✨TR: 6.0; CC: 5.5; VC: 5.5; GR: 5.0✨

Whether for personal prosperity or societal progress the importance of food sufficiency is undisputed 💥 GR: thiếu dấu phẩy -> Whether for personal prosperity or societal progress, the importance of food sufficiency is undisputed. Yet, the debate on the reasons and solutions for famine across the world remains intense. While some argue that natural disasters are the main cause, others point to human’s conflicts as components 💥 GR: -> human conflicts as key factors. If left unsolved, staving can lead to tragic consequences, so practical actions are necessary 💥 GR: từ sai, dài -> If unaddressed, starvation can lead to tragic consequences, necessitating practical action. This essay will analyze the hurdles 💥 VC: ko tự nhiên -> causes before proposing effective measures.

The failure to tackle this issue 💥 có thể thay -> persistence of famine can be attributed mainly to inadequate weather conditions 💥 VC: ko tự nhiên -> adverse weather conditions, not to mention the detrimental impact of civil war on agriculture outputs 💥 GR: số nhiều sai -> agricultural output. It is the global climate change that causes the notable blight in the yields of produce 💥 GR: dài -> Global climate change significantly reduces crop yields. Crops have their own kind of weather which is suitable for them to grow healthily, thus, without these conditions, plants can be restrained from their most productive output 💥 GR: dài -> Crops require specific weather to thrive; without it, their productivity suffers. Moreover, almost all kinds of crops are unable to survive in natural catastrophes 💥 GR: dài -> most crops cannot withstand natural disasters. Severe phenomena, such as storms, tornados can devastate everything, let alone the vulnerable things like plants 💥 GR: thiếu từ, dài -> Severe events like storms and tornadoes devastate crops, which are particularly vulnerable. It is also the destruction of human conflict over the years that has negative effects on agricultural production field 💥 GR: lủng củng -> Human conflicts further disrupt agricultural production. During the war 💥 GR: mạo từ sai -> wars, the farmers could not focus on producing food, they might have to leave their hometown to find refuge 💥 GR: cấu trúc sai -> farmers cannot focus on food production and often flee to seek refuge. The majority of food left must be submitted to serve for the military force during the war 💥 GR: dài -> Most remaining food is requisitioned for military use during conflicts.

To address this pressing obstacle 💥 VC: ko tự nhiên -> critical issue, immediate measures need to be taken 💥 GR: dài dòng -> are essential. The first compelling step towards mitigating the problems 💥 GR: dài -> to mitigate famine is promoting government support and subsidies. To achieve this end, the government should give the affected areas disaster patronages to fix the extreme consequences and send experts to these places to help farmers mitigate the impact of climate change 💥 GR: lủng củng -> Governments should provide disaster relief to affected areas and deploy experts to help farmers adapt to climate change. Equally crucial is that international institutions and well-developed countries should join hands in stopping the war and keep the world in peace 💥 GR: dài -> Equally vital, international organizations and developed nations must collaborate to end conflicts and promote peace. Achieving this is by no means an effortless task, but it is attainable with the appropriate effort 💥 GR: dài -> This is challenging but achievable with concerted effort.

In conclusion, climate change and civil war is undeniably the root of the issue, which contributes to famine across the world 💥 GR: số nhiều sai, dài -> climate change and civil wars are undeniable causes of global famine. Solving this hurdle depends on how sufficient solutions are applied on the global scale 💥 GR: vụng, dài dòng -> Addressing this issue requires effective global solutions.

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴
✨TR: 6.5; CC: 6.0; VC: 6.0; GR: 5.5✨
═══nn══════════════════════

Whether for personal progress or societal development, the essence of taking risks wisely 💥 VC: từ này ko phù hợp ngữ cảnh, làm yếu ý -> boldly is undeniable. Yet, in light of the concerns surrounding whether taking risks brings more benefits than drawbacks to people 💥 VC: cụm dài dòng, ko tự nhiên -> given the debate over whether risks yield more benefits than drawbacks, the debate has become intense. Although I see facing challenges brings about lots of painful failure 💥 GR: vụng & sai ngữ pháp -> risks may lead to painful failures, I believe that risks are useful opportunities to improve.

One justification for taking risks is that it develops people’s problem-solving skills in both private life and career 💥 VC: cụm ko tự nhiên -> personal and professional spheres. The more failures we have, the more decisive we become. People have the ability to judge future risks to know whether it is worth trying or not 💥 VC: cụm tầm thường -> they are worth pursuing. Risks can also stimulate risk-takers to push their limit 💥 VC: sai số ít & collocation -> push their limits. Humans are innately afraid of losing, so risk-takers would do their best 💥 VC: cụm yếu -> strive relentlessly to overcome the risky challenges 💥 VC: “the” dư thừa -> risky challenges. Another surprising advantages 💥 GR: sai số ít -> surprising advantage of facing obstacles is that every risky challenge is coupled with an outstanding reward. If people just stay in their safety zones 💥 VC: cụm ko chuẩn -> comfort zones, they can’t gain eye-opening knowledge and experiences. We don’t try, so we can’t win 💥 VC: cụm quá informal -> Without effort, there is no reward. Many billionaires in the world, such as Mark Zukerberg 💥 GR: sai chính tả -> Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk, and admirable scientist Thomas Edison 💥 VC: cụm ko tự nhiên -> renowned scientist Thomas Edison, failed many times to reach their success. Failure gives us experiences, which help us seek out the mistake in the process 💥 VC: cụm vụng -> identify errors in our approach. The biggest risk is not to take any risks.

However, taking risks always comes with its potential problems 💥 VC: cụm yếu -> significant drawbacks. Taking unworthy risks 💥 VC: cụm ko chuẩn -> ill-considered risks can bring devastating consequences. Choosing challenges naïvely 💥 VC: từ ko phù hợp -> recklessly without considering self-ability 💥 VC: cụm ko tự nhiên -> personal capabilities leads to an endless series of defeats, making people feel insecure about their talent 💥 VC: từ ko chuẩn -> abilities and scared of trying anything new. Moreover, not every failure is overcome easily 💥 VC: cụm thiếu sắc thái -> easily surmounted. In business field 💥 VC: cụm ko chuẩn -> the business sector, a mistaken decision can cause irreparable results 💥 VC: từ yếu -> consequences, or even bankruptcy.

In summary, taking risks in both personal and professional lives brings profound advantages to people, which outweigh the unwanted disadvantages 💥 VC: cụm vụng -> potential drawbacks.

