Find: ^

Feel: I can be self-defeating, telling myself that I can't do this, or how I feel lazy and want to go home.

Figure out: I have more energy and joy when I focus on how good I feel being in class dancing with others

Book takeaway: A lot of my peers share the same self-doubts, a lot of them aren't 100% positive and happy and perfect every day, and that is OKAY. It is okay to have the unproductive self talk, to hear it and notice it and then not let it derail me. I can then make another decision, decide to do something against the current of negative self talk and find self acceptance, joy, connectedness in the dance and in the studio.

Envision/Reflect: a dance scenario or another life scenario in which you can walk yourself through the steps outlined at the end of Chapter 3

• Set an Appropriate, Authentic goal: I received a very last minute but exciting opportunity to perform

• Define Judgment and expectations according to process-oriented goals (valuing effort over final placement or perfection): I ask what the parameters and expectations are. Given the minimal time and resources, I decide to re-imagine a piece I am proud of for the space, that aligns with the themes of the event. I schedule time for myself to practice and work on the piece, but I also realistically schedule time for rest, eating, school work, other obligations, etc. Maybe I collaborate with someone to share the work load and the reward.

• Course-correct for stress (imagine possible stressors and how you'd course-correct for them): I adhere to my self-imposed schedule whenever possible; I hold myself accountable for showing up and working on my piece, while also letting go of perfectionism and self-criticism. I also take care of myself and listen to myself when I need a break.

• Prime Your Mind (search for opportunities, enter the situation by priming yourself with a positive experience): I focus on my achievements, on the possible outcomes of this opportunity, and the hard work and good fortune that have led me to where I am now. Even though it is hard work and stressful sometimes, I am doing what I love and with people I admire.

Magness talks about raising the floor and lowering the bar. Raising the floor = confidence born of overcoming real challenges and staying connected to others.

• Lower the bar: Make a list of 3 common challenges you encounter in a dance class: I feel inadequate when learning new material; I have too much going on in life to make space for this class; un-productive self-consciousness.

• Raise the floor: Now, instead of thinking of those challenges as experiences that limit you or confirm your negative self talk, think of them as activities that have given you a useful, confidence-worthy skill or habit. What are those skills, attitudes, or habits that they have given you? I am actually rising to the challenge of learning new phrasework and material and I have this wonderful opportunity to challenge myself and learn new things, and it is expanding my skills and breadth of movement and somatic knowledge.

• Make the background color of this post the color of realistic, genuine, inner confidence.

Magness describes the pitfalls of perfection and the power of human limitations. Being confident = being able to admit what's NOT your strength, too!

• Here, list 3 things you know about yourself that are not your strong suits when it comes to dancing or life in general: I'm slow to learn movement, I have a hard time being on time, and sometimes being too hard on myself leads to giving up and not putting my full effort into something - the book has helped me identify this perplexing pattern!

• Then, list how you accept and/or accommodate these aspects of yourself. Slow to learn movement: I ask others for help, and I practice more, and I watch others. I have a hard time being on time, so I make an extra effort to arrive early and I enjoy the calm and ease of being early and easing into my next activity instead of rushing and stressing. And instead of giving up because I am hyper critical of myself, I accept where I am at and my personal limits and abilities, and focus on what I do well, and translate my desire to do better into trying harder (within reason and with grace).

What's an area in which you've grown through consistent work, and which you can totally trust yourself? I am actually very capable, strong, disciplined, and (dare I say it) smart. When I put my body-mind-heart into something, I succeed and excel and improve a lot. The biggest challenge seems to be discouraging myself from ever really trying fully. And while I may not be gifted with dancing ballet since I was a baby or excellent memory or aerial skills, I can do a lot, and I know I have other gifts in terms of movement, performance and expression.

Your takeaway: What's a takeaway from this chapter of the book that resonates with you?

True confidence song: Link a song that reflects/reminds you of Magness's version of real confidence

Real confidence role model: Who's a real confidence, quiet ego role model for you? It could be someone you know or someone you don't know, but admire from afar. Provide an image of them here, if you have one, or write their name and relationship to you here.

