It’s taken me a while to find words to describe the way your death has made me feel. But I’m going to try to find them today before the trip back to the hometown this week becomes a whirlwind of events. Even if I just write an unfinished list of memories that I know I will always go back to again and again so that your life remains alive in me.

1 - Going home to Cebu, when I was a child always felt like I was going on an adventure. It’s the core memory for everything I know about what it feels like to feel safe in a family and belong to a home filled with extended family who were always within reach. You continue to be part of this core memory.

2 - I would look forward to visiting your house and see my cousins Archie and Frandee who I considered my very first playmates and best friends when we were little. Your home always felt so welcoming and warm to me and I would always be curious about what you were working on in your tool shed.

3 - You were the one who taught me the first card magic trick I knew and I’d play that trick over and over and enjoy the laughter of friends when they played with me.

4 - When I was terribly failing at algebra, you decided to tutor me and help me understand what x and y meant in an equation. You patiently helped me understand what had once always felt like Greek to me.

5 - You were the one who most often always leads prayer during our family gatherings and I’ve admired how deeply you express your prayers to God. How it was from a place that knew who God is, and who God continues to be in your life.

6 - I consider you Mom’s partner in crime. In discussions related to the University, the family, the legacy, you would always exchange stories and memories in a very animated way that is telling of your bond as brother and sister. When you and mom are on the phone together, I would somehow often feel at ease especially during the difficult and challenging moments our family have went through together.

7 - When I talk to you about life and challenges, you would often pause in thoughtful silence and often talk to me about how important it is for you that our family is united. Harmony in the family is something you always felt deeply for. It showed in your convictions. Even if your words were few, when you shared them, they mattered.

8 - You are one of the strongest and most resilient human being I’ve ever known. You have endured so much, sat in the middle of the greatest tensions, but despite that, you always walked in humility. You had faith enough to have kind words to say even in times of crisis.

I could only wish there were more moments we could share together with the rest of the family. But for today, this is where we are. And it’s okay. You walked this far with us Tito Rolly and for that I will always be grateful. I will miss your cheeky grin, the way your eyes crinkled when you smiled and the way your trademark Villa eyebrows would crown your face. Please say hi to Lolo and Lola and Lola Inday for me.

“If in the twilight of memory we should meet once more, we shall speak again together and you shall sing to me a deeper song. And if our hands should meet in another dream, we shall build another tower in the sky.” (Khalil Gibran)