▪️Bài của e trả lời đc câu hỏi, nêu rõ lợi ích của việc mạo hiểm, nhưng lập luận chưa sâu, phản biện yếu. Các ý liên quan, nhưng đoạn 2 lặp ý “failure” & thiếu ví dụ cụ thể. Kết luận quá ngắn, ko nhấn mạnh. Thử: “In the final analysis, embracing calculated risks not only fuels personal growth but also drives societal progress.”

▪️E hỗ trợ ý bằng ví dụ (billionaires, Edison), nhưng ví dụ chung chung, thiếu chi tiết cảm xúc. Thêm: “Edison’s countless failed experiments paved the way for the light bulb, transforming modern life.” Liên kết đoạn ổn, nhưng lặp “risks” & thiếu từ nối đa dạng. Dùng: “By virtue of this”, “In this context”, hoặc “such endeavors”. Ý về “reward” chưa khai thác, thử: “Risks unlock opportunities for innovation, as seen in Musk’s ventures with SpaceX.”

▪️Từ vựng khá (“innately,” “devastating”), nhưng lặp “risks” & sai từ (“unworthy risks,” “self-ability”). Collocation yếu, VD “push their limit” -> exceed their boundaries. Thêm sắc thái: “unequivocally fosters” hoặc “manifestly enhances”. Dùng attitudinal word: “Indubitably, avoiding risks stifles progress beyond measure.”

▪️Cấu trúc câu ổn nhưng đơn giản, lặp “risks” & “people”. Sai ngữ pháp (“advantages,” “Zukerberg”). Dấu câu ổn, nhưng thiếu câu phức. Thử đảo ngữ: “Never have individuals thrived without embracing challenges.” Hoặc nhấn mạnh: “It is through risks that true potential is unleashed.”

🚩 Tóm lại, e cần phát triển ý sâu, dùng từ chính xác, thêm từ nối mượt. Cô đề nghị e bổ sung ví dụ cụ thể & phản biện mạnh hơn. Lần sau kiểm tra kỹ chính tả & collocation!

✨ TR: 7.0; CC: 7.0; VC: 6.5; GR: 6.5 ✨

Task Response (TR): 7.0
Bài viết đáp ứng yêu cầu của đề bài, mô tả các thay đổi dự kiến trong khu công nghiệp Norbiton từ hiện tại sang tương lai, nhấn mạnh sự chuyển đổi từ khu công nghiệp sang khu dân cư với các tiện ích hiện đại. Các xu hướng chính như xây nhà ở, thu hẹp đất nông nghiệp, và thêm cơ sở hạ tầng (trường học, cửa hàng) được đề cập. Tuy nhiên, bài viết thiếu một số chi tiết cụ thể, ví dụ vị trí chính xác của các công trình mới (ngoài “eastern part” và “adjacent to the river”), và phần tổng quan hơi chung chung, không nêu rõ phạm vi thay đổi (ví dụ: toàn bộ khu vực hay chỉ một phần).

Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 7.0
Bài viết có cấu trúc rõ ràng với phần tổng quan và hai đoạn thân mô tả thay đổi về nhà ở, giao thông, và tiện ích. Các từ nối như “another notable transformation” và “in the future development” được sử dụng hợp lý. Tuy nhiên, một số ý chuyển chưa mượt, ví dụ đoạn thứ hai bắt đầu bằng “The most obvious enhancements” nhưng không liên kết chặt với tổng quan. Việc lặp lại từ “town” và thiếu từ nối đa dạng (như “by contrast” hoặc “additionally”) làm giảm tính mạch lạc.

Lexical Resource (VC): 6.5
Vốn từ vựng ở mức khá với các cụm như “functional and dynamic site”, “housing infrastructure”, “notable transformation”. Tuy nhiên, một số từ/cụm không tự nhiên hoặc lặp lại, như “accommodations” (sai ngữ cảnh, nên dùng “housing”), “Norbiton town” (lặp nhiều), và “prolonged” (sai nghĩa). Bài viết thiếu các từ vựng chuyên biệt cho bản đồ, như “redevelopment”, “urban planning”, hoặc “residential area”, để tăng tính học thuật.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GR): 6.5
Bài viết sử dụng nhiều cấu trúc câu, từ đơn giản đến phức tạp, nhưng có một số lỗi ngữ pháp ảnh hưởng đến độ rõ ràng, như “more routes … is prolonged” (sai số nhiều), “a shops” (sai danh từ), và “the space of farmland is also narrowed” (câu lủng củng). Các lỗi này không quá nghiêm trọng nhưng làm giảm độ trôi chảy và chính xác.

____________________________

The two maps compare the changes that are expected to happen in Norbiton industrial area 💥 VC: cụm này ổn nhưng lặp lại, e dùng the Norbiton industrial estate nha at present and in the future. Overall, it appears that the town of Norbiton 💥 VC: không cần lặp “town”, e dùng the area nha will shift into a more functional and dynamic site, with more accommodations 💥 VC: sai ngữ cảnh, e dùng housing nha and modern facilities.

The most obvious enhancements are housing infrastructure 💥 VC: cụm này không tự nhiên, e dùng residential development nha. Many houses will be constructed to replace factories, the space of farmland is also narrowed 💥 GR: câu lủng củng, e dùng and farmland will be reduced nha to make room for new accommodations 💥 VC: lặp lỗi, e dùng residences nha. Another notable transformation is that more routes in the Norbiton town is prolonged 💥 GR: sai số nhiều và từ không đúng, e dùng new roads will be extended nha, one is built 💥 GR: nên dùng tương lai, e dùng will be constructed nha across the river connecting its two banks, and a small roundabout will also be erected in the town’s traffic system.

In the future development 💥 VC: cụm này ổn nhưng đơn giản, e dùng planned redevelopment nha, Norbiton town’s infrastructure 💥 VC: lặp “town”, e dùng the area’s infrastructure nha will be upgraded to serve its citizens. In the eastern part of the town which used to be a factory 💥 GR: câu lủng củng, e dùng area, formerly a factory site, nha, people will construct a new school for students, and a playground will be set up adjacent to the river’s bank. The space around the new roundabout is used to place a shops 💥 GR: sai số nhiều, e dùng will host shops nha and a medical centre-serving 💥 GR: dấu gạch nối không cần, e dùng to serve nha people’s everyday needs.

