Poems (Malay and English) by Natasya Azman

Tenang

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-09-27 13:22:47 UTC

Langit kembali membiru,
Kicauan burung berbunyi merdu,
Oh suasana yang sudah lama kurindu,
Bila tiadanya jerebu,

Kumampu melihat hijaunya daun,
dan cerahnya petang hari ini,
sehingga ku dapat lihat pesawat melewati langit.
Syukur atas kebesaran-Mu.

Asya Mujahidah, 27/9/2019

A letter for You (Special for Nafisa Nasrullah)

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-09-27 13:41:56 UTC

I read your words,
Letters by letters,
And I can feel the pain,
Tears won't stop running on my cheeks,
Because the feelings, I can relate,
Your words make me feel
A little relieved,
Knowing that I'm not the only one
Who encountered this situations.

You're so strong,
I wish I can be like you,
Through poems you expressed everything,
Deep from your heart,
Frankly I never cried reading anything,
But your words
Have deep meanings,
You soften my hard, cold heart,
And damping my tears' tank,
Thank you,
For proved to me,
that I'm still worth writing
About how my heart felt.

Asya Mujahidah, 26/9/2019

Surat Cinta untuk Al-Khansa

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-09-28 00:10:41 UTC

Minta maaf,
aku tidak dapat bertahan lama,
seperti mana kalian mampu bertahan,
Aku malu,
Aku malu yang amat,
Terkenangkan perangai jahiliah,
Yang aku cuba lari daripadanya.

Sungguh kalian sangat hebat!
Aku kagum dengan semangat juangmu,
Ingin juga aku menjadi srikandi,
Bersama kalian hingga mati,
Namun aku sedar,
Langkahku sudah tersilap,
Niatku sudah lama lari,
Demi menjaga maruahmu, Wahai Al-Khansa,
Aku terpaksa keluar dari lingkaran Syurga ini.

Bukan salah kalian,
Kalian suci, aku masih jahil,
Aku rindu tapi aku terpaksa undur,
Jangan risau tentang diriku lagi,
Tahulah bagaimana aku menjaga hati dan diri,
Dirimu tetap aku sayangi dan rindui,
Doakan supaya hati aku kembali lagi.

Aku sayang kalian, Al-Khansa,
Doakan aku agar ku dapat tunaikan nazar.

Asya Mujahidah, 28/9/2019

Perasaan

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-09-28 00:37:32 UTC

Mungkin aku sahaja,
Yang berfikir,
Tiada yang sayangkan aku,
Tapi aku sedar,
Ramai yang mendoakan aku,
Dalam diam,
Bilamana aku telah cuba dijatuhkan,
Mereka bangkit pertahankan
pendirian mereka,
Untuk aku.
Terima kasih.

Asya Mujahidah, 28/9/2019

Surat Untuk Sang Murabbi

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-09-28 00:42:53 UTC

Wahai Murabbiku,
Sungguh kusayang padamu,
Kau kuanggap sebagai kakakku,
Dalam jalan tarbiah yang penuh liku.

Aku minta maaf,
Andai aku menjadi Mutarabbiah
yang paling degil,
Yang paling jahil,
Yang paling 'rebel',
Atau yang paling malas.
Namun aku sentiasa buat yang terbaik,
Supaya kau dan aku akan sentiasa bersama.

Namun ku tak sangka,
Bahawa aku yang meninggalkanmu,
Tidak,
Aku tidak meninggalkanmu,
Tetapi aku lari kerana malu,
Ya, Aku malu,
Selama 3 tahun aku ditarbiah,
Aku tersungkur kembali,
Malah lubang jahiliah yang aku terjatuh dalamnya ini,
Lebih dalam sebelum aku kenal erti tarbiah.
Tiada sesiapa yang boleh selamatkan aku,
Melainkan doa seorang yang beriman.

Doakan aku,
Supaya aku boleh keluar,
Dari lubang dosa ini,
Aku rasa sempit di sini,
Aku sunyi,
Walau ramai yang bersama dengan aku tika ini,
Aku masih berasa sunyi.
Selamatkan aku.

