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(게시물 색: 그린)

여러 번 피드백을 받은 경우 모든 피드백 결과를 붙여 넣기 합니다.

1차 피드백

2차 피드백

3차 피드백

(게시물 색: 블루)

(게시물 색: 퍼플)

One day, my father saw my room and my father said “You have to clean up your room well, and you can find your thing easily”. when i heard father’s advice, I thought it isn’t important to clean my room. so I ignored my father’s advice.

The result of ignoring my father’s advice was so bad, Before go to school, I was looking for my important homework. But I can’t found my homework. Because my room was dirty.

After few minutes later, It was time to go to school, but i still couldn’t found my homework. So I scolded by my teacher. That day, I regret and said “if my room cleaned up well..”

And i realized my father’s advice correct.

After that day, I following my father’s advice. I keep my room clean, and I can find my thing easily.

Don’t read the book quickly. If you read the book quickly, you’ll miss the important words of the book. At first, I couldn’t agree with this advice. I believed that I can save my time when I read the book quickly. So I thought mom’s advice is not important.

A few days later, the test day came. I read the text on the test paper quickly as usual. So, I missed the important word. In the end, I got a bad result on the test. At that time, mom’s advice came to my mind. I finally realized the importance of mom’s advice. After that, I tried to read the book carefully. Finally, I got a good result on the next test.

But I said I didn't know if it would work, and my father said himself. My life was hard and rough. My father said it was hard to study and that he had been working since he was young.(어린 시절 공부도 하기 힘든 집에서 태어나 어린 시절부터 일을 하며 살아왔다.)

And then he added, "That's what I've lived, but I've got a job, and I've got you." (하지만 그래도 결국 나또한 직업을 얻었고 너를 얻었다.) And he said, "Do what you want to do.(너가 하고싶은걸 해라.) You don't care about studying.(공부 같은건 신경쓰지 않는다.) Don't be aware of other people's eyes and keep doing what you want to do.(남들의 시선에 의식하지 말고 너가 하고싶은걸 해라) Don't force yourself to do what you want to do. You don't have to do what you want to do.(하고 싶지도 않은걸 억지로 하지말고, 너가 하고싶은 꿈을 펼쳐라.) You don't think you're going to be happy if you keep doing what you want to do." But eventually, as I was walking down the road to arts and sports, I realized that doing what I wanted to do was also difficult.(내가 하고 싶은걸 하며 살아도 그것도 힘들다는것을 깨달았다.) But I realized again

I felt that it might be better to live doing what I want to do and not make money doing what I want to do.(하고 싶은걸 하지도 않으며 돈을 벌빠엔 하고 싶은걸 하며 돈을 못버는게 더 나을것 같다는 생각이 들었다.) Thanks to my father's advice, I still do what I want to do and keep exertion hard for my dream.(아빠의 말대로 난 계속 하고 싶은걸 하며 꿈을 위해 열심히 노력하고 있다.)

My coach said, “Warm up well”

I didn’t listen. I didn’t warm up.

Next day, I didn’t always warm up.

I was doing Jiu-jitsu sparring.

Try to catch a person my left wrist is twisted.

So I don’t listen to the coach and got hurt.

After that, I‘ll work hard before i work out

I got into the habit of warming up.

I ignored her advice. I believed that my mom would clean my room later. So, I threw away trashes on the floor and on my desk. And, I didn’t put in place that things I already use.

After few days, I saw that there were bugs crawling between trashes when I came into my room after school. That night, I was finding my worksheet to study for the test. But, it took 1hour to find it, because many worksheets were sprawled in my room. So, I thought that I have to throw away trashes and arrange in place things that I use. That moment changed me. My mom praised me seeing clean room. And, I am always maintaining my room so clean. Now, I spend less time finding my worksheets and can’t see bugs. Now and forever, I will try to keep my room clean.

A few days later, I understood why my dad said that to me.

I felt better because I listened to the advice and expressed it.

When I was in elementary school, my father said, “Live by giving to others.” At first, I didn’t think it was that important. And I ignored his advice. And then one day, When I was in elementary school in class, I saw my friend having a hard time with a problem. So I helped the friend.

Then I understood what My mom meant. My mom said, “Challenge even if you are afraid“

The after, I tried everything. You can does too!

