꧁༒༺ ♡ Let's Go, Let The Room Get Chiller ♡ ༻༒꧂ by Mr_Over_Evillord |

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-16 19:11:03 UTC

𝓣𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓲𝓼 𝓪 𝓿𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓹𝓪𝓭𝓵𝓮𝓽. 𝓕𝓸𝓻 𝓶𝓮. 𝓓𝓸𝓷'𝓽 𝓫𝓸𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝓿𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓰. 𝓐𝓽 𝓪𝓵𝓵. 𝓘 𝓭𝓸𝓷'𝓽 𝓾𝓼𝓮 𝓽𝓻𝓲𝓰𝓰𝓮𝓻/𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼, 𝓭𝓸𝓷'𝓽 𝓫𝓸𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝓪𝓼𝓴𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓸𝓻 𝓹𝓸𝓲𝓷𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓲𝓽 𝓸𝓾𝓽. 𝓛𝓮𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓲𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓭𝓸𝓷'𝓽 𝓵𝓲𝓴𝓮 𝓲𝓽.

~🅒🅞🅛🅞🅡 🅒🅞🅓🅔🅢~

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-16 19:18:11 UTC

ɢʀᴇᴇɴ ɪꜱ ᴍʏ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀ. ɪᴛ'ꜱ ɴᴏᴛ ᴄᴏᴅᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ. ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴀꜱꜱᴜᴍᴇ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀᴡɪꜱᴇ.

𝔹𝕝𝕒𝕔𝕜: ℙ𝕒𝕕𝕝𝕖𝕥 𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕓𝕝𝕖𝕞𝕤/𝕕𝕣𝕒𝕞𝕒
ℝ𝕖𝕕: ℝ𝕖𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕡𝕤
𝕆𝕣𝕒𝕟𝕘𝕖: 𝔽𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕕𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕡𝕤
𝔹𝕝𝕦𝕖: 𝔽𝕒𝕞𝕚𝕝𝕪
ℙ𝕦𝕣𝕡𝕝𝕖: 𝕆 𝕥 𝕙 𝕖 𝕣 ?

11/16/21 ~ 12:19pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-16 19:23:32 UTC

Truth be told I keep thinking it was a bad idea to break up with them. But we both needed it. I lost feelings, and they didn't deserve to be with me if I didn't feel 🤬. It hurts because it means I'm going to lose friends who were friends with me because we were close but I can't. What's even worse is that I don't regret it all too much. I'm glad I finally respected my own boundaries and in return they hate me.
On top of that the person flirting with me keeps doing it in front of them. They're still my friend. And I don't want to hurt them. It hurts to see them hurt but at the same time I know it'll be like this. I don't know why we dated in the first place this second time around- I don't/didn't even feel anything this time. And I felt terrible for it. I still do. The first time we dated was heaven but this time I didn't even want to kiss them because I knew I wouldn't mean it.

11/16/21 ~ 12:36pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-16 19:37:29 UTC

Imagine being triggered by porn. haha. couldn't be me.

11/16/21 ~ 1:47pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-16 20:49:46 UTC

They're being dumb. They're being dumb and I'm alone.
I'm always alone.

11/17/21 ~ 7:45am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-17 14:45:15 UTC

They keep ignoring me. Both of them. I'm being left behind once again.

11/17/21 ~ 8:06am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-17 15:06:24 UTC

"I won't let go of your hand" /lyr
Two Birds On A Wire; Regina Spektor

11/17/21 ~ 8:34am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-17 15:35:05 UTC

being left behind isn't fun
especially when this person is one of the only ones that makes you feel alive. Makes you feel there.

11/17/21 ~ 9:10am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-17 16:10:08 UTC

my team abandoned me in my class :D
I want to entirely fuck up and make them look bad but I need good grades -_-
I'm so fucking done with these people- we have a fairly easy assignment and they leave me to do the work while they play games and write star trek fanfics

It's
so
dumb.

