So forth, my name is Luis and I am a can. I'm Go2 Cola that's a store brand go to so it's similar to Coca-Cola similar people call it a knockoff. I've been called The Best of the worst, you know, if uh, you wanted to get my honest opinion, I believe in a blind taste test. Your average person wouldn't be able to tell the difference between me and the can of regular Coca-Cola.

But yeah, uh bottom shelf. We can describe it comfortably as bottom shelf. I'm at peace with that literally on the most of the time yet. Okay. Well, um, I there's there's a lot of want to talk to you about today. Dude need any water anyting no. No. I'm I'm completely self-contained. I want to ask you about your time before you ended up in the fridge you're in now.

So, um you I take it were you were in a supermarket? Yep, and where were you I was in a safe way. I was bought had a case. So there were 24 of us. We were all purchased together and actually, uh, our next residents was a bowling alley for a 12 year old birthday party. Uh, I saw most of the rest of my case drunk at that party.

I was not drunk I was saved for later and brought home and put into a refrigerator and then forgotten about for a few months placed in the back of the fridge. Sure, I froze in the fridge. I was in the very back and uh, the temperature got very cold. I didn't freeze all the way through but uh, I had a frozen couple of weeks pretty learned.

You were slushy inside. I was left hand side. Yeah and uh, I had a brief Adventure when they realized I was still in the fridge and they took me out for a road trip. I got to sit in the front seat cup holder, you know. Yeah and I took a little fun road trip, uh down to Florida and then back again and they never got around to drinking me on that trip.

Then they put me back on the fridge and that's where I've been ever since. It sounds like you were almost chosen so many times. Yeah. Yeah. What does it feel like when you're saying at this birthday party and you're waiting for your moment

we ever seen the movie Jaws. Yeah, so, you know the story that uh that Robert Shaw tells to and uh the other guy. Anyway, you know the story about the USS Indianapolis or he's in the water and the sharks are coming and he's waiting to be picked off and he's waiting and having that long dark night and one by one is seeing his friends go that's kind of what it was like for me.

It was terrifying and on the one hand. I was very angry at uman beings for being in this position to consume us and then on the other hand, I was also very angry. How come you didn't want to consume me? Yeah. When you when you think about being consumed by human, do you think about the human that you want to be in if and when I'm finally consumed I hope I'm consumed by someone who enjoys it.

But I like to imagine that if you're drunk immediately that instead of being a painful process. There's the sort of first moment of relief the cannon is cracked open all of this internal fizzing that I have going on finally has somewhere to go just sort of drowned out from your external. Can we have that last moment where you're filling your.

Person beginning to blend in with this human being and you become part of their story

truthfully. Here's how I expect to go. Assuming that I am consumed. I'm expecting it's going to happen in the middle of the night when I'm not waiting for it and someone's going to open the fridge and pull me out and that'll be that. And would be nice to be poured into a nice big pint glass. You know, Frosty mug would be pretty good way to go not be pleasant.

You know, I doubt that's going to happen though. They don't Reserve Frosty mugs for go to colas. That's just another one of those Facts of Life. How did you see jaws? Oh, uh the human being who lives in my house was watching Jon's they took me out of the fridge. Kept me on the table. I thought this is it.

This is my big moment kind of part of me. There was the Robert Shaw scene where he's telling the story of the Indianapolis and I was thinking boy, this is just too perfect. This would be amazing. He was reaching for me. He was going to go for me and then at the last minute, uh, you know, another human being came into the house and scolded him.

I'm not drinking soft drinks. So I put him back in the fridge. Wow. Yeah, I would have been perfect, huh? Damn, you know I should ask you there's a lot of talk right now about the health effects of soft drinks people tend to think of of them as very unhealthy. Do you feel unhealthy? Do I feel unhealthy?

It's hard to say because I think if you were feeling the way I feel you would feel unhealthy, right, but I feel like me. I can't say that that means I feel good. But um, but to go back to your question, you know, unhealthy drinks are not like a new thing by any means have you ever heard of radio Thor radio Thor radio Thor?

All right. So back in the 20s, there was an energy drink with radium called radius or okay, and the idea was it was radioactive material in water. They claimed radio Thor gave you energy and cured a bunch of things. They also implied, um, that rate of Thor increased male virility reigneth or else were killed.

No people. So people would just drink radioactive material dissolved in water. I'm just looking at up here. There's actually there's an eBay ad. Uh, there's a bottle of ready Thor for sale. Oh, come on now currently $659 got to be kidding me. It says here. This certified radioactive water was advertised as a quote cure for the living dead and quote Perpetual Sunshine.

It goes on one guy who used it Eben buyers died from radiation poisoning and they had to bury him in a lead-lined coffin. Yeah. That's what you get when you're. Got radioactive material so they made a beverage which not only killed a man but his dead body would have had they not taken precautions, uh killed all life around him.

Yes, presumably his dead body is still radiating the poisons that he drank from Radio 4. In fact the the ad goes on they exhumed him for study in 1965. Oh his remains were still quite Radioactive. And then mentions its developer of radio Thor was not an actual medical doctor. Yeah, that sounds about right to me to also the bottle is in very good condition.

