White Fragility - Frame of Reference Exercise by Allison Cook https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd As you reflect on the Frame of Reference Questions (here: https://robindiangelo.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Frame-of-Ref.pdf) and on page 35 of the text, note what surprised you. Try to add a reaction to what surprised you in at least 2 columns. en-us 2018-10-29 19:16:29 UTC 2025-12-07 13:14:20 UTC hello@padlet.com acook5 https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/873196264 I grew up in a community with very little diversity. I chose a college with very little diversity, which reflected the place where I grew up.  I bought a house and I am raising a family in a community that is not very diverse. It's shocking when I look at this information, that despite my own understandings through education, reading, and research - I am a pretty sheltered person. I would never be considered someone who was part of a global society. And much of that is due to choices I made on my own. I can see that now.]]> 2020-10-29 14:02:50 UTC https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/873196264 acook5 https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/873217019 I did not really identify myself as being a member of a racial group growing up. In fact, I thought very little of race. I was surrounded by people who looked like me - in my community, my school, my church, my sports. Sadly, I grew up thinking I "didn't see race". ]]> 2020-10-29 14:07:27 UTC https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/873217019 kdavis81 https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/874716588 I am a military brat. I have lived in many different states as well as overseas. That being said, as a military brat of an Officer, I was surrounded by people that looked like me. The communities were not diverse. The schools were not diverse. That is until my dad was transferred to Ft. Meade, Md. The high school I attended was very diverse. Yet, I was still sheltered. My parents made decisions for me and my siblings to ensure we were exposed to exactly what they wanted us to see. We weren't allowed to watch certain TV programs or even "hang out" with certain kids. Very unsettling. I have had to do a lot of "un-learning". I still have a lot more work to do. ]]> 2020-10-29 19:48:50 UTC https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/874716588 I grew up in a family that made it a priority to eat dinner as a family every night. As an older brother, I was protective of my younger sister and my parents encouraged me to be spend time and play with my sister. I make it a priority to have dinner as a family. https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/891489559 2020-11-04 19:21:49 UTC https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/891489559 I grew up in a White community with a very few number of Black families. I was taught not to see color and treat people the same. I live in a predominately White community. https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/891513051 2020-11-04 19:27:09 UTC https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/891513051 I grew up as the oldest in my family. My dad worked nights, my mom worked days. I was expected to come home from school to watch my little brother as well as do chores. My mom would have to run us to activities and monitor our school work as my dad wasn't around a lot during the week due to working 2nd shift. Seeing this as a child has shaped me as an adult to be more involved with my kids as well as housework - cooking, dishes, laundry, ect. jayres1 https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/891719729 2020-11-04 20:15:43 UTC https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/891719729 mkoch21 https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/891722954 As a kid, the parent I lived with moved between the working and middle class. My parents both went to college and had careers which paid a salary. However, when my parents divorced, my father got a second job to maintain the working/middle class lifestyle and housing. I was the only child in my friend group whose parent worked two jobs to support me. Most of my friends were either in the high middle class or low upper class. I did not consider this until now, but did being white and a part of a different class make it easier for me to have friends who were in a high class?]]> 2020-11-04 20:16:37 UTC https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/891722954 I considered my family and myself as middle class. Setting goals and working hard to accomplish those goals was important. The philosophy drilled into my head was you are rewarded for working hard, being dependable and loyal. This has shaped my experiences when I show up for work on time, every day, dressing professionally, trying my best to do the best job I can when it comes to my career. In addition, it was drilled into my head that this shows respect for others and does not go unnoticed, and is rewarded. jayres1 https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/891731595 2020-11-04 20:19:17 UTC https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/891731595 mkoch21 https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/891796437 I spent my late elementary and all of middle school living in Columbia, MD.  I lived in a very racially diverse community and the school was also very diverse and my friend group was also racially diverse. We never discussed race as a friend group, I knew we were not all the same race, other than that, they were my friends, I was theirs and we didn't treat each other differently. In 9th grade, I moved to Towson, which was much less diverse. The first friends I made at school were black and after about  two weeks one asked me why I was hanging out with them because I was white and they were black in a non-accepting tone.  I was so confused and though I remained acquaintances with those peers, I no longer felt comfortable. This is when I saw races as different.]]> 2020-11-04 20:39:18 UTC https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/891796437 saraneff1 https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/891824940 I was raised for most of young childhood by my single mother who had frank conversations about rejecting gender roles and assumptions regarding gender identity. Assigned gender had no impact on expectations in my own home, but it became obvious that what I believed did not match society’s even as a young child as my grandparents regularly commented on my short hair or choice of “boys’ clothes” and their implied disapproval. Reflecting on this, I realize how pervasive the perception of being white as “right” is, as I always considered myself someone who recognized male supremacist culture but didn’t recognize white supremacist culture until much later in life. ]]> 2020-11-04 20:48:29 UTC https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/891824940 saraneff1 https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/891852929 2020-11-04 20:55:13 UTC https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/891852929 https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/892078780 I grew up in a town that was jokingly (but accurately) called “lily white valley.”  