55 Leadership and Self Deception by California Agricultural Leadership Foundation

2025-09-29 21:48:32 UTC

When you see others as objects, you view them as a means to an end. Decisions are based on what benefits the organization without care of impact to employees. When you see others as people you engage with your employees. Decisions are made by taking into consideration the affect on all involved, and you actively seek out their input and feedback.

2025-09-30 06:44:05 UTC

The concept of being ‘in the box’ really resonates with me. As I sit and reflect on both my personal and professional life, I see there are times where I fall into self-justification without even really realizing it. At home, it might sound like ‘I helped make dinner, so my spouse can clean up,’ or ‘I did baths last night, so it’s her turn.’ Thinking about it now I recognize that in those moments I’m not considering my spouse’s feelings or energy. At work, I sometimes catch myself thinking, ‘That wasn’t my decision, so it’s not my fault,’ rather than focusing on how I can help ease the stress of the situation.

2025-09-30 08:32:51 UTC

When I see everyone as a person rather than an object, I understand that each individual I encounter has their own unique perspective, and that their actions - whether frustrating, pleasing, obstructive, supportive, etc. from my point of view - also fundamentally make sense to them. If I can understand this - and believe it - the way I engage with them shifts. Even if this shift is subtle, I am better able to imagine where they might be coming from, and thus better work with them to solve our mutual problem or leverage our various strengths for even greater success.

2025-09-30 15:57:47 UTC

After reading the book, I’ve realized there is a difference between thinking you care about the humanity of others and actually caring about the humanity of others. As a leader, it is relatively easy to outline your expectations of your team and team members (i.e. putting them on paper), but everyone is different and ignoring that prevents deeper interaction and opportunities for growth. I’ve recognized that I can fall into the trap of letting my judgements about certain employees turn into justifications, preventing potential for change.

drewmcrane — 2025-09-30 17:32:00 UTC

There are times when I interpret disagreements with my views as being personal in nature, which blinds me to seeking an objective resolution. I have to remind myself to breathe and think before I speak to prevent my response from being defensive or emotional. I’ve definitely found myself in the box from allowing a disagreement to become personal, and the chapter about ‘collusion’ reminded me of several times that I have been a source of conflict in a relationship. The part where Bud said he enjoyed the conflict was uncomfortably familiar; it’s very seductive to feel “right” all the time.

2025-09-30 22:16:11 UTC

I think this is a core responsibility as a leader, tied into practicing integrity, respectfulness and excellence. We have a personal responsibility to look inward and do self reflection, be mindful of our decisions and actions. For our team/organization we are responsible to create an environment, leading by example to promote an outward mindset showing that we consider the needs of others and focusing on them as people.

LisaMHoward — 2025-09-30 22:54:57 UTC

Working in a family business it can be VERY easy for me to "roll my eyes" and think that my parents are getting older and "don't get it" or my siblings are not taking on as much responsibility as I am, or that the entire business could be ran so much smoother if we just did it differently (probably my way - ha!). Although there might be some "truths" to this... I am seeing that I am not fully SEEING them as people and appreciating their view. As the leader of our family business I need to recognize that my parents have deep feelings towards the farm, their work, and their KIDS, they still have so much to bring to the table and need to be respected as people! Additionally my siblings and husband all want the best for the business, they just might come at it differently than I do - and that is a strength, not a hindrance. We are a dynamic team, not enemies. Outside of the family business I sometimes lose sight of City, County, and State staff as also being people and seeing them fully. They are doing their job, protecting the county (and its people), to the best of their knowledge. I need to see them more clearly to better work with them.

LisaMHoward — 2025-09-30 22:56:16 UTC

Due to not seeing people fully it clouds my judgement of how I need to change, react, speak to people. It hinders partnerships and bringing people to their full potential. It can cause resentment on my part due to a feeling of "better than" and create distance between teams.

LisaMHoward — 2025-09-30 22:58:34 UTC

I can be SO IN THE BOX with my husband when it comes to work and the kids - this book made me feel SO BAD. I totally can see that I stopped wanting to be helpful because I was so in the box. Already I can see myself looking for opportunities to be helpful to help repair this feeling of "in the box" all the time.

