I’ve heard this quote recently “God, grant me the confidence of an average American white male.” As far as it may get some awkward chuckles from an audience it is important to see that the dominant culture, and how we treat one another in society, will affect not only our classrooms but also the future of society as a whole. What makes this quote hurt, or ring true, is that different vulnerabilities, aptitudes, affiliations, and social dominance does inform relationships. 

It is in understanding ourselves that we are better able to engage in a larger conversation of how we are connecting with students, coworkers, and administration. I was struck by the purposefulness section in particular. Why do we do what we do? Education is an inherently undervalued profession- greatly lauded by some without the back up of a proper paycheck or social standing. Just look at the teacher strikes in the past few years- all to get benefits not only for themselves but paraprofessionals, lower student-teacher ratios, provide funding for student technology/ books etc. 

One of my personal strengths is, I believe, connections built with students. This can be through humor, understanding tough family stuff (I’ve lived it,) or just being as dependable as I can be students are able to feel my want and need to connect with them. This is difficult for some, as they only know teachers to be very ‘other’ or ‘seperate’ from a young age. By understanding how emotions can happen within a classroom (i.e. playground drama coming into the music room/ being hungry and a little afraid that Mom/Dad won’t be home after school to feed you/ being ecstatic because Grandma is coming to pick you up after school) and then using these emotional stones as a bridge to lessons, it has become easier with the more time I’ve had as the position of a teacher. 

One thing I was interested in through reading this chapter was my personal viewpoint toward the CORE EMOTIONS. As I looked in the appendix I couldn’t help feeling that most of these emotions are negative. Was this a learned tactic as a response to Fear, Anger, Sadness, Shame, Jealousy, and Disgust? You bet! By understanding that emotions are not good or bad, we can further understand and give a label to how we’re feeling and how it is affecting us and/our students.

This year we’ve got three new general classroom teachers and one long term sub in a general classroom position. I’ve remembered in great detail the confusion with the various system goals, ‘need to do’s,’ New Teacher Formation classes, religious certification, and Danielson professional growth and development yearly goals, and now, this year, Genius Hour. Because of this I’ve tried hard to reach out and help where I can. Because of this I’ve gotten some gentle ribbing from another specialist “Why are you making all of these extra copies of the Symbolon workbook?” “Why are you volunteering to help them understand the Danielson framework?” “You’ll burn out if you continue to hold hands…” It all comes down to compassion. I hated the feeling of drowning in new information. I didn’t like the messy schedule that didn’t make sense and the feeling that asking questions meant I wasn’t paying attention.

I truly believe that Compassion strengthens communities. However, my biggest fear does come from Compassion Fatigue. I have felt “swamped by the pain we see” as Aguilar points out in this chapter. To me, the important step here is giving that a name, and honoring it as well. When I feel like I’ve got too much on my plate, or if I see a kiddo who needs extra love/care/structure I crave talking to their general classroom teacher. I need that time to make sure that someone else sees or knows what I see so I can take a break. I’ve found this to be helpful to check in with others often. This way I don’t feel like I’m the only one who has eyes on this little life. 

I have this book for my daughter, One Love, it is based off of the song by Bob Marley and really resonates with me. I feel that, specifically in our Catholic school context, it is so important to teach togetherness, understanding, and identification of hardships. I hope to use this text in my classes this fall for Art and speak to compassion. 

It’s true, someone can be super optimistic and understanding, but it was interesting for me to realize that we are all a mix of Teacher X and Teacher Y. On my best day, sure, I can be calm, cool and collected. Understanding the wiggles in my little ones, seeing that tempers may still be flared from Recess prior to my class, or seeing that sleepy student as missing a good night’s rest-not just being too lazy to pay attention to my crafted lesson. It’s also important to see that on my worst day I still know the importance of constantly striving to help my kiddos thrive. I use that story- the one where I’m a teacher constantly trying to start over and create a better version of myself- to help guide me.