“Before you tell someone, look back on that word” When I heard my mother's advice, I didn't think much of it at first I thought I could get along well with my friends without hearing that advice As a result of saying what was in my head without listening to my mom's advice, I hurt my friend again and fought. After that, I listened back to my mom's advice and realized that I had to think and say before I could talk to someone

But I don’t understand it. I maybe respect my mom and How do I respect my mom and what I'm not doing right now. One day I shouted my mom. Mom i wanted to the cold water And said in an irritating tone. My mom is sad and me angry. So I was very sorry to my mother. Then I remembered my father’s advice and i realize father’s advice. Then, I changed what I did to my mom I'll never do that to my mother again. Now I live without ever getting angry with my mother again.

Because I liked only play soccer with friends and games.

I was not attention about study. So my results were disastrous. The teacher who was close to me after seeing my mess felt sorry for me, so he called me after school and told me advice, he told me “make someone look for you”. When I was heard it I don’t understood.

I thought “my friends found me a lot of”. for example when I play with my friends and when I have somthing to do. So I was ignore his advice. After times passes one day I studied hard to do on well the important test. After the test my result was very high! So my friends started asked me difficult questions! I was heared one my friend told other friend he told “if there’s difficult, look for leetaeyoon. When i heard that i realize. my friends looking for me to get help! And i understood teacher’s advice to be a helpful person. After that i live with the goal of being helpful person.

[내용조건(Content Requirements)] - 조언자 소개: 충족 - 조언 내용: 충족 - 초기 반응: 충족 - 경험과 깨달음: 충족

[언어형식(Language)] - 몇 가지 문법 및 철자 오류가 있습니다. 예를 들어, "i"는 항상 대문자로 써야 합니다. - "Before go to school" 대신 "Before going to school"로 수정해 보세요.

[글 수준(Quality)] - 어휘 수준: 쉬운 - 문장 길이: 적절한 - 시간 흐름: 있음 - 논리 연결성: 자연스러움 - 내용 깊이: 경험 중심 전개 → 어휘 수준을 높이기 위해 "important" 대신 "essential" 같은 단어를 사용해 보는 건 어떨까요?

[총평(Summary)] - 전반적으로 잘 작성된 글입니다. 문법적인 부분과 어휘 수준을 조금 더 개선하면 더 좋은 글이 될 것입니다. 문단을 나누어 주제

를 명확히 하면 독자가 이해하기 더 쉬울 것입니다.

2차

[구성(Organization)] - 주제를 소개하는 문장이 추가되어 글의 시작이 명확해졌습니다. - 글의 흐름도 자연스럽고 논리적입니다. [내용조건(Content Requirements)] - 조언자 소개: 충족 - 조언 내용: 충족 - 초기 반응: 충족 - 경험과 깨달음: 충족 [언어형식(Language)] - 문법과 시제가 잘 맞춰져 있습니다. - "Therefore" 앞에 콤마를 추가하면 더 자연스럽습니다: "Therefore, I thought mom’s advice was not crucial." [글 수준(Quality)] - 어휘 수준: 적절한 - 문장 길이: 적절한 - 시간 흐름: 있음 - 논리 연결성: 자연스러움 - 내용 깊이: 경험 중심 전개 → 전반적으로 잘 작성되었습니다. 문장 간의 연결성과 어휘 수준이 적절합니다. [총평(Summary)] - 글의 구조와 내용이 잘 정리되어 있으며, 문법적인 부분도 잘 맞춰져 있습니다. 주제를 명확히 소개하는 문장을 추가하여 글의 시작이 개선되었습니다. 작은 문장 부호 수정 외에는 큰 수정이 필요하지 않습니다. 잘 하셨습니다!

[내용조건(Content Requirements)] - 조언자 소개: 충족 - 조언 내용: 충족 - 초기 반응: 충족 - 경험과 깨달음: 충족

[언어형식(Language)] - "an advice" 대신 "advice"로 수정해야 합니다. "Advice"는 셀 수 없는 명사입니다. - "I thought that the advice isn’t important to me"에서 시제 오류가 있습니다. 과거 시제로 통일해 보세요. - "I couldn’t focus the classes"에서 "focus on the classes"로 수정하는 것이 자연스럽습니다.

