- Although there is age-related decline, when it comes to performance, these skills and the brain regions that support them are malleable, and can be strengthened depending on how much they are practiced.

- Chronic experiences of threat can have a wear-and-tear effect on the body’s stress response systems.

- Two approaches can reset the balance of self-regulation in adulthood.

o   Environment (stressors management)

o   Developing individual core capabilities

- Attention bias modification – reframing (direct attention toward positive à reduce attention toward negative à reduce stressors 

 

Chapter 1: What it means to show up

- 4S (Safe, Seen, Soothed, Secure) lead to secure attachment
- not about perfection (but being present, attuned and sensitive)

 

Chapter 2: Why do some parents show up, while others don’t

- Predictability and reliability reduces the need to channel energy and attention to combat survival needs

- Emphasis on the 4 types of attachments

- The correlation between attachment received and attachment given

- The neuroscience/logic behind the causations (coping strategy à transference of strategies)

- Attachment received à experiences processed (coherent narrative) à attachment style to give

- Coherent narrative is established via confronting the past and extending forgiveness/understanding/release from past experiences

Chapter 3: Beyond Helmets and Kneepads – Helping your child FEEL Safe

- Safety in terms of physical, emotional and relational

o Safety in terms of readiness of the child to handle situation/exposure (social media content, interaction pattern at home etc.)

- Providing safety in terms of 1) shielding from threat, 2) not becoming the threat

- Safety as a “pre-requisite” to allow for exploration and confidence and taking on life (conservation of resources, energy and attention)

- ACE (adverse childhood experiences) as a score/precursor for struggles into later parts of life

- Building emotional capacity to handle demands of situation (when things get bad à response 1) it’s ok; response 2) it’s the end of the world)

- Strategies to promote safety

o Self-regulation 

o Repair (process through glitches)

o Promote safe harbor (consistency, reliability and presence)

- *the ultimate importance to reflect and process through information (coherent narrative)

Chapter 4: The Value of Being Known: Helping your kids feel seen

- The Triad of Connection

A triangle model (perceive – make sense – respond) in order to facilitate being seen

- Seen in terms of being present, understanding, and empathising

- The emphasis on Mindset – promote perspective-taking and insight-taking

- Relationships of “being seen” with the different forms of attachment (coping strategy)

- Being seen in terms of being recognized, acknowledged and accepted for the whole being

- Strategies to “see”

o Be curious; observe, understand, delay judgment

o Make time and space; converse, be present, take interest

Chapter 5: Presence Joins Us as Part of a Calming Whole: Helping your kids feel soothed

- About meeting the person at where he/she is

- Contingent response: addressing the immediate needs

o Recognizing that some behaviors stem from “cannot” instead of “will not”

- Soothing types

o Inner soothing (regulating internally)

o Inter soothing (relating to others, objects etc.)

- Soothing as a rehearsal to help the child learn to self-sooth (capacity development)

- Contingent responses beyond speech (body language, tones etc.)

- Importance of maintaining boundaries and rules in the context of creating safety; WHILE addressing felt emotions

- Calming internal toolkits

o Safe space

o Soothing music

o Soothing movements (expend energy; divert attention

Chapter 6: Putting all the S’s Together: Helping your kids feel secure

- Attachment figure being a launch pad and a safe harbor

- The idea of consistency and predictability 

- Difference between connecting and coddling (meeting needs and giving in)

- The need to maintain boundary, while continuing to be present

- Maintaining authority without being forceful/fierce

- Continually build a trusting relationship by modelling consistency and predictability

- Imparting strategies to introspect (take a step back to calm down)

- The varied interpretation of SCL

- Commonly agreed traits of SCL

o   Student autonomy and choice

o   Shift in power (teacher-student relationship) and power distance

o   Active acquisition of knowledge (learning instead of teaching focused)

o   Teacher role as facilitator

o   The role of peers in SCL

§  Potential isolation (focus on individuality)

§  Potential group learning (projects etc.)

