I traveled to Greenland with friends in 2017. It was a quick four day vacation from January 30 to February 2.

On Day 1, we flew from Iceland to Greenland and checked in at Seaman's Home in Nuuk.

On Day 2, we took a boat tour in Nuuk Fjord.

On Day 3, we went on a guided historical tour of the Nuuk neighborhoods.

And on Day 4, we headed back to Iceland by plane.

Seaman's Home sat by the harbor, overlooking views of seas and mountains. It is minimalistic yet clean, cozy, and comfortable. On Day 1, the Aurora Borealis came out to welcome to welcome us right at the porch of Seaman's Home. She was divine.

I did not find much to be excited about Nuuk's food choices, but the peace, quiet, and scenery more than made up for it. I marveled at the cold,  ice, sea, change in weather, structures, art, establishments, culture, tradition, and even waste management. It felt like I was in a different world.

If I were a city...

It is the year 2021. I haven't traveled for a year because of this pandemic called the Coronavirus. For me, traveling feels like an escape from this circus of a third world hamster wheel into a different world. It allows me to see a better version of the world apart from the everyday chaos. It is always so refreshing to see nature at its cleanest, barest, and freshest. Hence, this Iceland- Greenland trip.

Today, I look back at this trip and think... If I were a city, I'd be Nuuk, Greenland.

Based on my readings, Greenland has been known for its many cases of Depression. It could be the cold, change in weather, living situation, isolation, small population, alcoholism...

A few months ago I was diagnosed with Chronic Depression with Anxiety. I may have had it for as long as I can remember.

I don't live in isolation or quiet or darkness. I live in the middle of a bustling and overpolluted city, where motorists honk even at the wee hours of the night. If you ever meet me in person, you'd think I'm okay- maybe even friendly, cheery... Not even my closest friends and family could tell if something was wrong.

There exists a small, cold, dark room inside me-- far away where my mind meets my heart-- where my strongest emotions go, allowing me to either say, "I'm okay, I don't have feelings about it." or talk about the experience with a straight face and sounding totally objective. I'm okay with that. I like to give them space. But it scares me when:

- These emotions barge out the small, cold, dark room bigger, bolder, stronger and leave every part of me exhausted from overthinking and overfeeling; or

- Suddenly, I find myself drifting into the small, cold, dark room, making the real world moment feel like an out of body experience like I don't belong there.

I'm Nuuk-- I can engage in an enthusiastic conversation about lush scenery, sparkly snow, hot chocolate on a cold winter morning, sunshine on your face during a boat ride in the Arctic, cute reindeer footprints...  while sitting on the floor in a corner of the small, cold, dark room, sipping hot black coffee from a Klean Kanteen, eyebrows crunched over spreadsheet formulas and SWOT analysis.

I'm okay.

BY Barefoot Diaries

at February 06, 2021 

My heart is restless

My spirit wants to burst out of my body.

Is there somewhere else I should be?

Everything seems to be perfectly normal around me.

Everything in its place.

Familiar faces. 

But nothing feels normal... or familiar.

I run my palm against the couch.

I recognize these corduroy sheets.

I glance at my husband poking at his gadget.

I can't breathe but I don't tell.

Tears fill my eyes.

I blink them out.

Am I not okay?

What's wrong with me?

I hold my breath.

Close my eyes.

My exhale tastes like chocolate.

I feel nauseous.

I feel lost, displaced, empty.

At the same time... I don't feel.

Is there nothing I can do?

Is there anyway to fix... me?

BY Barefoot Diaries

at February 06, 2021

As the room rests in darkness

As the air condition rumbles

As he breathes softly in his sleep

I run my toes against the sheets

Taking comfort in its smoothness

I blow cold air into the space above me

Hiding sniffles, soothing tears

I press my sleeves onto my eyes

Wiping away hints of weakness

BY Barefoot Diaries

at February 14, 2021

at February 07, 2021 

 I'm fat and I can't lose weight.

Am I not fun enough to date?

Did I come off too strong,

Did I say something wrong?

Did my face ugly twitch?

Was there a hint I missed?

Did I look upset?

Was I misread?

Did I laugh the wrong time?

Did I smell like grime?

What do they say about me?

Are they angry?

Did I eat too fast?

Did I talk to much?

Couldn't I be better?

Couldn't it be easier?

Couldn't I look prettier?

Should it all matter?

BY Barefoot Diaries

at February 14, 2021

I look forward to the weekend

I look forward to lounging around

Not thinking about work

Not trying to achieve anything

Not forcing myself to be an adult

I look forward to having time for myself

To watch videos

To snuggle under the sheets

To  just be

But on weekends

I also dread the weekdays

Bothered by how weekends are so short

And how to make the most of it

So i pressure myself

To live in the weekend

Until its already the weekdays

When I wish it were the weekend

BY Barefoot Diaries

at February 20, 2021