✨ TR: 7.0; CC: 7.0; VC: 6.5; GR: 6.5 ✨

Task Response (TR): 7.0
Bài viết đáp ứng yêu cầu của đề bài, mô tả nguồn tài trợ và cách phân bổ ngân sách cảnh sát từ 2017 đến 2018. Các xu hướng chính như tăng tổng ngân sách, giảm tỷ lệ chi cho lương, và tăng chi cho công nghệ được đề cập. Tuy nhiên, một số chi tiết thiếu chính xác hoặc chưa được khai thác đầy đủ, ví dụ không nêu rõ mức tăng cụ thể của tổng ngân sách (từ bao nhiêu lên bao nhiêu). Ngoài ra, câu kết luận có yếu tố suy đoán (“growing importance of policing work”) không cần thiết trong Task 1.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 7.0
Bài viết có cấu trúc rõ ràng với phần tổng quan, hai đoạn thân phân tích nguồn tài trợ và phân bổ ngân sách, và phần kết luận. Các từ nối như “thus”, “meanwhile”, và “in summary” được sử dụng hợp lý. Tuy nhiên, một số ý chuyển chưa mượt, ví dụ “especially in salaries and technology” trong tổng quan không liên kết rõ với đoạn sau. Việc lặp lại từ “spending” cũng làm giảm tính mạch lạc.

Lexical Resource (VC): 6.5
Vốn từ vựng ở mức khá với các cụm như “funding stream”, “primary contributor”, “contrasting trend”. Tuy nhiên, từ vựng lặp lại nhiều (“spending”, “increased”), và một số cụm không tự nhiên hoặc không chính xác, như “enhancement of police budget” (nghe awkward) và “concentration on improving infrastructure” (sai dữ liệu vì chi cho cơ sở hạ tầng không đổi). Bài viết thiếu các cụm chuyên biệt như “budget allocation” hay “financial distribution” để tăng tính học thuật.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GR): 6.5
Bài viết sử dụng nhiều cấu trúc câu, từ đơn giản đến phức tạp, nhưng có một số lỗi ngữ pháp ảnh hưởng đến độ rõ ràng, như “all funding stream mentioned considerably increased” (sai số nhiều), “officers and staffs” (sai danh từ), và “was the smallest source of the table” (câu lủng củng). Các lỗi này không quá nghiêm trọng nhưng làm giảm độ trôi chảy và chính xác.

_______________________________________

The given pie chart and table shows 💥 GR: số nhiều, e dùng show nha data about the police budget in a part of Britain between 2017 and 2018. The table indicates the funding sources in 💥 GR: cụm này không tự nhiên, e dùng for nha the budget and the chart gives information on the allocation of the money.

Overall, it is obvious that all funding stream mentioned considerably increased 💥 GR: sai số nhiều và cụm không tự nhiên, e dùng funding sources increased during the two-year period. Thus, there was some alteration in the distribution of the financial income 💥 VC: cụm này không đúng ngữ cảnh, budget allocation , especially in salaries and technology.

The total expenditure of the police witnessed a growth of about 14m. The nation government police subsidy 💥 VC: cụm này sai, e dùng national government grant nha was the primary contributor with 175.5m in 2017 and went up 💥 VC: informal -> rose to 177.8m in 2018. This was followed by Local Taxes with 91.2m and 102.3m in 2017 and 2018, respectively. Other sources, such as grants, was the smallest source of the table 💥 GR: câu lủng củng, contributed the least at 38m, rose slightly to 38.5 💥 GR: thiếu đơn vị, e dùng rose slightly to 38.5m nha in 2018.

The salaries paid to officers and staffs 💥 GR: staff là danh từ không đếm được, officers and staff nha dropped from 75% to 69% of the spending but still accounted for the highest portion. Meanwhile, Technology experienced a contrasting trend compared to the salaries 💥 thừa , e bỏ nha. From 2017 to 2018, the spending on technology doubled from 8% to 17%. Expense 💥 VC: số nhiều, e dùng Expenses nha on infrastructure, including buildings and transport**,** remained steady at 17% throughout the two years.

In summary, the enhancement of police budget 💥 VC: cụm này không tự nhiên, e dùng increase in the police budget nha reflected the growing importance of policing work 💥 TR: suy đoán, e dùng a shift in priorities nha and the shift in money distribution indicating the concentration on improving infrastructure 💥 TR: sai dữ liệu, e dùng towards technological advancements nha.

Given the growing importance of job opportunities, the question of whether people should be obliged 💥 VC: từ này hơi nặng, ko tự nhiên -> required to work in the country where they completed their training or freely choose their workplace is looming large 💥 VC: cụm này ko phù hợp văn nghị luận -> increasingly relevant. From my perspective, although I see some benefits of working in one country only, I believe that it is better to let employees work wherever they want.

Proponents of working in a compulsory country 💥 VC: cụm ko tự nhiên -> the country of training claim that it prevents brain drain, a pressing issue in many nations. In some countries, especially developing countries 💥 CC: lặp từ -> nations, a large number of workers move to other countries to start their career 💥 GR: số nhiều -> careers due to higher salaries and better infrastructure they can receive 💥 GR: dư thừa -> available. Telling example is that 💥 VC: cụm ko chuẩn -> A clear example is in Vietnam, a large number of skilled doctors are working in developed countries’ hospital 💥 GR: sai ngữ pháp -> countries’ hospitals because their home country has yet adapted their technical and monetary desire 💥 VC & GR: cụm sai & ko rõ nghĩa -> not yet met their technical and financial needs. This result in 💥 GR: sai số ít -> results in a lack of workforce in their home countries. Additionally, the educational activities and infrastructure are subsidized by the national government, so people should stay and work for the country where they did their training.

However, choosing the workplace is a reasonable right of employees. Forcing people to work in a place they do not prefer might make them feel resentment 💥 VC: từ này mạnh quá, ko hợp ngữ cảnh -> dissatisfaction because it takes away their freedom to work. Dissatisfied employees can’t be productive, thus, lowering overall productivity. Moreover, requiring professionals to work in fixed countries 💥 VC: cụm ko tự nhiên -> their training country could limited 💥 GR: sai động từ -> limit technology and knowledge exchange between countries. If professionals are restricted to a place, they can’t spread their expertise to others.

In support of freely choosing countries to work in, I firmly believe that it fosters the even growth of countries all over the world 💥 VC: cụm dài dòng -> global development. Developing countries can send and subsidize their prominent students to some rich countries 💥 VC: cụm thiếu trang trọng -> developed nations to learn technical and academic knowledge and these students, after graduation, will come to help develop their countries 💥 VC: diễn đạt yếu -> return to contribute to their nation’s progress. In the relentlessly growing population scenario 💥 VC: cụm ko tự nhiên -> context of rapid population growth, job opportunities have become rarer, let alone working in just one required country 💥 CC: ý ko rõ, làm rối -> especially if restricted to one country. Thus, working abroad can somehow enhance the employment ratio 💥 VC: cụm ko chuẩn -> significantly improve employment opportunities.

