 20 fucking chores and since I got the two paragraphs report on “dad’s” choice, of course he fucking chose “dangers of preteen vaping”. A little backstory, my step mum found my vape and ever since then I’ve been in trouble and I am being punished as if they would never expect me to do something like that. It’s fucking bull shit and I just want to fucking end it. My bf is saying my mum’s trying her best to get out of this shit hole but it really doesn’t seem like it. She isn’t even trying to save up and I’m so fucking stressed. I’ve gotten grounded and I feel like I just need to die bc Chris, my ‘Father” is pissed at me bc I won’t let him control me like he does to everyone else in this fucking household. On top of that they want me to act like nothing fucking happened

lmao.

starz4quinn — 2023-03-25 05:34:52 UTC

I don't know whats wrong with me. I'm not okay. Something's wrong, but I dont even know what it is. I feel so crappy, torn down, & sad ALL THE TIME NOW & I don't even know why. I thought I was okay for a little while, thought it went away. I could smile without draining myself. But after a week or so, it came back ! Surprise, surprise ! I don't know what to do. I just want to be happy. I want to be okay. I want the energy to smile. I want to feel like it's not a chore to talk to my friends. But I can't. I can't fix it, I can't make it go away. I'm fucking helpless. How pathetic is that huh? I just want everything to stop. Let me catch up. Stop fucking leaving me behind. I'm tired of waking up. If life is gonna crumble around me like this, just let me waste away for fucks sake, there's no point anymore. How the hell am I supposed to make it through life if I don't even know how to figure out why I'm sad. Please, I just want everything to end. Please

3.26.23

scream4me — 2023-03-27 03:47:56 UTC

Thanks for fucking leaving me Elliot. My fucking bad i forgot abt scratch and I had no fucking way to tell you that My mom found my damn discord. You asked if you gave me your number if I would text, I said no and explained why. I barely have my fucking phone and i forget to text back.

Remi

scream4me — 2023-03-27 19:03:22 UTC

im gonna gut myself if one more person leaves me

Remi

scream4me — 2023-03-27 21:36:09 UTC

okay someone else left. kms.

3/29/23

scream4me — 2023-03-29 21:41:36 UTC

I am so sick of this. I hate my mother, I do everything for her and all i ask is when im on my period is for her to not yell at me and demand ten million things. and now i dont get to go to my school dance <3 im fucking sorry that my cramps hurt so bad to a point where im crying. Im sorry you cant get your fat ass up and take care of your own fucking house. I try really hard and its not enough. fuck you, I wish you would js die already. - Remi

Life is fucking shit

BoomBoom_Boi — 2023-04-02 06:48:10 UTC

kai

yourlocalfag — 2023-04-03 12:20:53 UTC

my "dad" acts like I can't go one day without walking to go get HIS kid I have to do everything for these lazy adults I have to walk for an hour to go get my moms boyfriend's kid I have to clean their house i have to cook their kids food I have to take care of their dogs like I have to do everything for them they are always coming to me when they need something done nobody else and I'm not even the oldest in the house it's fucking stupid my mom won't let me cut my hair and I already broke my brush that I just got because "my hair is too beautiful to cut" I don't care if you tell me that it's not going to grow back the same THAT IS LITERALLY THE WHOLE POINT OF CUTTING MY HAIR like i literally sob when my hair won't brush like its my hair why cant i cut it the only time i have ever cut my hair was in the 5th grade when i got an undercut it's so annoying one day im going to end up cutting it all off by myself i dont care if my mom would beat the shit out of me for it i really couldn't care less

i feel so pathetic.

whois_cyrus — 2023-04-04 03:08:41 UTC

i just. i cant. i cant do it anymore. how much longer do i have?? ive got no more run. maybe im just burned out or something but it doesnt feel like it. anyway, i cant. my battery is dead, everyday it takes so much energy to just say hello and type in a bullshit response with excitement i dont feel. i dont have anything left and im sorry. im so sorry to everyone. you guys were always so nice to me, you didnt even know me but fuck, you all made me feel so fuzzy and warm.
-cy

kai

yourlocalfag — 2023-04-11 02:00:56 UTC

do you ever just feel like crying because no matter what outfit you wear you still look fucking ugly because you feel like your built weird and to fat even tho everyone says your skinny its so fucking stressful why the fuck do i have to be so ugly everyone else is so beautiful so why not me

Kyle-Just one more time……..