There was NO diversity whatsoever during the years I was in school (and I’m assuming the years prior to as well). The first black family didn’t move into our town until my sophomore year. By the time I graduated high school there were three black students and 265 white students.  I always thought there was something wrong with my town and the lack of diversity because when I would visit my extended family and friends who lived in other towns it was evident that my town was the exception and not the rule. ]]> 2020-11-04 22:27:20 UTC https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/892078780 https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/892097358 The greatest experience that opened my eyes to racial identity and differences was going to the U of MD. I applied only to this school because I did not like the fact that I grew up in an all white town and thought going to a large, diverse school would open my eyes up to experiences and cultures that I was not exposed to in school. My second day on campus I was walking around a cultural diversity fair where black, Asian, Muslim, etc student unions had set up stands to give out information.  I walked by the black student union reps and asked “where is the white student union?”  The girl pointed to the main building that said “student union” and said “this whole campus is the white student union.  You can join anywhere you want.” I remember feeling upset, ashamed, frustrated and intrigued all at the same time.   It was the first time that I realized I had some type of privilege because of my skin color. ]]> 2020-11-04 22:37:17 UTC https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/892097358 hlutwyche https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/892186407 I grew up knowing no one who was openly gay, and hearing no conversation about the pain felt by people with sexual feelings they could not easily express in that environment. Now, with family members who identify as gay, a gay relationship in my close family, and a teenager who advocates for sexual orientation and gender identity, I am learning a lot - from them, from other families, from books and groups.]]> 2020-11-04 23:30:36 UTC https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/892186407 https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/892613162 I went to catholic school my entire k-12 years and was surrounded by people with the same faith.  I remember being in shock my freshmen year in college when I met other students who didn't pray or go to church each Sunday. I was suddenly the only one doing this and felt alone.]]> 2020-11-05 03:40:14 UTC https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/892613162 wcarlineo https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/892623547 I grew up in a very tight knit community...neighborhoods of row homes, lots of kids (most went to public school), 2 parent households that rotated whose porch they would sit out on each spring/summer/fall night to chat and watch the kids play touch football in the street. The first black family in our neighborhood moved next door to us when I was about 18 years old.]]> 2020-11-05 03:46:55 UTC https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/892623547 wcarlineo https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/892634876 My parents led by example and instilled a tireless work ethic into me and my siblings.  Work hard, be honest, dependable, and humble...and your rewards will come.   There were activities that I was not allowed to take part in because they were too expensive.  I had to pay my own way through college, so I commuted.  
Although we are in a better financial place then my parents were, we try to make sure our children do not feel "entitled". ]]> 2020-11-05 03:54:19 UTC https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/892634876 I grew up in a suburb of Buffalo. Students in the schools I attended were mostly all white. When I think about "belonging" as mentioned by the author, I was struck by how much I fit in. Belonged. My teachers looked like me - like my mom and my aunts. I am struck at the level of comfort I had that students of color did not have - at all - in so many ways. https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/892644312 2020-11-05 04:00:58 UTC https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/892644312 My father's father was a policeman in Buffalo. My father was an only child and was a mechanical engineer. My mother was one of 8 and grew up on a farm. Both families were hard working and church was very important. The values they shared were about hard work and community generosity. However, there was no effort to connect with families outside of connections of neighborhood, church and family. My grandfather would say explicitly racist things and it was very upsetting to me/my siblings. No adult around him called him on it, called him out for it. He always seemed like a dumb bully to me. I felt powerless. https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/892652680 2020-11-05 04:06:38 UTC https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/892652680 wcarlineo https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/892683759 A parent accused me of excluding her child on a field trip based on the color of his skin. I remember how angry (then hurt) I felt that she thought I was discriminating against him.]]> 2020-11-05 04:26:08 UTC https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/892683759 hlutwyche https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/893775460 In each of the places I lived before coming to the US, and also in the US, (I left the UK when I was three but returned for boarding high school and college) my nationality and race tended to work to my advantage; had I been British and black I would not have been as accepted in Japan or Switzerland. As a child in South America there were no children at my private bilingual school who were from darker-skinned, indigenous families; people who spoke Quechua and other Andean languages were looked down on in society. My family had different values from most of society, but we definitely enjoyed many privileges for being white English-speakers in a respected position - we received certain things for free that we could not afford ourselves, like pool membership.]]> 2020-11-05 13:03:18 UTC https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/893775460 I did not go to catholic school but was an alterboy and very active in the catholic church. I went to college and still went to church, but as I have grown older, I really struggle with this faith, and it not being inclusive, especially since my one child is mixed and I never felt she was accepted by my faith. https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/893903916 2020-11-05 13:42:22 UTC https://padlet.com/acook5/rngz4ifvh8nd/wish/893903916