LisaMHoward — 2025-09-30 23:00:52 UTC

It can create a culture of everyone out for themselves. The ones that think they are more... taking on too much and the ones thinking they are less... taking on the emotional toll and not feeling needed or distancing themselves. It stops the team from working at its best and everyone feeling open to ideas, criticism, goals, etc. It creates an excuse machine!

LisaMHoward — 2025-09-30 23:04:23 UTC

Testimony!! My assistant wine maker was not feeling well last week (DURING HARVEST!) and I immediately wanted to tell her to suck it up and get over it (ugh... feel so guilty typing that) because thats what winemakers do during harvest. But... instead, I sat down and talked with her (because of this book!) and asked her what she needed. We were able to work some time for her to rest, I even ordered her a heat pad (it was like $25) and sent it to her house (let me tell you HOW NOT ME THAT IS....) and she returned to work earlier than expected and happier than ever. She said "it really meant a lot that you cared how I felt".... WOW.. hand to forehead, is it really this easy, I need to just get out of my own way - so grateful for this lesson.

2025-09-30 23:23:54 UTC

Self-deception is a fast way to erode trust and get stuck in the blame culture loop. When team members or leaders don't confront hard conversations or are dismissive of feedback, others may feel that their input and opinion do not matter. This then leads to defensiveness and or silence. Over time, this silence leads to siloed work, lack of collaboration, and declined motivation. Once trust and organizational culture are broken, they can be challenging to rebuild.

klocy — 2025-09-30 23:24:47 UTC

I hesitate to bring in certain people as I see them as barriers to my workflow and timing. I know patience is needed but can be challenging so I am seeing a need to frame better questions rather than open-ended "thoughts?"

klocy — 2025-09-30 23:31:48 UTC

It's incredibly harmful and can create a very unhealthy culture. When you recognize this, it quickly becomes much simpler to connect and listen which creates productive conversations and the thing I realized from the book is that it DOES NOT need t start at the top. Every level can model this and if catches fire.

klocy — 2025-09-30 23:46:33 UTC

For me it's reminding me to prioritize patience with others so I can see them clearly and respond with more of a balanced approach. I am also reminded that I need to feel supported in other ways and do a little self care so I can show up as the best version of me to be able to listen and lead.

klocy — 2025-10-01 00:00:06 UTC

Agree this is a core responsibility. Self reflection takes extra time and I have found it can also be challenging to drop emotions and then look at the facts clearly. I have always liked to vent and have recently been concerned that I might complain too much. I need outlets for my feelings so I can validate them but my husband and friends can only take so much. So now I am working on where and how I can validate my feelings and then move on but not past an annoyance or challenge - taking the extra step of reflecting with clarity once feelings are put down and gently reminding myself that I am enough so I don't swing my internal pendulum from "better than" to "worse than" someone else. I have been self deceived in both ways.

2025-10-01 00:33:13 UTC

I've known I'm very 'in the box' when it comes to collaboration, probably since the first group project I had to do in grade school. School is like your first 'work life' and I've been stuck (but aware) of that box for a long time. This book was helpful because even though I've recognized this internal behavior of justifying that I can do it better alone, it helped guide me with ways I can change that mindset. Slowing down, breaking it down, not looking at colleagues as an obstacle.

2025-10-01 00:45:16 UTC

I found the 'Better Than' and 'Worse Than' self-deception part of living through how you may falsely give off a perception of what you are really burst my bubble! At first I thought yea, I fall into the better-than mindset more often than not, but then later realized that the better-than mindset came more out of worse-than feelings. When I saw myself as not good enough, I'd fake it until I made it, and once I proved I could do that enough times then I justified my better-than mindset even if it catalyzed from a worse-than mindset. If I was thinking I was worse-than, I knew I could be the best better worse-than there was. I could cheat the system! But really it's just a blackhole of self-deception turning in on itself over and over again. My leadership and motivation patterns may be a blackhole tied up with a pretty bow...

2025-10-01 03:07:53 UTC

Reading the book highlighted tenancies I was aware of, but not fully embracing and taking responsibility for. While there is certainly room for improvement in both areas, I tend to be less "in the box" at work and more "in the box" at home. I recognize my need to work on trusting and acting upon my initial sense instead of falling into self-betrayal to feel justified.

