Like Jennie Finch

And I dream being back on the field 

I am hitting fast balls

I used to run the bases

But now I’m done

I seem to be just a sad soul now 

But I’m really reminiscing memories

Always loud,calming,soothing and loved 

But never remembered a few days later.

I’d rather be a hot, muggy sun,

Shining down one everyone, Letting them enjoy the beach or a day at the park, Helping people make memories.

To have risen day after day all over the world, to keep my head high, to feel like I am something important in this crazy world that never stops, I rise.

To be felt by the warm hearts of the people waking up in the morning, smiling because they feel me and know I’ll always be there or hate me because they weren’t ready to get up yet.

I’d rather be shining and if bothered by people,

Than to be a soothing thunderstorm in the night, Rumbling all night long, Only to be forgotten by the souls who were once calmed by you.

 

I’d rather smell of sweat, and body heat,

than of fresh water from the sky.

If I could shine down on people, and make them happy,

I’d rather be a hot muggy sun.

I value the heart in me

I write what I feel not what I think

I trust that I’ll make it on my own

I honor my strong trust in people

I give voice to what needs help

I give voice to what needs fixing

I am open to listening

I make a place for love and happiness

I hold the outcome of my life

I am safe facing challenges

I make my life a better place

Why the world can be cruel sometimes

Why people get bullied

Why people stand and laugh but not help

But most of all

Why people think it’s okay

Why people go the extra mile to hurt others

Why they think watching people cry is fun 

What I understand is 

Why it’s okay to stand up for one another 

Why It hurts me to see someone else hurt

Why it’s okay to be a friend for someone in need.

I wonder when it will be over

I see it everyday

I want it to stop

I am a young girl who overthinks

I pretend like nothings bothering me 

I feel trapped

I touch the walls in my mind 

I worry that it will ruin me and never go away 

I cry when no one understands what it feels like

I am a young girl who over thinks

I understand I’ll live with it forever

I say, “is it over yet?”

I dream of escaping it and being free and happy

I try to forget it all

I hope someone takes it away

I am a young girl who will never stop overthinking.

And I’m learning to forgive 

And I’m learning to forget 

Not regret, when I reflect 

And I’m learning not to cry

And I’m learning how to say goodbye 

And I’m learning (though sometimes it really hurts me)

Not to curse

And I’m learning to reverse

When I think about the past

And I’m learning that it’s much 

Much easier to grasp.

But now I know it’s not all about cartoons and toys

I once felt like a princess watching Dora all day while eating Mac and cheese playing with my dolls

But now I know it’s a lot more then that it’s school,work and bills

If I could be a little girl again 

I would go back and make time slow down

I never knew how good sleep was when I was young

But I sure do love it now

I can’t go back now

But I can reminisce on the memories I have

I won’t ever be as small as I was again hiding in every tight space I could find

But I might try one last time 

I used to think life was so easy

But now I know what it’s all about

I am afraid of roaches

I am afraid everything I worked hard for will be  taken away 

I am afraid I won’t be as strong as I once was

I am even afraid of my foot sticking out of the blankets at night 

I am afraid I won’t make it in college

I am afraid of not achieving my goal weight 

I am afraid of public speaking

I am afraid I’ll drop a glass cup a time or two

I am even afraid of willy wonka

I want a life full of love

I want a lake in my backyard

I want trails to ride quads 

I want a drive in movie theatre 

I even want to own my own plane 

I want to love

I want to hug 

I want to smile 

I want to be stress free 

And I want to live life to the fullest

Most of all