Corpsie555 — 2023-04-16 09:00:35 UTC

I just want to see, hear or even hold my grandmother and great-grandmother one more time. Just once. Please…..

whois_cyrus — 2023-05-02 22:46:47 UTC

ill gut the next person who says my 11 year old sister is hot. wtf is wrong w sum of you guys. its fucking so disgusting when they say they tryn 'pre-order' like you fucking sicko gtfo

Kyle - I still hate my “father”

Corpsie555 — 2023-07-11 01:37:02 UTC

I don’t know what to think about my father anymore. At first, we were good and everything seemed fine until my mum got a call about my great grandmothers house and items going for sale on a yard sale, because of my mum‘s great aunt. Me and my mum were the only ones that went to the yard sale because my dad didn’t give two shits. He didn’t even wanna make an appearance, because he would just make things worse. Then I came home next couple of days, and I’ve been a teenager for officially a month now, and I haven’t really acted different much, but he still seems to be a little bit pissy at me for some odd reason so then I asked him if we had a certain movie in the house. He said that we did because I’ve been wanting to watch this movie for awhile and I didn’t know that we had it in our house so I went to go look for it and he just said go to your room just go to your room and I was very confused why and he just said I wasn’t done talking like the fuck. I never knew that you weren’t done talking. You started talking to my stepmother and looked away from me like what? You make no goddamn sense.

Argh

XxBunxX — 2023-08-23 13:52:44 UTC

My mom pisses me of so much-

Kyle-I don’t want to do this anymore…

Corpsie555 — 2023-09-16 03:43:48 UTC

I want to end it. All of it. The bullying, the disrespect, the lying, the excluding, the pain, all of it. No one really shows they REALLY want me here and I’m just a problem so why don’t I? Well, I’m a pussy. I’m afraid to kill my self, so I just cut because that’s also hard for me to do. I know I could just take a bullet to the head but I am watched every time I have my gun. I could also steal my parent’s but they would notice immediately and shit could turn worse than it already is.

Shroomy

Trans_rights_matter — 2023-09-17 17:36:37 UTC

sometimes I don't wanna live because of weird men but I push on because I am special, as well as everyone else on this padlet. you are special. if you kill yourself, this world loses someone very good. someone who doesn't deserve to suffer but if you are brave. if you have the power to stand, you will put the gun down and the knife and love yourself. and go on.

for kyle

Trans_rights_matter — 2023-09-17 17:39:23 UTC

kyle it's ok to feel horrible. the bullying feels like getting swatted like a fly but guess what kyle? there's people who love you. don't cut yourself..you're not paper. don't shoot yourself. people love you, and if they don't then I can be there for you. kyle you're scared of the gun because you know it's wrong. you're not a pussy. people will mourn for your loss. don't do it. think about what you could be. you've been blessed with life. use it wisely. don't end it when there's so much of it.

for remi

Trans_rights_matter — 2023-09-17 17:41:35 UTC

remi, everyone leaves. it's sad when they do. but everyone comes and goes. and that's okay. there were there for a reason, for a good one or a bad one. but guess what? someone will come. someone special someone who makes you feel worth life and if nobody does? you can be that person. because you are special

for kai

Trans_rights_matter — 2023-09-17 17:44:05 UTC

adults suck. let's just say that. adults put crap in this world for us kids to fix but you know it's our job as kids to clean it. all these chores are meant for them but they put them on you. and when you push through, if you push through a horrible childhood, you will be free. and you can do whatever you want, you can cut your hair however you want! you just have to get through it. get through dumb adults and then you'll be free. don't give up now

for rose

Trans_rights_matter — 2023-09-17 17:45:55 UTC

don't cut yourself. it doesn't help. you must find something else for coping, something you enjoy. you cut yourself cuz you find you desevre pain even though you do NOT. listen to music, take a walk, breath in nature. get distracted from the pain cuz you shouldn't suffer. also if you can't get on that basketball team, make your own team, a team of one is fine because you can beat a team of 100 with your skill!!!

for august(sorry idk what your name is at this point

yourlocalfag — 2023-09-19 01:10:34 UTC

i want you to talk to me its been a while and it honestly scares me you go through so much and all i want to know is if you are okay everytime you are off for a long time i get this horrible feeling something bad happened or your not okay and i want you to be able to talk to me when you are not okay i cant help you if you dont talk to me and let me know you are okay i really do love you like a lot more than you can ever imagine you are one of my best friends in the whole world i dont care if i never met you irl or if i cant ever meet you inr i jest really want to know how your doing i enjoy talking to you like a lot and i dont know what i would do if something bad happens to you and i never talk to you again even just thinking about it makes me feel bad i know your mom isnt the best but sometimes you have to get through that it just takes time and i know just because i got to work things out with my father doesnt mean it always works out for everyone i want you to tell me what goes on in your mind the good, the bad just everything. i want to know how your day was and your plans for the next day i dont care what it is i just want to talk to you and know your okay you are my best friend and talking to you makes me feel so much better my lifes been so shitty lately and honestly im not doing okay. i think something might be wrong ith me... it might be bpd idrk but i know im showing signs of bpd and anxiety ive just been feeling awful and i cant talk to my friends about it bc i feel like im just ruining the mood and i dont want be that kind of person you know? anyways pls just talk to me i miss you -kai

