It’s the same old you—still overthinking, still soft-hearted, and still hungry (probably).The same girl sitting in this classroom, zoning out and thinking about lunch with Noynoy. Are we still together? I hope we are. I hope he still looks at you like you hold the stars, and I hope you still laugh together over the littlest things. I pray that love stayed kind to us both. But if it didn’t, I trust you chose peace.

I wish I could see you right now. There’s so much I want to ask. Are you okay? Have the flares lessened? Do your bones still ache like they’re carrying secrets? I hope not. I hope the pain isn’t as loud anymore. I hope your body feels like home now, not a battlefield. I know Lupus makes things heavy, I know because I’m still learning how to carry it without letting it weigh down my spirit. I hope you’ve found some peace in it. I hope your health is gentler with you now.

Are you still chasing the dream? The one where you wear that white coat and help people feel seen and safe. I know how much you wanted it. I know how many times you whispered to yourself, "One day i'll be the one helping not the one on the bed needing help".

Please tell me you didn’t give up. I know how much that dream meant to you. How it carried you through the days you felt like giving up. Tell me you did not give up, not because it got too hard. Not because you felt too small. You’ve always had the heart for healing. I hope you still do.

There have been so many moments where I wanted to quit. Where the weight of it all, my pain, my fears, my own thoughts, almost drowned me. I know you cry easily. I know you get hurt over small things you pretend don’t matter. I know you try to look strong in rooms where you feel invisible. But I hope now you allow yourself to feel it all without shame.

I hope you have found softness in your strength and grace in your grief. Because like the you of the past who is here writing to you, the one that kept going. And I pray you kept going too.

And if you’re tired again, if life feels too loud and you don’t know where to go next, I want you to sit down. Breathe. Remember how far we’ve come. This version of you, writing this now, still believes in you. Still loves you. Still sees something worth becoming. I'm rooting for you always.

So hold on.

Stay kind.

Keep blooming, even if it’s slow.

Always with you,

Jihan🤎

• The youngest child

• A news writer

• A big yapper

• Major Foodie

• Fave food: Pizza, Flavored Wings, Shrimps (though i have a minor allergy huhu) and recently discovered a major love for shawarma and fries!

• Fave thing to do: Watch horror or thriller movies (I highly recommend Afflicted and Fractured)

• Current kdrama watch: Head over heels (saur cutee!!!)

• Cries when angry

• Angry when people do not go by the plan (I'm working on my anger issues huhu)

• Nonetheless, i love to love!

That’s it for now. Chill lang, we're all a work in progress. Just like me, the good old Jihan. Still figuring it out. Still soft. Still loud. Still loving. But always, always growing. 🤎

Achievements:

I was already a very social and joyful baby

I always smile and laugh

I know those who are close to me and smile when near them

Challenges:

I was a very maldita baby to others

I obviously still could not talk and tell my parents what I want

I was a very maiyakin baby

Achievements:

Could now walk and talk a bit

Confident

Could now do certain things on my own

Would always climb furniture

Playing make believe

Start to make friends

Challenges:

Sometimes a bit too loud

Sometimes overconfident

Short attention span

Slow speech development

Achievement

Can dress on my own

Make simple decisions alone

Can run and skip

Can write simple letters, words & numbers

Can now read really good

Meet and create friends

Challenges

Has a hard time adjusting

Only goes after food

Always cries when my mom leaves me at school

Can sometimes be a loner

Struggles with patience

Difficulty sharing toys or accepting losing in games

Achievement

Stayed consistent as the top 1 of our class and batch

Leadership roles like SPG secretary and president as well as in the classroom

Still made lots of friends

Started my journey towards journalism

Started joining competitions like quiz bees, DSPC, RSPC, festival of talents as well as pageants.

Build up myself

The struggles extended far beyond the physical realm. SLE took a heavy financial toll, with mounting medical bills and medication costs that my family often scrambled to cover. Emotionally, it left me feeling isolated and defeated, particularly as I struggled to keep up with schoolwork. It was nearly impossible to focus on lessons or assignments when my body was constantly betraying me. Falling behind academically felt like failing myself, compounding my stress and hopelessness. Spiritually, I grappled with questions of faith. I couldn’t understand why God would allow me to endure such suffering, and it chipped away at my belief in a higher purpose. The disease didn’t just attack my body; it tested my will, my relationships, and my sense of identity. Each day was a fight, not just for health but for hope. Today I am still in my hard fought journey towards healing and accepting the fact that this is true no matter how hard i try to run away from it.

Consistent Honor

Made lots of new friends

Learned to love

Learned patience, acceptance and passion

Still doing journalism (DSPC and RSPC)

Learned to be independent

Stayed consistent

Stayed loving

Challenges

My illness

Doubts

Pressure

Having fake friends

Going through things alone

Stuck on past traumas