My mates and I learned “Standar Proses” with Ms B.  It refers to Permendikbud Riset dan Teknologi RI No. 16 Tahun 2022. I didn’t know how to explain what I felt but it was sooooo full of materials. I just get drunk without drink😵‍💫 I also have to do my tasks. You can do it, Maloka!

Okay let’s move on and stop to confided, Maloka!😁 I’m a morning person actually but I have a bad habit that is go to bed again after I prayed Shubuh. Am I still called a morning person? Idk. I will try to change this habit. After I woke up (again), I just did my routine activities at the morning. Yup! Fed my cats. I cleaned my house too because it was a holiday in my training! I’m home alone because my mom went to madrasah, my dad went to another vila that we also looked after, and my brother gotta work. After that, I laid in my bed to rest my body and my mind. But, suddenly I have a chat and told me to introduced ourselves, my mates and I, in front of Baitul Ilmi junior high school in English. Actually I agreed to came to Rarahan, Ust Kus’s house yesterday. But I didn’t expect was asked to introduced ourselves especially in English. Don’t ask me what the feel like🥹 I started to prepare what I wanna say. Time went by, the time has come.  And it was my turn to introduce. As I told you, I have a big problem to control my nervousness. So, you can guess what happened to me. I forgot what I wanna say🥲 I just wanna disappered on this planet at the moment. I messed up myself:( I feel like I’m the worst person. You know, like I’m the dumbest one😭 I didn’t have a good branding like Mr Syahron and Miss Milma. How I can be better? Ya Allah, please help me and ease my way..

After passing a rainy Sunday, I had to come back to the training session for teaching preparation of Baitul Ilmi Senior High School this morning. I felt so happy because today's class with Ms B. I learned to make and describe one of the learning plan equipment. In this session, my friend and I had to arrange the learning goal based on the government regulation for each lectures. I know it is very important to do, although it's confusing for me. You know, it was my very first time to make something like this. In the end of the session, we didn't complete the task yet. So we had to take this as homework. It's okay, there is another chance to complete the task.

After the training session ended, I went to the Kita Peduli Foundation office. This humanity foundation has some social projects, especially for disaster recovery programs after a massive earthquake shaking our lovely city. As a part of the foundation I have a project to handle. I have to lead a well drilling and construction of sanitation facilities project for affected people in Desa Limbangansari. Because of the massive earthquake, water supply in this area was disturbed. Alhamdulillah, after submitting a proposal in December 2022, this project was funded by Pasar Modal and Otoritas Jasa Keungan. So, this afternoon I had to sign an agreement letter with a well driller vendor. The drilling process began yesterday. I hope this project will end well and give so many benefits for the affected people. :)

Cianjur started with a rain this morning. I went to the mosque to pray subuh under the pouring rain. What a blessed morning. Talking about the rain, mostly I thought that rain is a blessing gift from Allah, although sometimes some of my activities disturbed by the rain, I always take a positive point of view from the rain.

This morning I decided to start again to do one of my routine activity, that’s murajaah. Murajaah is an activity to read some verses of the Quran you have memorized without looking at the Quran/text. The main purpose of murajaah is to strengthen our Quran memorization. The more we do murajaah, the stronger our memorization of the verse. Maybe it has been 3 months since I didn't do the murojaah anymore. Before a massive earthquake shook our lovely city last November, routinely I did murojaah every morning after praying subuh. But when I was involved in voluntary activities for around three months to work on an emergency response and recovery program, I had not enough time to do murajaah. I hope I can do this activity routinely every morning.

Why do I choose to do this activity in the morning? The main reason, I think, it is the best time to do it. I have full concentration to do so, and the environment is very supportive. Our body is still in prime condition and not disturbed yet by other activities. Another reason, according to what I have heard from my spiritual teacher, is that our whole day is affected by our morning. If we do a good deed in the morning, we’ll pass the day with other good things, and vice versa. 

I hope to have a blessed morning every day.

In the break times, we prepared a little surprise for Mr Adnan who officially graduated yesterday. Ms Milma and I took our cake that we ordered on Monday. I hope Mr Adnan was happy with our ideas to celebrate his achievement. However, we have been together about 1 month. It would be sorta weird if we didn’t feel happy if one of our mates felt happy, I guess. Okay, I think that’s my diary for today. The note is: we should be happy and try to be happier day by day!

