• Renewal

• Deeper understanding: Gratitude, grace, faith

• A lot of this faith hinges on realising you need a Saviour

• Feeling unmoored -> transition

• "This last semester brought new meaning to the idea that Christ is magnified in and through weakness. Not in spite of, but directly through. If only we would humble ourselves to let Him move, we will find that our competence and gifts, though important, are hardly what the hands of God rest upon."

• Dying to self, taking up my cross

• Being insufficient, learning humility and not being defensive about things: "For the human, it is truly a foreign concept to detach identity and ego completely from performance or competence. To re-orient myself to the metric of Christ's affirmation only was a counter-cultural paradigm shift. Often, I held on to this singular truth like a lifeline when I felt incessantly tormented by thoughts of perfectionism and impostor syndrome/acute inadequacy: God put me here. I followed the conviction. He will be enough. He will make me enough. I often felt that I had to prove myself worthy of the chair role -- but when I felt most rested was ironically when I chose to let go."

• Praying unceasingly

• I don't fully know if that phrase is biblical: Take care of what matters to God, and He will take care of what matters to you, but I felt like this past semester encapsulated that. Is it the case that God looks for children who will dare to take Him at His Word? That He is capable of anything, that our material needs are peanuts to Him, and that if only we would have audacious faith to believe, then He would propel us to be where He has created and imagined us to be? Many times, when I found myself fretting over my acads, I remember being reminded of the magnitude of God, and that these numbers were hardly anything big to Him. Over time, I grew to pray, Lord, let Your will be done, instead of, Lord, let my grades be okay -- if it is in His will for me to have a poorer GPA, then so be it. He will be magnified through my weakness. The journey is about learning how to die to self, to surrender what the flesh wants, to make way for the King to remodel His temple: my heart.

• Does God need me to do His work? if AnnTIC doesnt happen, so what? Can He work without it? If we make mistakes, so what? No - its my privilege to partner with Him and learn through Him. The camp is partly for me to learn how to accomplish what He is leading me to. Through the process, I am refined. Wisdom is fear of the Lord. Set my work in perspective, the only way to look myself and my calling with sober eyes is to have faith in what He says about me - I should think highly of myself, I have a calling, because HE says so. Not because it will be vindicated by my work. Work is not tied to my identity; if I look to performance to prove what God says about me, thats trying to link 2 things that don't go together. The bottom line is that He called, He appointed, and thats the final say. He will vindicate me and fight my battles for me where necessary. Surrendering means we admit it is no longer abt our knowledge or ability to rationalise but is now in Gods hands

• Being more sensitive to what I consume/allow inside as a temple of the Holy Spirit

• Developing more of a love and reverence for the Word

• Discipline, time with God becoming a necessity, sensitivity of my spirit

• Reconciliation & forgiveness, how the Spirit empowers

• Going from struggling weekly in church to developing a love for His people - where His people are, there His presence will be, cause Christ loves the church

2024

• Letting go, looking forward - "perhaps part of maturity is verily that: letting go of a longing for the past, and being able to look to the future with anticipation, especially knowing that a good God remains good, and that a life with Him is one of adventure."

• For exchange: unfettered intimacy with the Lord, a place up on the mountains to just be with Him, that I may be glowing-faced and radiant when I descend.

• Clarity-seeking: Calling, purpose, giftings, career, friendships, future, desires

• Missional living, knowing that God is highly intentional and that we are vessels (even slaves) for Christ

• Fear of the Lord

• Redefining and re-understanding core Kingdom principles: faith, surrender, Great Commission/missions, witnessing/being light & salt, understanding the Word, whole-heartedly loving the Lord, being a friend of Jesus, child of God, but also a slave for Christ, being a temple, the Holy Spirit as Helper, Counsellor, Teacher, etc

• 1 Chronicles 16:11

  
  

alot of new experiences, more bad than good. but it also showed me the tenacity and strength humans can possess, and im proud of myself for getting out of the trenches (truly).

2. am on a new journey of rediscovering my faith, what it truly means to be a sinner and receive salvation. not to be a follower because of blessings. looking twds 2024, im afraid because 2023 showed me just how much devastation and sadness one can possess, and its such a scary place to be in and to be stuck in. but im also excited because i do see some things God has prepared for me to enter a new season of healing, and i want to treasure and enjoy the rs i have rn before our season tgt is over.

special thanks:

SWAT has played a bigger part in my life than u guys know. even when we dont meet often, i rmb what true fellowship feels like in that night where we stayed up till 5am. it was a taste of heaven, when all the saints can gather together and be in true fellowship w one another. u guys were one of the reasons i did not leave the faith or the church, and showed me what believing in the true God looks like.

