where my heart starts to bleed again. by Bernadeth Densen https://padlet.com/densenbernadeth/qjcv1t8uuoo6h8xo en-us 2022-12-24 14:20:54 UTC 2022-12-24 14:54:16 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet.net/icons/png/1f587.png welcome to utopia. densenbernadeth https://padlet.com/densenbernadeth/qjcv1t8uuoo6h8xo/wish/2428316506 the night has fallen, and we both felt the cold breeze of air as the wind touches our skin. the leaves of the trees were dancing gracefully, people around us were talking, you can hear our neighbours singing, television is on and you can hear the people inside the house laughing. the world was so busy at that moment, but never did i lose my focus on you. you continued on talking while my ears were paying attention, my eyes looking at the most beautiful person i have ever met, and my mind only thinking of you — the one i love most.

our conversation stumbled upon existing and you were doubting your existence. "(you're) stupid," i said, not knowing i let the thoughts come out of my head. i do not mean to degrade you, but i was saying you're stupid in a way that your existence is appreciated by many who believes in you. that the world wouldn't be the same without you. and i won't be able to meet someone who will make me feel more alive. i love everything about you, and i value your existence and your presence a lot. it's okay if you feel that way, but hearing those words from you awoken the thought in me that we are all human beings — temporarily living and soon will only "exist" in the memory of other people. 

throughout the conversation, one thing i realised is that it's funny how "fantasy" exists alongside "reality". it feels like it shows how desperate we are to leave the real world behind where everything and everyone is cruel. where it is full of wandering souls, screaming from the agony of their heart. souls that were tortured of their own regrets and sufferings. and to escape such hurtful chaos, we tend to dream the illusion that everything will be alright and make up a world where we feel accepted, validated, loved, and cared about. until we gaslight ourselves and imagine scenarios in our head to atleast motivate us and wake the little hope in us.

are you living the fantasy of the reality ?
welcome to utopia.

— hali.]]> 2022-12-24 14:52:57 UTC https://padlet.com/densenbernadeth/qjcv1t8uuoo6h8xo/wish/2428316506