- Application of SCL and its limitations (especially in the area of assessment)

o   Tradeoffs 

- Comparison of the SINGAPORE school systems with that of other countries

- Between school tracking (streaming) vs within school tracking (course/subject-based) vs no tracking

- Singapore having one of the highest inequality in terms of school aspirations and SES

- Analyzing the educational policy to shift from between school to within school tracking (as a strategy to reduce inequality)

- Role of social services to advocate for the reduction of inequality

- Recommended strategy (organized in a matrix to address school)

o   High priority (for disadvantaged students) X Low knowledge (of disadvantaged students): Inform

o   Low Priority X Low Knowledge : Advocate

o   Low Priority X High Knowledge : Innovate

o   High Priority X High Knowledge : Partner

- The evidence of our brain development well into childhood, adolescent-hood and adulthood

- The necessity and effectiveness to tailor the environment / school policies in response to these physiological changes

- Propensity of the brain’s development directly connected to the kind of relationships/ environment /support/ opportunity

- OTHERWISE, if untapped, synaptic connections get weaned/pruned off with age to allow the brain to be more efficient 

- The role of stress (unhealthy) that impedes/reduces the window for neural plasticity

- adolescent/developmental phase of the person’s development having a direct impact on how the brain develops 

- The role of the educational system/teachers/coaches/religious mentor to create/foster a supportive environment

- Environmental factors crucial for the whole brain development: rest/sleep, nutrition and low exposure to toxins, physical activity/green spaces, emotional well-being/social relationships, cultural well-being

- Strategies: emphasizing learner’s social and emotional experience, age-appropriate content/discovery, support creative and flexible thinking, building healthy learning habits

- Scientific evidence of the plasticity of an adolescent brain

- Adolescent’s risk-taking and sensation seeking behavior can be traced to such development (functional adaptive behaviors  to explore and gain independence)

- The necessity for different disciplines to work together to complement the research done in neuroscience and biology

- Efforts to establish causation and correlation between contexts/SES with the adolescent development

- Role of these findings in designing resiliency programs (coping with stressors)

- Adolescent as an opportunity/window for intervention

- The effectiveness of mindfulness exercise for the adolescent since it teaches focus and self-regulation

- The usage of technology

o Plus point: wider reach; implicit skills impartation (decision-making, speed of thinking etc.)

o Negative points: violence and aggression

- The simple illustration of left-logic right-emotions

- The generic application of breaking down (most) experiences into the emotional response and the logical response

- Connecting with the right (meeting the emotional needs first) before the left (redirect to logic for sense-making) as a basic tool to process an experience

- Meeting the subject at the emotional level known as attuning

- “Name it to Tame” it as a strategy

o Storytelling (getting subject to retell story)

o Getting subject to recount experiences in a sequential manner

o Capture other aspects of the experience (positive ones) which might have been overcrowded by big emotions (fear/pain/anger etc.)

- The key to helping a child(subject) to integrate is for us to be integrated ourselves.

Chapter 6: The Me-We Connection (Integrating Self and Other)

- Recognizing the innate desire to connect (amongst infants)  

o The role of mirror neurons as evidence for such tendencies

- The need to facilitate and help the subject to build/develop/nurture the social skills

o Creating positive mental models (association with social relationships), and making relationships desirable/positive

- Practicing strategies that facilitate relationships (non-verbal, collaboration etc.)

 

Introduction

- Extending empathy/compassion toward adolescent

- The second window of opportunity (massive structural changes in the brain anatomy)

o Use it or lose it (pruning of unused neural pathways, myelination of active neural pathways for specialization)

o Neurons that fire together, wire together (establishing of associations; interconnectedness

 

Chapter 1: You don’t Understand

- Understanding gap caused by out-of-season expectations

o Parental expectations of the child (more mature)

o Child’s expectations of the parents (to be constantly present to support the growth)

o Situational expectations (expectations necessitated by physiological changes; phases of change, sequence of change, maturation of different parts of the brain – and the catching up by the other parts)

- Tips:

o Consistency and presence 

o Observe (without judging and prescribing)

o Ask, listen and respect

o Remember (and relate)

o Parental needs to relinquish (intimacy, sense of being needed, confidence, control, ease) 

Chapter 2: Leave Me Alone

- Emphasis on the (parental) need to relinquish control (decisions, outcomes, choices etc.)

- Teenagers’ search for identity and independence

- Maintaining healthy boundaries and ensuring support (Daniel Siegel, “lend support while supporting separation)

o Allowing space for failure (decision-making, especially poor ones)

o Involving teenagers to have a say (rules, decision-making etc.)

o Be comfortable with indecisiveness (trying new things)

o Affirming the teenager (saying “yes” more frequently)

Chapter 3: But Why

- Abstract Reasoning: adolescents’ changing way to view/perceive/understand the world

- Dialectic thinking: engaging in discussion and examination of opposing ideas in order to discover truth

- Process is facilitated by intentional dialogs (care-givers etc.)

o Ask good questions

o Not to take things personally

- Critical in the forming of identity (abstract thinking)

Chapter 4: I’m So Bored

- Sensation/novelty-seeking behaviors

- Dopamine at play (it’s a physiological change in bodily states)

- Encourage exploration, allow for curiosity (in their terms), spend time together