FYI, I didn’t have a breakfast today and only snacked on. My first dishes today at 2.30 p.m.🫥

Today we learned tahsin all day long because Ms B unfortunately couldn’t attend and Ms Milma got ill. We learned with Mr Syahron about sifatul huruf and we got some quizzes around that. At the end of the sessions, we was asked to work some task that was identified huruf hijaiyah based on its sifatul huruf.

In the morning, we was informed by Ust Kus that we would to visit BI junior high school on Gasol. We was asked to introduce ourselves and promoted our school to boy students of BI junior high school. We went together by Ust Kus’s car from Smansa. We arrived arround 12.30 p.m. And then we prepared our introduction and presented at 1.30 p.m. I hope, with our itroduction that the students of BI junior high school will interest and join in BI senior high school. You know, I think I kinda made it because today’s introduction is my twice turn😋 Maybe it was not perfect but at least I could control my nervousness~

P.s.: I still hoping that Ms Yaumi will stay with us as the BI senior high school’s teachers. I pray as much as possible to get the best answer because I can’t imagine BI senior high school without Ms Yaumi. As you know, Ms Yaumi is our mother in the class🥺

After that, we went to Bocil 99 to have a lunch together. Ms Yaumi would pay the bill, hooray^^ The concept of the restaurant is all you can eat every foods that served. And you can guess, I was too full😗

Because I didn’t pray Zhuhur yet so that I decided to do in Mesjid Agung Cianjur and continued to shop  my training’s stuff in the AA shop. 

I was paired with Ms Mela and we talked about the topics so intens. We have known each other deeper from this session⛳️

Ust Kus and Ms B continued their work so that we learned independently. First session presented by Mr Syahron and the last one presented by Ms Milma. We learned so many things. For instance, Mr Syahron shared the differentiations of nun sakinah and tanwin. And with Ms Milma we was asked to finish EF SET. It was some free-online test that was designed to fulfill high technical standards like TOEFL and IELTS. In this test there were 3 categories to describe our English skill.

As usual, I went to Smansa at 7.30 a.m and arrived at about 8.00 a.m. As you know, we started the training at 9.00 a.m. so I must to wait about one hour. At the first session, we continued to learn about our duties as a caliphs in this world with Ust Kus. And yups, we as humans are caliphs. So we have to do this holy duties. At the second session, we learned English with Ms Milma. We learned how to brainstorm ideas use 5E: explaination, example, experience, extra-information, and evidence. We practiced our English lesson today with answered and described the question that Ms Milma was written on the whiteboard. I was paired with Ms Heni and talked about how to manage our pocket money. That’s all for sharing today. Bye! <3

Today’s training was started with Ms Milma in English session which continued yesterday’s lesson. So, the method is totally same with yesterday. We was asked to explained and gave some opinions to the topics to our partner and we have to retelod it in front of the class. At the second session, we tried together to solve and worked our activities based in the indicators from Baitul Ilmi’s vission. Okaaaay, I will close this dairy so see ya! 👋

Let me share you a bit about my feelings. Because I think I supposed to be free in this platform, I guess😁 I didn’t lie when I said if I’m an overthink person. It’s a bad habit, I know right. I tried my best to move my mind but it is so hard. I often regretted the words that I have spoken, regretted my decisions, asking for myself: do I make somebody feel uncomfortable or hurting their hearts? as well. I always confuse to behave like the others, or simply to do that someone else’s like. I will think about one thing around and around to make sure that is the best but the truth say the otherwise. It’s kinda weird, alright? But yeah, that’s me. It’s absolutely wrong if you think I want to be a perfect. Nope. Most of people don’t like this side of me, but if you want to know, I just want to be accepted normally and sometimes the reason is because I don’t want to let anybody down so that’s why I think to do something over and over again. I apologize if I going to be a weird person, guys wahahahaha. I totally hope I don’t going to make you, my work colleagues, feel uncomfortable👉👈 I will always try to change this habit🤘😅

My Saturday’s activities actually were similar with the others Saturday. Therefore, I will to try to retell you about my story (such as yesterday) as I told previously in the class. Maybe a few days later. 