11/17/21 ~ 9:28am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-17 16:28:16 UTC

the pretty lady's back for our class but I can't tell her I remember her because she's absolutely fucking cute because I know she'll pull the whole "you know I have a boyfriend" thing or be uncomfy-
it's the stupidest thing but it genuinely upsets me that I can't tell her she's pretty-

On top of that I only remember a few things about her since last time and my friend's over here making me feel dumb spouting all the facts about her qwq

11/17/21 ~ 9:54am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-17 16:54:27 UTC

there's a reason I ignore these two "friends"
It gets so tiring being treated like shit because they think it's funny to pick on the trans kid with ptsd.

11/17/21 ~ 11:06am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-17 18:06:04 UTC

it's fucking freezing outside rn

11/17/21 ~ 11:09am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-17 18:09:20 UTC

I'm alone at lunch again. Of course. you know sometimes I wish I'd just ditch them all and leave because it gets so tiring of being left alone day after day after day

probably just going to head over to the library. be alone inside instead of out.

11/17/21 ~ 11:11am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-17 18:11:01 UTC

Make a wish.

11/17/21 ~ 11:48am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-17 18:48:37 UTC

they're amazing... which is why I won't ever get them.

I'm too much. I'm a mess. They already pity me, and I don't want to add on to it.

11/17/21 ~ 12:21pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-17 19:21:37 UTC

I feel dumb.

11/17/21 ~ 12:28pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-17 19:28:12 UTC

it feels like everything's going down the wrong road and it hurts. soon enough they won't even be there anymore, will they?

11/17/21 ~ 12:33pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-17 19:33:53 UTC

every thought matches with this and I can feel myself spiralling but the music's good, and the feeling that I can let myself go is even better. sometimes I wonder what would happen if I let myself be completely free.

11/17/21 ~ 12:55pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-17 19:54:31 UTC

just friends..
always just friends.

11/17/21 ~ 2:15pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-17 21:15:27 UTC

I'm starting to develop a headache
I feel sick
I'm tired
I just wish school was over already.

11/17/21 ~ 2:47pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-17 21:47:35 UTC

gonna throw up :/

11/17/21 ~ 7:40pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-18 02:40:52 UTC

What I want to do is pull them close, hold them tight and explain to them why I fight so hard to not be seen as a bottom-
how the hell am I supposed to explain that I've been through so much trauma and been neglected by the only consensual top that now I fear I'll be left behind-
I can't.
Not without exposing myself to pity and scorn.

11/18/21 ~ 11:54am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-18 18:54:58 UTC

I wonder what it's like to be on the streets. I'll probably know soon enough.

11/19/21 ~ 7:41am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 14:44:41 UTC

I really did get my hopes up for nothing. I brought them down continuously and let my mind wander free when I thought I had a chance and it turns out I didn't. It was just going to be the same thing again. That's all that's happening. It happened with K and now it's happening with Z. I fell for someone. Found someone that makes me happy, makes me feel heard... and yet they will always get them. S will always get who they want, always find a way to hurt me, purposely or not. I should've just stayed like everyone wanted. This wouldn't be a problem if I'd just stayed with S. Instead I had to go and set boundaries and now I'm suffering for it. It hurts. I couldn't even work up the courage to say anything.
Congrats.
Good job.
I'm glad you found someone who made you happy.
Anything. I should've just told them and respected my heart instead I was stupid and now I've lost them.

~ℕ𝕒𝕞𝕖 ℂ𝕠𝕕𝕖𝕤/𝔼𝕩𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤~

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 14:56:13 UTC

| 𝙰𝚍𝚍-𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚗𝚎𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚊𝚛𝚢 |