In conclusion, while working in required country 💥 VC: lặp lỗi -> the training country can bring some advantages, but in terms of a long-term sustainability it can cause potential issues 💥 GR: cấu trúc vụng -> it poses long-term challenges to sustainability. Governments in every country should ensure the human freedom 💥 VC: cụm ko tự nhiên -> individuals’ freedom to choose where people desire 💥 GR: dư thừa -> they wish to work to move toward a more stable development.

▪️Bài của e trả lời đc câu hỏi, nêu quan điểm ủng hộ tự do chọn nơi làm việc, nhưng lập luận thiếu chiều sâu & phản biện yếu. Các ý liên quan, nhưng đoạn 3 lặp ý đoạn 2, ko phát triển mới. Kết luận nhạt, thiếu nhấn mạnh. Thử: “In the final analysis, prioritizing freedom of choice not only empowers individuals but also drives global progress.”

▪️E có hỗ trợ ý (VD về VN, doctors), nhưng ví dụ đơn giản, thiếu cảm xúc. Thêm: “Vietnamese doctors, lured by advanced facilities abroad, leave behind underfunded hospitals struggling to serve local communities.” Liên kết đoạn ổn, nhưng lặp “countries” & thiếu từ nối đa dạng. Dùng: “By the same token”, “In this context”, hoặc “this approach”. Ý “knowledge exchange” chưa khai thác, thử: “Professionals working abroad facilitate cross-border collaborations, enriching global innovation.”

▪️Từ vựng khá (“brain drain,” “subsidized”), nhưng lặp “countries” nhiều, sai từ (“looming large,” “resentment”). Collocation yếu, VD “monetary desire” -> financial expectations. Thêm sắc thái: “unequivocally fosters” hoặc “manifestly enhances”. Dùng attitudinal word: “Indubitably, restricting workplace choice stifles both personal and global growth.”

▪️Cấu trúc câu ổn nhưng đơn giản, lặp “can” & “countries”. Sai ngữ pháp (“result in,” “limited”). Dấu câu ổn, nhưng thiếu câu phức. Thử đảo ngữ: “Never have nations thrived by confining talent to one place.” Hoặc nhấn mạnh: “It is the freedom to choose that truly catalyzes progress.”

🚩 Tóm lại, e cần phát triển ý sâu, dùng từ chính xác, thêm từ nối mượt. Cô đề nghị e thêm phản biện & ví dụ cụ thể, tránh lặp từ. Lần sau kiểm tra kỹ ngữ pháp & collocation!

🟥𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴
✨TR: 6.5; CC: 6.0; VC: 6.0; GR: 6.0✨
═══nn══════════════════════

Whether for personal prosperity or societal progress, the importance of food sufficiency is undisputed. Yet, the debate on the reasons and solutions for famine across the world remains intense. While some argue that natural disasters are the main cause, other point 💥 GR: số nhiều e ơi -> others point to human conflicts as key factors. If unadressed 💥 GR: lỗi chính tả -> unaddressed, starvation can lead to tragic consequenses 💥 GR: lỗi chính tả -> consequences, necessiating 💥 GR: lỗi chính tả -> necessitating practical action. This essay will analyze the causes before proposing effective measures.

Persistence of famine can be attributed mainly to adverse weather conditions, not to mention the detrimental impact of civil war on agriculture output 💥 VC: từ này hơi lạ, e ạ -> agricultural output. Global climate change significantly reduces crop yeilds 💥 GR: lỗi chính tả -> yields.

Crop require 💥 GR: danh từ số nhiều ko chia động từ số ít -> Crops require specific weather to thrive; without it, their productivity suffers. Moreover, most crop cannot 💥 GR: danh từ số nhiều -> crops cannot withstand natural disasters. Severe events like storms and tornadoes devastate crops, which are particularly vulnerable. Human conflicts further disrupt agricultural production. During wars, farmers cannot focus on food productiona 💥 GR: lỗi chính tả -> food production and often flee to seek refuge. Most remaining food is requisitioned for military use during conflicts.

To address this critical issue, immediate measures are essential. The first compelling step to mitigate famine is promoting government support and subsidies. Government should 💥 GR: danh từ số nhiều -> Governments should provide disaster relief to affected areas and deploy experts to help farmers adapt to climate change. Equally vital, international organizations and developed nations must collaborate to end conflicts and promote peace. This is challenging but achievable with concerted effort.

In conclusion, climate change and civil wars are undeniable causes of global famine. Addressing this issue requires effective grobal solutions 💥 GR: lỗi chính tả -> global solutions.

▪️Bài của e trả lời đc câu hỏi, nêu cả nguyên nhân lẫn giải pháp, nhưng lập luận còn hời hợt, thiếu phản biện hay ví dụ cụ thể như số liệu, khu vực bị ảnh hưởng. Quan điểm rõ ràng, nhưng cách diễn đạt đôi chỗ lặp từ và thiếu sắc thái, làm bài bớt thuyết phục. Các ý có liên quan, nhưng đoạn kết quá ngắn, ko tóm gọn đc trọng tâm hay kêu gọi hành động mạnh mẽ. Ví dụ: "In the face of escalating famine, global cooperation is nothing less than imperative."

▪️E có hỗ trợ ý bằng ví dụ như bão, chiến tranh, nhưng còn đơn giản, chưa gợi cảm xúc hay đi sâu vào hậu quả. Thử thêm: "Entire communities are uprooted, leaving fields barren and children malnourished." Liên kết giữa các câu ổn, nhưng thiếu từ nối đa dạng (có thể dùng thêm "In the wake of", "By no means"). Ý về giải pháp chưa phát triển hết. Có thể viết thêm: "Subsidies could fund drought-resistant crops, ensuring yields even amidst climate turmoil." Cũng cần dùng thêm reference words như "such measures", "this crisis" hoặc "the latter".

▪️Về từ vựng, e dùng đc vài từ như “detrimental”, “requisitioned”, nhưng còn lặp “crops”, “famine” nhiều quá, ví dụ "crop yields" có thể thay bằng "harvest outputs". Độ chính xác từ vựng khá, nhưng lỗi chính tả như "yeilds", "consequenses" làm giảm điểm. Collocation hơi yếu, ví dụ "promoting government support" nghe ko tự nhiên, cần thay bằng "securing government funding" hoặc "bolstering state aid". Sắc thái nghĩa cần mạnh hơn ở chỗ như "undeniable causes" -> "indisputable drivers" hoặc "manifest culprits". Thử thêm attitudinal word chỗ: "This is challenging but achievable" -> "Daunting yet far from impossible" để tăng tính thuyết phục.

