Who am I? Can I grasp my existence and my personality?

Well, I enjoy writing down my thoughts, and in this blog, I'll be talking to myself, writing letters to myself, and being authentic. So, who am I, actually? Do I know myself?

Hi again! I'm Sheila, an introverted person who likes being with herself. I shouldn't call it loneliness because being alone doesn't mean being lonely. One of my strengths is curiosity—I have a desire to learn, explore, and seek knowledge and experiences in different aspects. Another strength of mine is my ability to accomplish tasks independently without depending on others. However, there might be some qualities that I can't consider as total strengths. For example, having the initiative but not wanting to take the lead because I sometimes choose to slack off.

On the other hand, my weakness, at the top of the list, is procrastination. While being productive is good, sometimes I just want to do nothing. Another weakness could be overcommitting. Yes, I slack off sometimes, but when I'm too productive, it's hard for me to say no to things.

During my free time, I like playing ML when bored. I usually stay at home, waiting for dawn, and talk to my family about random things, laughing with them. That's what I prefer instead of being outside.

My life principle is gratitude—recognizing and appreciating the positive aspects of life. Small gestures matter the most, which is why I always say thank you to those who have helped me, even for little things. There are still some things rushing to my mind; I can't put them all into words. Going back, what shapes my personality are the experiences I've gone through throughout my life. Whether happy, sad, traumatic, or any experience, I'm thankful because I have overcome them all.

I'm just a very normal girl, but I have made accomplishments for myself and, of course, for my family. It may be in academics or becoming a better version of myself. I'm working hard to finish college and help my siblings and parents, in God's will. I didn't have a dream of what I wanted to be when I was little. But as time goes by, as our priorities shift from wanting toys to buying things for the house, people should dream. They should dream of having a better life, a dream that is worth the effort. Of course, before achieving that kind of dream, people should also do their part, working hard. That's what I'm doing in these years.

Reading, reflection, and various factors have greatly influenced my decision-making and overall well-being. Life doesn't always unfold according to our desires, and learning to be patient has been a crucial lesson for me. Allow me to share a verse from Isaiah that I live by: "When the time is right, the Lord will make it happen." This reminds me that there is always a perfect time for everything because no one can close the door that God has opened for us. If it's meant for us, it will come to us.

In the future, I hope to have a better life—good health, a successful career, financial stability, and no heavy heart.

Okay, so this is me. It might be a bit chaotic, but I'm glad I was able to write down my thoughts. Xiao!

Failing, the loss of my loved ones, and not having someone to turn to, especially in times of mental need, are the moments when I feel most lonely.

Firstly, the fear of someone leaving me, particularly my family, terrifies me. I dread experiencing the immense pain of loss, as I'm vulnerable to such emotions and easily break down.

I am also haunted by the fear of failure, particularly in my academics. After all, who wants to fail? I am here, and I might as well give my all and do my best.

Also, I've had many traumatic experiences that my family is unaware of. Perhaps, I am just afraid of finding myself in similar situations again.

While going through life, I really want my parents to enjoy the kind of life they missed out on when they were young. Seeing other families having fun in restaurants and buying nice things makes me feel a mix of sadness for what we missed and hope for what's possible.

I want to make it clear: I'm happy with what we have now. But why not want a better life? It's not about being unhappy—it's just natural to want things to be even better. So, I use this desire as motivation.

I imagine a future where I can treat my family to a meal at a restaurant, share laughs, and fulfill their wishes. It's not just about things; it's about giving them a better life. They're my support, lifting me when I'm down and being there for me when I feel like a stranger in the crowd. It's about creating a space where they can thrive and enjoy all the good things life has to offer.

My family isn't just my inspiration; they are the reason I dream of a future where we can share happy moments and make lasting memories together.