Writing Productive Comments! (UWP 7Y W25/4) by Mandy Proctor

Writing Helpful Comments

MandyProctor — 2025-01-13 20:16:56 UTC

Helpful comments DESCRIBE what they see the writer trying to do, EVALUATE how well the writing is doing that thing, and SUGGEST how the writer can make specific, focused revisions.

Using the explanations of the star system below, rate the comments on this board. Add a comment to each of the examples that explains your rating. Your explanation should describe what parts of the D-E-S structure informed your rating decision.

3 stars is the default. 3 stars means "Thank you for the feedback" that uses the D-E-S strategy effectively. If you give more or fewer than 3 stars, you need to be able to identify why.

4 stars means the comment goes above and beyond the basic D-E-S and provides lots of useful detail.

5 stars is the the most useful feedback you could ever imagine receiving.

2 stars means you think the reader could have tried a little harder.

1 star means you think the reader didn't follow the comment instructions.

MandyProctor — 2025-01-13 20:16:56 UTC

I see that you explained the reading habits of your subject. However, I think that you are trying to convey the importance of these habits by describing them . I suggest that you go more in depth about the significance of these habits and how it affects him as a reader.

MandyProctor — 2025-01-13 20:16:56 UTC

You give clear examples but I see that you use the word "Also" several times in the beginning of most sentences. Try to use different transition words or just remove the word as a whole because it makes it feel like a run on sentence.

MandyProctor — 2025-01-13 20:16:56 UTC

I can see that you give a lot of important information in your introduction paragraph. I honestly think that you did an excellent job in your introduction paragraph and well my suggestion is that you did good.

MandyProctor — 2025-01-13 20:16:56 UTC

Your statement addresses the disconnect in expectations between high school and college educators, but you do not provide any specific information to help your discussion. You could provide specific examples or instances from Miller and Schulz's work that illustrate how educators share the goal of preparing students for college. You could also elaborate on specific points from Vogan and Plotnick's chart that demonstrate the expectations in college compared to the more structured processes in high school. This would create a more detailed discussion of the ideas presented by these authors.

MandyProctor — 2025-01-13 20:16:56 UTC

Overall, I think this first body paragraph flowed well with the way you referenced your sources and how you showed that the sources agree. I can see that the sources used paint the picture that what students learned in HS didn't prepare them for the college curriculum because of how little room for creativity there was. However, your first sentence is a bit out of place to me because you began with what scholars found, instead of what you observe. I think it should begin with what you observe and then the rest of your sources will add to your point in the conversation. I'd suggest you start with something like, "Students enter college with strict sets of rules that limit their creativity that don't prepare them for the difficulty of college classes." or something along that line. Like Mandy said, your intro/topic sentence should lead the stage for sources and your analysis. The class slides from this week have more examples of this!