kai

yourlocalfag — 2023-09-19 01:19:08 UTC

life sucks sometimes i want to die but i know i dont because the thought of death is scary but i dont want to live like this anymore i want to feel better i want to feel normal i want to be happy god i cnt remember the last time i was happy for more than a second ive been using drugs to help me weed just calms me down and i know that isnt right and its not good ive been trying to stop smoking weed and vaping but idk how i mean i really really tried but i cant do anything right i just cant i suck im a horrible person that no one should care about im horible i want someone to tell me how much i suck and how shitty of a person i am i odnt want to hear it from me i want to hear it from someone else so i know im not as crazy as i sound i want everyone to hate me they should what do they see in me i am not a good person i know this does everyone else see it? it cant just be me i want to scream i want to scream so loud but i cant i can hardly cry i hate my life i hate my step siblings i hate my dad i hate my feelings i hate my face and my stupid body that is oddly built i want to sink into my bed and die and never return without anyone to care or even notice im gone i want to be alone everything is so loud i hear everything i cant sleep because every little noise i can hear and it makes me feel like im going crazy and i feel so bad because im being so mean to people i care about but im tired im just so fucking tired i dont know what to do its only the start of the year and i cant even stay awake through half of my classes im already failing almost all my classes whats the point of living life sucks i want to die

for kai

scream4me — 2023-10-06 22:47:52 UTC

im alive bro, shit js happemed

kai

yourlocalfag — 2023-10-29 20:43:29 UTC

i honestly want to die i feel like god just hates mee or something like im already failing my classes and my mom wont get off my dick abt it and now i cant go anywhere until i get my grades up and i hate being at home being haome makes me want to die even more and rn im sick and i feel like shit i cant to anything for Halloween and now i just got rejected by my favorite person in the world because she likes my sibling i hate my life i feel like everyone id just out to get me i hate school to i cant stand being around all those people i dont like im just so tired being alive hurts but the thought of death scares me as well i just want to be happy thats all i ask for i prayed so hard that god would let me have a good relationship just once and do me this one single fucking favor but EVERY FUCKING TIME i want something everything goes to shit i know its wrong to feel this way but why does everyone else get to be happy what abt me? why would i be put on this earth if my life was just going to suck this bad nothing turns out right for me i never get what i want why does everyone else get to have a loving relationship why am i left out of all of this like honestly i just want to know why

Vent about my birthday

XxBunxX — 2023-11-10 14:25:48 UTC

I cried on my birthday, I was fucking sad. My extended family forgot my birthday, but hey that is the usual. But.. I am jealous, my fucking grandparents remembers my brothers and cousins birthdays. I wish I was them... The other members in my family remembers my brothers and cousins. The only family that remember my birthday was my parents and brothers. I cant help but think I am the least favorite person in my family. But hey- if my extended family don't remember my birthday, at least my mom's friends do. I DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW THEM, BUT STRANGERS REMEMBER MY BIRTHDAY RATHER THEN MY EXTENDED FAMILY! HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT?! I just want to be someone's favorite.

scream4me — 2023-12-09 20:20:19 UTC

He dumped me. I love him so much and he left me. I wanna cut myself, I want to smoke, I cant breathe. I've never loved someone like that, I've never trusted someone like that. I let him touch my body, I let him film while we did things..

Kyle-I’m hella nervous

Corpsie555 — 2024-01-23 20:31:32 UTC

I have a wrestling meet tmr and I’m really nervous bc I have never had an actual match and on top of that my dad might show up and if he sees my match he will nitpick EVERYTHING

talk to me-kai aka sydney

yourlocalfag — 2024-08-23 18:52:36 UTC

hey im just here to say if i was ever your friend pls ask for my socials if you ever want to get back to talking again

Vents by Mushroom

Vent

cont

Vent . (TW)

Vent (TW SA, Rape, sh)

Vent

VENT .

vent.

Vent ig.

VENT .

vent kinda

more of a question

vent

Vent .

vent . TW self harm .

VENT .

tw abuse

Vent .

Vent . TW Self-harm scars

VENT

Kyle-Vent TW SELF HARM & DEEP THOUGHTS

vent

Vent . (TW: lots of mentions of sex)

vent .

The hard truth of things .

Happy vent

idfk

vent .

Tw: self-harm

.

Awkward vent

Vent

Vent . Trigger warning ; Self harm

vent . (mentions of suicide , self harm , and molestation . )

Rant/vent type thing. Lots of profanity.

Vent . Trigger warning

Vent

Vent //Possible triggers for some//

Fuck my life

tw: Self harm

VENT .

Vent:

5//23//22 {Tw: abuse and self harm.}

Vent. TW: [mention of suicide]

Vent

Kyle-I’m happy for once

fuck it.

8.2.22

Idk why not

You should prob lay off the molly

Vent

Tw?

Ermm, so i will admit i have some anger issues

8.18.22 Tw: sexual thoughts and sh scars

8.28.22 tw; caps

Vent

Vent: [Tw, mention of sexual things]

9.16.22

9.17.22

9.17.22

I’m proud and happy 😊

-kaiii

9/21/22

so..

Kyle- Turns out my dad doesn’t care

Stupid, I am stupid

kai

-kaii

-kaii

🤡

kaiii

To my ex/vent

Bio mother.

kaiii

Parents

kaiiii

Rose

Kyle- I wish he could stay…..

11.14.22

Rose