“Your thoughts can also help you avoid negative distress or curtail it when it happens…” So very true! It’s important to realize that we are formed by our thoughts, and that by cultivating positive culture with our self-talk we can further impress this version of ourselves onto ourselves. This is very important for those who work in stressful situations. I’d challenge anyone to wrangle rousty kindergarten students on a full moon and see how stressful life can be in a small classroom. In changing the way I execute lessons according to student reactions, I can better understand and relate to the stories my children tell me with their body language, engagement, and social cues.

Recently there was a situation in one of our schools where a teacher was feeling left out. Social gatherings are important to help not only build community, but structure within any group of people. I was unaware of the intense stress this feeling of ‘otherness’ or ‘being left out’ was affecting our one teacher. At first I felt threatened “Why does she feel left out, why is this the fault of me?” In further exploring the relationships between others, myself, and this teacher, it became clearer to me that the urge to connect with others was vital. When left with what she perceived as little opportunity to bond, it negatively affected our teaching staff. I have been striving to come to a better understanding of what her truth is, and how we can continue to build the relationships back up. I do have to admit, I’ve been hesitant to dive into the conflict directly. The song “Rock the boat, don’t rock the boat baby, rock the boat.” comes to mind. 

Understanding that trust is at the root of every community has brightened my understanding of what works for our schools and why it works. Working in two buildings where our administration has been through 4 principals in as many years the trust that’s needed as a unit is abounding. By being able to rely on one another our teaching team understands the importance of leaning upon one another for help. In this way, I like to realize that when a teacher asks for help in time for testing her students one on one during my art lesson it is her way of letting me know that she trusts that I am able and willing to help. This builds, then, upon my need for extra rehearsal time during concert seasons. I can trust that I’ll have the support of my teachers in wrangling first graders into nativity costumes during our performances. By learning to refine communication, read body language, focus on cultural competence, and address conflict I hope to become a better community member. 

“Mindfulness allows us to take a timeout from the drama of the moment to view the situation without judgment and, perhaps, even with compassion.” (P. 127) This hit home for me. Coming to something without judgement is very important. Our neighborhood was hit by a tornado on Tuesday night this week. We’ve been struggling to find time to help clean up, continue to operate as normal for our work and home life, as well as manage feelings of hopelessness in this situation. Many of our neighbors are without so much, while we were lucky enough to only have one tree loose branches. By being mindful in this situation I hope to come to understand those around us a little better. It’s hard right now, people driving slowly through our streets gawking with smartphones hanging out windows taking videos and pictures. Hearing stories of looting happening from our neighbor’s field make me angry, hurt, frustrated that I’m at work rather than helping clean up… By taking a short time to be mindful I hope to relieve some of this drama in the moment and see how I can best be helpful. 

I was extremely lucky moving into the MAC system. After a troubling start at another school I was wondering if teaching was really the path I wanted to take. Not because of the kids, subject matter, or performance demands- but because of the community surrounding my teaching: the principal, lack of support, parent demands, and paperwork associated with my position. When I came to MACS I found one teacher who truly did have “unabashed, unwavering belief in me.” A first grade teacher who was on her last year in the profession (I had no clue she was retiring at the culmination of the year.) Her name is Rita Nowak and she pushed me to be a better teacher and a better Catholic. Through understanding that she wanted me to succeed and thrive while encouraging children to do the same I was greatly changed in my delivery style and communication style. No longer did I feel the complete ‘otherness’ in comparison to general classroom teachers, I was finally able to make connections with and bounce ideas off of someone who had years of experience in my system. 

The learning gap ideas, as pointed out in Figure 9.2, is another area in this chapter that resounded with me. “Gaps are indicators that we can still learn and grow.” (pg. 233) By understanding the framework, and furthermore how to implement and learn from it, I feel more confident in seeking out areas of my teaching style that need improvement. I am worried, however, that by not having someone observe my classroom I won’t find my true gaps. How can I know what I don’t know? 

The Time management tips and strategies located in Figure 9.2 A have helped me see how much of my prep time is mismanaged during the week. Although I’ve gotten much better since my first year of teaching at times I still feel overwhelmed in taking work home. How can I best use my time allocated for planning at school? I particularly need “stop multitasking” written in big block letters all over my classrooms. It feels that by trying my best to get everything done at once that I’ll have that home time dedicated to my family. This isn’t the case. I end up taking longer on one project than another. By dedicating to completing only one thing at a time I will get the most out of the minutes. 

