LRN Writing Section 1 p49 by

Gregory

2021-05-06 14:18:23 UTC

Dear John,
I hope you are okay! Have you got already a plan for what you are going to do in this summer? I am writing you because I want to tell you how I spend my suumer holidays and ask you if you want to join us!
First of all, my summer holidays start in July because I have school in June and my parents are still working, so I stay in the city with my sister and I go to the beach with my friends! Sometimes we go to our grandparents and our cousins, we have great time but in summer there gets too hot that I almost can't breath! Anyway, when July comes amd my parents are taking the month off, we go to the beach all together, some summers we go for vocation to our cottage. In August, me and some of my friends we spend some days on a summer camp, we have a lot of fun! When we return we go to the beach again and hang out.
My summer holidays ends in 10th Sempember and I start to prepare for the new school year! I whould like it if you came to visit me in this summer. See you soon!

Yours,
Gregory

EDITED LETTER
Dear John,
I hope you are okay! I am writing to tell you how I spend my summer holidays.
First of all, in July my parents are still working, so I stay in the city with my sister and I go to the beach with my friends! Sometimes we go to our grandparents and our cousins, we have a great time there!
In August, my parents take their time off and we go to our cottage. We go to the beach every day! Moreover, I spend some days with my friends there and we have a lot of fun!
My summer holidays end in September and I start preparing for school.
Have you got any plan for summer? Let me know!
Yours,
Gregory

SCORE: 15/20
Overall impression: 4/5
Task fulfilment: 5/5
Organisation: 3/5
Grammar and Lexis: 3/5

Πολυ σωστα αυτα που εγραψες απλα εβαλες παρα πολλες πληροφοριες! Διαβασε την διορθωση (κρατησα οτι ηταν βασικο απο τις ιδεες σου) και προσπαθησε να παραμεινεις και στο οριο των λεξεων γιατι ειχες πολυ μεγαλο κειμενο! Για κανονικη εκθεση ειναι καλη αλλα πρεπει να γινει μικρη και απλη επειδη μιλαμε για το section 1 που δεν ζηταει πολλα!

stamatia

2021-05-06 14:18:55 UTC

Dear Mary,
I hope you are fine. .Have you got any plan of the summer holidays. Αnyway I am writing because I want to tell you how I spend my summer holidays.
First of all my summer holidays starts in July .In July I stay in the city with my brother because my parents work .I am not happy because it is so hot the summer in the city.
In the August my mom and dad take a whole month off so my holidays begin .First we go to the cottage and I'm so excited because we do a lots of things .Also the cottage have a small pool and my brother and I we playing all day .Two weeks begore the august ends we go to my grantparents and i realy enjoy play with my grandfather .At the end of August we return in the city because my parents work
Well , I'd better finish off here
Take care,
stamatia

EDITED LETTER:
Dear Mary,
I hope you are fine. Αnyway, I am writing because I want to tell you how I usually spend my summer holidays.
First of all, my summer holidays start in July. I usually stay in the city with my brother because my parents work. However, I don't like it because it's so hot in the summer and we don't have a beach nearby.
In August, my mom and dad take the whole month off so my holidays begin. First, we go to our cottage and I'm so excited because we do a lot of things there! Also, the cottage has a small pool where me and my brother enjoy swimming! The last two weeks of August, we go to our grandparents and I really enjoy staying with them. At the end of August, we return to the city because I need to prepare for school.(you needed to say about school here)
Well, I'd better finish off here. Have you got any plan for the summer holidays?(this sentence better fits in the last paragraph)Let me know!
Take care,
Stamatia

SCORE: 14/20
Overall impression: 3/5
Task fulfilment: 4/5
Organisation: 4/5
Grammar and Lexis: 3/5

Nice work! You just need to pay attention to some details and your letter will be great! Read my notes and you will see what I mean!

efthimis

2021-05-06 14:20:31 UTC

Dear Jonh,
hi how are you ,sorry l haven,t written for so long but l have been very busy.

First of all l will stay the city because my parents work and my mum take day of all the august but my dad only two week in the august but my and my mum go to the cottage and rather come to my sister.

Finaly go to the holiday resort is so good and it has very good drings and food but doesn't so clean

oh my mum coming but to know l will want to come with me

see you soon
efthimis

EDITED LETTER:
Dear Jonh,
How are you? Sorry, l haven't written for so long but l have been very busy. Let me tell you about my summer holidays.
First of all, in July, I stay in the city because my parents are still working. There, I play football with my friends and we go out every night.
In August, my mum gets the whole month off and my dad takes a two-week vacation. We go to our cottage and I spend some days there. I hang out with my friends and we have a lot of fun! Later this month, we go to a holiday resort. We go to the beach every day for swimming and relaxing.
What about you? Let me know what you are going to do this summer!
See you soon,
Efthimis

Διαβασε την διορθωση και μεινε στα απλα. Προσεχε την δομη των παραγραφων και των προτασεων οταν γραφεις. Επισης σου ελειπε η τελευταια παραγραφο!