[글 수준(Quality)] - 어휘 수준: 쉬운 - 문장 길이: 적절한 - 시간 흐름: 있음 - 논리 연결성: 자연스러움 - 내용 깊이: 경험 중심 전개 → 어휘 수준을 높이기 위해 다양한 표현을 사용해 보세요. 예를 들어, "ignored" 대신 "disregarded" 같은 단어를 사용할 수 있습니다.

[총평(Summary)] - 전반적으로 글의 흐름이 자연스럽고, 내용 조건을 잘 충족하고 있습니다. 다만, 어휘 수준을 높이고 시제 및 문법 오류를 수정하면 더욱 완성도 높은 글이 될 것입니다. 주제를 명확히 소개하는 문장을 추가하는 것도 고려해 보세요.

“Before you tell someone, look back on that word” When I heard my mother's advice, I didn't think much of it at first I thought I could get along well with my friends without hearing that advice As a result of saying what was in my head without listening to my mom's advice, I hurt my friend again and fought. After that, I listened back to my mom's advice and realized that I had to think and say before I could talk to someone So, I'm trying to get into the habit of thinking and speaking before talking to someone

1차 피드백: [구성(Organization)] - 글의 흐름이 대체로 자연스럽습니다. 그러나 처음에 주제를 명확히 소개하는 문장이 있으면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. - "겨울 방학 동안 나는 친구들보다 예술적 능력이 낮다고 느껴져 낙담했다."와 같은 문장으로 시작해 볼까요?

[내용조건(Content Requirements)] - 조언자 소개: 충족 - 조언 내용: 충족 - 초기 반응: 충족 - 경험과 깨달음: 충족 [언어형식(Language)] - "i will meet my friends in a place where your art skills are high someday."에서 인용구의 첫 글자는 대문자로 시작해야 합니다. - "At first, I don’t believe what the my teacher said."에서 "don’t"는 과거 시제로 "didn't"로 수정해야 합니다. - "i'm"과 "i"는 문장의 시작이므로 대문자로 "I'm"과 "I"로 수정해야 합니다. [글 수준(Quality)] - 어휘 수준: 적절한 - 문장 길이: 적절한 - 시간 흐름: 있음 - 논리 연결성: 자연스러움 - 내용 깊이: 경험 중심 전개 → 어휘 수준을 다양하게 하기 위해 "improve" 대신 "enhance"와 같은 단어를 사용해 보는 것은 어떨까요? [총평(Summary)] - 전반적으로 글의 구성과 내용이 잘 갖추어져 있습니다. 다만, 문법적인 오류와 대문자 사용에 주의하면 더 완성도 높은 글이 될 것입니다. 주제를 명확히 소개하는 문장을 추가하면 글의 시작이 더욱 매끄러워질 것입니다.

2차 피드백: [구성(Organization)] - 주제를 소개하는 문장이 추가되어 글의 시작이 더 명확해졌습니다. - 문단의 흐름도 자연스러워졌습니다. [내용조건(Content Requirements)] - 조언자 소개: 충족 - 조언 내용: 충족 - 초기 반응: 충족 - 경험과 깨달음: 충족

[언어형식(Language)] - "the my teacher"에서 "the"는 불필요합니다. "my teacher"로 수정하세요. - "a few month"는 "a few months"로 수정해야 합니다. - "i"는 문장의 시작이므로 대문자로 "I"로 수정해야 합니다. [글 수준(Quality)] - 어휘 수준: 적절한 - 문장 길이: 적절한 - 시간 흐름: 있음 - 논리 연결성: 자연스러움 - 내용 깊이: 경험 중심 전개 → 어휘를 다양하게 하기 위해 "compliments" 대신 "praise"와 같은 단어를 사용해 보는 것은 어떨까요?

[총평(Summary)] - 글의 구성과 내용이 잘 정리되어 있습니다. 문법적인 오류와 대문자 사용에 주의하면 더욱 완성도 높은 글이 될 것입니다. 어휘를 다양하게 사용하여 글의 풍부함을 더할 수 있습니다.

3차 피드백: [구성(Organization)] - 글의 시작과 흐름이 자연스럽습니다. 주제 소개와 경험, 깨달음이 잘 연결되어 있습니다. [내용조건(Content Requirements)] - 조언자 소개: 충족 - 조언 내용: 충족 - 초기 반응: 충족 - 경험과 깨달음: 충족

[언어형식(Language)] - 문법과 철자 오류가 거의 없습니다. 문장이 명확하고 이해하기 쉽습니다.

