Yes, I am calling you a participant, not a viewer, because, in order to engage with this work beyond simply scrolling around the screen, you need to participate in it. You make the image expand, the audio play, the song be allowed to be sung, my voice heard. You choose the length of time, the order, the skipped, the repeated, the overlooked. How you participate in it will create your experience. You are in control. Much like how you engage with my story and that of other survivors, many of us living life right beside you each day. Perhaps you are aware? Perhaps it is our secret. You choose how much you get to know someone, whether you grab that cup of coffee together or not, wink. To participate is to become involved. This is an issue that is playing out over and over again all around us. If you are not a victim yourself, I wonder if you will choose to participate in changing the story? It’s ok, the choice is completely yours and I am not pushing one way or another. No judgement here. I promise. This is a tough one. It’s ok to feel strong emotion or even numbness. Or want to just get out of here. Smile. I completely understand. Thank you for staying this long. 

 

I titled this “artist statement.” I want to make a statement in this work because I never really got to do that in real life. I feel like he made my statement for me for the longest time. But that is changing now. I am getting help and I am inrecovery and my story is becoming my own. 

 

You probably arrived in this space and thought “whoaaaaa! Way too much!!! Where do I begin?” Or something similar. Smile. Yeah. In creating this, I wanted to recreate the recovery journey. How it feels for me. Too much to sort through at once, in any one moment and yet acutely aware it’s all there all the time. Jumping and disconnected thoughts, connected thoughts but disjointed. Sound and visual flashbacks. Unfinished sentences. Incomplete memories. Punctuation where it shouldnt be. Gaps. Then there’s distraction and avoidance and hiding. Going off on tangents. Dissociation from all feelings and thoughts – I created the opportunity for participants to burrow into a YouTube video or even an 8 hour sound effect where their own thoughts could meander. Much like mine do when I am overwhelmed. If I’m not escalating. Actually, distraction is a useful tool sometimes, gives us time to give our nervous system a rest. We need it. Please make use of it.

And then there’s information overload and news and media and way too many experts who can tell you exactly how … but amidst them are the truly helpful and that is where healing begins. 

 

So welcome to this space. My space. I do hope you’ll stay or come back or both. 

Can I get you a cuppa? 

Kendall