▪️Cấu trúc câu của e đủ đa dạng, nhưng lỗi ngữ pháp như "Crop require", "Government should" làm giảm điểm GR. Dấu câu ổn, nhưng thiếu câu phức hoặc đảo ngữ để tăng ấn tượng. Có thể dùng: "Never have natural disasters posed such a threat to global food security."

🚩 Tóm lại, e cần chú ý chính tả, đa dạng từ nối và collocation, thêm ví dụ cụ thể. Cô đề nghị e luyện viết đoạn phản biện và dùng "In the grand scheme of things", "beyond measure" để bài sắc sảo hơn. Lần sau kiểm tra kỹ lỗi chính tả nha!

Given the growing importance of job opportunities, the question of whether people should be required to work in the country where they completed their training or freely choose their workplace 💥 VC: ổn nhưng cụ thể hơn -> freely choose their place of work is increasingly relevant. From my perspective, although I see some benefits of working in one country only 💥 VC: dài dòng, ko rõ -> benefits to staying in the training country, I believe that it is better to allow employees to work wherever they want.

Proponents of working in the country of training claim that it prevents brain drain, a pressing issue in many nations. In many parts of the world, particularly in developing countries, a large number of workers decide to start their careers abroad due to higher salaries and advanced infrastructure available 💥 VC: lặp từ, ko tự nhiên -> superior infrastructure. A clear example is in Vietnam; lots of skilled doctors 💥 Punctuation: dấu chấm phẩy sai, từ yếu -> in Vietnam, where many skilled doctors, lured by advanced facilities abroad 💥 VC: lặp “advanced”, thay đổi -> attracted by better facilities abroad, leave behind underfunded hospitals struggling to serve local patients. This situation indubitably leads to a shortage of worker 💥 GR: danh từ số nhiều sai -> undeniably leads to a shortage of workers in their home countries. Additionally, the national government subsidizes almost all educational activities and facilities 💥 VC: dài dòng -> government heavily subsidizes education, so people should stay and contribute to the national development 💥 VC: bỏ “the” cho tự nhiên -> national development.

However, choosing workplaces 💥 VC: số nhiều ko hợp, ý chung -> a workplace is definitely a reasonable right of every individual. It is their freedom to choose where they belong 💥 VC: ko hợp ngữ cảnh -> wish to work. Working in a compulsory environment 💥 VC: ko tự nhiên -> restrictive environment makes employees dissatisfied, thus lowering overall productivity. Moreover, never have nation thrived 💥 GR: số nhiều sai -> never has a nation thrived by confining talent to one place. Working abroad opens the door to technology and knowledge exchange between countries. Professionals working facilitate 💥 GR: thiếu từ, ý lủng củng -> working abroad facilitate cross-border collaborations, enriching global innovation.

In support of freely selecting working country 💥 VC: lủng củng -> freely choosing a country to work in, I firmly believe that is unequivocally fosters 💥 GR: sai cấu trúc -> this unequivocally fosters both personal and global progress. Working overseas is by no means an easy task 💥 VC: ổn nhưng dài -> no easy feat but it pushes people to step out of their comfort zone 💥 VC: ổn nhưng số nhiều tự nhiên hơn -> zones. Employees must adapt to pressure, professional issues 💥 VC: chung chung -> challenges, and loneliness if they live alone when working abroad 💥 VC: dài dòng -> when living abroad alone, improving their independence and essential skills. In today world 💥 GR: thiếu sở hữu cách -> In today’s world, the relentless growing population have manifestly led 💥 GR: chủ ngữ số ít, từ ko cần -> relentlessly growing population has clearly led to a decrease in jobs available 💥 VC: ko cần “available” -> available jobs, which is even worse when confining workers to one place. In this context, allowing people to work in other nations not merely mitigates the unemployment problems 💥 VC: số ít, từ dài -> not only mitigates unemployment but also generates stable income and valuable knowledge to reinvest in the domestic economy 💥 VC: cần mạo từ -> their domestic economy.

In conclusion, prioritizing freedom of choice is not just about empowering individuals but also drives 💥 GR: lặp động từ, cần song song -> not only empowers individuals but also drives global progress. I firmly believe that appropriate regulations of the workforce 💥 VC: ko rõ ý, cần cụ thể -> balanced workforce policies would truly foster long-term global sustainability.

🚩 Các vấn đề ngữ pháp cần lưu ý:
▪️Range of sentence structures: E có câu phức, ví dụ về Việt Nam tốt, nhưng lặp “additionally” -> thử câu nhấn mạnh. Vd: Rarely does restricting talent foster innovation.
▪️Range of sentence tenses: Chủ yếu hiện tại đơn, có hiện tại hoàn thành (has led) là tốt, nhưng cần đa dạng -> thêm điều kiện. Vd: If workers stay, local economies could benefit.
▪️Range of grammatical constructions: Có đảo ngữ (never have) nhưng ít bị động -> thử dùng. Vd: Talent should not be confined by rigid policies.
▪️Grammatical Accuracy: Lỗi chủ ngữ-động từ (nation thrived, population have), danh từ số ít/số nhiều (worker), và cụm lủng củng (working facilitate). Coi lại kỹ nha! Vd: A shortage of workers harms development.
▪️Pronoun Agreement: Ok, ko lỗi.
▪️Linking words: “Moreover, additionally” ổn, nhưng lặp quá -> thay furthermore hoặc in addition. Vd: In addition, global work fosters collaboration.
▪️Collocations: “Indubitably leads”, “working country” sai -> undeniably leads, country to work in. Vd: Choosing a workplace is a fundamental right.
▪️Punctuation: Lỗi dấu chấm phẩy (Vietnam; lots) và thiếu phẩy vài chỗ. Vd: Lured by better salaries, doctors leave Vietnam.

E có ý hay, ví dụ về bác sĩ Việt Nam cụ thể, nhưng lập luận hơi chung (vd: hợp tác quốc tế nào, kỹ năng gì). Tránh lặp từ “freedom” .

Whether for personal progress or societal development, the essence of taking risks boldly is undeniable 💥 VC: Từ này hơi chung chung, thiếu sắc thái -> indispensable. Yet, given the concerns over whether risks yield more benefits than drawbacks, the debate has become intense. Although I see risks may lead to painful failures 💥 GR: Câu hơi đơn giản, thiếu nhấn mạnh -> risks can entail significant setbacks, I believe that risks are useful opportunities to improve.