2025-10-01 03:30:46 UTC

One of my biggest takeaways from the book was the immediate call to action after recognizing a situation requires intervention. The book does a great job reinforcing the concept of 'no time like the present', even if time has passed: Tom's apology to Pierre, Ana's (eventually direct) conversation with Cheryl, Lou's mending of his relationship with Cory, Ana and Tom's diagramming of conflict between sales and product teams. In short, taking the initiative as a leader to see others as they are and work toward a positive outcome instead of letting things continue as is.

2025-10-01 03:48:56 UTC

As I grow older, I’ve noticed a tendency to turn more inward (p. 37), which I can often justify to myself. This inward focus has led me to become more guarded in my interactions with others. It has been challenging to slow down enough to recognize these patterns and allow myself to genuinely invest in others and to let them invest in me in return.

2025-10-01 04:01:59 UTC

On p. 11, it’s noted that self-deception helps explain how and why we sometimes create or worsen our own challenges, often without realizing it. In our organization, this is reflected in how different departments (equipment, crop protection, irrigation, etc.) can become siloed. Managers may start to believe that others are intentionally making their jobs harder or don’t understand their unique needs. This perception fosters mistrust and miscommunication. There’s often a fear of how one is perceived and they are more concerned with managing appearances than addressing reality as described on p. 64.

2025-10-01 04:12:07 UTC

It’s easy to experience conflict with others when I see them as objects and interpret their actions in negative, self-justifying ways (p. 18). But when I recognize that I’m engaging with a complex human being and respond to the inner sense that I should connect with and appreciate them, that two-dimensional object transforms into a three-dimensional person with hopes, goals, and struggles of their own. If I stay focused on truly seeing and responding to the people in front of me, they are far more likely to feel valued, respected, and understood.

2025-10-01 18:21:01 UTC

A team I am on has been struggling with a new team member's communication style and a coach asked me how our team intentionally structured our new team dynamic with a new team member. I realized I hadn't really taken the time to consider that this new team member may change the team dynamic and we all have a role in adjusting/change - it is not just up to them to adjust to our norms, we also need to intentionally restructure our team dynamics.

2025-10-01 18:21:59 UTC

It can be tempting to expect the other person to change, rather than recognizing that you or the team or the organization may need to change. I sought out an executive coach for a struggling team member, and now we are focused on team coaching rather than expecting just one person to change.

2025-10-01 18:29:03 UTC

I feel compelled to share that I was disappointed the book did not recognize that the realities of systemic failures. One problem with the book the book that I have is I can see how the concept of self deception (taken out of context and without addressing systemic failures) could be misused to gaslight employees and place unreasonable expectations on them when the company is not setting them up for success. I take real issue with the example of the guy going back to work with less than two weeks of parental leave. Yes, he should take accountability for his own actions and self deceptions...but the company also failed him by not having the right resources in place for him. I would have liked to see the book address how it is the role of organizational leaders to make sure employees have the time, space, and resources to move out of self deception.

2025-10-02 00:30:36 UTC

For me, shifting from seeing someone as a simple object to a person with feelings means telling myself every time that it is not a one size fits all and that every human being is different. Every team member is a limited-edition human with no one other created like it. That means feelings and work ethic might differ for several factors such as upbringing, past experiences and issues at home to name a few. So being more empathetic and keeping in mind this is a human being just like myself with needs that they might be entrusting me to fill. So, to sum it up, being a more understanding and thoughtful leader keeping people's feelings in mind.

fanntasticlly_exploren — 2025-10-02 02:03:49 UTC

Seeing people as obstacles and problems rather than as individuals with their own needs and perspectives can undermine collaboration and create a culture where people protect themselves instead of working towards shared goals.

I can see how this environment could erode trust with colleagues because they can probably sense when they are being objectified or dismissed. There is the possibility of no open communication because people might hold back information or resist feedback. Innovation and problem solving could suffer because individuals feel less comfortable to share ideas or challenge assumptions. Overtime, self deception could create silo, defensiveness, and a lack of accountability overall weakening the organizational culture.