Marina

2021-05-07 14:29:07 UTC

Dear Sofia,
I hope you are fine , I'm writing you this email because I want to tell you that I'm spending a summer.
First of all , in the summer I stayed in the village for the reason that my dad was working and my mom was sitting at home. Anyway at the beginning of August every year our holidays almost started and will go to the cottage. It is a very beautiful for the summer thare! Afterwards we will go with our cousins to a resort for the rest of the summer.
Unfortunately , at the end of August our holidays are oner and we have to go back and preapare for school.
Keep in touch,
Kisses,
Marina

EDITED EMAIL:
Dear Sofia,
I hope you are fine! I'm writing you this email to tell you about my summer holidays.
First of all, because my parents are still working in July, I stay in the village with my sister. We usually go out with our friends and we have fun all together! (your parents still working this time! pay attention to how you organise your paragraphs!)
In August, my parents take the whole month off so the nicest part of my holiday begins! Firstly, we go to our cottage. It's so beautiful in the summertime there! (for the summer is a wrong expression) One week later, we go with our cousins to a beach resort for the rest of the summer. There, we enjoy the sea every day and we try exciting water sports! Unfortunately, at the end of August, our holidays are over and we have to go back and prepare for school.
(How about your summer? I'm looking forward to hearing from you.) Keep in touch!

Kisses,
Marina

SCORE: 11/20
Overall impression: 3/5
Task fulfilment: 3/5
Organisation: 2/5
Grammar and Lexis: 3/5

Προσοχη στην δομη της καθε παραγραφου γιατι εμπλεξες στοιχεια απο την 3η στην 2η. Επισης αναλυουμε περισσοτερο τι κανουμε εκει που παμε! Λεμε πως περασαμε, τι καναμε κτλ!

Joanna

2021-05-07 14:29:44 UTC

Dear Maria,
Hi!How are you ? I hope you are fine.Let me tell you about my summer holidays.
In July me and my family stay in the city because my parents work and my brother usually has lessons.However, in August my mum gets whole month and my dad takes three weeks vacation. Firstly,3rd to 15th most of time we go to our cottage.Then,we go to a holiday resort with our family friends where is in Peloponnesus.My holidays stops at the end of August because we must go back to the reality and I preparing for school.
Well, that's all gor now.I'm waiting to hear about your summer holidays!
Kisses,
Joanna

EDITED LETTER:
Dear Maria,
How are you? Let me tell you about my summer holidays!
In July, I stay with my family in the city because my parents are still working and my brother has lessons.
However, in August my mum and dad get the whole month off.(το εκανα μικροτερο γιατι εχεις ξεφυγει λιγο στις λεξεις οποτε αφησα τα απαραιτητα) Firstly, we spend most of the time at our cottage. For the next few days, we go to a holiday resort with our family friends in Peloponnesus. We swim in the sea and relax on the beach every day. We have a lot of fun all together! (here you need to say what you do there)
My holidays stop at the end of August because we must get back to reality(that's the phrase you need) and I have to prepare for school again.
Well, that's all for now. I'm waiting to hear about your summer holidays!
Kisses,
Joanna

SCORE: 16/20
Overall impression: 4/5
Task fulfilment: 4/5
Organisation: 4/5
Grammar and Lexis: 4/5

Very nice try! Προσεχε λιγο τις περιττες πληροφοριες για να μην βγαινει μεγαλο το κειμενο. Οτι αφαιρεσα δεν ηταν λαθος! Απλα κοντευε 160 λεξεις και επρεπε να μικρυνει!

Eva

2021-05-08 06:51:41 UTC

Dear Anna,
How is everything going?. Well i'm writing to you because i want to tell you how i spend my summer holidays.
First of all early of July i wil stay in town because my mom gets whole month off and my dad will take two weeks location.
Afterwards we will go i the cottage and i'm so excited!. Whats more my mom, my dad and me we will goon the ressort and i also love this place.
Finally in the end of the August we return to the city because i want to prepare for the school and for the big test.
Well that's all for now
Take care,
Eva