Magness talks about a lot of ways the folks respond to situations, but productive and unproductive.  What's a behavior that he describes that felt familiar, either because you've seen someone else exhibit it, or because you've done it yourself? I could identify with feeling like I had no control over my mood, emotions, behavior, responses, which led to feeling rather helpless when something was hard and I was experiencing a stress response. What I'm starting to learn (or re-learn) with this book is that there are lots of little things I can do to regain some autonomy over my own body and mind, even in difficult or stressful situations.

Look at the section titled "Leading Yourself" and choose one exercise that you have used successfully or that you use successfully.  List that exercise and briefly share a time you've used it recently. Honestly all of these exercises felt really empowering and accessible and I truly like and want to apply all of them. Some of them I already apply to some extent, but can definitely maximize their potential by intentionally practicing them more: from small to large (breaking a difficult task up into smaller more manageable steps that I can accomplish and establish control). I know I believe in having a ritual, and it is helpful to have the ritual broken down in a way that helps me understand why it can be a powerful tool, but I think I could make an effort to practice this more. I think establishing even a small studio ritual would help me get into the studio and find more joy in being in it (meaning my personal grad studio). Maybe jamming/dancing to a song as soon as I get to the studio, and cleaning it up and making it nice so I can enjoy it every time I come. Maybe making myself a nice beverage when I get here. Flipping the script is a super intriguing exercise and I am interested in seeing how I can apply this to my own life - his example was really funny with the puking runner, ha. But what was maybe MOST powerful to me was the Giving Yourself a Choice exercise: reminding myself that I actually DO have a choice, that I can leave school or change my life or change my mind or stop dancing if I want to, that I am not actually trapped or powerless, that I have choice, is really inspiring. And the fact that I make the choice to stay and keep going feels good right now. And it makes me realize that it is totally what I want to be doing right now!

Look at the section titled "Leading Others" and consider how Mira and I are leading our classes.  Describe a class moment in which either of us used one of these approaches in our leadership of the class. Allow them to fail, reflect improve: I appreciate how we always take time multiple times throughout the class to reflect, acknowledge failures/difficulties, focus on goals, and reflect on accomplishments. I feel that every Contemporary Dance Technique session employs this approach. It is helping to instill an invaluable professional practice of reflection and honesty.

Design THREE padlet prompts that address two elements of the chapter that resonate with you.  One of the prompts you design must have a non-writing element.  1) Think of a specific fear, anxiety or "pet peeve" that you know that you have and think of a recent situation where this came up for you. Write a list of 5-10 words that describe that feeling and/or that situation. Then, write a paragraph describing how you felt in that situation WITHOUT using any of the words in your list (developing vocabulary and identifying feelings). 2) Find a song that describes how you felt in that situation. 3) How can you reappraise your emotional response to that situation? What are your emotions signaling to you? In what ways is this helpful, and what is unhelpful that you can choose to let go of? Write a short response to these questions.

Be sure to let me know the padlet prompt you design and your response to it. I am responding to the third pallet prompt I created above. 3) How can you reappraise your emotional response to that situation? What are your emotions signaling to you? In what ways is this helpful, and what is unhelpful that you can choose to let go of? Write a short response to these questions. When I feel that I am not in control of a situation, I sometimes don't even realize that that is the source of my anxiety. I feel frustrated, anxious, and offended, without realizing that I am feeling out of control and that I need to do something to reframe the situation, for example choosing to calmly remove myself from it, which exercises my agency and also puts me in a better environment to act or react in the way that I want to. Alternatively, proactively working on something that is within my control, however small, can help reframe the situation. Perhaps my anxiety in these situations can help me take a step back and put my energy to use and positive action rather than being paralyzed by it. Perhaps my anxiety is a clue that I need to step up or speak up, or step away, and that the situation, or I personally, would benefit from these alternative approaches.

When the inner Helpless Child is in the throws of a tantrum, the Faithful Friend could come forward to comfort, soothe, and point out the positive aspects of the performance, and the positive feedback I have received. The Faithful Friend would say that it's a lot better than I think and that we are all our own worst critics, but that this is not the reality of the situation.

Next when the Helpless Child has calmed down a little bit the Proud Rival could arrive and encourage me to keep going for the fun and joy of my dance and performance practice. "Hey, it wasn't so bad, and you have a lot more in you to give! Let's keep training and keep going and really put up a good fight. I want to perform alongside a badass, not a whiny baby! Rise to the challenge, I know you have it in you!"