Asya Mujahidah, 28/9/2019

Hijau

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-09-28 07:00:24 UTC

Berjalanku dengan hati yang senang,
Bersama seseorang yang sentiasa girang,
Dia mengajakku untuk berjalan-jalan,
di kaki bukit Balai Cerapan,
Sambil menikmati alam.

Hijau di depan,
Hijau di belakang,
Hijau di kiri dan kananku,
aku berasa tenang,
Itulah pertama kali,
Aku mentadabbur alam,
bersama petikan daripada Quran,
Aku dan dia berbincang,
sambil berjalan,
Bersama seorang yang aku sayang.

Aku rindu kamu, Kakak Cantik

Asya Mujahidah, 28/9/2019

Warkah Untukku

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-09-28 12:32:17 UTC

Wahai diriku,
Yang sedar sudah lama terpesong,
Gaya hidup yang terlalu bebas dan songsang,
Kembalilah kepada Tuhan-Mu,
Agar diberi keizinan,
Untuk mengalirkan air mata Taubat,
Dan berubah menjadi lebih baik,
Doakan aku, kawan-kawan.

Aamiin

Asya Mujahidah, 28/9/2019

Tawar Hati

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-09-29 22:09:30 UTC

Hargai senyuman manisku,
Sebelum ia menjadi tawar,
Lalu bentuknya mendatar,

Hargai kata-kataku,
Segala emoji WhatsApp yang ku beri padamu,
Sebelum aku berhenti menghantarnya.

Hargai ucapan sayangku,
Sebelum perasaan sayang aku pudar,
Kerana aku penat berharap.

Hargai aku selagi aku masih hidup,
Sebelum aku dijemput oleh-Nya.

Thank you.

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-10-03 12:04:05 UTC

I know,
In silence,
You care about me,
You pray for me,
And you support me.

Although,
We might not be as close as we think,
But I can feel it,
I'm not going to lie,
But I appreciate it,
The affection you gave,
Is the one I always crave.

What am I trying to say,
You are the least expected person,
Who I want to be cared by
in the day,
But you gave me a lesson,
No matter how much you had prayed,
For that one person,
to look at you,
If she don't show the interest,
Then someone will.
And that someone is you.

Thank you very much.
For supporting me in silence,
Anonymously

Asya Mujahidah, 3/10/2019

Memori yang Menghantui

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-10-06 12:37:39 UTC

Engkau datang tanpaku minta,
Engkau pergi secara rela,
Lalu kau kembali lagi,
Melukakan hati ini,
Yang penuh dengan tikaman berduri,
Apa yang kau berdendam sangat
denganku?
Sampai kau bersua muka denganku,
Dalam keadaan dan waktu yang tak tentu?

Berhenti hadir dalam kotak fikiran,
Kau hanya buatku menahan kesedihan,
Menahan segala perasaan,
Yang dah lama mati dalam hati,
Jangan seru dia untuk bangkit,
Kerana hati aku akan sakit,
Sakit mengenang memori pahit.

Asya Mujahidah, 6/10/2019

Aku ke Aku

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-10-06 12:49:46 UTC

Wahai diri,
Kadang kau kena sedar,
Tak semua faham perangai kita,
Tak semua tahu apa yang kita buat,
Dan tak semua mampu buat macam kita.

Wahai diri,
Berhentilah berharap,
Bahawa mereka menghargai,
Segala usaha kau,
Untuk melihat senyuman mereka,
Sedangkan,
Mereka sering buat kau menangis,
Tanpa mengucapkan kata maaf secara zahir dan batin.

Sakit memang sakit,
Itulah balasan daripada Allah,
Kerana berharap,
Selain daripada-Nya,
Namun jangan pernah kau berhenti,
Membahagiakan orang lain,
Kelak giliran kau tak lama lagi.

Asya Mujahidah, 6/10/2019

Zalim

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-10-08 00:08:51 UTC

Satu sifat yang aku tidak suka,
Ialah menzalimi diriku sendiri,
Sudah kutahu ia membawa murka,
Namun aku masih buat lagi,
Sampai satu tahap,
Aku akan mula biadap,
Mempertahankan dosaku.