[글 수준(Quality)] - 어휘 수준: 적절한 - 문장 길이: 적절한 - 시간 흐름: 있음 - 논리 연결성: 자연스러움 - 내용 깊이: 경험 중심 전개 → 어휘를 다양하게 사용하여 글의 풍부함을 더할 수 있습니다. 예를 들어, "improved" 대신 "enhanced"와 같은 단어를 사용해 보는 것은 어떨까요? [총평(Summary)] - 전반적으로 글이 잘 작성되었습니다. 문법과 철자 오류가 거의 없으며, 글의 흐름도 자연스럽습니다. 어휘의 다양성을 조금 더 추가하여 글의 풍부함을 더할 수 있습니다. 계속해서 좋은 글을 작성해 보세요!

[언어형식(Language)] - "slept in dawn" 대신 "slept at dawn"으로 수정하는 것이 자연스럽습니다. - "I am trying to sleep as early as possible now"에서 시제 일관성을 유지하기 위해 "I have been trying"으로 수정해 보세요.

[글 수준(Quality)] - 어휘 수준: 적절한 - 문장 길이: 적절한 - 시간 흐름: 있음 - 논리 연결성: 자연스러움 - 내용 깊이: 경험 중심 전개

[총평(Summary)] - 전반적으로 글의 흐름과 내용이 잘 구성되어 있습니다. 주제를 명확히 소개하는 문장을 추가하고, 시제 및 일부 표현을 수정하면 더욱 완성도 높은 글이 될 것입니다.

수정본: Mother’s advice

One day, I was chatting with my friend on my phone. My mom came into my room. She said, “Clean your room. Throw away trash and put things you already used in place.

I ignored her advice. I believed that my mom would clean my room later. So, I threw away trash on the floor and on my desk. And, I didn’t put things I already used in place.

After a few days, I saw that there were bugs crawling between trash when I came into my room after school. That night, I was finding my worksheet to study for the test. But, it took 1 hour to find it, because many worksheets were sprawled in my room. So, I thought that I have to throw away trash and arrange things that I used in place.

That moment changed me. My mom praised me seeing clean room. And, I am always maintaining my room so clean. Now, I spend less time finding my worksheets and can’t see bugs. Now and forever, I will try to maintain my room clean.

[내용조건(Content Requirements)] - 조언자 소개: 충족 - 조언 내용: 충족 - 초기 반응: 충족 - 경험과 깨달음: 충족 [언어형식(Language)] - "I went to the school"에서 "the"는 불필요합니다. "I went to school"로 수정하세요. - 문법과 표현이 대부분 적절합니다.

[글 수준(Quality)] - 어휘 수준: 적절한 - 문장 길이: 적절한 - 시간 흐름: 있음 - 논리 연결성: 자연스러움 - 내용 깊이: 경험 중심 전개

[총평(Summary)] - 전반적으로 글의 흐름과 내용이 잘 구성되어 있으며, 시제와 표현도 적절합니다. 주제를 명확히 소개하는 문장을 추가하면 글의 시작이 더욱 강력해질 것입니다.

Coach’s advice

My coach said, “Warm up well”

I didn’t listen. I didn’t warm up.

Next day, I didn’t always warm up.

I was doing Jiu-jitsu sparring.

Try to catch a person my left wrist was twisted.

So I don’t listen to the coach and got hurt.

After that, I‘ll work hard before I work out

I got into the habit of warming up.

2차

Coach’s advice

My coach said, “Warm up well”

I didn’t listen. I didn’t warm up.

Next day, I didn’t always warm up.

I was doing Jiu-jitsu sparring.

While trying to catch a person, my left wrist was twisted.

So I don’t listen to the coach and got hurt.

After that, I‘ll work hard before I work out

I got into the habit of warming up.

3차

Coach’s advice

My coach said, “Warm up well”

I didn’t listen. I didn’t warm up.

Next day, I didn’t always warm up.

I was doing Jiu-jitsu sparring.

While trying to catch a person, my left wrist was twisted.

So I didn’t listen to the coach and got hurt.

After that, I worked hard before I worked out

I got into the habit of warming up.

4차

Coach’s advice

My coach said, “Warm up well”

I didn’t listen. I didn’t warm up.

The next day, I still didn’t warm up

I was doing Jiu-jitsu sparring.

