In the Consequences paragraph, we also noticed that the sentence about “restlessness and dissatisfaction” and the part saying “the normalization of obsolescence has far-reaching consequences beyond consumer behavior” should be removed. These lines are redundant and show hasty generalization since they repeat the same idea and make broad claims without enough support.

Lastly, in the Conclusion part, we noticed that there is no reference list and the citation format is incomplete. The paper should add a proper list of sources and use the correct citation style to make it more complete and professional.

Examples (respectively):

• The spacing throughout the paper is inconsistent, making some sections look too crowded while others appear too far apart.

• The second section has noticeably smaller text, which breaks consistency and distracts the reader.

• The last part shows proper indentations; however, the earlier paragraphs do not have any, making the paper look unbalanced.

• The alignment of the paragraphs is uneven. Some are justified while others are left-aligned, disrupting the overall uniformity of the text.

Overall, these errors affect the paper's visual presentation and violate the Rules and Conventions parameter, which focuses on maintaining consistent academic formatting.

2nd sentence reports that "companies create products that don't last long deliberately, so people will re-buy," which is too simple for an academic paper and needs to be defined more.

3rd sentence says that "sometimes, they only change the appearance or include tiny updates that don't even matter, but students get excited anyway because it feels new," which uses conversational wording "don't even matter," "feels new" which undermines the academic tone.

Last paragraph's 1st sentence is that "this is kind of like what a thinker named Baudrillard (1998) said," which is too informal, the phrase "a thinker named" would be better replaced with a more formal citation style.

Secondly, the reference section violates the Edit and Revise stages of the power model because it lacks a proper citation style and complete reference list, reducing the paper’s accuracy and academic integrity.

2. Regarding organization, the ideas in the introduction jump from one topic to another without a logical flow. It moves abruptly from student behavior to the role of parents and teachers, then to how students “think about what they buy,” without clearly building toward the thesis.

I noticed that the chosen words and grammar are inconsistent, the writing switches between academic and casual tone.

for example: (informal)

Companies make things that don’t last long on purpose

uses "don't"

(Academic)

High school students grow up in a digitally mediated environment where trends change almost instantaneously.

The informal areas clashes with the more formal phrases such as :consumer socialization, halting innovation

For example, Baudrillard (1998) said, that people buy things not really because they need them, but because they want to show something about themselves.

Should be paraphrased as Baudrillard (1998) said, “that people buy things not really because they need them, but because they want to show something about themselves”.

The reorganized headers create a clear progression of ideas that begins with the origin of the issue, explores its influences and impacts, presents a balanced debate, and ends with practical solutions and a thoughtful conclusion. This will also help direct readers to understand the text more clearly.

Planned obsolescence occurs when companies intentionally design products with limited lifespans to encourage consumers to make repeated purchases. Many devices, such as smartphones, may still function properly after several years but lose software support, making them feel outdated and inconvenient (Cooper, 2016). By releasing minor updates or aesthetic changes, companies create the illusion of innovation and push consumers to desire what appears to be "new."

This desire is amplified by advertising and social media, which constantly associate new products with status and success. Teenagers, who are still developing critical awareness of marketing tactics, are particularly vulnerable. As a result, they may begin to equate self-worth with owning the latest gadgets or fashion trends.

As Baudrillard (1998) explains, consumers often buy products not out of necessity but as a way of expressing identity. Owning the latest phone or headphones can make students feel socially "in,' while using older items may lead them to feel left behind. This shows how corporate influence shapes not only consumer behavior but also young people's sense of belonging and self-image.

3. "Students learn to value possession over purpose, appearance over utility." (revise to avoid overgeneralization):

   Some/most students learn to value possession over purpose, appearance over utility.

   
   

   -Iori