Chapter 5: It could be Epic

- Risk-taking behavior vs Hyperrational thinking (overestimate the chance of something positive happening)

o Hyperrational teens are aware of consequences

o Hyperrationality is encouraged by “audience” 

- Manage by rewarding self-control, allowing failure, establishing clear boundaries 

Chapter 6: But Nothing Happened

- About impulsivity and the developing prospective thinking (inhibitory control and learning from experiences)

- Correlates with phenomenon of substance/alcohol usage in adolescent

- ***early introduction of alcohol to adolescents are bad (even within controlled environment) à because it has impact on the biological development of the brain (impedes the myelination of the neural pathways)

Chapter 7: What do You Want Me to Say

- About communication patterns

- Possible correlation to structural changes in the brain that impact the language acquisition

- Indirect implications such as attention, stimulation, other priorities

- Strategies to engage

o Short frequent responses preferred

o Set example / modelling / practicing 

o Be comfortable with silence / provide space / listen and acknowledge / be respectful – ask if opinions are appreciated

o Choose “I” language instead of “you”

o Discern the appropriateness of setting, time, place for conversation

o Provide choice, be humble, ask and clarify, be creative

Chapter 8: Why are You Freaking Out

- About emotional regulations and dealing with it

- Possibility of developing limbic system, and its association with the development of the social aspect of the brain function

- Strategies to engage

o If need to, walk away (preserve peace and calmness)

o Name it to tame it (model for the adolescent how to manage emotions by articulating the feeling, and what you are going to do about it)

o Allow the adolescent to have an equal say ( the last word, not always turning to our parental authority, relinquish the need to be right/for things to go our way, consult the adolescent)

o Extend compassion and understanding (beneath surface issues that might be contributing)

o Always hold our cool (walk away if need be)

o Sort the issues (boundary issue, negotiable issue let-go issue)

Chapter 9: Why are You Looking at Me Like that?

- About misunderstanding arising from misinterpretation of facial expressions

- A developing ability (adults process facial information in the prefrontal cortex, adolescents process it in the limbic system)

 

Chapter 10: Aren’t You Sorry

- About resolving conflicts (and the possible role of mirror neurons in the act of apology)

 

Chapter 11: What’s Wrong with my Friends

- About the adolescents’ inclination for social setting (development of the social brain)

- Managing expectations and communicating clearly 

- Helping the adolescent to practice making good decisions (and affirming them of that), be interested but give space, encourage healthy dose of physical interactions, limit unsupervised group time

Chapter 12: It’s not Like We’re Getting Married

- The social brain and the desire to connect (with the opposite gender)

- The release of phenylethylamine that heightens during adolescence

- Pop culture and what they learn from watching 

- Strategies to manage

o Be interested and talk about it frequently 

o Ask and listen (discuss instead of mandate)

o Be vulnerable (appropriately), recognize the influence of the past

o Discourage exclusive relationships (provide opportunity for cross-gender hangouts, but discourage one-to-one)

o Do not be excessively strict

Chapter 13: This is Soooo Awkward

- Oxytocin at the central of opposite attraction (responsible for affection, and cuddly behaviors)

o Do not withhold affection from adolescents (because of awkwardness)

o Channel oxytocin drive in healthy ways (pets, caregiving etc.) 

o Counter cultural lies (educate and talk about it openly)

- Necessity to recognize/address it as a developmental phase issue (not a gender issue)

Chapter 14: But It’s Mine

- Materialism and consumerism; and their association with the brain activity

o Triggers a similar area to religious fervor; sports/celebrity fanaticism 

o Compounded by explicit advertisement and its bombardment

Chapter 15: Hold on, I Just Have to Send This

- The issue of technologies and brain development (stimulation)

o Addiction arising (the biological explanation)

o How technology changes how the brain develops

Chapter 16: It’s Not that Bad

- About living in a media-saturated world: written, music, visual, movies, games etc.

- Position of magazine (portrayals that shape the thinking), and games (designed to stimulate like addiction does; rely on reactions instead of deliberations) 

Chapter 17: How do I Know That’s True

- About the crisis of faith 

- Studies about the importance of faith and faith practices and their benefits for the brain development (e.g. meditation and scripture memorization promote myelination)

Chapter 18: It’s not my Fault

- Blame-shifting behaviors 

- Viewed in light of biological/psychological contributions to emotions and other attributions 

- Biology not to be the scapegoat for wayward behaviors

Chapter 19: I can’t Take this

- About stress and its management

- Adolescents especially susceptible because 1) many bodily and neural changes happening, 2) the stress-coping mechanism within the brain is still developing