ˢ⁻ ᵒᵗʰᵉʳ ᵖᵃʳᵗⁿᵉʳ, ˡᵒᵛᵉˡʸ, ᵇʳᵒᵏᵉⁿ ˡⁱᵏᵉ ᵐᵉ, ˢʷⁱᵗᶜʰ, ᵐᵒʳᵉ ᵃⁿᵍʳʸ
ᴷ⁻ ᵉˣ, ⁱᵈⁱᵒᵗ⁻ ᵗʰⁱˢ ᵖᵉʳˢᵒⁿ ˡᵒᵛᵉˢ ˢᵗᵃʳᵗⁱⁿᵍ ᶠⁱᵍʰᵗˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵍᵉᵗˢ ʷʰᵃᵗ ᵗʰᵉʸ ʷᵃⁿᵗ
ᶻ⁻ ᴮᵒʸᶠʳⁱᵉⁿᵈ ⁽ᴴᵉ/ᵀʰᵉʸ/ˢʰᵉ⁾⁻ ˡᵒᵛᵉˡʸ ˡⁱᵗᵗˡᵉ ᵗʰⁱⁿᵍ⁻ ᵗᵃˡˡ, ˢʷⁱᵗᶜʰ, ᵇᵘᵗ ᵒᵇˡⁱᵛⁱᵒᵘˢ ᵒᶠᵗᵉⁿ
ᴷᴷ⁻ ᴹᵒᵐ ᶠʳⁱᵉⁿᵈ
ᴶ⁻ ᵀᵃˡˡ ᵇᵒᵗᵗᵒᵐ ᶠʳⁱᵉⁿᵈ
ᵀ⁻ ᶜᵒᵒˡ ᵍᵘʸ ʷʰᵒ ᵗʳⁱᵉˢ ᵗᵒ ʰᵉˡᵖ⁻ ᶠʳⁱᵉⁿᵈ
Q⁻ ᴹᵒᵐ ᶠʳⁱᵉⁿᵈ'ˢ ᵖᵃʳᵗⁿᵉʳ, ᴿᵉᵐᵘˢ ᵏⁱⁿⁿⁱᵉ ᶠʳⁱᵉⁿᵈ
ᴸ⁻ ᴰᵘᵐᵇ ᵇⁱᵗᶜʰ ʷʰᵒ ˢᵗᵃʳᵗˢ ᶠⁱᵍʰᵗˢ ᶜᵒⁿˢᵗᵃⁿᵗˡʸ
ᴸᴳ⁻ ʸᵒᵘⁿᵍᵉʳ ᵗᵃˡˡᵉʳ ᵇʳᵒᵗʰᵉʳ; ᵃʳʳᵒᵍᵃⁿᵗ, ⁱᵈⁱᵒᵗⁱᶜ
ᴹᴳ⁻ ʸᵒᵘⁿᵍᵉʳ ˢⁱˢᵗᵉʳ ʷʰᵒ ⁱˢ ⁿᵒ ᵐᵒʳᵉ ᵗʰᵃⁿ ʲᵘˢᵗ ᵃ ᵈᵘᵐᵇ ᵇⁱᵗᶜʰ
ᴹ⁻ ᴹᵒᵗʰᵉʳ ᴰᵉᵃʳᵉˢᵗ
ᴿ⁻ ᶠʳⁱᵉⁿᵈ⁻ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵒⁿᵉ ᴵ ᵘˢᵉᵈ ᵗᵒ ˡⁱᵏᵉ ʳᵒᵐᵃⁿᵗⁱᶜᵃˡˡʸ ᵇᵘᵗ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵍⁱᵛᵉⁿ ᵘᵖ ᵒⁿ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᶠᵒʳ ᶠʳⁱᵉⁿᵈˢʰⁱᵖ⁻ ᵗʰᵉʸ'ʳᵉ ᵈʸⁱⁿᵍ
ᴸᴼ⁻ ᴵⁿᵗᵉʳᵉˢᵗⁱⁿᵍ ᵖᵉʳˢᵒⁿ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᴵ ᶜᵒᵘⁿᵗ ᵃˢ ᵗʰᵉ ᵘⁿᶜᵒᵐᶠʸ ᶠʳⁱᵉⁿᵈ

11/19/21 ~ 7:57am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 14:59:02 UTC

I'm so fucking clueless I should've known they didn't like me. I'm only a friend. That's all it ever is. Either they're toxic or they don't like me. S & K were the one exception until K changed that and left, S left, and S and I got back together. It was terrible. I couldn't... I had to leave. And now I'm just gonna keep losing things i like, aren't I?

11/19/21 ~ 8:00am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 15:00:25 UTC

"And if you don't love me now, you'll never love me again" The Chain; Fleetwood Mac

11/19/21 ~ 8:14am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 15:14:13 UTC

"They keep me thinking that we almost had it all." Rolling in the Deep; Adele

11/19/21 ~ 8:20am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 15:21:31 UTC

I don't care that they're young, they're dumb. Who the fuck- So naive. Worried about fitting in. The more you try to fit in the more it hurts. I wish they would stop trying so hard and just be themself.