Kezaliman yang lain,
Ialah zalim terhadap orang sekeliling,
Aku tidak faham mereka,
Aku tidak berada di tempatnya,
Namun tanpa bertimbang rasa,
Aku terus bersyak wasangka,
Aku menyesal.

Kezaliman paling aku benci,
Ialah masaku yang telah dicuri,
Sudah kutunggu lama,
Namun kau lewat tanpa kata maaf,
Bukan salah keturunan engkau,
Yang selalu cakap "Melayu",
Namun engkau yang tak reti urus masa,
Kau menzalimi masa aku.

Asya Mujahidah, 8/10/2019

Stigma

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-10-08 20:33:51 UTC

What people said,
And what people think,
Is contrary to what I do,
I wish to get out,
Of this difficulties,
Where people's assumptions,
Killing me silently.

No, I don't choose,
To be lonely,
But they make me do this,
They abandoned me,
They neglected me,
Make me feel worthless,
Even when I'm with them,
I feel left out,
For that,
It is better for me to isolate.

I wish to talk fluently,
No more awkwardness,
But my words,
Stuck at my throat,
My body starts to bloat,
O' I hate this situations!
Like I'm in a sinking boat,
Alone,
Crying for help.

My mental ain't in pink,
But I'm not a crazy person as you think,
Stop these stigma,
It killing us,
We need help,
Not your killing conclusions.

Asya Mujahidah, 9/10/2019

Ujianku dari-Mu

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-10-22 00:58:58 UTC

Aku diuji,
Dengan cinta manusia,
Lalu aku patah hati,
Dan aku kembali kepadanya semula.
Sekali lagi aku diuji,
Aku suka kepada sesama jantina,
Hampir setiap hari aku angau tentangnya,
Dan aku mula lalai dan jauh dari jalan Illahi,
Allah, aku mohon,
Sedarkan aku yang bernafsu songsang,
Aku mahu keluar tapi aku sudah terjebak.

Aku malu,
Sebagai seorang yang mengenali tarbiah,
Malah berjuang lebih awal dari orang lain,
Mempunyai sifat jijik ini.

Aku takut,
Sedarkanlah aku Ya Allah..

Asya Mujahidah, 22/10/2019

Letter #1

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-10-29 12:35:16 UTC

To my dearest friends,
Who feel to give up everything,
That you just built,
To give up on the things,
That you had been doing all this time,
Or to give up,
The things that you are not good enough,
Handling it.

It's okay to feel that way,
It's okay to be sad,
But it's not okay to stay like that,
Get up, sweetheart,
Your struggles are going to worth it,
Your struggles will be not regreted,
Your hard work will pay,
If not today,
Maybe it will in another day.
Smile 😊

Asya Mujahidah, 29/10/2019

Letter #2

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-10-29 14:52:15 UTC

Dear you,
Just a reminder that I'm always here for you,
whenever you need me.
I'm all ears.

Trust me, I'm a keeper.
I keep every little details you told me about,
and not revealing it to anybody else.
And I won't use it against you,
If we are not talking anymore.

Pinky promise :)

Asya Mujahidah, 29/10/2019

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-10-30 13:59:09 UTC

Tabah

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-10-30 15:17:05 UTC

Wahai diriku yang melampaui batas,
Tolong la bangkit, usah kau bermalas,
Kau tahu apa yang kau perlu buat,
Lakukan segera tanpa lagi rasa meluat.

Aku tahu semua salah aku juga,
Yang membiarkan perasaan ini mekar dengan kuatnya,
Namun aku telah sedar,
Diriku sudah kutampar,
Dan kini aku melawan rasa ini,
Tapi aku perlukan doa teman yang kusayangi.

Teruskan berdoa untukku,
Agar kukembali menjadi hamba Allah,
Bukan hamba cinta manusia.

Asya Mujahidah, 30/10/2019

My Best Friend 'Till Jannah in UTM <3

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-11-02 12:08:36 UTC

Making you girls happy,
Is my top priority,
Don't ever feel gloomy,
Because I will take away your worry,
May our friendship last for eternity.

