where growing up means have full responsibility for self

I come from a place where my father's voice is all over the place

He is the chief of command of the house everyone has to look upon him

I come from a family where I wanted to escape before I turned 18

where living in a house is a series of fates with hidden and fallen

I come from a community where I had to put my voice low to show respect to others

And because I come from a place where I'm from

It can look like trash, ridiculous, and insanity

However

It gave me a sense of purpose and belonging

which I only realize when I leave "where I come from"

I try hard and hard

to meet my ends needs

Life is dark but deep

and I am already grateful for any chances

Walking up to see the sun

Reading great books on a quiet day

Knowing

Even if thing is down today, sun will be up tomorrow

Learning

Life may be dark but you can try hard

Like

Setting up an alarm at 4 AM to study

Working for 12 hours straight, sleep on the way back home

Seeing changes come very slowly, almost give up

but Like you

I know things come after tears, years of trying, keep seeing dark, after a long time

then Like you

I see a way out

And I see light, Like You!

Putting books in front of her door to avoid strangers stepping in

I release you, my traumatization of a girl who obsessed with fashion and clothes

Putting layers and layers to cover her neck and her skin to avoid being tough

I release you my younger self of a girl who got angry as she couldn't convince people those are busy keeping their proud and pride

I release you, my beautiful soul

For healing trauma, stretching sadness, keeping herself back together

I release you, my thoughts

So I can take my well-being back my identity, my personality, my mentality - all back

So I release you so I can release myself too, my friend!

We were so excited about lives and being alive 

But I don’t know why we get too excited like this

I see old buildings, faded curtains, dead trees, broken telephone booth

Smog is in the air because of the fire in Northern California
Trees are dying because nobody take care of it
People are fighting because of economic cuts, pandemics, immigration, 
And so much more that I couldn’t tell

Why we are excited about life so much?
Ahh
Is it because even though the trees have fallen in the ground at one place, we see flowers blooming in another place
It is because even though the sky looks gray and gloomy today, we still have each other back for a field trip 
Is it because even though your feet are stuck with dead trees, and old leaves, you still keep moving forward
It is because even though you look down at the dead tree, if you look up, you see green lush branches all over the sky

When you look down, you know you can always look up 
And a lonely lamp spot at night can make the whole sky brighten 
I know that we can hold back our spirit for a moment to wait a sunrise tomorrow 

Why we are excited about life so much?
Because this is a journey
It can be down and up 
Up and down
And up again one day. 

When someone asks what Vietnam looks like

A beautiful landscape, friendly people, and delicious food run through my head

My country’s heartbeat

Where Saigon is the first memory of my life

I remember projects we have been done with my friends

A generation of youth who desire to change the world

Who go around 54 cities of Vietnam to make differences

I remember Turtle Lake at 10 pm in the nighttime

Where we sit tight together and quietly share our dreams

I remember a paper rice salad that only 15 thousand Vietnam dong but could only feed 4 people until midnight

I remember a dear friend of mine who started up a milk tea shop at this lake 

We sell and we buy our dream all night all-day

The heartbeat of my country

I remember a city where my parent live 

Where I only make up a 3-day visit when I have to be 

People and events

Sad and happiness 

My grandmother and my grandfather 

I remember faces 

I leave as fate and I come back with a hope

Healing and trauma of a generation 

As laughter and tear

I listen to my heartbeat

It gives me a deep breath

It gives me forgiveness

It gives me purposeless 

It gives me memories 

My heartbeat is my life and I am alive. 

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Inspired by "Slows with nightfall and awakes at first light" line from "The Heartbeat of My Country"