11/19/21 ~ 8:40am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 15:41:03 UTC

I love how my only comfort is walking around with the only friend that matches my intelligence and talking about the dumbest things

11/19/21 ~ 8:51am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 15:50:57 UTC

I love how people just assume I know every anime because I have an interest in like 4. /s

11/19/21 ~ 8:57am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 15:57:42 UTC

I think that kid's teacher had some type of justification for what they did. But can I say that? No. Because then I get treated like shit. Again.

11/19/21 ~ 9:01am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 16:01:15 UTC

Just a selfish bitch, aren't I?

Couldn't be more right. I'm dumb. Selfish. Rude.

Guess I deserve all of this after all.

11/19/21 ~ 9:03am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 16:03:19 UTC

If I hear one more "ur mom" joke istfg-

11/19/21 ~ 9:47am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 16:47:09 UTC

We're talking about porn in class (Health)... What I really wanna do is tell the teacher I already know about this shit. And I never got addicted. I was forced to watch it for about a year- never got addicted. I fucking hate it now. But I can't say that. Can't tell people shit. Never can go "Hey and by the way I don't want to do this in class because it triggers my ptsd"

11/19/21 ~ 9:53am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 16:53:24 UTC

It's not fair. It's. Not. Fair.
What the hell did I do to deserve that shit?
No talk about this stuff should be this...relatable. I don't want to think about it. I want to up and leave the class. But if I do that, they know. I get picked on. I get fucking treated like shit because life fucked me up and I couldn't do anything to stop it.

11/19/21 ~ 10:16am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 17:19:32 UTC

Music to dissociate to.

I don't want to do this talk in health. I don't want to hear about how boundaries are important, no means no, and all you have to do is establish that because it NEVER works that way. They always push. They always take what they want. You're theirs to ruin. And as long as you fight you only make it worse on yourself it's killing me I don't want to talk about this i wouldn't know what it's like to be in a healthy relationship all of mine have been shit and it's not stopping it's not stoppoing i deal with gaslighting sexual jerks who decide my body is more important than my heart my words I don't want to do this i want lto leave the class and find somewhere else to be anywhere else I'm s/hing it's not okay i want to run I need to leave but if i leave i'm weak and they'll know they'll know and i'll be hurt all over agauin.

11/19/21 ~ 10:45am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 17:45:58 UTC

rigor mortis.

11/19/21 ~ 11:03am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 18:03:40 UTC

we're finally out of class. i don't want to talk about that stuff ever again. not at the risk of me going back into another breakdown and ripping at my skin again.

11/19/21 ~ 12:00pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 19:00:54 UTC

cried. hard.

11/19/21 ~ 12:10pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 19:10:10 UTC

I know they're not playing with my heart but that's what it feels like...because they're going down the same path K went down.

11/19/21 ~ 12:27pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 19:27:53 UTC

I genuinely thought they died so thank fuck they didn't

11/19/21 ~ 12:49pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 19:49:58 UTC

Sometimes I wish I was an arrogant oblivious cishet so I wouldn't feel so bad about everything

11/19/21 ~ 1:25pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 20:26:07 UTC

They say they like me but it's... not very believable. Not only that, I don't want to replicate the whole thing that happened previously with S & K. Especially since S and I broke up. Not happening.

11/19/21 ~ 1:49pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 20:49:57 UTC

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to miss him.

11/19/21 ~ 1:52pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 20:53:36 UTC

"We'd even use the cow-milkers-" Gary Allen Eakin, June 2021

Fuck him. Fuck fuck fuck the dysphoria he gave me, fuck him and his misogynistic ass, his dumb "you'll always be *deadname* to me", his fucking demeanor of "I want your body"
Fuck.

11/19/21 ~ 1:59pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 20:59:28 UTC

pain.

11/19/21 ~ 2:42pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-19 21:42:55 UTC

School's almost over which means that soon enough I'll be home. Isolated. Stuck with my family. For a fucking week and then some. Fuck.