Love you girls so much!
Jieya, Haiza and Putri.
May our friendship remain strong and may death tear us apart.
Sesungguhnya aku sayang awak semua kerana Allah <3

Wǒmen shì zuì hǎo de péngyǒu

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-11-02 12:21:20 UTC

Thank you for being my best friend. I love you ❤

My Sunshine

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-11-06 22:10:39 UTC

It's been 3 years. I still missing you.
Wish to meet you in Heaven, Sunny.
Pray for me <3

Janjiku Padamu, Teman

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-11-07 23:09:48 UTC

Selagi aku bernyawa,
Selagi aku mampu,
Aku akan terus mencuba,
Sampai lidah menjadi kelu,
Takkan aku sanggup,
Melihat wajah hampamu lagi,
Kau kawan aku,
Aku tak suka lihat kau sedih.

Aku tak mengharapkan apa-apa balasan,
Kerana melihat kesungguhan kau,
Aku tahu tiada lagi untuk aku beralasan,
Dan aku rela bantu kau tanpa ragu.

2SSCG

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-11-09 08:38:08 UTC

Thanks for today! I really have fun with you all <3

9/11/2019

Hear me out

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-11-10 23:44:23 UTC

Look at me,
Listen to me,
You are matters,
Even you think you are useless,
Don't worry about the past,
Get up and beat the stress,
Your mental need a rest.

Hold my hand,
Lean against me,
Listen to my heartbeat,
Do you hear it?
As long as you heard it,
I will always be here when you need me,
Now and forever.

Hey,
Don't worry too much,
This too, shall be pass,
It's okay to have some down,
And created on face a frown,
But don't stay in that way too long,
It will cause more cons.

Believe in yourself,
No hardship that will be tested more than you can handle it,
Stay strong, readers,
On whatever you are fighting for.

Asya Mujahidah, 11/11/2019

We are Archers!

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-11-16 13:56:07 UTC

16/11/2019

at first I never thought it will be this fun. Hahaha

Harsh

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-11-21 10:32:59 UTC

I know I once said I love you,
But I don't know how to express it,
I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to hurt you,
I grew in harsh nature,
Where being mad is a sign of love,
I'm sorry,
I don't want to hurt you,
And I'm sorry for being sarcastic,
I didn't meant to,
But I have to say it,
So you won't be weak like I was used to be.

In this friendship,
I can't promise that I will make you happy always,
Nor hurting you,
But all I can do it,
To stay loyal to you.

Asya Mujahidah, 21/11/2019

Letter #4

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-12-02 11:36:14 UTC

Your voice is my therapy,
Hearing your laughter makes me happy,
And making your smiling is my responsibility.

May you live in so much prosperity <3

Letter #5

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-12-13 02:22:51 UTC

Dear you,
The one who smiling back at me,
I really wish your last day won't come,
Cause I'm missing you right now,
How can I move on?
When you are always in my thoughts?

Dear you,
The beautiful stranger,
Turns out to be my good partner,
Even we only met once a week,
I'm glad we are having this friendship,
Please accept all my offers and gifts,
Because you're the only one I treat you specially.

I know it's weird,
For a girl to say 'I love you',
to another girl with passion.
But, it's true.
I love you,
And I don't wish for you,
To love me back,
Because I know you're straight,
unlike me.

Diabetes awareness

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-12-13 02:59:59 UTC

6/12/2019

Good job everyone!

Letter #6

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-12-17 00:43:49 UTC

Thank you for spending time with me.
Looking forward for more time to spend with you

Love, me 🌹

Friendzoned

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-12-17 22:37:40 UTC

18/12/2019

My Love

AsyaMujahidah — 2019-12-18 08:30:11 UTC

18/12/2019

Specially for you 💛

AsyaMujahidah — 2020-02-06 03:19:43 UTC

Making you happy,
Is my top priority,
Don't ever feel gloomy,
Because I will take away your worry.

Thank you for accepting me,
Although we only met once a week,
But I never thought eventually,
That we could be so close like this.

Your voice is my therapy,
Hearing your laughter makes me happy,
And making your smiling is my responsibility,
May our friendship last for eternity.

Thank you for all the memories,
They are all so lovely,
Our moments are forever to be cherished,
Because you are forever my bestie.