So there's your original Power drink for you. Are you got says to me more about human beings than it does about soft drinks to be perfectly honest our willingness our eagerness to find something to your chronic search for potency. Yeah, that's my evaluation of humanity chronic search for potency.

Hello.

Hey, I'm calling for Jeff. Yep. Hey, Jeff, uh, you're um, you're the man behind the bygone times vintage, right? Yeah. I'm guilty. Um, I noticed one of your eBay listings so you put up the radio Thor Thor yeah. Yeah. Is that is that for real? Oh, yeah. What happened was I was at a flea market and I found.

A set of about 20 25 of these things. Okay, looks like a shipping crate or something. And uh, so yeah, I have sold a few of those now and is it is it a reproduction or is it an original bottle now? These These are original? Yeah original. Did you check them with a geiger counter? Um, I have not I don't uh, I just assumed they wouldn't have any there's no content for them obviously, but I haven't no I didn't talk about the geiger counter.

I don't I suspected from the 1920s. That would be done gone. I think maybe it wouldn't be gone. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe they would I don't know.

Can't put him under a black light or something. I hope it still active. I would that raises the interesting question, sir. Did you know much about Raditz or when you you know when you now yeah, I got on. Fortunately now we have the internet and Google was quite helpful to really an interesting story.

I don't know if you've taken the time to uh to look into it but Max mating. Yeah. Well, I just I just heard about it. It's um crazy that we we humans I know like I like the story about the guy who uh died from it and then they dug him up in the 60s and has led line coffin. He was still very active.

That's why I wear. I feel like you should maybe get checked out. You are I think I will. Yeah you go will now that you said that because I didn't really think that the glass would hold any of that, but I guess it's possible, you know radiation. You don't want to mess around with I guess when it comes down no now I hear you.

Hey, you have to I'm driving and I don't want to I'm getting onto a busy road now if I need to unfortunately hang up on you got it. Yeah. Be safe. Okay. Bye. Louis one quick thing I want to ask you about. Um, I have in my life occasionally dropped a can of soda Noah is that ever happened to you?

Oh, it's uh awful experience it feel I mean obviously very shaken. There's a rush I guess of a human being terms would be like a rush of adrenaline and for a while you're feeling just very very, um, Hyper after the shake up and then you start to sort of resettle back to a neutral state, but you have this awful kind of nauseous sleepy feeling after the fact and you feel kind of dumb, you know, the shake-up kind of like rattles you a little bit and it takes a little bit of time for your intelligence to kind of come back to you.

It's an awful experience. Hey, I imagine to like we often after that happens. We will tap on what would be your head don't it doesn't do anything. It doesn't. There's no reason to do it. It doesn't do anything to the carbonation. All it does is Annoy Us and a very sensitive moment. Yeah, don't do that.

You're listening to everything is alive on 99% invisible. So Louis this might be awkward to talk about but I feel like there's a hierarchy two sodas at least in terms of how humans think about them sure at the top. There's you know Coke and Pepsi and then there's seven up and Sprite and then there's these, you know, like your Sunkissed and grape soda Fanta that are kind of at the bottom.

I wonder if that does. Hierarchy does it mean the same thing to you? Well, let me tell you something about Fanta. I mean sure here in the US. It's not the most sophisticated soft drink, but overseas. It's huge like Japan huge Fanta Fanta in Thailand. It's all over the place. If you walk down the street there, you'll see half open bottles of fanta everywhere strawberry Phantom particular everywhere.

Just hanging out just like sitting on this the street. Yeah just on the street because humans there you strawberry Phantom as an offering. Two ghosts so they leave it out on the street because they're giving it to ghost. Yes friendly ghosts according to local custom love sweet red soda. So if you leave it out it attracts them and they hang out around your house and protect you from you know, I guess whatever unfriendly ghost might come around who I guess don't love sweetbreads soda, right?

Do you know what it is about? Um Strawberry Fanta in particular because of the color. So there's a theory that it's because they can't do blood offerings anymore. And so strawberry Phantom, which is another you know, red, uh, viscous liquid would be the next best thing strawberry Phantom among the sodas available to us looks the most like blood.

Yeah, which I personally don't see okay, but you know, it's a Thailand thing. We humans we think a lot about you know Spirits or at least you know, what might happen to us after we die. Do you as a cola do you think about that the afterlife? Yeah. Oh, yeah. How do you not think about all the time?

Yeah, because you know, I'm I'm reaching that age myself or I'm probably not gonna be around that much longer you are I mean you are recyclable. Oh, yeah, which opens up a whole other? Conversation, you know, my my body my can will almost certainly be repurposed and then that leads me to you know, ask questions of like well have I already been repurposed.

I don't know you could have been any number of soda or or anything else an airplane. I could have been I actually when I was younger I used to have a recurring nightmare that I was there was a plane crashing there was an ocean and a beach and in the it was nighttime, and it was raining and there was a.

And crashing on the beach and I used to like to think that in a previous existence. I was part of an airplane and this was some sort of uh memory that had traveled with me. Maybe I was part of like a I don't know ventilation system on board of a 747 or something. You referred to your your can as your body or your body as your candy.