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-22 07:14:00 UTC

This man is my gender envy (Remus Sanders (but in a skirt))

11/23/21 ~ 7:59am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-23 14:59:49 UTC

I wonder what it's like to not wake up to yelling and being told you're nothing but a nuisance that no one wants around.

11/24/21 ~ 7:56pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-25 02:57:40 UTC

I wanna look like my mental image so bad-
Fucking punk rock clown aesthetic bitch.

Unrelated- It's been at least 3-4 hours- she still hasn't gotten home. It doesn't take this long. I don't know whether to be pissed, worried, or both.

11/25/21 ~ 2:59pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-25 21:59:48 UTC

Today's been interesting lmao

11/29/21 ~ 9:40am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-29 16:41:17 UTC

I think this hair color and style looks like shit and I don't know how people can say they like it :/

11/29/21 ~ 10:32am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-29 17:33:03 UTC

BROSKI-
I should've said this already but I'm with S and Z now and I feel complete gods they're amazing and I love them and I feel more complete...

11/29/21 ~ 12:52pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-29 19:52:54 UTC

We have an open mic night tomorrow for the school- Only $3. I want to go... maybe perform. But I'm worried- I don't want to perform in the acting sense- It would be fun, but I'm thinking of singing, possibly. Egg cover of Heather.
I'm so insecure and worried about it, though, and part of me would rather not even show up even if it would be fun.

11/29/21 ~ 12:53pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-29 19:54:24 UTC

This is the song I want to do- every other time I've done a song to perform for public (on my own, not for choir) it's always been upbeat and no one ever seems to hear me and I seem to always feel like shit. This song, though- it's amazing. And in my range. And I feel it could be great if I tried.

11/29/21 ~ 1:39pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-29 20:39:33 UTC

I'm so tired of being left behind.

11/29/21 ~ 1:42pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-29 20:44:22 UTC

I've started feeling sick and hurt out of nowhere. It hurts. My head is burning and breaking and I don't know where my breath is. Nausea like an ocean. I can't get myself to focus anymore.
I need to sleep but I don't want to fuck up my makeup. No reason to make S and Z think I can't take a little pain. No need to make them think I'm not good looking enough.

Gods I want to pass out.

11/29/21 ~ 2:19pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-29 21:19:25 UTC

Are you as aware of me as I am of you?

11/29/21 ~ 3:43pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-29 22:43:11 UTC

It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. /lyr
Cradles, Sub Urban

11/30/21 ~ 2:00pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-30 21:00:41 UTC

I hate that stuff like this happens. And what's worse is she said "I love you" so now I feel even worse for feeling upset. Why can't I just be normal?

11/30/21 ~ 2:02pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-30 21:02:49 UTC

I can't even do the thing tonight, either. Fuck.

11/30/21 ~ 2:34pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-11-30 21:34:59 UTC

are they going to leave?

11/30/21 ~ 5:18pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-01 00:18:44 UTC

It feels like they're going to leave and it's the worse feeling not being able to do anything to prevent the same thing as last time from happening again I'm going to lose them and it's my fault, isn't it- it's all my fault I should be sexier I should be more open more easygoing what's wrong with me why can't I just be everyone's ideal bitch?

12/1/21 ~ 7:48am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-01 14:48:29 UTC

24 days.
29 days.
30 days.

12/1/21 ~ 7:56am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-01 14:59:26 UTC

I. Am. So. Tired.

It's so tiring dealing with people why the fuck can't you understand how fucking amazing you are why the fuck do you get mad at me for- gods I wish I didn't care I wish I could just disappear- it's not like anyone would notice, it's online, they'll assumed I left or some shit and then I can live irl without the fears of some online friend fucking hating me over the fact that they can't accept I don't help people out of pity. I just want to help. People can be so goddamn stupid.
I AM NOT JUST HELPING YOU BECAUSE I'M "JUST TRYING TO BE A GOOD FRIEND" GODDAMMIT I'M DOING IT BECAUSE I CARE- I COULD CARE LESS IF YOU SEE ME AS A GOOD FRIEND AS LONG AS I'M MAKING SURE YOU AREN'T FUCKING KILLING YOURSELF OR SOMETHING DUMB LIKE THAT

12/1/21 ~ 8:00am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-01 15:01:37 UTC

even fucking worse I had to lie to the fucking social worker yesterday when she came over.