While trying to catch a person, my left wrist was twisted.

So I didn’t listen to the coach and got hurt.

After that, I worked hard before I worked out

I got into the habit of warming up.

5차

Coach’s advice

My coach said, “Warm up well”

I didn’t listen. I didn’t warm up.

The next day, I still didn’t warm up

I was doing Jiu-jitsu sparring.

While trying to catch a person, my left wrist was twisted.

So I didn’t listen to the coach and got hurt.

After that, I made sure to warm up before working out

I got into the habit of warming up.

My coach said, “Warm up well”

I didn’t listen. I didn’t warm up.

The next day, I still didn’t warm up

I was doing Jiu-jitsu sparring.

While trying to catch a person, my left wrist was twisted.

So I didn’t listen to the coach and got hurt.

After that, I made sure to warm up before working out

I got into the habit of warming up.

[내용조건(Content Requirements)] - 조언자 소개: 충족 - 조언 내용: 충족 - 초기 반응: 충족 - 경험과 깨달음: 충족

[언어형식(Language)] - "I realized importance of sleep"에서 "the importance of sleep"으로 수정해야 합니다. - "I write this" 대신 "I am writing this"로 수정하면 더 자연스럽습니다.

[글 수준(Quality)] - 어휘 수준: 적절한 - 문장 길이: 적절한 - 시간 흐름: 있음 - 논리 연결성: 자연스러움 - 내용 깊이: 경험 중심 전개

[총평(Summary)] - 주제를 명확히 소개하는 문장이 추가되어 글의 시작이 강화되었습니다. 일부 문법 오류를 수정하면 더욱 완성도 높은 글이 될 것입니다. 전반적으로 잘 작성된 글입니다.

수정본: Mother’s advice

One day, I was chatting with my friend on my phone. My mom came into my room. She said, “Clean your room. Throw away trash and put things you already used in place.

I ignored her advice. I believed that my mom would clean my room later. So, I threw away trash on the floor and on my desk. And, I didn’t put things I already used in place.

After a few days, I saw that there were bugs crawling between trash when I came into my room after school. That night, I was looking for my worksheet to study for the test. But, it took 1 hour to find it, because many worksheets were scattered in my room. So, I thought that I have to throw away trash and arrange things that I used in place.

That moment changed me. My mom praised me seeing clean room. And, I am always keeping my room very clean. Now, I spend less time finding my worksheets and can’t see bugs. Now and forever, I will try to maintain my room clean.

[내용조건(Content Requirements)] - 조언자 소개: 충족 - 조언 내용: 충족 - 초기 반응: 충족 - 경험과 깨달음: 충족

[언어형식(Language)] - 문법과 표현이 대부분 적절합니다. - "And then, I realized that sleeping early is important."에서 "And then" 대신 "Eventually" 같은 표현으로 시작하면 좀 더 자연스럽습니다.

[글 수준(Quality)] - 어휘 수준: 적절한 - 문장 길이: 적절한 - 시간 흐름: 있음 - 논리 연결성: 자연스러움 - 내용 깊이: 경험 중심 전개

[총평(Summary)] - 글의 구성과 내용이 잘 정리되어 있으며, 문법과 표현도 적절합니다. 작은 표현의 변화를 통해 글의 자연스러움을 더할 수 있습니다. 전반적으로 잘 작성된 글입니다.

수정본: One day, I was chatting with my friend on my phone. My mom came into my room. She said, “Clean your room. Throw away trash and put things you already used in place.

I ignored her advice. I believed that my mom would clean my room later. So, I threw away trash on the floor and on my desk. And, I didn’t put things I already used in place.

After a few days, I saw that there were bugs crawling between trash when I came into my room after school. That night, I was looking for my worksheet to study for the test. But, it took 1 hour to find it, because many worksheets were scattered in my room. So, I thought that I have to throw away trash and arrange things that I used in place.

That moment changed me. My mom complimented me seeing clean room. And, I am always keeping my room very clean. Now, I spend less time finding my worksheets and can’t see bugs. Now and forever, I will try to maintain my room clean.

I ignored her advice. I believed that my mom would clean my room later. So, I threw away trash on the floor and on my desk. And, I didn’t put things I already used in place.