My justification for embracing challenges is that it develops 💥 GR: Số ít ‘it’ ko hợp với ‘challenges’ -> they foster individuals' problem-solving skills in both personal and professional spheres. The more failures we have, the more decisive we become. Unsuccessful attempts give us the ability to assess which risks are worth pursuing. Humans are innately afraid of losing 💥 VC: Cụm này hơi sáo, thiếu tự nhiên -> naturally wary of failure, so high-risk activities stimulate risk-takers to strive relentlessly to overcome 💥 VC: Cụm này ko sai nhưng thiếu sắc thái -> tirelessly to prevail. It's through risks that the potential is unleashed. Another surprising advantage is that ventures always come with outstanding rewards 💥 VC: ‘Ventures’ ko hợp ngữ cảnh, ‘always’ quá tuyệt đối -> risks often yield substantial rewards. Risks unlock opportunities for innovation, as seen in Elon Musk's ventures with SpaceX. Renowned scientist Thomas Edison's countless failed attempts paved the way for the light bulb, transforming modern life. It is risky challenges and failures that set the stages for every success 💥 GR: Cụm ‘set the stages’ sai, số nhiều ‘stages’ ko hợp -> risks and failures that pave the way for success. Without this effort 💥 VC: ‘This effort’ ko rõ nghĩa -> such endeavors, there is no achievement.

However, never have risks come alone; they are always accompanied by significant drawbacks. Taking ill-considered risks potentially brings devastating consequences 💥 GR: Câu hơi dài dòng -> reckless risks can lead to dire outcomes. Selecting challenges recklessly without considering personal capabilities manifestly leads to an endless series of defeats 💥 VC: ‘Manifestly’ thừa, câu rườm rà -> hastily without assessing one’s abilities often results in repeated failures, making people insecure about their abilities and scared of trying new things. Indubitably, not all failure is easily surmounted 💥 VC: ‘Indubitably’ hơi gượng, câu thiếu liên kết -> Clearly, not all setbacks are easily overcome. In the business sector, a mistaken decision may cause irreparable consequences or even bankruptcy 💥 VC: ‘Irreparable consequences’ lặp ý -> severe losses or even bankruptcy.

In the final analysis, embracing calculated risks not only fuels personal growth but also drives societal progress. With the valuable experiences and long-term advantages of innovation that risks provide, the benefits unequivocally outweigh the drawbacks 💥 *VC: ‘Unequivocally’ hơi mạnh, thiếu tinh tế -> decidedly outweigh the drawbacks.

▪️Bài của e trả lời đc câu hỏi, nêu quan điểm ủng hộ rủi ro có lợi hơn hại, nhưng lập luận chưa thật sự sắc bén, thiếu phản biện cụ thể để củng cố ý. Quan điểm rõ ràng, nhưng cách diễn đạt đôi chỗ còn chung chung, làm giảm sức thuyết phục. Các ý liên quan đến chủ đề, nhưng đoạn phản bác hơi ngắn, chưa khai thác sâu hậu quả của rủi ro. Đặc biệt đoạn kết luận hơi vội, cần nhấn mạnh hơn. Ví dụ: "By embracing calculated risks, individuals and societies alike can unlock transformative opportunities, far outweighing the temporary setbacks."

▪️E có hỗ trợ ý bằng ví dụ như SpaceX, Edison, nhưng các ví dụ này hơi quen thuộc, chưa tạo cảm xúc mạnh. Thử thêm chi tiết cụ thể: "Edison’s 10,000 failed experiments not only birthed the light bulb but also redefined perseverance in innovation." Liên kết giữa các câu ổn, nhưng thiếu các từ nối tinh tế như "By the same token", "In the same vein" để tăng tính mạch lạc. Ý về hậu quả của rủi ro chưa phát triển hết. Có thể viết thêm: "Reckless risks, such as investing all capital in an untested venture, can cripple businesses and erode confidence." Cũng cần dùng thêm reference words như "these challenges", "such endeavors" để tránh lặp từ.

▪️Về từ vựng, e dùng đc các từ như “unleashed”, “paved the way”, nhưng còn lạm dụng từ mạnh như “indubitably”, “unequivocally” làm bài hơi gượng. Độ chính xác từ vựng khá, nhưng có lỗi sai như “ventures always come” hay “set the stages”. Collocation chưa đa dạng, ví dụ “outstanding rewards” hơi yếu, cần cụm như "tangible benefits", "groundbreaking outcomes". Sắc thái nghĩa mạnh hơn ở những chỗ như “painful failures” có thể thay bằng "costly setbacks" để tăng tính trang trọng.

▪️Cấu trúc câu của e khá đa dạng, có đảo ngữ “never have risks come alone”, nhưng lỗi GR như số ít/số nhiều (“it develops”), lặp ý làm giảm điểm. Dấu câu ổn, nhưng thiếu các cấu trúc nhấn mạnh như "Far from deterring progress, risks propel it forward."

🚩 Tóm lại, e cần phát triển lập luận sâu hơn, dùng từ tinh tế và sửa lỗi GR cẩn thận.

With the ongoing development of the medical field, the concern of whether patients should use alternative medicines or healing therapies without the doctors’ allowance 💥 VC: ko tự nhiên, muốn nói "phép"? -> doctors’ approval has become increasingly relevant. From my perspective, I firmly believe this is a negative trend for the reasons mentioned in this essay.

A justification for visiting a doctor is that medical professionals can diagnose almost exactly 💥 VC: cụm này lủng củng -> accurately the ailment of people by their expertise, which others do not have. Many sicknesses, ranging from normal to serious ones, have confusing symptoms that are easily mixed up. For instance, the symptoms of common colds, such as fever, headache, and sneezing, are similar to those of COVID-19. Indubitably, improper uses 💥 GR: danh từ số nhiều sai -> use of antibiotics or drugs without seeing the doctor exacerbate 💥 VC: số ít nhé, chủ ngữ là "use" -> exacerbates illness and partly contribute 💥 GR: chủ ngữ số ít -> contributes to antibiotic resistance.

Moreover, misuses 💥 GR: danh từ số nhiều sai -> misuse of drugs without medical supervision pose 💥 GR: số ít, chủ ngữ là "misuse" -> poses significant risks to patients’ health. In many parts of the world, including Vietnam, many parents are obsessed with antibiotics; they use them for their children whenever they get sick due to antibiotics’ rapid effectiveness. As a consequence, the children 💥 CC: lặp từ, ko cần thiết -> children become more susceptible to future infections because their immune systems are weakened by overuse of antibiotics. Additionally, using excessive dosages 💥 VC: số nhiều ko hợp ngữ cảnh -> doses not only causes dangerous side effects and health problems but also results in life-threatening complications. A large quantity 💥 VC: ko hợp với danh từ ko đếm được -> number of healing treatments is 💥 GR: chủ ngữ số nhiều -> are not qualified as useful and safe for curing humans’ diseases 💥 VC: cụm này dài dòng -> human diseases. Many patients believe treatments, such as leaf-wrapping or drinking herbal tea, can cure their ailments so professional medical treatments are unnecessary 💥 CC: thiếu liên kết -> , rendering professional medical treatments unnecessary. In fact, these remedies only support our body’s operation 💥 VC: từ này ko hợp -> function, but they can’t cure serious diseases.

