When my children were babies, I remember trying to solve the riddle of why they were crying to help them through. The checklist often looked something like: Is their diaper clean and fresh? How long has it been since their last feeding? Is the temperature of the room comfortable and compatible with what they are wearing? Do they just crave closeness? Are they possibly unwell? I remember many fussy nights with my son. I may never know why he was so fussy, but I'll always remember swaying with his as we watched the fish tank. I don't know if it was the swaying motion, my voice, the fish tank, or the combination, but we got through the rough nights, and we seem to have a good bond. When he's having a rough day, he knows that he can come to me.

When my children were toddlers, I allowed them to make choices about what they would wear, as long as those choices were safe options. For example, I wouldn't have agreed to shorts in a blizzard. We may have gotten strange looks from a few people on certain days that they dressed themselves(and to be quite honest, my son still makes some interesting fashion choices), but they were able to feel successful and develop their sense of autonomy.

There have been many times at the playground when other parents were trying to help their kids "do it better" when they were playing. I'm willing to help my kids with complex tasks if they ask for it, but otherwise, I try to let them do their thing. I just figured it was helping them with their motor skills and wasn't really aware of Erikson's Theory of Initiative vs. Guilt.

My son is currently in this age group, and my daughter has moved on to the next phase, but with each, I told them that all they can do is their best. Obviously, being the best is exciting, but the best anyone needs to be is better than their own past. It was certainly a tough phase to get a preteen girl through, and I feel like there are special challenges in getting an autistic boy through this phase as well. He is the best in his class at math, but some of his other skills are a little less dazzling. For example, he does not do as well in gym class as the other boys. Currently, that doesn't bother him, and hopefully he will continue to not be too hard on himself.

My daughter is currently in this phase. It can be difficult, especially with social media telling kids what they should do or look like. My kids aren't on social media since I feel that it has more negativity than they need, but it still influences the people around them. My daughter hasn't shown an interest in doing anything too rebellious yet, though she has tried different colored hair and has now chosen to keep her hair very short. My mother asks me when she will grow her beautiful hair back out. My only response is that she can do as she likes with her hair. I reassure my daughter that she's beautiful no matter what style she chooses. I remember my parents not wanting me to express myself, and I don't want to be that mom! Much like in the Autonomy vs. Shame Stage, the messes will only last a little while.

All of the previous developmental stages so far have led to this one. People enjoy having someone to share life events with. Once we grow up and move away from our parents, we are able to choose the next person who shares our life with us. A supportive partner can help a person through the hard times, share joy in the good times, and maybe even start the cycle again with children of their own.

The only person in my home in this phase of life is my husband. He has just turned 40, and he seems to feel good about what he's doing in life. He has solid employment and looks forward to retiring, although it does seem like a distant goal. He has a family and has built a comfortable and safe life with me and our children.

Nobody in my home is currently in this developmental stage, but I like to think that we will all fall under the integrity category when we do arrive at this point. We are all working toward our own individual goals, as well as family goals. For myself, I hope to be retired by this point with my grown children still visiting often and maybe even bringing grandchildren around.