2025-10-02 03:37:13 UTC

I've found that I can be guilty of both, "better than," and "worse than," thinking, depending on context. An example of "better than:" I'm proud of my writing and analytical skills at work, and it feels good to feel ahead of the pack. But, if I rely on that feeling for a self-esteem boost, I'm psychologically incentivizing myself not to devote time to developing people who are capable of much more (potentially bringing them up to- or even above- my level.)

Jordan

2025-10-02 05:46:49 UTC

The contentious thoughts and actions that can come from self-deception can create an environment where individuals who once were able to confront issues together no longer can. I know I get caught in the cycle of "I've done all this, why can't this person do that?" or even the opposite thought of "They must be frustrated I can't get this one thing done," and depending on the day, it can be hard to talk myself out of that spiral. This leads to subtle frustration on our team, which can result in side conversations and a lack of trust that we eventually work through. However, all the good that comes from being upfront and honest about how we are feeling (the ideas just flow better when you're not preoccupied with trust issues) is pushed back, while we all dance around a concern we may be having.

2025-10-02 06:01:52 UTC

Shifting to seeing others as more than objects or a means to an end resonates with Ryan's idea of thinking you care about the humanity of others and actually caring about their humanity. It can be overwhelming balancing professional markers (program completers, sales goals, etc.) that require seeing people as data points, with remembering that they are actual people. I think we have a natural instinct to believe we have not forgotten the people behind the data point, but we can lose the sincerity of it in busy moments. It's easy to justify when you are accomplishing a goal, but there is a risk of losing someone in the hustle. I know my team is constantly walking the line between "What else can we throw at these kids to reach these data points and build this or that application," and "How much more can these kids actually take?" It's easy to add activities and tap great kids in the name of offering them an opportunity, but at the end of the day, they have a lot of other great activities they are doing for their own reasons. I think pinpointing who is actually going to be affected by an opportunity or environment can help shift a viewpoint anytime you start to feel you're looking at people as a strategy instead of an actual person.

2025-10-02 15:41:05 UTC

I used to think that I was a quiet and reserved “listener” and seldomly chimed in to conversations that I could potentially provide valuable input to. In this book I realized that I was actually experiencing “worse than” feelings – discounting my knowledge and experiences while believing those around me are smarter and harder working that I am.

2025-10-02 15:46:27 UTC

I often catch myself(days-later) failing to respond to and email or responding hastily without accurately reading what was sent. In the book I related this to being “in the box,” wound up in my perceived need to rush through tasks to compensate for an overloaded schedule. I already felt embarrassed when those things happened, but after reading this bool I am more in-tune with the “outward” affects that my oversight has on others – feeling unheard, unanswered and likely unable to fulfil the task that they were working on without spending more time trying to get the answers they are looking for.

2025-10-02 15:46:53 UTC

In our organization we have two ongoing instances of groups questioning “what does that other group even do?” or “why do they always have an excuse?” it leads to ill-feelings, a lack of productivity, and an awkward culture.

2025-10-02 15:59:34 UTC

I've seen first hand what happens when members of an executive team are both inside the box towards each other. For our company, this lasted for several years and created complete stagnant business processes or development. The only focus was what the other person was doing or not doing or presume to be doing, and not the growth and progression of our company.

2025-10-02 16:01:23 UTC

It could lead to actions that aren't fully informed. Especially if i have failed to communicate a potential pitfall that others may not be considering because i don't want to be perceived as negative.

2025-10-02 16:06:45 UTC

When you shift from “object thinking” to “person thinking,” the entire dynamic of how you make decisions and treat others changes. I experienced this firsthand growing up with two deaf grandparents. As a teenager, it was difficult for me to connect with them, and I often saw our communication barriers as obstacles rather than appreciating who they were as individuals. As I matured, I began to understand and value their experiences, strengths, and perspectives. That change in perception transformed our relationship—it became less about what I couldn’t do and more about who they truly were.

In leadership, the same principle applies. When we see people as “objects,” we focus only on what they can do for us or the barriers they present. But when we see them as “people,” with unique backgrounds, challenges, and strengths, we lead with empathy, respect, and collaboration. That shift not only builds stronger connections but also creates an environment where people feel valued and motivated to contribute their best.