EDITED EMAIL:
Dear Anna,
How is everything going? Well, I'm writing to tell you how I spend my summer holidays.
First of all, in early July, I stay in town (and I usually hang out with my friends. Also, we visit our local swimming pool because we don't have a beach nearby. We really enjoy ourselves there!)
In August, my mom and dad take the whole month off so my summer holidays are official begin!(your family's vacation is on this paragraph!) Firstly, we go to the cottage and I'm so excited because we do a lot of outdoor activities there like zip-lining! One week after, I go to a beach resort with my family. We go to the beach every day and I really enjoy swimming in crystal clear water! Finally, at the end of August, we return to the city because I have to prepare for going back to school.
Well, that's all for now! (Hope to hear from you soon!)
Take care,
Eva

SCORE: 11/20
Overall impression: 3/5
Task fulfilment: 3/5
Organisation: 2/5
Grammar and Lexis: 3/5

Προσοχη στην δομη της καθε παραγραφου γιατι εμπλεξες στοιχεια απο την 3η στην 2η. Επισης αναλυουμε περισσοτερο τι κανουμε εκει που παμε! Λεμε πως περασαμε, τι καναμε κτλ!

Marian

2021-05-08 11:25:39 UTC

Dear Marry ,
I hope you are well , I am writting to you because I want to tell you how I spend my summer holidays . Have you got any plans about your summer holidays ?
First of all , my holidays start in Junne in the city because my parents worked. Usually go out with my friends and go to the beach with my family or my friends.
In the August , when my parents have permission we all organize our summer holidays together for where we going. Sometimes we go to our cottage which has many beaches and a wonterful sea .
Finally in the end of the August unfortunately we went back to the city. My summer holidays slowly they end because my parents are starting to work and i am also preparing for the opening of the schools .
Take care
Kisses
Marian!

EDITED EMAIL:
Dear Marry,
I hope you are well! Have you got any plans for your summer holidays? I am writing to tell you how I usually spend my summer. (First, you ask about her and then you talk about yourself.)
First of all, my holidays start in June in the city because my parents are still working. I usually go out with my friends (where? maybe in the city centre/park?) and sometimes we go to the nearest beach. We have a lot of fun! (use this kind of comments to make the email more interesting)
In August, my parents have the whole month off so we organize our summer holidays together.(<-- Here you had to talk about your family that they take a break) Sometimes we go to our cottage which has many beautiful beaches and a crystal clear sea. (not a wonderful sea) Finally, at the end of August, we go back (present tense) to the city. My summer holidays come to an end because my parents are going back to work and I am preparing for school.
(Well, that's all for now. I'm looking forward to hearing from you and about your summer holidays!) (You missed the whole closing paragraph!)
Kisses, (or Take care, you can't have both)
Marian!

SCORE: 10/20
Overall impression: 3/5
Task fulfilment: 3/5
Organisation: 2/5
Grammar and Lexis: 2/5

Προσοχη στην δομη της καθε παραγραφου και στο τελος παντα βλεπουμε οτι εχουμε καλυψει τα παντα! Ελεγχουμε ξανα το γραπτο με τους τροπους που εχουμε πει!

ΔΙΟΡΘΩΜΕΝΟ Eva

2021-05-08 14:26:23 UTC

Dear Anna,
I hope you are fine, well i'm writing to you because i want to tell you what i usually do in my summer holidays.
First of all early of July i stay in town and i go for swimming at the beach with my friends, after that we hang out at the local center.
In August my mom and my dad take whole month off, so we can go on holidays.
Afterwards we go at the cottage, i can't wait to go there because is my favorite place and i have the best memories from this place!
What's more we go on the resort. Here has the most tasty food but it's a little bit expensive.
Finally in the end of August we return to the town because i want to prepared for the big test that we write almost every year.
Well that's all for now let me know what you do the summer.
Take care,
Eva

ΔΙΟΡΘΩΜΕΝΟ Marina

2021-05-08 15:04:58 UTC

Dear Sofia,
How is everything going? I'm writing you this letter to tell you what doing my summer .
First of all my summer vocation they don't start immediately because my parents work and I live in the city. Moreover until the beginning of August I'm still going to school.
However my parents take a break in mid-August when our vocation started. At the beginning my parents and I are going at the cottage there are usually my grandparents and my cousins.
Then we all go together for a swim and then for food. In the end of August our holidays are over and we are slowly getting ready for school.
Well that's all for now,
Bye for now,
Marina

Μαριανθη

2021-05-09 15:36:30 UTC

Dear Anastasia,
How are you? I hope you are fine. I'm writing to this email about in the summer.
First of all, in July i will be in town because mom works and dad got his summer leave, my summer vacation will start in August on the wonderful islands of Greece.
We have not decided yet on a more specific island we will got, but the activities we will be perfect! Such as, water ski and diving and much more. In the evenings we will go out and eat the wonderful food and the nice drinks.
At the end of August we will return to the city and prepare for the opening of the school's. I'm waiting for you to write me about your summer. Bye for now!
See you soon,
Marianthi

Δεν εχεις καταλαβει σωστα το θεμα. Πρεπει να γραψεις για το πως περνας τις καλοκαιρινες σου διακοπες συνηθως και οχι που θα πας τωρα το καλοκαιρι! Αρκετες ιδεες σου ειναι καλες απλα διορθωσε το να ταιριαζει με το σωστο θεμα!

