Tone Challenge - 5th by Cassandra Whitefield https://padlet.com/cassandra_whitefield/r3fzclu6w1d2 Post both the original and the revised copies of your group's selected story here. Put your group number and names in the title! en-us 2017-09-19 21:04:23 UTC 2017-09-20 18:37:59 UTC hello@padlet.com Original/ Hailey, Olivia, Ian, Makalah https://padlet.com/cassandra_whitefield/r3fzclu6w1d2/wish/189471852 We left in the dead of night;   wind blowing through our wet hair. I loved the night time more than the day. I lived for the bright stars and quiet streets. I was in heaven, with my best friend by my side. This is the first time I've convinced him to sneak out with me, and we decided to go swimming in the not too cool river a couple blocks from my place. Everything was perfect, and the soft hum of grasshoppers in the distance was music to my ears. I knew he'd want to go home soon, but i hoped he'd change his mind by the time we got fully dried off. I could never admit it to him, but just being alone with him made me even more happy than the night time did. Looking at his face brought me a sense of poise, and with the soft light from the stars shining on him, I knew this would be the start of an amazing summer. ]]> 2017-09-20 18:04:04 UTC https://padlet.com/cassandra_whitefield/r3fzclu6w1d2/wish/189471852 Revised/ Hailey, Olivia, Makalah, and Ian https://padlet.com/cassandra_whitefield/r3fzclu6w1d2/wish/189473578 We left in the dead of night; wind blowing through our wet hair. I lived for those nights with him under the gorgeous night sky and quiet streets. I was in heaven with my best friend by my side. This is our first time sneaking out and going to swim in the tepid river a few blocks from my place. The best part of the night was that he was here with me, and i never wanted that to change. I knew he'd want to go home soon, but i was hoping his mind would change once we fully dried off. I never admitted it to him, but he was my obsession. He made me happier than the stars as bright as fire did in the sky. I could tell he was trying to head home, but i just couldn't let him leave! The repetitive chirping of the grasshoppers wasn't helping my heart beat any slower. He took one step away and I called out to him to not leave me. I mean, it was his fault for trying to walk away. Now he's with me forever...thinking that now the blood is all cleaned off of him gives me a since of poise. Hopefully, the taxidermist will be ready for the stuffing of the body soon. My mom said she doesn't want the smell to stink up the house. I knew this would be the start of the best summer ever, but not for his family. ]]> 2017-09-20 18:07:15 UTC https://padlet.com/cassandra_whitefield/r3fzclu6w1d2/wish/189473578 Bella Castilleja, Kaiya Phongsavanhthong, Courtney Lyles. https://padlet.com/cassandra_whitefield/r3fzclu6w1d2/wish/189477416  Original
  We left very early in the morning before the sun came up. Running the KOA relaxes me but not when i’m racing my enemy. Kayla and I have been bestfriends since the 6th grade but every year when volleyball rolls around we instantly hate each other and everything becomes a competition. Today she said she wanted to race at the KOA, so I agreed. I kept up with her most of the way but she beat me at the last second. “I win, I win, I win.” she yelled as she kept 
running. She always brags and I would never hear the end of it. 

                                                        Revised    We left very early in the morning before the sun came up. Running the KOA with my bestfriend relaxes me in the morning. Kayla and I have been bestfriends since the 6th grade and when volleyball season rolls around we both try to put our competitiveness aside. Today however, Kayla wanted to race at the KOA, so I agreed. I kept up with her most of the way but she beat me at the last second. She patted me on the back and told me I did a good job and I said the same back. I’m glad Kayla and I are friends and can uplift each other.

]]> 2017-09-20 18:14:09 UTC https://padlet.com/cassandra_whitefield/r3fzclu6w1d2/wish/189477416 Francis Mejia, Logan Leto, Natasha Flores-Acton, Alex Napoles 38322 https://padlet.com/cassandra_whitefield/r3fzclu6w1d2/wish/189485621 Original
It was a clear and sunny day, a perfect day for play. Though when the sun rose high in the sky, that faithful noon, a kid’s shirt hung on a flagpole with the unusual short and scrawny ten year old trying to get it back down. Earlier that day, a kid had gone to play in the sandbox. This kid’s name was Colin, he was high functioning on the asperger's scale, ADHD, and OCD. He was picked on heavily at school for being special and having a hard time with regular social interactions. While he was there, one of the fifth graders from his school showed up and took his shirt, his name was Joshua. Joshua was the equivalent of an elementary school jock. So when he showed up at a playground with his gang of friends, and realized Colin was there, he took the opportunity to take Colin’s shirt. As the helpless boy was wrestled to the ground, stripped of his shirt, and left there crying as his shirt was slowly raised above his head and left waving in the wind.

New

It was a clear and sunny day, a perfect day for play. When at the top of the playground, stood two 10 year old kids. One of them, a future genius of the world, named Colin, the other, a potential professional athlete, named Joshua. The two became unlikely friends at the park. Joshua was a proud, stubborn, and popular athlete. While Colin was a kid with ADHD, aspergers, and OCD. He was a modern day Sherlock Holmes, though was not very popular with anyone. Joshua had always secretly wished that he could have straight A’s and do something that his parents and teachers could be proud of, though Colin had always wished that he could be normal, popular, and athletic, though he never could. So when the sun set on that playground that fateful evening, casting a shade of orange on the place, the two new best friends slowly walked home.


]]> 2017-09-20 18:28:22 UTC https://padlet.com/cassandra_whitefield/r3fzclu6w1d2/wish/189485621 Zaira/Emiliano/Ashlynne https://padlet.com/cassandra_whitefield/r3fzclu6w1d2/wish/189485836 Revised

The elderly woman grasped his hand. Her green eyes , as clear as a shiny lake on a cold spring morning, looked up blankly at him. Joey looked down at her hand and back up at her eyes. Gayle, getting senile in her old age, started to mumble quietly as she continued to stare into his eyes. As Joey started to get closer, he could hear her words. ¨She is no good for you, she'll hurt you...¨ These words were repeated into his ear over and over. Gayle said, ¨Don't leave me for her, she's a democrat, she'll double cross you without second thoughts.¨ Joey exclaimed, ¨Grandma, I can't leave her. We are getting married!¨ He glanced back into his grandma's, the lakes had a storm brewing, and it was going to pour.]]> 2017-09-20 18:28:51 UTC https://padlet.com/cassandra_whitefield/r3fzclu6w1d2/wish/189485836 Zaira, Ashlynne , Emiliano https://padlet.com/cassandra_whitefield/r3fzclu6w1d2/wish/189485929 The elderly woman grasped his hand. Her green eyes as green as shiny as a shiny lake in a cold spring morning, looked up blankly at him. Joey looked down at her hand and back up at her eyes. Gayle, getting senile in her old age, started to mumble quietly as she continued to stare into his eyes. As Joey started to get closer he could hear her words. "She's no good for you she'll hurt you..." The words were repeated into his ears over and over , he looked back at the woman standing in the corner. " Don't leave me for her, she';s a democrat , she'll double cross you without a second thought. " He looked around at the bags he had set on the ground.]]> 2017-09-20 18:29:04 UTC https://padlet.com/cassandra_whitefield/r3fzclu6w1d2/wish/189485929