"Have you or anyone you know ever experienced sexual abuse/assault?"

I told her no.

I should've just told the truth.

12/1/21 ~ 8:41am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-01 15:42:34 UTC

I'm not even half as pretty. /lyr Heather, Conan Gray

12/1/21 ~ 12:24pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-01 19:24:47 UTC

why the fuck are they so hot?
I should not be allowed to be flustered this badly.

12/1/21 ~ 1:25pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-01 20:25:49 UTC

damn.

12/1/21 ~ 9:53pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-02 04:53:14 UTC

fuckfuckfuck what if they killed themselves what if they're dead shit sht shit i need help i need to get someone i feel helpless did they kill themselves what's going on

12/1/21 ~ 10:13pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-02 05:13:50 UTC

please don't be dead PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GOD DON'T BE FUCKING DEAD DON'T DO THIS

I CAN'T STAND ANOTHER ONE DYING DON'T DO IT YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR IDC IF IT'S ELFISH DO IT FOR ME FOR US FOR Z FOR REBEL DISMISS THE HATERS RULES THE WORLD JUST DON'T FUCKING KILL YOURSLEF

12/1/21 ~ 11:05pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-02 06:05:58 UTC

never let this happen again.

12/2/21 ~ 9:34am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-02 16:35:03 UTC

I'm so tired.

12/2/21 ~ 10:47am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-02 17:47:20 UTC

I hate how my friend is complaining about how hungry he is when he eats 24/7 and I haven't had food for over a day now.
"I'm on the verge of death" my ass.

12/2/21 ~ 6:25pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-03 01:25:59 UTC

It's almost scary how easy it's getting to throw it all up now.

12/2/21 ~ 8:48pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-03 03:48:55 UTC

I'm so tired of pretending.

12/3/21 ~ 7:52am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-03 14:51:46 UTC

GOD
FUCKING
DAMMIT
DAVE

My backpack zipper broke and I got a new one after 30 minutes of hauling it around like a fucking child and this one is so much worse goddammit- On top of that my mom was in a bad mood so now I (and siblings) are grounded until fucking January.
This day is off to a shitty start: Dumb parent, dumb backpack, and being left behind by Z.

12/3/21 ~ 8:04am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-03 15:04:33 UTC

22 days.
27 days.
28 days.

12/3/21 ~ 8:10am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-03 15:10:08 UTC

Everything's going to shit again.

12/3/21 ~ 8:19am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-03 15:19:17 UTC

I'm lying. I won't even answer because I know I won't do it. Been going on 2 days now. Soon enough I won't even feel hungry anymore. I'll be perfect soon.

12/3/21 ~ 8:20am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-03 15:20:52 UTC

http://fataltotheflesh.com/

Do this instead of doing it on yourself.

12/3/21 ~ 8:26am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-03 15:26:26 UTC

The only reason I'm so calm is because I'm doing the same thing. I want to be a skinny boy. No way to do that eating food constantly.

12/3/21 ~ 8:43am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-03 15:43:34 UTC

GODFUCKINGDAMMIT!!! I had lemonade in my backpack and it spilled all over it! Now I'm messy and sticky, my backpack's fucking soaking and I have almost no lemonade COULD THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE

12/3/21 ~ 9:03am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-03 16:05:48 UTC

No one is ever respectful. Everyone is always the same- I either get pushed around or treated like shit and there is almost never respect. The last time I felt respected was way back in 7th grade when I was with Gavin. God, he was amazing. Sure, he might've been a dick near the end but it was amazing while it lasted.
It's years later and no one gives a fuck anymore. "She" "her" "Kai, Deadname"- Gods I'm not a girl! I AM NOT A GIRL! I AM A FUCKING BOY I AM A FUCKING GUY I AM A HE A THEY AN IT A ROT GODS RESPECT THAT

12/3/21 ~ 9:07am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-03 16:08:19 UTC

Both of them haven't spoken to me since earlier this morning. It's been over 2 hours. They could text, or email-
I know I'm overthinking but I can't help thinking that Z is going to leave and take S with him.
Fuck.
I love them.
I want to be their perfect bitch or whatever I don't want to lose them-
I promise I can lose weight. I promise I can be less awkward. I promise I can be more sexual.
Just please don't leave.