Another part in this section that spoke to me was “I just needed to get organized and ask [for help.]” Last year was the first time I’ve had a parent volunteer come to help out cleaning and organizing our student’s art weekly. Michelle Slack, the parent of a first grader, is not only an amazing woman but a wonderful resource of new ideas. Knowing that she’ll be with me at 2:00 every Thursday after a harried day of seven art classes almost back to back is a relief and joy. She’s helped me see that getting items checked off a list is helpful in many ways- emotionally as well as job-wise. 

As discussed previously by my co-teachers, last school year we strove to ‘hang out’ as a group once a month. To include a stress-free environment our admin assistant suggested we have a craft at every hang-out. What started strong at the start of the year fizzled out quickly. I wonder what would have happened had we played together in different ways. I think I would suggest later in the year us getting together to play with clay, as we have the awesome opportunity of using our high school kiln and we could make something new and interesting together. 

Being so invested in the fine arts reading the second half of this chapter did make my heart glow. I was happy to see all of my research and studies cited as true learning experiences. I love sharing this with my kiddos at school, my daughter at home, my friends and my family members.
Recently my husband and I hosted a Murder Mystery party. I wouldn’t have labeled this ‘play’ before reading this chapter, but my oh my was it ever! Getting friends together to play the game and have a nice dinner was a fun way to hang out and experience something new. Through this way of recharging our batteries I can see how important play truly is- to all ages.

The healing ‘salves’ mentioned on page 264 resonate so deeply with me. I think it is important to find time every week to connect with something you truly love. When I was on maternity leave with my daughter I found that I was burned out. Emotionally and physically I was spending all of my time focused on this amazing and wonderful new little creation. When she was about three weeks old one of my long time girlfriends flew in from Alaska to spend the week of her spring break with us. She took care of me in so many ways just by asking one question: when did you stop humming? I hadn’t realized it but I’d almost completely stopped singing just for myself.

Being a life-long musician I hadn’t seen that when I would put Thea to bed that I’d be silent as the grave to ensure her sleep, but she would wake up all the time! When I went back to making my normal noises around the house, she’d sleep for two hours! It was simply that I took away something she’d experienced in the womb- my constant noise. When that came back into our lives I was rejuvenated, and she slept longer!

I found much of this chapter to be interesting when thinking of the different styles of teachers in our school. I have seen myself in her descriptions of unhealthy management of time and resources, as well as reward-seeking behavior. I feel that I’ve gotten much better at setting limits for myself since I’ve had my daughter, Thea, and hope that this continues as she grows. 

It’s important to understand a healthy balance of family and work and self. That last part is the hardest for me. How do I care for myself when I hardly know what that looks or feels like? The last time I exercised… it had to have been for a sport or marching band or something- how do we see the hours in a day for something like this? Well, we make it work. If it is important enough time will be found to do these things. 

My favorite part of this chapter was the quote from Gregory Orr: “If we’re not supposed to dance, Why all this music?” I know there are more than one way to skin a cat (a horrible metaphor that I just looked up- apparently it was first used to describe a dog and hanging was involved. No thank you, 1800’s. But I digress… ) If sleep or exercise or finding time to meditate are your desperate need sometimes we have to find a way to give ourselves permission to do so. We need to have the energy to dance.

I’m pregnant. It’s a joy and we’ve wanted this and worked toward this for so long. Understanding that my body needs more attention now is much easier to comprehend then when it's ‘just me.’ This being said, wouldn’t I want the best for my body alone the same as when I’m sharing it? I’ve found it much easier this fall to express my needs to my husband when it comes to sleep- “Dude, I’m so tired” “Then go take a nap.” The best love is the love of others. Just tonight after reading the sleep portion of the book Kyle (the greatest husband in my house) let me konk out from 7-8pm. This is prime bath, book, and bedtime for our daughter. The interesting part- I don’t feel guilty this time. I know what my body needed and he gave me permission. That permission ‘thing’ may recur in our household- me seeking the authorization needed for self-care. This isn’t great- but it is a start.