In conclusion, going to see the doctors 💥 VC: dài dòng -> consulting doctors not only helps us receive best treatment 💥 GR: thiếu mạo từ -> the best treatment under professional observation but also mitigates the unwanted side effects 💥 VC: bỏ "the" cho tự nhiên -> unwanted side effects during the treatment 💥 CC: lặp từ -> treatment. I believe that reckless self-treatment brings detrimental effects to our health, even causes 💥 GR: song song với "brings" -> even causing life-threatening complications.

🚩 Các vấn đề ngữ pháp cần lưu ý:
▪️Range of sentence structures: E có câu phức, nhưng lặp cấu trúc “not only… but also” và câu đơn -> thử câu nhấn mạnh hoặc đảo ngữ. Vd: Never should patients rely solely on unverified remedies.
▪️Range of sentence tenses: Chủ yếu hiện tại đơn, ổn nhưng thiếu đa dạng -> thêm hiện tại hoàn thành. Vd: Overuse of antibiotics has weakened many children’s immune systems.
▪️Range of grammatical constructions: Ít dùng cấu trúc nâng cao như bị động hoặc điều kiện -> thử thêm. Vd: Were patients to consult doctors, severe complications could be avoided.
▪️Grammatical Accuracy: Lỗi chủ ngữ-động từ (exacerbate, contribute, pose) và mạo từ (best treatment). Cẩn thận hơn nhé! Vd: Misuse of drugs poses serious risks.
▪️Pronoun Agreement: Ok, ko lỗi.
▪️Linking words: “Moreover, additionally” ổn, nhưng lặp “in fact” -> thay bằng indeed hoặc consequently. Vd: Indeed, these remedies cannot replace professional care.
▪️Collocations: “Humans’ diseases” và “doctors’ allowance” ko tự nhiên -> human diseases, doctors’ approval. Vd: Alternative therapies often fail to cure human diseases.
▪️Punctuation: Ổn, nhưng thiếu phẩy ở vài câu dài. Vd: Believing in unproven remedies, many patients avoid professional care.

E có ý, nhưng lập luận hơi chung chung, cần ví dụ sắc nét hơn (vd: bệnh cụ thể hoặc số liệu). Tránh lặp từ và kiểm tra chủ ngữ-động từ cẩn thận. Cố lên!

With the ongoing development of the medical field, the concern of whether patients should use alternative medicines or healing therapies without doctors' approval has become increasingly relevant. From my perspective, I firmly believe this is a negative trend for the reasons mentioned in this essay.

A justification for visiting a doctor is that medical professionals can diagnose accurately people's ailments by their expertise and modern specific machines, including X-ray lamps and Endoscopes, which are hardly seen in most unproven small clinics or drugstores. By asking verified doctors to check their health problems, many patients can avoid potential medical accidents, such as misdiagnosis. Stomach cancer, one of the most dangerous cancers causing death, is usually mistaken for other normal stomach issues due to its common symptoms in early stages. Without intensive health checks in hospitals, never has this pathology been found out until it gets worse. Indubitably, receiving proper treatments mitigates the probability of unpredictable side effects and overdoses when using medicines.

Additionally, unauthorized use of antibiotics and medicines poses significant risks for patients, especially children. In many parts of the world, parents prefer giving their children antibiotics to taking them to hospitals or seeing a doctor because of antibiotics' rapid effectiveness. By virtue of this, overuse of antibiotics has weakened many children’s immune systems, rendering their bodies more vulnerable to future infections. Added to this, overdose not only causes threatening side effects and health problems but also results in life-threatening complications. Were patients to consult doctors, severe complications could be avoided. Believing in unverified remedies, many patients refuse professional care. In Asia, a large number conservative elderly people still rely solely on traditional therapies, such as leaf-wrapping and drinking herbal tea. Although these methods have some beneficial effects in assisting our bodies’ function, they are little more than functional foods without capabilities to cure illnesses.

In the final analysis, consulting doctors not only helps us receive the best treatment under professional observation but also curb unwanted side effects during the curing process. I believe that reckless self-diagnosis brings detrimental effects to our health, even causing death.

The primary reason of emphasizing the newness for products is that it makes the company competitive in the saturated market. There are countless businesses working in similar sectors, such as technology and transport, with relatively equal performances. In this context, by highlighting the innovative features in their latest products can businesses stand out from other competitors and attract highly potential customers. In the competitive smartphone industry, thousands of phones are released each year by renowned manufacturers. These items not only bring breakthroughs in technology and appearances but also gain widespread attention from technology enthusiasts. For instance, in recent years, Apple has introduced Dynamic Island in iPhones, which has never been seen in others. Additionally, the marketing campaigns on the “newness” have also struck consumers’ mentality, known as FOMO - fear of missing out. The latest items are often associated with the best performance and technology at the time, luring people to purchase them.

This trend has negatively affected the marketplace and even our society. Frequent updates manifestly lead to irresponsible consumerism. For many people, especially the youth in the digital era, the release of the new goods implies that the older ones are outdated, even if they still function well, thereby encouraging sales. The fashion sector exemplifies this issue. That some popular brands, such as Zara, H&M, and Shein, annually introduce a large number of new clothing designs makes customers, particularly fashion lovers, continuously follow the latest trend and waste all their used clothes. As a consequence, tons of fashionable waste have been dumped in many countries, namely China and India. Overemphasis on the “newness” of products has paved the way for misleading marketing campaigns. Rather than spending more time completely upgrading their products, many businesses focus on exaggerating products' minor changes in their advertisements to trick their buyers instead.

Overall, it can be seen that tool B underwent many upgrades in appearance and function compared to the earlier, more primitive tool A.

In the early period, cutting tools were roughly oval and approximately 5 centimeters long based on the scale. The front and back views show the rough surface with a rounded top. The side view of tool A is quite thick and blunt, suggesting limited cutting effectiveness and less complex tool-making techniques.

Later, from 800,000 years ago, stone implements were enhanced to work more efficiently. Tool B measured around 10 centimeters and featured broad, teardrop-shaped surfaces with a pointed top, indicating a more complex craftsmanship process. The side view obviously shows a flattened side, creating sharper edges for more effective cutting performance.