After a few days, I saw that there were bugs crawling between trash when I came into my room after school. That night, I was looking for my worksheet to study for the test. But, it took 1 hour to find it, because many worksheets were scattered in my room. So, I thought that I would have to throw away trash and arrange things that I used in place.

That moment changed me. My mom complimented me seeing my neat room. And, I am always keeping my room very clean. Now, I spend less time finding my worksheets and can’t see bugs. Now and forever, I will try to maintain my room tidy.

수정본: competition

One day, My Mom worry and said , “Don't be afraid, fight back.“. I didn’t believe it and thanked negatively. At last, I was sad diving competition I couldn't participate. One day, other diving competition open. I was initially hesitant because It was because I had no confidence. I took courage and decided to participate. The result is, I got , I won!

Then I understood what My mom meant. My mom said, “Challenge even if you are afraid“

apprehensive, I tried everything. You can does too!

After school, I ran home and started to do things that I had put off. I recalled “just do it”.

Three hours later, I  finished all the work I had to do. I was very tired, but I was very happy. I didn't put things off for a month and just did everything. Friends say “you are Diligent“. I steadily studied without delaying, but my grades improved. After I listened to my friend's advice, I became very happy.

And my father thinks it is important to clean up

One day, my father saw my room and my father said “You have to clean up your room well, and you can find your thing easily”. when I heard my father’s advice, I thought it isn’t crucial to clean my room. So I ignored my father’s advice.

The result of ignoring my father’s advice was so bad, Before going to school, I was looking for my essential homework. But I couldn’t find my homework. Because my room was dirty.

After a few minutes later, It was time to go to school. So I went to school without my homework. Unfortunately, I was scolded by my teacher. That day, I regretted and said “If my room cleaned up well..” And I realized my father’s advice was correct.

After that day, I started following my father’s advice. I keep my room clean, and I can find my belongings easily.

And my father thinks it is important to clean up.

One day, my father saw my room and my father said “You have to clean up your room well, and you can find your thing easily”. When I heard my father’s advice, I thought it isn’t crucial to clean my room. So I ignored my father’s advice.

The result of ignoring my father’s advice was so bad. Before going to school, I was looking for my essential homework. But I couldn’t find my homework, because my room was dirty.

After a few minutes later, it was time to go to school. So I went to school without my homework. Unfortunately, I was scolded by my teacher. That day, I regretted and said “If I cleaned up my room well..” And I realized my father’s advice was correct.

After that day, I started following my father’s advice. I keep my room clean, and I can find my belongings easily.

수정본: competition , One day, My mom was worried and said, “Don't be afraid, fight back.“. I didn’t believe it and thanked negatively. I was sad because I couldn't participate in the diving competition. One day, other diving competition open. I was initially hesitant because It was because I had no confidence. I took courage and decided to participate. The result is, I got , I won!

Then I understood what My mom meant. My mom said, “Challenge even if you are afraid“

apprehensive, I tried everything. You can do it too!

[구성(Organization)] - 글의 흐름이 자연스럽지만, 주제를 명확히 소개하는 문장이 부족합니다. - "주제를 소개하는 문장을 추가해 볼까요?" 예를 들어, "이 글에서는 언니의 조언이 내 삶에 어떻게 영향을 미쳤는지 이야기하고자 합니다." [내용조건(Content Requirements)] - 조언자 소개: 충족 - 조언 내용: 충족 - 초기 반응: 충족 - 경험과 깨달음: 충족 [언어형식(Language)] - 몇 가지 문법 오류가 있습니다. - "My old sister" 대신 "My older sister"가 더 적절합니다. 또한, "go out with someone"은 문맥상 맞지 않으니 다른 표현을 고려해 보세요. 예를 들어, "be cautious in choosing friends"와 같은 표현이 더 적절할 수 있습니다. [글 수준(Quality)] - 어휘 수준: 쉬운 - 문장 길이: 적절한 - 시간 흐름: 있음 - 논리 연결성: 자연스러움 - 내용 깊이: 경험 중심 전개 → "어휘 수준을 높이기 위해 'rely on' 대신 'depend on' 같은 다양한 표현을 사용해 보는 것도 좋겠습니다." [총평(Summary)] - 주제를 명확히 소개하는 문장을 추가하면 글의 시작이 더 명확해질 것입니다. 몇 가지 문법 오류를 수정하고, 어휘 수준을 조금 더 다양하게 사용하면 글이 더욱 풍부해질 것입니다. 전반적으로 경험 중심의 전개가 잘 이루어졌습니다.

