PersDev Journal Entries by Noriz Mora https://padlet.com/norizmora22/noriz_mora AN11C | Wallpaper art isn't mine, it's from Runmonsterun (Vaneda Vireak) on Tumblr! en-us 2018-01-30 01:07:43 UTC 2024-07-21 09:10:05 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet-uploads.storage.googleapis.com/258138910/3b24db4ae082433a94fa3716cd5f3e0d/icown.png Entry #1: Creative Journal norizmora22 https://padlet.com/norizmora22/noriz_mora/wish/229918685 My banner was hard for me to fill in because my writer's instincts taught me to show and not tell; to prove I'm all these qualities instead of just saying I am.

One thing I did discover, though, was I'm more proud of my becoming more productive than I expected. Last year I'd been a chronic procrastinator, and through the influence of studyblrs (a community on Tumblr where everyone encourages each other to study - I know, it's the nerdiest thing ever) and getting my own planner (which I absolutely would not have survived 2017 without), I've finally started doing homework and other things on time. I knew it had a big impact on me but until now I'd always only credited the community for my change, not realizing it also took my own efforts to change myself.

My core strengths, I think, are that I care a lot about people and I want to help where I can.

Every strength is also a weakness, though, so this has also lead me to need the approval of others and become critical of myself. Me being overly critical can explain why I can name way more weaknesses than strengths: I'm hypocritical, I lose focus easily, I turn everything into a joke as a coping mechanism, I'm so terrified of failure but whenever people have expectations of me I self-destruct. Etcetera. But I guess there are other good qualities in me: I'm a pretty good person to vent to (just never ask me for advice) and I love teaching. There's also my art; I'm an okay artist and writer. Good characters and dialogue are my favorite things to work on, and I like how this is what people usually compliment me on.

I did find a method to help me with my self-loathing, and it's a little ridiculous: treat myself like I was one of my friends. While I would gladly hurt myself for hours, I would never allow a friend to do the same to themselves. Another ridiculous method: I feel a lot better when I put effort on how I look, which makes me want to act as creative or responsible or sunny as I look.

As for my good qualities, I'll work hard on improving my art so I can tell the best stories I can. I'll reach out to my friends so they always know someone out there cares. I'll try to use my love of teaching to help my classmates and the kids in my old school, and do short art tutorials. (The best thing about teaching is I have to learn more so I know what I'm talking about.)

I want to cultivate my best qualities and make up for my worst ones, not so others see me as perfect, but so I can inspire others to do better, too. I look up to so many people who I know aren't perfect, but their kindness, their creativity, their love for others, and their relentless drive to improve shine so brightly that their flaws... almost don't matter? I want to be like them especially when presenting myself to younger artists.]]> 2018-02-09 07:43:20 UTC https://padlet.com/norizmora22/noriz_mora/wish/229918685 Creative Journal Entry #2 norizmora22 https://padlet.com/norizmora22/noriz_mora/wish/238557498 1. Is there a ‘center’ or a central theme in your timeline and life? If you will give a title for your timeline what would it be and why?
I named it "A Series of Unfortunate Events" just to be funny - I think I've been fortunate my whole life. My life has been too unpredictable for me to pick out a certain theme or pattern to it, so I'll leave it at that: the theme of my life is its unpredictability.

2. Identify the turning points in your timeline. What were the thoughts, feelings and actions that you experienced?
The 2014 events really solidified my decision to be an artist. I felt bad about it at first - there I was, abandoning a life ambition yet again (before writing, I wanted to be a singer) - but I eventually found this may really be the right path for me. There's an enthusiasm I have for art that I can't replicate with anything else.

2017 was also when I started having more initiative. For the first time in my life, I wanted to do well in school and take my art seriously so I can help others with theirs. It was no longer okay for me to just be okay - I have to be good, or better. An unfortunate side effect to this is I became even harder on myself than I already was.