Let me share you about my family. There were 8 main members in my family: my dad, my mom, my 5 siblings, and I. Because my sisters got married and have children, so my family increase bigger. My dad is from East Java so he can’t speak Sundanese fluently. My mom is originally from here. My first sibling is male, my second sibling is male, my third sibling is female, my fourth sibling is female, and the last one is male. We were not in the same house now because some of them decided to live independently, some of them got married and worked far from home, but I still live with my second sibling. Actually he has a house in Cianjur, but he didn’t want to lives there without my mom. But my mom didn’t want to lives there because there was no madrasah as many as here. It’s really confusing to tell, right?😂 Actually, he just too worry if my mom suddenly got sick. My first sibling lives with my fifth sibling around my house, my third sibling lives in Cikaja, and my fourth sibling lives in Cijati.

Okay, I will retell you about my story like I owed you yesterday. Now, I will share about my fears. If you ask me what animal have I a fear of, I’ve a fear of cockroaches so much. I have a bad experience behind it:( But if you ask me what am I afraid of bigger things, or more complicated things, I will answer that was the future. The future always frightens me. The uncertainty inside it and I just scare if I probably can’t through so well. Even, the future absolutely will give us a bad thing or a bad luck without know when/where it happens. The biggest problem is I doubt I can survive that. Like, we have to ready to face it whenever and wherever. I doubt I can give the best things, I doubt I can satisfy people around me too. I really doubt to myself😞

Okay, I will share the incidents that happened to me today. The first one, it was a happy feeling to share. As you know, I have an experienced to teach in one of boarding Islamic school in Cianjur. One of the students has sent me an email to ask about my condition now, her problems with the subject that I taught previously, and just gimme her story that I have missed. Don’t ask me, I was so delighted🥹 I might still have a space in her memory. Thanks a bunch💗

The second one, it was a sadness. My aunt, my mom’s brother’s wife exactly, passed away about before Maghrib. May Allah give her a forgiveness and place her to the heaven. Aamiin. My mom, my dad, and my bigbro went to their house. So, I’m home alone untill now~

Okay, now I will fulfill my promise to share something ‘bout me. I will share you if I’m in a good mood or just stuck to write my diary, pals👯‍♂️ Hmm.. Let me think. Because I have described my overthinking habit, my family, my fears, so I will share you ‘bout my insecurities I guess😂 And, ya! I have shared you before. My insecurities, the biggest one is me. Yup! It’s me. I’m just not a confident person. I think if I have so much lack and sometimes I can’t compromise myself. I don’t have a good background like I’m from a simple family, I don’t have many good experiences, and my habits or my experiences usually different with the people who in the same age with me. I’m afraid if my way to interact with the other is kinda weird. I know, this is a worst habit.. 

Okay, yesterday we learned independently and continued to work our tasks about “Pengenalan Konten”. It was like we searched our sources that support the subject we have to teach and then made a conclusion based on the sources. We should to find at least five sources👾

So after that, I decided to continue my series that I didn’t finish yet. Yup! The Last of Us. Now, it just have a one episode left🤧

Btw, I went to there with my bigbro and returned by Grab and then continued by public transportation. 

Actually today is my friend’s birthday. We are so close in SHS but a few months ago I changed my number so I lost her number on WA. So I asked my another friend to get her number. And ya, finally I contacted her and we got some conversation. I was so delighted because I could keep in touch with my SHS’s friend😙

Today was special day because it was my bestie’s day. I called her and we talked for a few minutes. I’m so grateful have a friend like her though I just have one close friend. But it is more than enough. I love her and I will take care of her. Wish her have a lucky life🍀 Barakallah!

It was a very bad at the moment. The felts, the effecst, the moods, and everything about me was tend to be blue. Did you guys have a similar experience with me? Like somehow your bad memories came to you suddenly?

Today Ms B attended the training and we continued to learn the last tasks. 

My another sister was visiting my home and I sooooo happy could play with my cute nephew.

I grab some food at night and got wet when I returned home because the rain suddenly poured. 

That’s it•

Let me tell you something. I’ve become inconsintent lately. So, like I said, I just forgot what is happening on this day. My bad. My memories were bad🌀

We have agenda. You can guess, if Sundanese has gather what happens next. 100! We ate liwet. I was so thankful•••