When speaking about the importance of appreciating others and offering gratitude I was immediately reminded of something our schools are striving to do this year- shout outs. The idea behind it is offering words of gratitude on a level of appreciation through email to a coworker. To get people involved there was a carrot added- a little gift would be given to the person whose name was drawn from the pile of gratitude recipients and givers. Is this effective? I’m not sure. It seems easy for some to shout out others, while it seems canned when particular people get involved. Is it genuine? Honestly, it depends again upon the people in the situation. I hope this will show to be helpful, as I’ve found two people to really ‘shout out’ so far, but I worry about the genuity behind the gestures. 

At the start of the school year during in-services I was approached by our new president. After a long sitting-fest in which we listened to a speaker who spoke about teaching and the ‘greatest profession’ I was a little sleepy. Molly, our new president, came up to me and offered a really nice and genuine compliment. I didn’t realize it, but immediately started begging off the work that she was praising. She took a moment and said, “Didn’t you listen to what our speaker just said? Take my thank you!” It was something that’s stayed with me during these first weeks of school. How can I accept praise and gratitude graciously? I’ve been trained to fake-humble when I should be able to stand in the light without getting silly or begging off the attention. 

When we speak about reaping the benefits of community with gratitude my mind is immediately brought to morning prayer with my St. Charles staff. This morning ritual started at the request of a principal who is no longer with us. What started at both buildings has only thrived at one. Why? Why is it easier for one group of people to gather together to center their day and gain focus on one or two items through prayer? How can we keep this consistently going while keeping it genuine?

Finally, trusting the process resonated with me at the close of this chapter. It’s so important to understand that paths have been laid for a reason. Sometimes it is hard to see why I’m suffering through this path, or where you are truly going, but to see and understand that others are here to help us along is a comfort. Seeing the importance of celebrating those steps- getting through a day, a semester-long course, the first month of school, concert season etc. are all things to be celebrated and lauded!

As I am reading this chapter I am riding with my dad on our way to numerous doctors appointments at the Veterans Affairs hospital in Fargo, ND. Our time together is a bright spot for me, as we have worked on our relationship and found common ground since my daughter was born. In many bleak moments it is important to find the light. At these cardio, ear nose and throat, psychologist and sleep study appointments a lot is unknown- will we find answers, are there more health hurdles in our future, is his pacemaker working properly, how were these adverse health issues caused or affected by his time deployed during Vietnam, Operation Desert Shield, and Operation Iraqi Freedom? The bright spots for this trip were plentiful: seeing him play with my daughter, have meaningful conversations with my husband and father in law, joke about politics with me, and most of all commiserate over watching Monsters Inc five times in the past three days. 

 A few points resonated with me during the reading of this chapter:statistics, caveman brain theories, joint commiseration, and the relationship between sadness and bright spots.

The statistic on how long it takes our brain to register danger versus a positive moment was astonishing. A tenth of a second compared to twelve whole seconds? How can this be! Maybe it changes depending upon the circumstances, I mean hearing child laughter must certainly register faster than 12 seconds. Or, how about seeing a new baby for the first time? I hope that through personal growth and trial I can train my brain to recognize positive pathways faster than a glare from a fourth grade girl. 

When reading about brain theory I immediately jumped to survival evolutionary strategies. When the author began discussing her conversations with herself about saber tooth tigers I had to laugh, as I do the same thing. “This is not my bridge to die on,” has become a personal mantra when I receive a detrimental email. Text is so hard to interpret emotion through, so I strive to be understanding and meet face to face with my admin, teachers, or parents. 

