What tugged at my heart was how relevant this novel is even up till now. Daisy was such a hate-able character, wishy washy, wanted everything. That's right. She wanted Buchanan AND Gatsby all at the same time. She recognised that she had too much to lose, her family, her daughter, Buchanan's riches. She decided that the materialistic world was all that she need, even if means trading her happiness.

Gatsby on the other hand, was a delusional, devoted man who loved Daisy too much. Who yearned for the past a little over the top, who narrows his entire future to just the green light across the bay from his fortress. All these work, just to turn back the hands of the clock, to chase back a love that cannot be returned, to possess a girl who wasn't the same anymore.

Everything about this book was on the rich and dazzling Jazz age of America, where the empire bloomed, and everyone swirled with lavish raiment and lifestyles, embellished with what the green note could get, yet still feeling unhappy and sad for themselves. No one wants to break this fabric of truce, Tom, Daisy, Gatsby, Jordan and Nick - none wants anything to change, and cause everything to change.

This novel showed me how shallow the characters are, allows me to reflect on my society and surroundings, and more importantly, to appreciate the beauty of letting go and contentment.

Bellagray, Singapore

Someone told me that the attempt to love, is love.

I want to love you, Lord.
Love you with all my heart, mind, soul, spirit and body.

But the engine of the soul has hardened.
It has grown cold.

The only way to change this is to receive the Holy Spirit.
With an earnest heart.

For the heart to be earnest, it has to be emptied.
Emptied of the plank that has been lodged deeply into the depths of the heart.

It’s painful. But the effort will come steadily.
Because I’m attempting to love at a higher level.

Bellagray, Singapore

Love is not about feeling sad or trapped. It is about being overwhelmed with happiness from the freedom received.

Lord, I realized that I kept having all the ups and downs because I failed to see the freedom in your Love. Loving you should be a happy and carefree affair, not something that constantly traps and bogs me down.

Understanding correctly and truly realizing that the Almighty Holy Son has bestowed such great love upon me…it’s like as if there’s nothing else to be afraid of anymore. What else is there to be apprehensive about when the source of all creation and the saviour of all mankind has shown you the way into Their hearts?

Now, I just need to learn well, realize deeply through Your Words, take actions to be disciplined and be perfectly adorned in order to proclaim this great History.

As time passes, the tribulations seem to get bigger. But each time I stand up, I feel stronger and closer to you. Lord, I want to hang in there and truly make it to the end. Of course, there is no end when You are around. I don’t want to get pulled onto the edge of the cliff everytime something minor gets blown into epic proportions. I want to be deeply rooted in Your most fertile soil and grow to bear the perfect fruits for You.

It used to be just trying to control my physical being. And now, it is more of the focusing and concentrating of the heart and the mind. Distractions and random thoughts that snatches my time away and things that are of no importance to the resulting salvation of this time period is getting a little hard to avoid and handle.

Lord, please hang on to me. I am weak. But because I have You, the Almighty, I believe that overcoming these is highly possible. Let me learn how to be free; let me learn and realize how to love at 100%.

I was told that the more dire your situation seems, the more you ought to give thanks.

Lord, thank You for Your great, immense and perfect LOVE. You are so perfect, so awesome and so forgiving. I am weak, vengeful and full of my own thoughts and ego.

Lord, thank You for allowing me to exist, in spirit, in muscles, bones, tissues and cells. I really want to use every bit of me to do all the work that You want to be done in this world.

Lord, thank You for saving my life countless times and telling me that I still have You no matter what. I want to live for You, whole-heartedly.

Lord, thank You for giving me purpose in this life that You have bestowed upon me. I want to run hard for You, with everything that I have.

Lord, thank You for opening my eyes to Your domain of life, instead of letting me sink deep into the worldly darkness. I want to fly into Your arms.

Lord, thank You for unfolding the plans You have for me, letting me know about You and building the kind of relationship You want me to have with You. I want to follow You and Your ways and live the life You planned for me.

Lord, thank You for offering this path to eternal salvation of the ultimate fulfillment. I really want to make it. I want to rapture and live with You forever.  You saved the best for me.

Dearest Holy Son of the Almighty, I love You.
Nothing will change that, I promise and assure You.
You are the best, in ways that no one can ever imagine.
It is a great honour to be able to know You.
Let me know You even more deeply.
I love You. <3

Why would we even bother giving a part of ourselves to others? Why would we even decide to allow another to be part of us?

I'm ripped.

Everytime I allow myself to be attached to another individual, he/she has to leave. Be it workplace, or anywhere.

I'm ripped.

The noise of paper flapping, unable to stand it's own against the wind.

The creaking sound of wood at the slightest shift of weight.

Weakness.

Weakness surrounded me.

Slowly seeped in, and engulfed me.

The useless tendency of recollection.

There is no going back,

Both of us know it.

And yet.

The sensations of warmth which fills your body when a certain song plays,

And the memories which come back like crashing waves when a certain scent whiffs past the nose.

Weakness.

I cannot succumb.