- THP hormones helps to regulate stress hormones in adults

Chapter 20: I’m so Tired

- Teenage sleep pattern

o Melatonin (sleep-promoting neurochemical) release shifts in adolescence (sleep later, groggy in the morning) 

- The impacts and importance of having sufficient sleep (bodily, emotionally, developmentally); and the adverse effects of lack thereof

- The challenge to have sufficient sleep (the modern schedule, and the intruding technologies)

- Promoting sleeping routine

o Create a sleep-friendly environment; waking environment

o Create a schedule and sleep ritual and stick to them

o Eat and drink wisely

o Exercise

o Watch the stress level

Chapter 21: I’m Starving

- About eating healthy and its importance to promote good general health (overall) and brain development

 

Chapter 22: What’s Wrong with Me (Girls)

- The physical changes and their onset in girls (Puberty and menstruation)

- Hyper-sensitive (emotionally) adolescence and hyper-active receptors in the brain to be extremely sensitive to environmental changes

- Onset of puberty in girls correlates directly to environmental factors

o More stress à earlier onset

o Presence of father à later onset

- Not allowing PMS to be an excuse for irresponsible decisions, and unwise ways of coping (binge eating etc.)

Chapter 23: It’s Not All I Think About (Boys)

- The big role testosterone plays (way beyond JUST sexual drives)

o Amygdala and hypothalamus are sensitive to testosterone

- Be interested and invest in the boys by extending understanding, and exhibiting humility to invite them into conversations

Chapter 24: I Feel So Ugly

- About body image; expectations and influence created by the media

- About the tendency for prolonged self-criticism (body image) to perpetuate the negative self-imaging

- Exercise helps 

Chapter 25: I Hate My Life

- About depression and the myriad causes (environmental, genetic, stress, relationships etc.)

- Watch for prejudice and stereotypes (depression and other mental health issues are unique, therefore requires tailored treatment)

- The need to be more observant and available to pick out any signs and symptoms (the alarming statistics about mental health in adolescents, and the general misconception toward mental health)

Chapter 26: What If…

- About anxiety (and the developing corresponding part of the brain – basal ganglia)

- A very low portion of people with anxiety disorders seek help

- There is lack of understanding and stereotype about the condition

- History of adolescent neural science

- Concept of teenagers and the differentiation of adolescence from childhood (teenagers as man/woman-child) and from adulthood (teenagers as quasi-adults)

- Importance of differentiating sexually-mature from adulthood

- Insufficiency of sex hormones to explain the phase 

Chapter 2: Building a Brain

- The basic anatomy of the brain, and the respective functions of the different parts of the brain (and its development)

- The role of environment (external stimulation) during the developmental phase (neurons that fire together, group together)

o The pruning of underused neurons to give way to relatively more active neurons à leading to the development of more acute senses/abilities etc.

o Animal brains have a corresponding reflection of the structure (dogs having brain parts that are responsible for movement and balance much much more developed than human)

o Possible to “prime” the subject into left-handedness by intentionally stimulating the region during the developmental phase

- The phased out development of the human brain to explain adolescents’ behaviors and the perceived lack of control/emotions (pre-frontal cortex last to mature)

- *Prospective Memory: ability to hold in the mind the intention to perform a certain action at a future time

o Importance for the repetition of information 

- Debunking the myth of multi-tasking

o Tasks that do not require cognitive focus not counted

o Cognitive-focus reliant tasks would definitely jeopardize their execution (Missouri experiment)

o Distractions affect both the encoding (memorizing) and retrieval (recalling) (especially the encoding phase)

Chapter 3: Under the Microscope

- The chemical processes that went on during brain activity (synapses, myelin, excitatory and inhibiting)

Chapter 4: Learning (A Job for the Brain)

- The physiological processes involved in the brain (during learning)

o Imprinting as a classic example

o The power of repetition and its relations to “cells that fire together group together”

o The “use it or lose it” principle to neuron usage

- Environment that provides the stimulation required for “brain growth”

Chapter 5: Sleep

- The changes to sleep pattern during adolescence

o Later sleep; later wake (the 2-hr delayed release of melatonin – a sleep inducing chemical and the retaining of melatonin in adolescents after warking up)

- The association of good sleeping habits and learning performance

o Sleeping/resting after learning provides time for the brain to prune; allowing prioritization to take place à leading to consolidation and better learning

o Sleeping also enhances memories

- Poor sleeping pattern leads to myriad of negative outcomes (physiology, emotions, cognitive) 

Chapter 6: Taking Risk

- The developing brain; self-control in adults rely on automatic processes such as the retrieval of image memories; whereas adolescents rely on reasoning

