Throughout the entire project I've been drawn to Paula Rego's work and her posings and how she respectfully yet realistically displayed the truth of women's suffering, the truth behind an abortion. her agonising poses are the epitome of what we need in the daily fight for women's rights.

The fight for women's rights started as our need for the vote, to work a job, to be more than an item and years, decades later we are fighting to yet again make that choice within ourselves, fighting to decide who we become, we may not be fighting with our fists but everyday women fight with their bodies and souls for a grain of the rights men have, they fight across the globe for the independence that someone decided the white man could have from birth.

Abortion rights are just one tiny aspect of all of it, one small consideration and belief that should be determined by the person experiencing it.

so with that I sketched some ideas, looked to the layout. I knew I wanted the form in the centre with the reality written around the edges. I just couldn't decide between it being central or taking the entire space and I was torn between two poses.

I started with a simpler design, looking to the sayings I wanted and base design logic. The concept was to keep the sketches simple and dependent on my final choice I'd then create a final piece mock up.

something I wanted to encourage from the get go was the statements, I needed the typography to reflect how we look to rape culture and what women wear more than what happens, how we presume its her fault for being provocative and sensual instead of how a man may be wrong, how that all then feeds into the ideology of rape and porn culture, how often the view of what and how sex is feeds into this concept that women must respond a certain way otherwise its irrelevant even though we are all different.

obviously I prioritised the concept of abortion rights, looking at pro-choice and pro-life, looking to how rape culture, the porn industry and so much more feeds into the ideology that abortions are wrong and against gods wishes. something I strongly disagree with as someone who has deeper experiences than most would presume of an 18 year old woman.

I dabbled with some common sayings and typical comments, brain storming what I wanted but it didn't feel right regardless.

I wanted something powerful and impactful that also looked at a poster aspect, something that could be found in a gallery or in a protest.

a lot of protest art tends to be surrounding the needed statements, they argue the truth in such small words and spaces.

no matter how I described it or thought of it I just couldn't make it make sense without the person depicting the truth.

the common assumption and issue is that I'm copying Paula Rego and that removes the reality of the work, it takes from my truth.

in reality, I am not copying Paula Rego in anything more than her choice of form. choosing to take agonising forms that honestly depict abortions helped me drastically, as did taking the logic of heavy typography from Bob and Robert Smith.

as an artist we are trained to reflect our work and show our research but doing so too heavily creates a paradoxical belief that we are copying someone else in its entirety.

as a creative I've always had images in my head with little to no prompts needed so referencing and linking my work to galleries and artists is always difficult and I can loose myself in it or loose the connections. I end up drawing at straws to connect my work.

that's why for this I am ok with the fact it is clear who inspires me, the issue and the artists have pushed me to create something i've yet to see and if its been made before, maybe the reason is because we need to see it again until we resolve things properly.

I've questioned if I'm allowed to take a position on things as an artist, as a business woman and as an 18 year old. I have wondered if I will be judged and questioned, demanded I'm wrong.

the truth is, we need more people willing to speak honestly, if I'm seen as rude and arrogant because I will be honest then I am ok with that, I am ok being the bad guy if I am making change and having an impact. people who do right are very rarely viewed as heroes. and this isn't a fantasy world of black and white, of heroes and villains.

as women we get told to sit down, be quiet and look pretty. but as children we are encouraged to get up and run around and learn, to get messy, as teens we are told to be seen and not heard, that our opinions don't matter because we haven't experienced the world enough.

ever wonder why fantasy stories where true change happens is often led by teenagers and young adults? it is because they aren't warped by the truth of our world enough to fall for it, they can still see the black and white and everything in-between and they want to fix it.

the next generations want change and freedom.

women want change and freedom.

I want change and freedom.

so yes, my work is influenced by some powerful artists, yes I have strong opinions, and yes I will not quiet down.

I refuse to let people view me as an item, an object or as something to quieten. I may not be a politician or someone who can change the government but I can speak up honestly and be real. I can keep fighting for everyone's rights. and educate myself the best I can.

hopefully my final piece properly depicts this.

Within my project I wanted to look at how I could show this in my own way, I wanted to show the sheer velocity of issues and evidence on just one small aspect of women's rights, of our bodily autonomy. Choosing to look at women's abortion rights, the lack or privilege we have regarding them and how its impacting people, how it is revolutionising medicine, peoples choices and the knock on effect towards women, how many more people seek it out, break the law etc.

I would like to say I knew a fair amount about the current state of abortion rights but upon my research I truly discovered the disgusting behaviour and choices constantly being made, how historically the government/leaders have restricted women's choices and access, how abortions have been illegal longer than they have been legal and the amount of deaths from illegal abortions. It turned my stomach on every front and infuriated me.

I hoped I'd learn that there was some good in the system, that some choices were left and that there was hope.... I didn't learn that at any point. Instead I got repeatedly reminded how truly impossible it is to be a woman in this world.