I think it was a very hectic year for me. Starting work, graduating, the PE, meeting new colleagues while also finding time to still keep up with existing relationships. I think my head was mostly clouded, trying to find time for others, for myself and for God. I think it was a year, my disappointment with my church was the most apparent as well and that made me want to leave amongst other reasons such as thinking that im growing out of the conservative church, starting the charismatic phase in my life, pull factors by other Christians who seems to serve and more fervently serve God. Then i guess when i made that decision to church search i felt more lost than ever, not knowing much purpose…there was no peace as somehow I still held onto my church. So that last day of 2024 i asked God for a clearer sign, literally demanded one that day (cause i needed to tell my leaders that i wanted to stop serving). And the Lord led me to an article that i put off reading which was about the imperfect church and how Jesus had forgiven the people betrayed him…

TLDR: I put forth..? all the hurt and disappointment that I had faced to the Lord and asked him for the strength and courage to be more loving and to focus solely on him. I also came to the conclusion that while I was still going to church search…the Lord has indeed placed me in my church for a reason and that I will come back to serve… i think only after that did i feel some peace in my heart and that I knew these few months of struggle was something i had to face that would lead me to letting go and looking forward.

I thank God for watching over my family in 2023, it wasn’t an easy year for us…

What we’re looking forward to in 2024

• Awaken Gen, what I can learn about worship, learning more about the plans that God has for me. Going on that journey to overcome this feeling of inadequacy….

• Being a Mary after years of Martha-ing

• Reassessing my life…priorities etc.

Seek first the kingdom of God - SWAT

Every moment holy

- Seeing God in all circumstances (death, pediatrics, healing broken bones)

- all work is holy

Moses

Moses asks God what physical sign will endorse the message entrusted to him. In response, God tells Moses to look at the staff in his hand.

I ask myself the question God asked Moses, ‘What is that in your hand?’ (Exodus 4:2). What ordinary thing do I have in my hand? I offer it to the Lord today, trusting that he will take it and use it as a manifestation of his power - proof that God indeed has turned the darkness into light in my hardened heart.

Disciples

““How many loaves do you have?” Jesus asked. “Seven,” they replied, “and a few small fish.” He told the crowd to sit down on the ground. Then he took the seven loaves and the fish, and when he had given thanks, he broke them and gave them to the disciples, and they in turn to the people.”

Matthew 15:34-36

How many loaves do I have? What do I have to offer those whom Jesus has asked me to care for? In the quiet, I take an inventory of my skills, my experience, and my resources. 

Jesus, today I offer You who I am and what I have. Come and multiply it all for Your glory, and for the sake of others. The year ahead

2 copper coins

- used to expressed the greatest sacrifice and least of creation

Counterculture

- working on Christmas

- learning the secret place

When winds are raging o’er the upper ocean,

And billows wild contend with angry roar,

’Tis said, far down, below the wild commotion,

That peaceful stillness reigneth evermore.

Far, far beneath, the noise of tempests dieth,

And silver waves chime ever peacefully,

And no rude storm, how fierce so e’er it flieth,

Disturbs the Sabbath of that deeper sea.

So to the heart that knows Thy love, O Purest!

There is a temple, sacred evermore,

And all the babble of life’s angry voices

Dies in hushed stillness at its peaceful door.

Far, far away, the roar of passion dieth,

And loving thoughts rise calm and peacefully,

And no rude storm, how fierce so e’er it flieth,

Disturbs the soul that dwells, O Lord, in Thee.

O Rest of rests! O Peace, serene, eternal!

Thou ever livest, and Thou changest never.

And in the secret of Thy presence dwelleth

Fullness of joy, forever and fore’er.

I guess now the uncertainties have dropped a little. I know my strengths and weaknesses, I know roughly what is the good life, I know my career options, I got my full-time lifestyle kinds settled, I got my finances sorted, I got my insurance sorted, my mum started being ok with me to go to BA, my Notion system is done, I know that my future is built by God and freedom comes only by understanding and living in the rules of His Kingdom, I know who I can rely on when I have issues that alone time by itself wouldn’t fix (my dear swat grp yayy and God), I know what are the things I gotta let go cos they are just chains.

In 2024 it is probably no different from 2023. I’m still figuring out my future (should I do ID??). But I pray I continue to abide and grow in Him, that I don’t simply be chasing after the sun, and that I will be more deliberate in His ministry in my house, workplace, ICT, random meetups, etc.

3 goals: spiritual responsibility, career excellence, wholistic growth