- Prefrontal cortex (responsible for reasoning) last to mature in brain development in adolescent 

- Adolescent has an equal or even better ability to do reasoning and logical thinking; BUT adolescence risk-taking behaviors are primarily fueled by reward (response caused by the release of dopamine) 

- In summary, adolescence measurement of risk-taking behavior cannot be determined by risk-perception, BUT the anticipation of reward despite risk

- Engaging in sports (CCA) and communal activities provide protection against risk-taking behaviors

- Media exposure and peer influence have direct implications for risk-taking behaviors 

Chapter 7: Tobacco

- Adolescents are more susceptible than adults to any kinds of addiction

Chapter 8: Alcohol

- Adolescents’ brains are less susceptible to the immediate effects of alcohol, presenting a false sense of tolerance

- Alcohol causes long term damages to the adolescents’ brain

 

Chapter 9: Pot

- (in pot) Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) disrupts neural pathway development

- (naturally occurring in our brain) endocannabinoid has naturally occurring receptors in the brain, which binds readily with THC (4 times better)

- Short term alterations of perception/judgment/psychological state; longer term damages that can lead to psychotic illnesses

- HIGHLY addictive

Chapter 10: Hard-Core Drugs

- The brain responds to the hyperactivity of dopamine (caused by drugs) by reducing the number of dopamine receptors, resulting in less simulation à which leads to tolerance

- Developing white matter makes adolescents a lot more susceptible to effects/addiction

- Accidental “hooking” to drugs when painkillers are loosely administered to sportsman (abused drugs are cheaper than medicinal ones)

Chapter 11: Stress

- The pretext of adolescents driven primarily by EMOTIONS (prefrontal cortex still developing)

- The roles of adrenaline and cortisol, and the different levels in adolescents 

- Cortisol linked to negative emotions and the sense of loneliness

- Freezing – a natural response in extreme stress (caused by a sudden surge of cortisol)

- Resilience: adults brain rebound from stressful period after 10 days on average; adolescents’ brain rebound is delayed by 3 weeks, suggesting longer term or even possibly irreversible effect

- (Normal) Adolescents have much higher amygdala activation when shown stressful pictures, when compared to adults and children

Chapter 12: Mental Illness

- Making the distinction between a normal teenager phase and a mental health condition (signs)

o Severity of mood (exaggeration and deepening)

o Change in function (behavioral, sleep, eating habits etc.)

- Schizophrenia not a childhood illness (abnormal frontal lobe activity – emerge in late teens)

- Conduct disorder, eating disorder, mood disorder, anxiety etc

o Important to recognize early red flags to call in interventions

- Coupled with poor judgment and decision making, and a developing prefrontal cortex, the tendency to self-medicate or other modes of relief such as drinking/smoking/drugs are prevalent amongst adolescents

Chapter 13: The Digital Invasion of the Teenage Brain

- Addiction to tech (when the same reward system in the brain is triggered – similar to how drugs/alcohol affects the brain)

- Moderation: balanced amount of gaming has benefit for brain development – spatial ability development, and quick responsive decision making

- The myth of multi-tasking 

o Adolescents likely to repeat multi-tasking behaviors if it delivers reward responses 

o Multi-tasking impedes learning

o Multi-tasking cause a rise in cortisol level, and may be linked with other bodily changes

- Cyberbullying, intrusion of privacy; all in the backdrop of poor decision making, and thrill-seeking behavior

- Importance to monitor and be aware of what happens within the adolescent cyber space

Chapter 15: Sports and Concussions

- Involvement in sports (contact and non-contact) pointing to a higher incident of head damage

- Damage usually in the cell (non-structural) therefore harder to detect 

- Besides huge impact, repeated moderate knocks can also result in substantial brain injury 

- Damage could be caused by the influx of neurochemicals trying to repair a brain injury

- Brain damage can also cause physiological impact such as reduced muscle mass

Chapter 16: Crime and Punishment

- The role of brain development/maturation process in dishing out punishments to juvenile offenders

- The necessity to make a distinction

- Contributing factors of the brain state; the family of origin etc.

- The arbitrary age bracket to define the range of punishment (maturation continues well into the 20s)

- Understanding the adolescents’ tendencies, and perceiving the juvenile offenders in light of the neurological understanding

 

Chapter 17: Beyond Adolescence (It’s Not Over Yet)

- The difficulty to define adolescence since the arbitrary timeline of brain development until 25 is a loose gauge

- The changing environment; parenting style; era and the influences that are contributing to personalities/brain development differences

- The ill-defined young adulthood and how it features in the light of all the other issues (marriage, pregnancy, college, jobs and other major decisions)