3. Who are/were the most significant people in your life? How did they influence you?
My friends probably impacted me the most. Different groups of friends - my Internet friends, my (I guess you can say) best friends from high school, and the group I like to refer to as my Good Catholic Friends - molded my sense of humor, inspired me to help others (especially people with depression), and taught me to become more accepting.

I want to mention two people in particular by name: first, Ate Ar-Em, who inspired me to take art seriously, introduced me to Homestuck, and arranged for the field trip to iAcademy. We're not very close, so I don't think she knows how grateful I am for her and how much of an impact she's made on me. Second, Fudge (yes, that's her real name), who is hands down the most selfless person I know. I tease her about being Ms. Perfect - yes, nobody's perfect, but there are still people who are good at nearly everything, and she is one of those people - but I strive to be as hardworking and kind as her. Honestly, if more people cared as much as she did, what a beautiful world we'd all be living in.

4. What would you change or add, if you could? How would each of these changes or additions affect your life, or even change its present course?
I wish I worked harder on my studies earlier so I would have a rock-solid work ethic right now instead of the frenzied version of productivity I employ today. I also wish I sought out artist friends earlier - you get a sense of community and friendly competition that you wouldn't get from just passively watching artists. If I'd done this, I might be a much better artist today.

5. Where do you want to be in a year, 5 years, and 10 years? What do you expect your future timeline will be?
I want to have a decent career portfolio under my belt before I even attend college. I want to be telling my stories and teaching art, perhaps online. I want to be financially stable and independent enough to pay back my parents, contribute to my education, have my own personal workspace at home, and - God willing, in a decade or so - get married without burying myself in debt from the costs. I want to become so accomplished, confident, and wise that I wouldn't even recognize my future self. Hopefully, I also wouldn't recognize twenty-something me because she has cooler hair and a better fashion sense.]]> 2018-03-06 12:29:35 UTC https://padlet.com/norizmora22/noriz_mora/wish/238557498 Creative Journal Entry #3 norizmora22 https://padlet.com/norizmora22/noriz_mora/wish/253689126 Write down five things which made you feel grateful about in your middle and late adolescence stage or things that can be relatively small in importance but made you remember a good event, experience, person, or thing in your life — then enjoy the good emotions that come with it.

The first thing I'm grateful for is my Grade 10 batch. I'm only still in touch with my closest friends in the class, but we were fifteen or so students who all kind of jived together; everyone was more or less friends. I'm happy with all our dumb inside jokes, our incredibly stressful (but rewarding) block screening fundraiser, and the three-day road trip to Tagaytay that we took instead of a prom night.

I'm grateful for my Internet friends, whom I met on a Facebook pun group years ago. Most of them are my age, but I've watched a few who got married and had kids since I met them. I've learned to become more tolerant with other people through them, and also to become more fascinated with other cultures. It's also weird to me that everyone looks older than I expect them to, though I've been told it's just because Asians tend to look younger than everyone else.

I'm grateful that I'm at an age where I'm really free to express myself through my sense of style - I can make as many bad fashion decisions as I want because I'm young, and people don't usually judge me as harshly because they expect bad decisions from teenagers. I can dye my hair, wear weird lipstick,  and put together strange outfits with wild abandon, fully knowing my future self will cringe at me for them but not caring because I'm having fun anyway.

Even though I feel as if I'm always busy, I'm grateful for all the free time I have. It's less than I used to have in my childhood, but I know what little extra time I have now will run out once I graduate and have to work at a career (where summer vacations are only distant memories), so I try to make it worth it while I'm still in senior high. I'm grateful that I get to read, watch, learn from, and enjoy so much content on my free days.

