So, you want to be a writer by Melanie

For Beginners: the Novel

melanie773 — 2016-01-20 18:55:25 UTC

You probably already have one of these bouncing around in your head, fully formed. A thousand page meditation on fetishized consumerism? A 500-pager of love and loss in a war-torn alternate universe? Maybe just an interior vision of the struggle of existence within a life of mundane tasks? A novel is basically a child’s game of make-believe.

If you're really desperate...Journalism

melanie773 — 2016-01-25 23:09:10 UTC

Journalism is another way to get your feet wet in the writing world. Journalists go around invading people’s privacy in the name of high-minded ideals like “Truth” and “Justice.” Sometimes journalists produce really breathtaking storytelling, or uncover criminal activity. Other times, journalism needs to be flushed down the toilet and/or set ablaze in a trashcan immediately. A crash course in journalism can be found in the syllabus to David Carr's class, Press Play.

We may be biased, but what about Padlet?

melanie773 — 2016-01-26 04:15:55 UTC

Padlet is a blank page, a canvas, a radio or a theater. Padlet is multimedia, it's longform, it's shortform. Padlet is collaborative and flexible. You can write a novel a listicle, or a poem on Padlet. You can write a reported story on Padlet complete with videos, embedded content, and infographics. You can write a story with your friends on Padlet.

We don't want to put words on your page, but maybe that's why you want to be a writer. To create something new.

This is also a good journalism

melanie773 — 2016-01-26 04:24:43 UTC

"The Price of Nice Nails" by Sarah Maslin Nir, The New York Times, May 7 2015

The internet now provides several options.

melanie773 — 2016-01-26 04:02:11 UTC

Have you checked out Medium? Tumblr? Wordpress? Buzzfeed Community? Google Docs?

Have you thought about a short story written in a tweet or series of tweets?

If a novel's too easy...The Listicle

melanie773 — 2016-01-20 18:56:22 UTC

The term “listicle” is derived from “list” and “article,” but sounds more like a very dry popsicle, which is kind of the experience of reading one. Without any smooth transition whatsoever, I present...THESE TIPS FOR WRITING A LISTICLE WILL BLOW YOUR MIND!

Poems really stick with you.

melanie773 — 2016-01-25 23:08:49 UTC

The one poem I have memorized goes like this:

When you are old and grey and full of sleep
And nodding by the fire
Take down this book and slowly read
of the look your eyes had once
and of their shadows deep.

There are a couple other verses but I do not remember them.

Perhaps a Listicle is not for you. Try Poetry.

melanie773 — 2016-01-25 23:08:12 UTC

So you're not very chatty, and you don’t have a repository of gifs at your disposal. Maybe you live in hilltop monastery without any Wifi. You can try writing poems. Poems can be very structured, or they can be completely free of form. Poems are at once the least-recognized and most revered form of writing. Poetry will not make you very much money, but it is deeply satisfying to read and to write. Plus, there’s a chance that you have a least one poem memorized, right? That poem could be yours for someone else.

What if none of the aforementioned appeals to you?

melanie773 — 2016-01-25 23:09:27 UTC

..But you still want to be a writer? What if you want to do something a little different with the way you write?

8. Bring it back around to an important issue facing our society and/or a hot guy.

melanie773 — 2016-01-22 00:19:40 UTC

Preferably a hot guy with cats.

source: Bruce Weber for Vanity Fair.

9. Lastly, a listicle is nothing without its shareability.

melanie773 — 2016-01-25 22:53:15 UTC

So be sure to add links to Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr, Reddit, AARP, Ashley Madison, and Taco Bell at the bottom of your listicle.

Do you really want to be a writer?

melanie773 — 2016-01-20 18:51:31 UTC

Think about it. Is there anything else you could enjoy doing, in this age of commuter spaceships and virtual reality and modern medicine and Instagram celebrities and megabanks? No? You still want to be a writer? *Sigh.* Okay.

But if you don't want to do your homework...

melanie773 — 2016-01-20 18:54:16 UTC

...then the easiest and most clichéd answer to the question of how to be a writer is just: write. Just write.

The Basics

melanie773 — 2016-01-22 18:44:32 UTC

There’s a lot of writing advice out there. One of my favorite works in this subgenre is Elmore Leonard’s Ten Rules of Writing. Unlike me, Elmore Leonard has written many books.

Just checking...

melanie773 — 2016-01-20 18:51:59 UTC

Unfortunately, nobody tried to talk me out of it. My father was flattered that I wanted to go into the family business. My teachers, who thought I had “talent” and “potential,” encouraged me. When gave my major declaration to the college registrar, he didn’t say, “Creative Writing? Really?” He simply signed it and said, “Next.” So I just wanted to check with you. Still want to be a writer? Okay. Last time I’ll ask.

The Basics, continued.

melanie773 — 2016-01-20 18:53:45 UTC

Another great repository of writing advice can be found in The Paris Review’s series of interviews with writers, which they have been conducting since 1952.

7. Say something about tacos and/or pizza

melanie773 — 2016-01-22 00:13:41 UTC

Because, tacos and pizza! (This is slang. Refer to #5)

source: @tacos

6. Link to tweets or Insta posts

melanie773 — 2016-01-20 20:26:53 UTC

People on Twitter are more clever than you.

And Instagram images are public domain (as long as the account is public)

source: @usinterior

5. Use slang

melanie773 — 2016-01-20 19:35:47 UTC

Be slangy AF.

source: memegenerator

4. Use a gif, no matter what.

melanie773 — 2016-01-20 19:10:28 UTC

source: Mashable

3. Use a gif of two animals of different species interacting.

melanie773 — 2016-01-20 19:08:12 UTC

source: imgur

2. Use a Jennifer Lawrence gif.

melanie773 — 2016-01-20 19:00:38 UTC

She’s so relatable.

source: imgur

1. Be funny!

melanie773 — 2016-01-20 18:57:05 UTC

In an obvious and VERY POSITIVE way!

source: imgur

That's so easy!

melanie773 — 2016-01-20 18:54:50 UTC

Sure. But then face a blank page, or more likely, a blank screen that emits a soft natural light programmed to match the time of day outside (Shoutout to f.lux). You get intimidated. “Where do I begin?” you ask yourself in a low, enunciated tone befitting the Serious Writer you have become.