[언어형식(Language)] - "raining or snowing" 앞에 "whether"를 추가하면 문장이 더 명확해질 수 있습니다. - 마지막 문장 끝에 마침표가 빠져 있습니다. 추가해 주세요. [글 수준(Quality)] - 어휘 수준: 적절한 - 문장 길이: 적절한 - 시간 흐름: 있음 - 논리 연결성: 자연스러움 - 내용 깊이: 경험 중심 전개 → 어휘를 다양하게 사용하여 글의 풍부함을 더할 수 있습니다. 예를 들어, "improved" 대신 "enhanced"와 같은 단어를 사용해 보는 것은 어떨까요?

[총평(Summary)] - 글이 잘 작성되었습니다. 문법과 철자 오류가 거의 없으며, 글의 흐름도 자연스럽습니다. 어휘의 다양성을 조금 더 추가하여 글의 풍부함을 더할 수 있습니다. 마침표와 같은 작은 부분도 놓치지 않도록 주의하세요. 계속해서 좋은 글을 작성해 보세요!

5차 피드백: [구성(Organization)] - 글의 시작과 흐름이 자연스럽습니다. 주제 소개와 경험, 깨달음이 잘 연결되어 있습니다. [내용조건(Content Requirements)] - 조언자 소개: 충족 - 조언 내용: 충족 - 초기 반응: 충족 - 경험과 깨달음: 충족

[언어형식(Language)] - "on any day or weather" 대신 "regardless of the day or weather"로 수정하면 더 자연스러울 것입니다. - "my art skills with my friends gradually grew"는 "my art skills gradually grew to match my friends'"로 수정하면 의미가 더 명확해질 것입니다.

[글 수준(Quality)] - 어휘 수준: 적절한 - 문장 길이: 적절한 - 시간 흐름: 있음 - 논리 연결성: 자연스러움 - 내용 깊이: 경험 중심 전개 → 어휘를 다양하게 사용하여 글의 풍부함을 더할 수 있습니다. 예를 들어, "discouraged" 대신 "disheartened"와 같은 단어를 사용해 보는 것은 어떨까요?

[총평(Summary)] - 전반적으로 글이 잘 작성되었습니다. 문법과 표현을 조금 더 다듬으면 더욱 완성도 높은 글이 될 것입니다. 어휘의 다양성을 추가하여 글의 풍부함을 더할 수 있습니다. 계속해서 좋은 글을 작성해 보세요!

6차: [구성(Organization)] - 글의 시작과 흐름이 자연스럽고 명확합니다. 주제 소개와 경험, 깨달음이 잘 연결되어 있습니다. [내용조건(Content Requirements)] - 조언자 소개: 충족 - 조언 내용: 충족 - 초기 반응: 충족 - 경험과 깨달음: 충족

[언어형식(Language)] - "have enhanced more than a few months ago"에서 "enhanced"는 "improved"로 바꾸면 더 자연스럽습니다. - "to go to art academy early"에서 "art academy" 앞에 관사 "the"를 추가하여 "to go to the art academy early"로 수정하면 좋습니다. [글 수준(Quality)] - 어휘 수준: 적절한 - 문장 길이: 적절한 - 시간 흐름: 있음 - 논리 연결성: 자연스러움 - 내용 깊이: 경험 중심 전개 → 어휘의 다양성을 잘 활용하고 있습니다. 문장 구조도 적절하여 읽기 쉽습니다.

[총평(Summary)] - 글이 전반적으로 잘 작성되었습니다. 어휘와 문장 구조가 적절하며, 글의 흐름도 자연스럽습니다. 작은 문법적인 수정만 필요합니다. 계속해서 좋은 글을 작성해 보세요!

7차: [구성(Organization)] - 글의 시작과 흐름이 자연스럽고 명확합니다. 주제 소개와 경험, 깨달음이 잘 연결되어 있습니다.

[내용조건(Content Requirements)] - 조언자 소개: 충족 - 조언 내용: 충족 - 초기 반응: 충족 - 경험과 깨달음: 충족 [언어형식(Language)] - "my art skills have improved more than a few months ago"에서 "more than" 대신 "since"를 사용하면 더 자연스럽습니다. - "to match my friends"에서 "friends"를 "friends'"로 수정하여 소유격을 명확히 하면 좋습니다.