Dedicated specially for Sakawduan Simsee 💛

4th February 2020
Asya Mujahidah

Ugly

AsyaMujahidah — 2020-03-20 13:06:16 UTC

Gosh, I'm so ugly,
No wonder people left me,
For those who hadn't vanish,
I feel so much uncertainty,
Are you really sincere?
Or you just being friendly?
The insecurity,
Hit me hard lately.

I look into the mirror of mine,
In the morning and bed time,
When will my skin be clear?
Asked myself in the mirror,
I want to be as beautiful as her,
To be the first choice,
To be priorities,
To be loved.

But I guess I don't deserve all that,
Just because I am ugly.

Asya Mujahidah, 20/3/2020

Uncertainty

AsyaMujahidah — 2020-04-14 03:57:25 UTC

I remember that
you replied 'I love you',
when I ask what's your favourite lyric,
And I really wish,
To say the same thing back,
But I'm full of uncertainty.

It is true?
Cause you said it out of the blue,
I need a clue,
I need reassurance from you,
But you know what?
I think it's just a joke,
So before having my heart broke,
I need to let you go.

Asya Mujahidah, 8/6/2020

CovEid

AsyaMujahidah — 2020-05-17 13:24:20 UTC

Covid-19 muncul di dunia,
Mengubah cara hidup kita semua,
Tiada lagi bersua muka,
Tiada lagi mendengar suara,
Semuanya hanya di alam maya,
Aku sedih tapi aku redha,
Ada baiknya jadi begini,
Demi kemaslahatan makhluk Illahi.

Nanti,
Sampai saatnya,
Kita bertemu kembali,
Diberi peluang untuk menghargai,
Setiap detik yang Allah bagi,
Selamat hari raya,
Wahai sahabat yang kurindui,
Semoga hubungan kita kekal abadi.

Asya Mujahidah, 17 May 2020

Exhausted

AsyaMujahidah — 2020-06-08 13:39:37 UTC

I'm sorry for not keeping my promise,
Promise to stay with you,
But what's the point to keep it,
When it's only me who keeps try,
I'm not tired of waiting,
But I'm tired of hoping,
Hope that one day we have connection,
Hope that one day we can be together,
Hope that one day we can be a better friends.

I'm tired.
I'm exhausted.
I'm sorry.

Asya Mujahidah, 8/6/2020

Fake hope

AsyaMujahidah — 2020-06-10 14:45:25 UTC

You said,
You don't want to lose me,
Yet you don't act
like you want to keep me.

You said that,
You need me,
Yet you don't show some efforts,
To make me stay.

I don't know what to believe,
To stay for your deceive,
or to walk away and leave.

But there's one thing I know,
In order to make me grow,
I should let you go.

Asya Mujahidah, 10/6/2020

Sexual harassment

AsyaMujahidah — 2020-06-15 14:36:20 UTC

16/6/2020

Heart Break

AsyaMujahidah — 2022-09-17 10:29:34 UTC

Januari

AsyaMujahidah — 2025-01-24 05:56:45 UTC

Suatu pagi di hari Sabtu,

di awalan bulan satu,

Itulah detik pertama kita bertemu,

Setelah berjanji berminggu-minggu.

Debarku bukan kepalang,

Menantimu di dalam keretaku,

Sedang aku diawang-awangan,

Kau datang tidak lama dari itu.

Melihat susuk tubuhmu,

Aku tersenyum malu,

Hati kecilku berkata,

"Kacaknya hamba-Mu ini ya Allah",

Apabila kau mulai bersuara,

Hati aku berkata sekali lagi,

"Lunaknya suara jejaka ini",

Sungguh kusegan ketika itu,

Bunga cinta mulai mekar setelah lama dia menguncup layu.

Sepanjang temu janji kita,

Aku sangat selesa kita borak bersama,

Kau memiliki aura yang unik,

Dan bagaikan aliran elektrik,

Aku tertarik.

Seperti kuasa telepati,

Kita berdua ingin berjumpa sekali lagi,

Di bulan yang sama; Januari,

Untuk mencipta lebih banyak memori,

Walaupun dengan secawan kopi.