12/3/21 ~ 10:54am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-03 17:56:48 UTC

I just feel so alone right now and I can't stand it. I don't know if they care but I need them. I need my friends, I need my family, I need my partners. I just need people. I need time to think, breathe, find a way to clear my head because I don't know. I don't know how to feel, I don't know if I'm loved- I wish I could just break through all this pain and suffering and shit and just see the outcome. Where the hell will S be when I'm in the hospital? Why do I think Z cares? Why is my brain so hellbent on overthinking and worrying why can't it all just

s t o p .

12/3/21 ~ 11:46am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-03 18:46:36 UTC

God I hate how up and down this all is-
What if they really only "love" me out of pity?

12/3/21 ~ 11:48am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-03 18:49:45 UTC

The affection feels great but is it fake? Am I needy? Would he think I'm dumb to ask that we just be affectionate like that for a moment or would he just fucking walk off? Does he think I'm doing this for attention? Will he leave if I can't chin up? Does he know I haven't been eating the last few days or did he just do that out of kindness?

12/3/21 ~ 12:09pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-03 19:09:52 UTC

Gods, I'm an asshole, aren't I? Does he think he's the only reason I'm upset? What is going on?

12/3/21 ~ 12:13pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-03 19:13:08 UTC

If my stomach does the thing it did yesterday Istfg-

12/4/21 ~ 12:59pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-04 19:59:50 UTC

21 days.
26 days.
27 days.

12/4/21 ~ 10:30pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-05 05:30:55 UTC

I love how my trauma pops up in my stories and no one will ever know nor care.

12/4/21 ~ 10:47pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-05 05:47:48 UTC

I fucking wrote this entire story and saved it and somehow none of it is there and now I have to rewrite that whole-ass piece about part of my trauma-
Which includes reliving the 15 minutes of breakdowns as I remember the fucking fact that Miguel starved me because me being skin and bones WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM.

12/5/21 ~ 12:14am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-05 07:15:31 UTC

Wrote a short story about some trauma.
Got broken up with.
Got grounded until June.
The hell else is going to fuck up?

12/5/21 ~ 12:15am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-05 07:16:03 UTC

20 days.
25 days.
26 days.

12/6/21 ~ 12:14am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-06 07:17:03 UTC

Stuff I need to get off my chest because it's important and it summarizes the last few weeks or whatever:
Z and I broke up- Now it's just S and I and S is ace...I'm not. That sounds like a little problem and it is, but it's still something to find something that works for both of us.
I'm grounded until fucking August because my brother, L, can't keep his mouth shut.
My sister is a dick.
I think I might have a crush on a friend but I can't tell.
I hate people.

12/6/21 ~ 12:17am

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-06 07:17:46 UTC

19 days.
24 days.
25 days.

12/6/21 ~ 7:31pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-07 02:31:38 UTC

Story thing because I'm bored, why not, who cares, better than nothing ig.

-

My hands trembled and I debated just leaving. She’d never know. No one would ever know, and I could go on living my life peacefully, pretending I wasn’t trying to hide from everything that surrounded me. But as I stared down at the phone longer, I knew it wasn’t right.

My sister hadn’t moved 100 miles away for nothing.

I needed the truth.

Now.

12/7/21 ~ 5:20pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-08 00:20:09 UTC

F u <3

12/7/21 ~ 5:20pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-08 00:20:45 UTC

18 days.
23 days.
24 days.

12/16/21 ~ 7:55pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-17 02:56:15 UTC

Holy wow it's been awhile-

9 days.
14 days.
15 days.

12/18/21 ~ 1:40pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2021-12-18 20:40:57 UTC

She fucking threw my food away, grounded me and yelled at me because the subway workers didn't listen when I said no tomatoes for her sandwich. I got in mf trouble because someone else messed up.
I'm so tired of this shit.

1/12/22 ~ 12:28pm

Darling_Dumbass1230 — 2022-01-12 19:28:11 UTC

I'm alive