Finally, I'm grateful that - as a result of all the browsing I do in my free time - I constantly discover new things and my tastes change all the time. Some days I'll read romance comics, some days I'll binge horror movies, some days I'll watch philosophy lectures. I can listen to indie acoustic or 2000's pop or Broadway musicals any given day. My interests are all over the place thanks to my adolescent lack of focus and need for new experiences. Which means every day is exciting because I don't always know what I'll be in the mood to consume that day.
]]> 2018-04-20 03:22:33 UTC https://padlet.com/norizmora22/noriz_mora/wish/253689126 Creative Journal Entry #4 norizmora22 https://padlet.com/norizmora22/noriz_mora/wish/254896944 1. Make a slogan or personal declaration about a) happiness and b) self-development, and how you can commit yourself to doing both.

a) Happiness
"I don't need to be happy to make a difference, but it's easier to make a difference when I'm happy. And so, I commit myself to brightening days, causing smiles, and making laughter - for others and for myself."

b) Self-development
"I believe that I must always be content with what I have, but never be content with who I am. I commit to unceasingly pursue growth in every area of my life."

2. Explain your thoughts and feelings about each.

I have complicated feelings about happiness because I agree with people who have polar opposite views on happiness. I believe in The Oatmeal's view, that happiness is fragile, overrated, and temporary. Happiness is viewed as a binary - are you or are you not? - when it's a spectrum of feeling. And it's better to be fascinated and compelled by your life than to be happy with it. So: I am not happy. Sure, I feel joy in short bursts, and on most days I'm quite content with what I have. But joy always fades, and then I feel nothing special. Not particularly sad or good, just nothing. I don't think I feel joy enough to qualify as a Happy Person. (And I'm not sad enough to qualify as UNhappy, either.) And that could be okay.

But then I read Gretchen Rubin's "The Happiness Project," and she presented an impressive case for happiness. Happy people are scientifically, objectively better: they live longer, they help more, people like them more, etc., etc. Happy people make other people happy. So, being happy is one of the best and most selfless things you can be. (I wish I still had my copy of the book so I can repeat its message more clearly.) God knows I couldn't care less how I feel, but I want to make the people I love feel better. Happiness may be fragile, overrated, and temporary, but it's still good and important. I believe happiness isn't a choice (or else depression would not exist) but refusing things that could maybe make you happy is. (Which is why my heart bleeds for most depressed people, but not depressed people who have all the means to treat themselves and yet choose instead to just whine endlessly about their misery.)

To sum it all up: I'm unhappy, but I'm not sure if I should necessarily change that. If I do, it will be for everyone's sake, not mine.

What I feel about self-development would thankfully take up much shorter paragraphs, because my feelings for it are not complicated at all: I love it. I adore people who constantly improve themselves. I think everyone should _work on improving themselves. I nerd out about self-development literature. Yes, people should accept themselves, flaws and all, and nobody will ever be perfect - but that shouldn't stop you from working towards the goal from being as close to your ideal self as you can be. I try to be my ideal self every day, and I fail every day. I don't even hit a fraction of all the good character traits I want to embody. A lot of the time this gets me down and makes me want to give up on myself, but the thought that I may become someone's role model always, always drives me to try again. Because if they've made the (misguided) decision to be inspired by me, I owe it to them to at least attempt to be as inspiring as I can be.

3. Include specific ways by which you will develop yourself further.

I can solve a really significant number of my problems if I managed my time properly. I have a bullet journal and I've been experimenting by keeping daily plans on my phone. If I keep this up long enough and keep adjusting the system, I could hopefully develop the discipline to do enough work, and on time.

Intellectually I can keep on reading amd learning, making sure I take notes so I don't forget. (Taking notes is always my solution for everything.) 

As an artist I really need to work on having a consistent schedule for making art - days and times to work on big pieces, or storyboards and animations, or comics, or drawing studies, as well as when to post these online. I should also ask feedback from more skilled art friends so I know quickly what I need to improve on.

Finally, I can make more of an effort on talking more to people I enjoy being with, and being more open with them. I take my friends for granted a lot, and I'm uncomfortable being vulnerable even to my best friend. Since I'm stuck in my own head a lot, I know this'll help me feel less lonely, provide insights I might not even consider (overthinking sometimes leads me to believe that because I analyze so much I've already considered every possibility), and maybe even lead me to become more accepting of me and my emotions.
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