First of all, Dale is incredibly soft. Yes, he likes denying that a lot but it’s a fact and I am certain that there are a lot of people who can vouch for it. He actually gets told he is soft a lot, according to my observations and it’s quite silly of him to still deny it and blatantly ignore the truth, which is, of course, that he is a soft fuzzy warm ball of fluff. Everything that Dale says, everything that Dale does, his interests, they’re all soft. He has an obsession with mini-pigs, which speaks a lot in itself. He is a proud father of two kittens called Ed and Shawn and will not stop talking about them and taking pictures of said kittens snuggled up against his side. He listens a lot to Troye Sivan but more importantly. From experience I know that Dale is the softest when he is sleepy. Sleepy and clingy. That is my favorite Dale, even though I love Dale in all shapes and forms.

Second of all, Dale is very kind-hearted and understanding. He doesn’t give himself enough credit for it, but he is. He is exceptionally good at listening to whatever it is you might have on your mind and then giving you his honest advice. And mind you, his advice is really good. And because he is a soft fuzzy warm ball of fluff, even then he will feel bad for not being able to help you with what you are going through. I might not have had many conversations with his friends but I can obviously tell they love him a lot and appreciate him, as they should. Dale is definitely a person you need in your life and if you do have him in your life, you have to be grateful for it because not everyone gets to witness a blessing like this in their short lifetime.

Third of all, Dale is positive and hardworking. He will go to great lengths to make you happy and cheer you up. If he notices that you are down, he will not sleep just to keep you company. Even if you try to push him away unreasonably, he won’t leave if he senses you’re sad and stick with you. He is human though, just like the rest of us. Therefore, he doesn’t have an endless supply of energy and he gets tired too. He gets tired and he gets sad. If you do see a sad Dale, try your best to cheer him up. But sometimes he just needs time to rest and regain his energy. Dale needs food (he especially likes chicken), lots of sleep and cuddles from his sons Ed and Shawn. And Donnie. 

Fourth of all, Dale is very patient. He is willing to let you spam him with all kinds of animal videos and pictures and let you ramble on and on, and he won’t mind it. He’ll even say he likes it. That doesn’t mean you should take advantage of it. You should be careful and try not to make him upset. You can tell when he’s upset because he gives you short replies and he says “lol” and “okay” a lot. In case this happens, your best bet is to apologize to him sincerely and give him time to cool out. 

Fifth of all, Dale is the best boyfriend one could wish for. He is supportive and will be there for you no matter what. He is open and makes you feel comfortable in his presence. He’s really affectionate and will make you feel loved, that’s guaranteed. But you can’t have him because he’s mine.

I hope the statements I shared above helped convince you that Dale should be illegal. Just like Kai’s lusty stares and crotch thrusts, Dale gives me a boner. An emotional boner. If that isn’t enough reason, then I don’t know what is.