It is argued that (an article) advantages of having bigger amount of televised sports are greater than (an article) disadvantages. This essay completely agrees with this statement. I believe that generally people are undoubtedly benefiting (a grammar tense plus a word order) from televised sport because of (an article) level of accessibility and absent (change the part of speech plus add a preposition here) safety concerns of it.

(Add a linking word here)Live sport coverage is far more convenient than offline events. (An article) Majority of people does not (the verb has to be singular and it is better to place a modal verb here instead) have the opportunity to attend all the games played by their favourite teams. There is not (better to write a modal verb instead) a better example of it than my boyfriend (your boyfriend or what happened to him?). He went on (a wrong tense) (an article) critically urgent work-trip business trip just (an article) couple (a preposition) days before his beloved club had (an article) extremely important match. He managed to see (a wrong verb) it only because of live streaming on tv (informal).

(Use a linking word or device here to add cohesiveness and coherence) Security issues are quite relevant (a wrong word in this context) throughout live sports events. The most loyal fans tend to let their frustrations (uncountable) out by picking up a fights (an idiom that you cannot change. Moreover, be careful with informal phrasal verbs. Read more here: https://blog.writefull.com/phrasal-verbs-in-academic-writing/ ) and creating safety threatening situations. Unfortunately (punctuation) it happened to my uncles friend (a possessive case). He was enjoying his time on (a wrong preposition) football game when (an article) random admirer of the opposite team hit him in the face. Couple hours (an article plus a preposition) after later he found out that his nose as broken (a wrong grammar tense) in three places. Since then my uncle and his friend had watched (a wrong grammar tense) football only on tv (informal) to exclude an opportunity for (an article) similar ('similar' sounds more formal) accident. like this from happening.

To conclude, in my opinion there definitely are more positive benefits of having bigger amount of televised sport than negative moments connected with it. (Add a short rephrased explanation why)

230 words only!!!

Your score is: 6,5 (a competent user B2)

I will explain the assessment criteria and the method of calculation at the lesson.

Overall, it is a good score for a start!

Overall, live sport coverage (50) is far more convenient than offline events. The majority of people may not have the opportunity to attend all the games played by their favourite team.  There couldn’t be a better example of it than what happened to my boyfriend (my boyfriend`s case). He had went gone on a critically urgent business trip just a couple (100) of days before his beloved club had the an extremely important match. He managed to watch it only because of live streaming on television.

Further more (one word: Furthermore), security issues are quite a pressing (regular?) problem throughout live sports events. The most loyal fans tend to let their frustration out by instigating fights and creating (150) safety threatening situations. Unfortunately, it happened to my uncle’s friend. He was enjoying his time on at a football game when a random admirer of the opposite team hit him in the face. A couple of hours later he found out that his nose had been broken in three places. Since (200) then my uncle and his friend have watched football only on television to exclude an opportunity for the a similar accident.

To conclude, in my opinion, there definitely are more positive benefits of having bigger amount of televised sport rather than negative sides, such as safety priorities, convenience of your own space (250), schedule flexbility and close-ups of players. (трохи не розумію, як його переформулювати 😭)

256 words