On an emotional level I feel I've learnt more about myself, what bandwidth I have with my work and how much I can handle mentally and emotionally, how some themes may be perfect and powerful but aren't healthy for me to approach yet.

I believed I had done enough healing and understood myself and my rights enough to know I could handle this project and the weight of its context but I was wrong. I couldn't discuss it on my social media, couldn't talk openly with my community properly, I discovered I actually had very few people that I could talk to and not be spoken down to about the topic, very few people willing to hear the truth.

For me that realisation shook my enthusiasm, I know sometimes we have to chose difficult topics or discuss things that aren't 'socially' acceptable but I didn't think it would be such a challenge.

Technically I understand now that my Adobe skills need a lot of work, I can paint til theres no tomorrow but I can't create an illustrator piece without stress, so facing that challenge did resolve in me avoiding creating art even more.

Throughout my project my writing and english skills have regularly come in handy, helping me to articulate how I feel and what research I've found, I've also leant into my sketching skills when jotting ideas down, pulling on skills I don't often use because of being an art student. I've looked at typography in more ways than one during this project, understanding how it adds to protest art and how it can really assist in getting your view across.

Something I am startling aware of from this project is the limited amount of artwork I've produced, whilst the pieces I have made are consistent and clear on my theme it has drastically hindered me in the development of my work. I believe this is because I got to consumed by the history and research and the social media debates that I became blocked creatively, unsure of how I could make an impact when so many voices are already shouting about it.

Along the road I looked at Paula Rego and Bob & Roberta Smith, I looked at them to understand other pieces made in protest and the typography elements I knew I'd need. I carried their influences all the way into my final piece, combining Rego's choice for provocative poses with the Smiths choice of well worded typography.

I have learnt over the last year that my best work comes when I have the intent of drawing raw emotions, wether thats my own or from others, I create stronger work this way because I am connecting with it more deeply and I knew I needed to do that for this project, knew I needed to let the emotions I've been carrying pour into my work, let all the anger and sadness and fear from being a woman pour into my work. When I decided this I knew it meant making a big piece that shouted, no screamed the truth, the reality of being a woman and the overwhelming feelings we have, the names we are called and the views we are told that we and everyone around us have. I felt I could best convey that message through my typography, deciding that it would look like the public had scribbled these thoughts onto the canvas, letting it fill all the negative space around a broken lonely woman, letting it consume all that was left of her peace.

The words, sayings and sentences I chose all came from things I and other women I know have been called, from statistics and the histories I looked at, it all came from truth.

I feel like I've conveyed the feelings and message I wanted really well, I think I've shown my views well too.

I think the issue with doing a word based political issue always has its downsides as a creative, it can lose the emphasis you want if not depicted correctly. for me I had issues exploring how I could depict things, how to take all those words and feelings, all that history and put it into art. I believe that weakened my project and meant I was loosing emphasis for the issue I was looking at. In future if I decide to do a political issue I would definitely have thumbnails and sketches and draw it as soon as the idea is in my head, not letting myself get consumed by information or routines or the process i 'should' be following.

Other than this I feel my project was generally very strong and I'm proud I could final discuss abortion rights and do a controversial topic, I'm glad I got the opportunity to finally get involved with an issue that was effecting me instead of just following it.

On a generalised project view, I do believe I've met the brief, I think I have clearly depicted revolution for me, shown my own change within my work and my knowledge. I think I've done this because of how invested emotionally I am and how clear it is that I have an opinion, a voice and instead of just talking I drew it and showed you how it feels.

I showed in my work how lost you can feel and then in my final piece I showed the loneliness and objectification women feel, I feel I showed how I feel every day and the fears I contend with daily.

I think throughout this project I have taken my own path of growth and change, I think I've had a personal revolution, learning to speak up, learning to advocate for myself and others and that my voice is valid. that not only do I deserve space in the room but I deserve a seat at the metaphorical table and I will pull one up if needed.

I learnt about my rights and about myself. I learnt that I really like being an advocate and helping people, even in the smallest way. I learnt that I can make change and be apart of the fight in my own way.

I opted to stick to all colour and not do skin tones because I didn't want to add a racial aspect into my work, I believed I needed the piece to represent all women regardless of age or race.

The original idea was for it to be golden-esk, to give the influence that we are still worthy and important, but when I began painting the body it came out funny, looking more sickly, more mouldy, which was very much against what I had intended so I pivoted and decided upon a green tone. Unintentionally referencing the Liberty Statue in New York, America.

The reference came from this concept that she's a pivotal statue for Americans, that they respect and protect it. The idea was that if she could have an abortion, if she could be that low and broken and still be important, respected and protected, allowed that choice. Then maybe all women should too.

Due to working on the dress first when I eventually got round to larger sections that needed more space per colour I forgot to swap to a larger brush, this resulted in the piece getting streaky and me having to repaint sections to fix it.

Other than that the piece went smoothly, I briefly struggled with what to write on the canvas because I had to many ideas in my head that were overlapping but I resolved that by just adding text and filling the gaps until I felt at peace, happy with all I'd said.