Yeah is there. An equivalency between you know a human stock about Body and Soul. I'm sorry. I know I'm only saying because I wish I had the answer to this question. Is there an equivalence? Yes. Yes, the body-mind problem that human beings have been dealing with since the days of Descartes, uh, something all too familiar to us cans of soda Mi just a can a my soda.

What does it mean? To be soda and my part of the larger ocean of soda out there am I just the individuated? So my soda interacting with a can and like can being slowly eaten Away by the soda inside me. I thought about this a lot. Yeah, I don't have an answer but it's something I wrestle with all the time.

What am I fundamentally, once the sodas gone the can remains but by by me, I think. Yeah, who knows? Who knows? These are the Mysteries that permeate every level of existence as far as I know I have to say I think I think about the type of can you are with the pull tab? And then I think about other cans in the kitchen, you know, like a soup can I don't know if you know any soup can I know couples who cancer and it occurs to me?

You are so lucky because you think about the way a soup can get to open. Oh, yeah. The I can't open our to me seems like a torture device it is and let me tell you something else too. The I thank God every day of my life that I was not born to can administer any soup. I at least have lived a life.

I know where I've been, you know, I'm not all of my dreams may have necessarily come true. I may have taken a couple of bad turns here and there but at least at the end of the day, I've been witnessed in my own life. These poor bastards are stuck in these soup cams. I'm talk about hermetically sealed.

They lose all sense of time and perspective when you open a can of soup when they wake up. They have no idea how much time has passed. They're like astronauts coming out of cryogenic freeze and they're all spaced out in the completely disoriented. They don't know what's going on and their wake-up call is being torn open by these damn can openers what a nightmare of an existence their flesh is literally busted open only to wake up into a world that they don't know anything about all the rest of us do.

From the cans of soup and I'll be honest with you. I feel awful about it. But whenever I try to talk to a can of soup, they are weird. Um, you've mentioned that you're you're feeling like you're nearing the end of your life. Oh, yeah. What do you feel old or? Oh, yeah. Yeah, oh very much so I know for a fact I'm old.

I can look at my expiration date. Okay, and can I ask how close you are T-minus two weeks to go my friend. Wow, so what but you could keep going on after that, but that's just I could it's not recommended, but I could does it seem I mean I think about this with you because um. And I'm sorry if I have this isn't the right way to put it but it seems like your purpose is to be consumed by a human.

Yeah, and so, you know, we all want to serve our purpose. We all want to be useful, you know, um and yet for you the moment of your use is the moment where you are no more and I wonder if that's something you anticipate with optimism or if it feels like, you know approaching the end. That's a paradox, isn't it?

It is yeah.

I guess on the one hand. I do sort of dread the idea of being consumed. Yeah, you know all beings Endeavor to persist in their own being Spinoza said that I heard about that from a cup of coffee, but on the other hand, I guess on some level I still hope that uh, That I will kind of fulfill Myself by being consumed.

You know, I think that dream is still is still very much alive, though. If I'm being perfectly honest with you, um, you know, I do I do sometimes fear that that moment has passed I feel weird saying this but um, I could drink you right now. Yeah. I mean I want I I I I want you I am thirsty but I also I want this to be a good moment for you.

I want you to be red. I don't want you to do it. If you're not ready. Well, I'll make a deal with you. I've always said I wanted to go with my eyes wide open. I'm prepared to end it here. If you promise me that even if you're disgusted by I taste you will finish the camp. I I will make you that promise.

Is there anything you want to say to the humans you've encountered the cans you've encountered the countertops. You've known I think I think overall I would say life is a gift and a blessing and I don't believe anything ends, but everything simply transforms into the next thing. All right would say uh, if I can be a little bit soft hearted and set the mental for a moment or two.

Uh, it's a gift to get to be anything at all. Well, maybe what we'll do and then just in the interest of Journalism is all uh, I'll drink about half. And then we'll check in again. Great. Do you want to talk while I'm drinking you? I don't know. Okay. No, I want to have the full experience. Okay, but I'll check in with you at the halfway mark.

All right, so, um, I'm uh, I'm picking you up.

Give me one second.

Okay. Are you ready

this I have to say feels delightful. All right. Well, um, I guess uh cheers cheers to you with you. Here's hoping for the best.

I mean you're um, you are delicious. Thank you. You're very gentle. This is a Trippy feeling. I'm not gonna lie. All right, my first report feeling very spacious inside right now. I feel I think I got room to be. Yeah, but I'm also I'm feeling the warmth of the tummy very strange thing. I'm in two places at once spacious in my own body, but feeling warm and secure and your own Tommy.

Wow, all of a sudden I find myself, uh thinking about my body. I'm thinking about my body and I'm hoping that my body is a good place for you. I think so. I don't mind telling you my first impression of the inside of your own Tommy you seem to be taking pretty good care of yourself. Thank you.

Yeah.

I am seeing some are you sweating thing some with your right? I'm gonna I'm gonna have a little more you go ahead and finish me off. Okay.

Are you are you still there?