I appreciate the experiences I have had in my position as the Indigenous Education Resource teacher, because it has forced me to have many difficult conversations with people that I am friendly with, and people who I don't even know.  The conversations do share similarities, because most people don't like to be told what to do, that they're wrong, and that they have to change their ways.  Oftentimes, when I am talking to people I know, or people who come from a positive and open space, I am able to enter softly, and exit direct with movement forward.  

However,  it's talking to the people that I don't know that gives me heartburn. When I am talking to people about Indigenous Education and pedagogical practices,  who don't know me,  such as during Professional Development workshops, I speak, then there is silence, and then people don't look at me, and then they ask the questions to my colleagues.  Maybe this is an area I need to work on.  However, Barry is right when he says that in this profession, you are never alone.  

If I maybe truthful, I don't like public speaking.  I do it, because it's my part of my job, and I've worked really hard to develop my skill at it. Although sometimes, I am working really hard to push out the words, while my face is incredibly flushed and I might be shaking a little.  In the same way, having difficult conversations is part of the job of being a Principal. It just might be one of those skills that needs tp be worked on, and might have to be done with a little bit of fear thrown in.

Much of my professional life is reflected in the lines from Robert Frost's poem, "The Road Not Taken," particularly, "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—/ I took the one less traveled by,/ And that has made all the difference."  The plan was never to be a teacher, or to do my Masters, and definitely not to involve myself in Indigenous Education, but here I am. When I enrolled to take this course, I did so at the persistence of my Superintendent,  whose argument, "Vanessa, you'll have this just IN CASE you change your mind..," stuck.

In considering a path in leadership, I do think that I am standing at a crossroads.  Indigenous author Tracey Lindberg told me when we were out to dinner once that when I speak of being a classroom teacher there is a gleam in my eyes, which isn't there when I speak about my current role as Resource teacher/consultant (P.S.--Do you like how I name-dropped there?). 

Truthfully, there's a lot that I like about being a Principal, and at the same time, there is a lot that concerns me.  I also question my own readiness for the job, and I am skeptical as to whether such a job is the right fit for me.  I am also just afraid. Nick, my Superintendent, has actually said that my ability to be reflective is one of the things that makes me a good candidate for this job.  However, I think my struggles are similar to the struggles of a lot of potential leaders who question whether or not they can live their truth within the confines and  restrictions of a role in leadership.

I do truly appreciate the opportunity this course has given me to consider the role of leadership, and issues surrounding the job of a school administrator. It's definitely better than having all these ideas just stuck in my head.  It's painfully cliché, but only time will truly tell if I end up as a School Administrator or not, but I do hope our paths will cross again Barry.  What I am certain of is that you'll find me on the road less travelled.

Love,

Vanessa