You slowly start to get a little sunburnt. You decide that you will stay out a bit longer, thinking oh I’m only a little bit burnt.

Maybe you slap on some sunscreen. Maybe you put on a hat. Might even have a drink of water.

You stay out for a few more hours and continue to get burnt.

When you go inside you are red, hot and a little bit giddy.

You put on some aloe vera gel and that cools it a little bit, but you know that it will still hurt.

Someone comes along and greets you with a playful, well-intentioned slap on the back.

It hurts so much, so you give a little yelp and ask them to not do it again.

They say “I didn’t mean for it to hurt you.

How am I supposed to know you are sunburnt?

I was only saying hello.”

Constant and unyielding.

People on the receiving end of them try to soothe them over, try to not take them personally.

Until one day, when they have been subjected to many “well intentioned” othering comments.

Ideas that suggest that they don’t belong in the space. Words that imply that they are different from the surrounding population.

So they snap. And then they are asked why they are taking it so personally.

Being told it is just a joke. “just lighten up, I don’t mean anything by it.”

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Being considerate of the impact, is something that can be learnt through empathy, and through communication and understanding.

It's ok if you didn't mean it or if it was a joke.

It hurt regardless, and it's ok to apologise and learn for next time.