In summary, significant advancements were made in stone cutting tools over the period of 600 thousand years. From a basic, blunt instrument, the tools evolved into more sophisticated and sharper versions, reflecting improved craftsmanship and efficiency.

Frequent use of phones in children stems from a lack of interactions with parents or family. In the digital era, many adults spend most of their time with their careers rather than with their offspring, even if they were home. By virtue of this, children turn to phones to distract themselves from frustration and loneliness due to parents’ neglect. Baby Shark, a kids’ song which has garnered over 8 billion views on YouTube, partly indicates the large amount of time children spend on entertainment. In education, cellphones not only offer access to countless academic documents but also connect students with their teachers online. By the same token, with phones’ convenient functions, such as summarizing lectures, there is no surprise that students utilize these helpful tools to assist their learning daily. Despite this, young students haven’t developed awareness needed to utilize phones properly.

The tendency of overuse of smartphones poses a risk to children’s general development. Staying home to watch shows or play games restricts youngsters’ outdoor activities, hindering their opportunities to fully grow in height and muscle. Additionally, lack of exercise and sedentary lifestyles manifestly lead to obesity and other disorders in children’s bodies, such as short-sightedness. Were children to curb their screen time, they could avoid these health risks. Equally alarming is the danger of misleading information on the internet negatively affects teenagers. Teenagers, especially those without critical thinking, easily become victims of toxic content on social media, including bullying and racism. In Vietnam, some secondary students use vapes without permission to imitate irresponsible influencers spreading damaging information.  

In the final analysis, smartphones are by all means helpful devices in daily life for both adults and children, but they bring some potential threats to children if used inappropriately. The solutions for this issue are not about entirely stopping kids from using phones but about guiding them on how to balance virtual and actual lives.

Proponents of collaboration insist that people work more effectively in a group. Each task of the assignment will be fairly delegated among members in a team, minimizing errors occurring during the process and avoiding work overload. The collaboration of NASA and SpaceX exemplifies how collaboration can accelerate innovation. By sharing expertise and resources, they finally created reusable rockets, significantly reducing space travel costs. Additionally, working together fuels long-term personal and professional relationships, while working competitively sometimes causes hatred between competitors. Through teamwork, people have more chances to fully comprehend their partners’ thinking, hobbies, and characteristics, strengthening their bonds.

Despite this, supporters of working competitively claim that it boosts personal capability. Competition in working or studying creates relentless motivation for both employees and students. Humans naturally desire to excel in every sector of life. By the same token, the fear of failure encourages them to dedicate their full potential. Only by creating a highly competitive environment can people manifestly enhance their ability due to continual attempts. Equally crucial is that competing with others builds self-reliance and problem-solving skills. In such an extremely pressing environment, individuals are forced to have everything done by themselves with high efficiency or be phased out. In China, university entrance exam is one of the fiercest competitions in the world with millions of candidates. Each student has to develop their own study plans with a view to getting reasonable results in the examination; otherwise, they will risk losing opportunities to be admitted to top universities, such as Tsinghua, Peking, and Nanjing universities.

In conclusion, the issue is not about choosing one way of working over another, but about striking a balance between competition and collaboration. As long as both competitive and cooperative are balanced and coexist, they can bring sustainable benefits to the society.

Overall, it is evident that New York’s citizens experienced a dramatic rise during this period. While the number of people in Manhattan gradually dropped and became the minority, other districts witnessed a remarkable increase in their inhabitants, making them the majority.

The total population of New York had risen sharply from 79,216 people in 1800 to over eight million people in 2000. In 1800, Manhattan dominated the proportional distribution of total population with 76%. In the following centuries, this district’s residents went up considerably by approximately 1.79 million people. However, Manhattan lost its growing momentum in 2000. It fell by about 300,000 people, making its distribution go down to just under one-fifth.

By contrast, the inhabitants of Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, and Staten island combined underwent a significant surge during the 200-year period. Compared to Manhattan, the number of people in other districts in 1800 was far more modest at 18,701. Throughout the next two hundred years, these four districts experienced two dramatic multiples in their population, with around 85-fold and 350-fold increases in 1900 and 2000, respectively. 

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Proper water access is a fundamental element of sustainability in human lives. Some people assert that clean water should be freely provided to every household all over the world. Others, myself included, however, believe that water usage expenses are essential to maintain stable water supplies. 

The first consequence is that free supplies would take a toll on the available amount of usable water. Without the worry of the significant monthly cost for water’s use, many have a tendency to waste this valuable natural resource. Water on Earth is plentiful, but freshwater is limited. If a group of residents use excessive amounts of water, there will be little left for others, especially those in remote or mountainous areas where clean water is usually needed. Agricultural irrigation exemplifies this problem. In Dak Lak, enormous volumes of water have been used in coffee plantations, leading to widespread shortages of fresh water for daily activities in this province.  

In addition to this, no-charge water supplies create a burden for the water-treatment activities of the factories where clean water is produced. The process of manufacturing usable water necessitates a considerably high expenditure, including workers’ salaries, chemical costs, and other spending to maintain the factories. Without monthly spending from the residents, these factories can hardly work as effectively. In rural areas of Long An province, the local government introduced a policy that allowed the inhabitants to use water for free during the drought season. This policy, as a result, put a financial burden on the factories because they didn’t have enough money to pay for chemicals, workers and machinery work. Therefore, the quality of processed water significantly diminished until it became completely unusable.

In the final analysis, for the aforementioned consequences, I would argue that clean water should be used with a reasonable charge to contribute to an equal and sustainable water use in the world. 

The gradual disappearance of family-gathering time can be attributed to the busy work and study. Both adults and children now are too attached to their hectic schedules, making it hard to find time for family. For instance, many adults stay at their workplaces almost all day; they even work overtime to earn extra money. The majority of children have to attend various supplementary courses, which take them several hours after school to finish. In addition, with the ongoing globalization, employees and students have more opportunities to work and study overseas. As a result, they just come back home for some special family events or important holidays. 

Shortened family-gathering time may lead to far-reaching repercussions. The less time families spend together, the less connection will be built between members. Every member in a family doesn't bother to spend time sharing and understanding each other, worsening family bonds. The family disconnection not only causes misunderstanding, but also fuels potential conflicts. Aside from damaging family relationships, being away from families forms the feeling of loneliness and isolation in individuals. As family-gathering time encourages people to share their feelings and express their love to their families, lacking it means that people have to deal with challenges and stress alone. 

In conclusion, busy life and work are the root causes of diminishing family time. This trend is nowhere near beneficial, considering the toll it could take on family relationships.