Joint commiseration seems to help and harm interpersonal relationships in education. We all need a safe space to ‘vent’ but I get concerned about some of my teacher friends who seem to have a hard time finding any bright spots in their work lives. On this visit back to North Dakota I was able to grab dinner with three of my college girlfriends who are all in education. Two are music teachers, like myself, and one is working with third graders. We discussed what’s working in our professional lives, but the third grade teacher is having trouble with her occupation. At a school I student taught at one teacher would host a monthly “Wine and whine” night. Although old enough, I declined the invitation to attend because I was concerned the teachers negative experiences would color my own perceptions of students and my chosen pursuit. 

Seeing the deep dive for this chapter really was a bummer. The author had a lot to say on the subject of sadness and it took her awhile to bring it around to relating to the rest of the chapter. At first read I was like “Man, parent health drama seems to be everywhere in my life right now,” but at second sniff I was able to take away an important message: this too shall pass.

Understanding the importance of accepting the now is a scary prospect, but one that is needed. The baby’s umbilical cord isn’t properly developed, so we don’t know with certainty anything about the development of the internal organs for another month. My dad is a Disabled American Veteran (DAV) and has been having heart complications that may or may not be genetic. After an unexpected fall yesterday our Grandmother’s brain scans came back showing two cancerous tumors in her brain. 

How can I use these life circumstances to build resilience and become more tenacious? The book states “We wouldn’t need resilience if things never changed.” (269) It is in these times that we must realize that change is inevitable and that accepting this fact can not only help our personal lives, but our professional lives as well. “... the rate of change is faster than in many other professions…” (269)

The spheres of influence helped me greatly this past week. Knowing the difference in what we can control, what we can influence, and what is outside of our control gives me clarity and understanding that grounds me. It reminds me of my good friend and co-teacher, Brianna Rider, and her husband praying the serenity prayer together daily. When she first revealed this to me I wondered aloud “I thought that was only for recovering addicts.” after a laugh she helped me see that this prayer works for every season in a person’s life. 

In my classroom change happens at a crazy fast rate. My lessons are only 30 min for music twice a week and 45 min for art once a week. With specials teachers’ transferring classes between co-curricular subjects it shaves down to 25 min per class. This means I need to accomplish a lot of content learning, concert practice, and classroom management in a short window of time. That leads to a changeover rate that happens every five min. The key to this is setting expectations. 

For example in our music classrooms: The kids know at the start of class we will center with prayer. Then we review what we need to accomplish in our lesson time. Singing experience with dance follows, then musical element training, followed by a game to reinforce the concept, then concert practice, and finally ending with some sort of instrument learning. It is a lot to get through and we don’t always make it to the end. 

What helps me is better understanding where the more (I hesitate to say most) important parts of the lesson fall. Our school counselor, Caitlin, has this thing she does with grades 3, 4, & 5 every fall. She classifies “grain sizes” (273) with the kids using pumpkins. The tiny issues are pumpkin seeds, followed by small, medium, large, and big picture pumpkins gradually increasing in size. Walking into her classroom and seeing her board with these manipulatives displayed helps me visualize every fall the importance of teaching these strategies young. 

Reading on page 281 “You’re not even a parent. What do you know about raising kids here?” killed me. I had almost this exact thing thrown at me by an upset parent at the first school I worked at in WI. What she didn’t know was that my husband and I (married just a short while) were struggling to conceive. The instance happened over a meeting with me, my principal, and a sweet 7th grade student who shouldn’t have been there. The discussion was centered around why that student didn’t get the lead role, but a huge supporting role, in the spring musical. Understanding that what that mom was saying out of fear of her child being singled out didn’t help in the moment. It is only through time and space from this situation that I’m better able to understand  what she was feeling.

Throughout this chapter I had to stop. Think. Process. And try and see my goal. What was getting my homework done this week going to accomplish in the larger picture? Wouldn’t my time be better spent in some other capacity with all this craziness happening in my personal life? It was in seeing how my dad played with my daughter during my designated homework time that allowed me to continue. My larger goal is to become a better teacher through this course, and hopefully a good mentor some day. Ultimately it would be awesome to have a Master’s degree. All of these goals illicit change on some level. Waves of change that I need to manage riding. 

This book study has been so very relevant this year. I know the perfect timing happens in big and small spaces. None of that could have been highlighted more clearly than during these past eight weeks.