https://padlet.com/26slionetti/pt1r3a55upsy Here, you can give me specific and valuable feedback on all of my writing pieces throughout the year! As you comment, please remember to be kind with your words. However, as you offer "Two Stars and a Wish," constructive criticism is certainly welcome! en-us 2019-12-05 15:53:08 UTC 2019-12-09 18:52:22 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet.net/icons/png/1f984.png 26jlomonte https://padlet.com/26slionetti/pt1r3a55upsy/wish/420834513 I loved your story! I really like how you still wrote about how Gemma was mad when Sarah scored at camp even when Gemma was at home after camp was over. I really liked this because you did not just write about her being mad at the soccer field because I feel like it would not seem like it mattered a lot, but since you added on to it even when she was at home it makes it seem like she is really mad about this. Another thing that I thought was really good in this story was how you really showed how her feelings changed through out the story, like how you started the story with Gemma being so happy to go to camp, and then after Sarah scored she got mad because Sarah never played before. I also liked how you moved on to how she was not so sure with how good she plays, to at the end where she does her best and she scores, and how she is happy for Sarah and Gemma is proud of herself. However a suggestion is to maybe show not tell when she called Sarah and asked her how she was so good and how she scored. Maybe it could be something like: As Sarah talked Gemma had a hard time listening because she was about to explode with anger. “It’s not like you kick a ball around and score! Uh this is so unfair, I should be the one that scores, not Sarah that’s only been playing for a day!” But besides that I think your piece is really good and I enjoyed reading it! There are so many good sentences, things people say, actions, it makes the story great!

]]> 2019-12-06 16:12:23 UTC https://padlet.com/26slionetti/pt1r3a55upsy/wish/420834513 https://padlet.com/26slionetti/pt1r3a55upsy/wish/421790584 My first star to give you is that I love how you explained everything with so much detail!  I really liked how you described Gemma’s mom’s facial expression as “Her put-that-down-if-you-know-what's-good-for-you look.”  I also liked how you put “blowing up with laughter” My second star to give you is that I loved how you said,   (wow, why am I so obsessed with 2 seconds today?) that literally had me cracking up!  My wish is that next time you write a story don’t make me laugh so much my head hurts!

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