Κaterina Διορθωμένο

2021-05-09 15:54:19 UTC

Dear Christy,
I hope you are fine, I'm writting you an email because I want to share with you the thoughts I have for the summer and vacation.
First of all in July we woke up in the morning and we were going to our cottage here in the city. Opposite us we had a sea view. In the morning we went to the sea with my cousins I was having great time.My mom gets whole month off and my dad will take location.
At the end of August we went on vocation as a family to a beautiful island. The hotel was very good and had a very nice breakfast. Every afternoon we went to the hotel pool it was very crowded. In the evening we went for a walk on the island. I did not want to leave it was so wonderful, but I had to go back to the city because I want to prepare for the school.
Well, that's all for now. I'm looking forward to hearing from you and about your summer holidays.
Take care.
Kathryn.

EDITED LETTER:
Dear Christy,
I hope you are fine! I'm writing to tell you what I usually do in my summer holidays.
First of all, in July, I stay in our cottage here in the city. In the morning I go swimming in the sea with my cousins and we have a great time!
In August, my mom a dad get a whole month off. We visit a beautiful island each summer. Every afternoon, we go to the hotel's swimming pool and in the evening we usually go out for a walk. Everything is wonderful there! After our vacation, I go back to the city because I have to prepare for school.
Well, that's all for now. I'm looking forward to hearing from you about your summer holidays!
Take care,
Kathryn.

SCORE: 15/20
Overall impression: 4/5
Task fulfilment: 5/5
Organisation: 3/5
Grammar and Lexis: 3/5

Very nice try! Προσπαθησε να μην αναφερεις τοσες λεπτομεριες γιατι αυτο ειναι το πρωτο writing και δεν πρεπει να ξεφυγει σε λεξεις και εκταση. Οτι αφαιρεσα δεν ηταν λαθος! Απλα κρατησα τα σημαντικα για να ειμαστε στο οριο! Προσοχη λιγο στην δομη των παραγραφων, ποτε χωριζουμε δηλαδη οπως και επισης στους tenses (λεμε τι κανουμε συνηθως αρα present tenses)

valentine

2021-05-10 12:03:44 UTC

Dear Anna ,
Hi! How are you and your family? I hope you are fine ! I'm writing you an email beacause i want to tell you how i spend my summer holidays.
First of all, my summer holidays starts in July. Me and my brothers stay home,because our parents work.In August,my mum gets whole month and my dad takes two weeks vacations. First, we went to our cottage , we were so happy that we were going to our cottage with my family for summer holidays! Anyway, when we are arrived , we saw our cousins and grandma and grandpa who had surprished us . However, we rested from the trip and in the evening we all went get ice cream in hand and we walk to the coastal.(δεν χρειαζεται να πεις λεπτομεριες απλα τι κανεις γενικα και πως περνας. Δες και την διορθωση) At the end of August, we return to the because i need to prepare for school .
Hope to hear from you soon. Have you got any plan for summer holidays? Let me know!

Kisses,
Valentine .

EDITED LETTER:
Dear Anna,
I hope you are fine! I'm writing to you to tell you how I spend my summer holidays.
First of all, my summer holidays start in July. Me and my brothers stay in the city because our parents are still working.
In August, my mum gets a whole month and my dad takes a two-week vacation. First, we go to our cottage. There, we meet our cousins and my grandparents and we have much fun all together! We spend every day at the beach, swimming in the sea and relaxing too.
At the end of August, we return back home because I need to prepare for school.
Have you got any plan for the summer holidays? Let me know!
Kisses,
Valentine.

SCORE: 15/20
Overall impression: 4/5
Task fulfilment: 5/5
Organisation: 3/5
Grammar and Lexis: 3/5

Nice try! Δωσε ομως προσοχη στην συνταξη και στην οργανωση των προτασεων! Επισης καποια πραγματα τα κρατησα πιο απλα γιατι ειχες ξεφυγει αρκετα απο το οριο των λεξεων. ΔΙαβασε την διορθωση και προσπαθησε την επομενη φορα να μεινεις στα βασικα και θα εισαι μια χαρα!