[글 수준(Quality)] - 어휘 수준: 적절한 - 문장 길이: 적절한 - 시간 흐름: 있음 - 논리 연결성: 자연스러움 - 내용 깊이: 경험 중심 전개 → 어휘의 다양성을 잘 활용하고 있습니다. 문장 구조도 적절하여 읽기 쉽습니다.

[총평(Summary)] - 글이 전반적으로 잘 작성되었습니다. 어휘와 문장 구조가 적절하며, 글의 흐름도 자연스럽습니다. 작은 문법적인 수정만 필요합니다. 계속해서 좋은 글을 작성해 보세요!

When I was in elementary school, my father said, “Live by giving to others.” At first, I didn’t think it was that important. And I ignored his advice. And then one day, in class, I saw my friend having a hard time with a problem. So I assisted the friend. The following day, in class, I was having a hard time with a problem and a friend I assisted before supported me. That's when I realized that if I help someone else, he would help me, too. After that, I tried to help others as much as possible. For example, when a friend didn't understand something, I used easier words to aid him in understanding. Therefore, I would like to thank my father for his advice so that I can give it to others.

After school, I ran home and started to do things that I had put off. I recalled “just do it”.

Three hours later, I  finished all the work I had to do. I was very tired, but I was very happy. I didn't put things off for a month and just did everything. Friends say “you are diligent“. I steadily studied without delaying, but my grades improved. After I listened to my friend's advice, I became very happy.

수정본:competition , One day, My mom was worried and said, “Don't be afraid, fight back.“. I didn’t believe it and reacted negatively. I was sad because I couldn't participate in the diving competition. Later , another diving competition was announced . I was initially hesitant because I had no confidence. I took courage and decided to participate. As a result, I participated and won!

Then I understood what My mom meant.

My mom said, 'Challenge even if you are afraid.' Feeling apprehensive, I tried everything. You can do it too!

One day, My mom was worried and said, “Don't be afraid, fight back.“. I didn’t believe it and reacted negatively. I was sad because I couldn't participate in the diving competition. Later , another diving competition was announced . I was initially hesitant because I had no confidence. I took courage and decided to participate. As a result, I participated and won!

Then I understood what My mom meant.

My mom said, 'Challenge even if you are afraid.' Feeling apprehensive, I tried everything. You can do it too!

Only then did I remember my sister’s advice and realize that she meant I should be cautious when choosing friends. Since then, I’ve stopped trusting or relying on people who approach me with bad intentions when trying to make friends

[구성(Organization)] - 글의 시작과 끝이 명확하지만, 중간 부분의 흐름이 여전히 급작스럽습니다. - "조언을 듣고 나서 어떤 변화가 있었는지"에 대한 구체적인 설명을 추가해 보세요. 예를 들어, "어떤 상황에서 감정을 표현하게 되었는지"를 구체적으로 설명해 보세요. [내용조건(Content Requirements)] - 조언자 소개: 충족 - 조언 내용: 충족 - 초기 반응: 미충족 - 경험과 깨달음: 충족 → "조언을 들었을 때의 생각이나 느낌을 추가해 주세요. 처음에는 의아했는지, 아니면 다른 감정이 있었는지 구체적으로 설명해 보세요." [언어형식(Language)] - 문법적으로 큰 오류는 없으나, 문장 구조가 반복적입니다. - "So I decided a case to convey my feelings." 문장에서 "decided a case" 대신 "found an opportunity"와 같은 표현을 사용하면 더 자연스럽습니다. [글 수준(Quality)] - 어휘 수준: 적절한 - 문장 길이: 짧은 - 시간 흐름: 있음 - 논리 연결성: 부자연스러움 - 내용 깊이: 단순 나열 → "문장 사이에 왜 그런 일이 일어났는지 설명하는 문장을 추가해 보세요. 예를 들어, 감정을 표현하게 된 구체적인 상황을 설명하면 좋습니다." [총평(Summary)] - 글의 기본 구조는 잘 잡혀 있지만, 중간 부분의 흐름이 자연스럽지 않습니다. 조언을 들었을 때의 초기 반응을 추가하고, 감정을 표현하게 된 구체적인 상황을 설명해 보세요. 문장의 연결성을 강화하면 더 좋은 글이 될 것입니다.