https://padlet.com/29mnewell/nili6c9cme02m3uf Here, you can give me specific and valuable feedback on all of my writing pieces throughout the year! As you comment, please remember to be kind with your words. However, as you offer "Two Stars and a Wish," constructive criticism is certainly welcome! en-us 2022-10-21 17:28:01 UTC 2023-06-15 11:58:51 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet.net/icons/png/1f334.png https://padlet.com/29mnewell/nili6c9cme02m3uf/wish/2355590618 I liked that you added a lot of figurative language even more than the standard. I think I really liked how you said about the people whispering in your ear even though there is nobody next to you, in general I like your metaphors the most. Also something I like is that you added a good ending and happy ending when you actually draw something good when trying new choices. However, suggestions I can offer for improvement is to be more thorough like tell the readers how the drawing looked and give them a visual experience of the picture.]]> 2022-10-25 14:47:14 UTC https://padlet.com/29mnewell/nili6c9cme02m3uf/wish/2355590618 29echen https://padlet.com/29mnewell/nili6c9cme02m3uf/wish/2355974506 A strength of your memoir, “The Drawing” is all the figurative language in your memoir such as ‘smooth as a marble and shining as bright as a star screen’ and ‘My fingers were like mini paint brushes!’. They were really creative and thoughtful, and there was a lot in your memoir. Another star is the ending. The lesson, which was that we all have our own talents, was well-thought and was related to your piece. The ending did a good job closing your piece and wrapped up everything.  However, you could have done a better job describing the drawing that you made. All you said was ‘a object with face and limbs’, which doesn’t really tell much, and the reader probably doesn’t really know what was it that you were drawing.]]> 2022-10-25 18:22:56 UTC https://padlet.com/29mnewell/nili6c9cme02m3uf/wish/2355974506 29bjakab https://padlet.com/29mnewell/nili6c9cme02m3uf/wish/2357785260 One thing you did well in your memoir is your internal thoughts. I really liked the part where you said to yourself, “ This is really nice of people to just spend some of their time to see the art I made” because you really showed what you were feeling in this moment and I kind of felt it too when I read it.Another thing I liked about your memoir was your lesson learned at the end. You ended it in a really good way: Everyone is special in their own unique way. I thought it was really powerful, and I could also learn from this lesson. However, I noticed that the speaker tag in your internal thoughts (I said to myself) was highlighted. Great job though. :)]]> 2022-10-26 18:14:24 UTC https://padlet.com/29mnewell/nili6c9cme02m3uf/wish/2357785260 29bjakab https://padlet.com/29mnewell/nili6c9cme02m3uf/wish/2405779315 Hi Michael! A strength of your narrative, “The Sun I don't get to see” was the lesson learned at the end. It was really powerful and I sort of felt it when I read it too. Another thing I liked about your narrative was your internal thoughts. I like how you didn’t use “said” and used other speaker tags like “I cried to myself” or “I exclaimed”. However, I was confused about where your story takes place. When you say, “I’ve seen the sun a few times before, back on Earth,” I don’t know if this story takes place on another planet or something. Great job though! :)]]> 2022-12-01 21:23:55 UTC https://padlet.com/29mnewell/nili6c9cme02m3uf/wish/2405779315 https://padlet.com/29mnewell/nili6c9cme02m3uf/wish/2486700143 A strength of your essay, “Video Games, They’re Good For Kids,” was that you explained the evidence in your CEES paragraphs well. As a reader, I could understand what you are saying and you relate to the claim and what was stated in the evidence. In addition, I also liked the way you ended in your conclusion paragraph. Your zinger is memorable, and it wraps everything up neatly and nicely by restating creatively that video games are good for kids. It gives the reader something to think about after they are done reading. However, a suggestion I have for you is that you could have improved on your anecdotes. I get the point of them, but I think you could be more descriptive. You could also use more figurative language throughout the anecdote. But overall, you wrote a wonderful essay!]]> 2023-02-17 19:11:54 UTC https://padlet.com/29mnewell/nili6c9cme02m3uf/wish/2486700143 https://padlet.com/29mnewell/nili6c9cme02m3uf/wish/2524074548 A strength of your paragraph, “The Shared Present,” was the sum-it-up that you wrote. The reason why was because it restated the claim and it did show the theme that was in the Pixar Short, The Present. You also wrapped up the paragraph well. Another strength in your analysis paragraph was the explanations. Both of them explained the evidence well. They were also detailed and you elaborated, and not just wrote to the minimum. But a part of your paragraph that you could’ve changed was your range of words. You repeated the word “shared-differences,” in both the claim and sum-it-up, and you also repeated “different,” more than 4 times in your paragraph. Try using the online thesaurus if you need synonyms.]]> 2023-03-20 18:17:31 UTC https://padlet.com/29mnewell/nili6c9cme02m3uf/wish/2524074548 https://padlet.com/29mnewell/nili6c9cme02m3uf/wish/2533543918
A strength in your timed theme analysis paragraph was the transitions that you used. You didn’t repeat a single one and they were really outstanding, like “undoubtedly,” and “all in all.” Another strength was your sum-it-up. By stating “…important themes that one’s actions can have consequences…,” you wrapped up the paragraph well. You also didn’t use any personal pronouns. But something that was in your paragraph that you would have improved on was on not repeating words. You repeated the word “bird,” countless times! By replacing them with synonyms, you could greatly not sound boring to the reader.]]> 2023-03-27 18:08:15 UTC https://padlet.com/29mnewell/nili6c9cme02m3uf/wish/2533543918 29bhalpern https://padlet.com/29mnewell/nili6c9cme02m3uf/wish/2623667371 Hi Michael! One star that I have is that I liked your creative names. I thought they were creative and attracting. Another star that I have is that I liked your background/ pictures. It was colorful and and I liked how some of the pictures were moving. One with I have though is that I notice that you kept using the same photo over and over again. I wish you had a little more variate but aside from that great job. 


]]> 2023-06-14 17:55:44 UTC https://padlet.com/29mnewell/nili6c9cme02m3uf/wish/2623667371 https://padlet.com/29mnewell/nili6c9cme02m3uf/wish/2623686465 Hi Michael! One of the many strengths of your presentation was the diversity of the slides. They had a different background on each slide and had various pictures and animations. Another strength was the title of the presentation. It was catchy and I wanted to read more after reading the title. However, one suggestion I could offer would be to keep the font the same throughout the whole presentation. It would be unusual for the reader to see a font of different type of size on each slide. Anyway, great job with your presentation!]]> 2023-06-14 18:27:34 UTC https://padlet.com/29mnewell/nili6c9cme02m3uf/wish/2623686465 29echen https://padlet.com/29mnewell/nili6c9cme02m3uf/wish/2623730964 A strength of your presentation, “Skateboards: Zooming in, Booming out,” was your information. The bulleted information gave the reader the right amount, while at the same time not droning on and on or giving too little information, like when you said, “. . . The skateboard was invented by Larry Stevenson in the 1950’s. . .” The information also was relevant to the topic. In addition, I liked your closing, and how it rhymed. It also was short and sweet, when you wrote “. . .encourage us to go around, giving them a big bold crown.” However, a suggestion I can offer for improvement is to perhaps change your hook. It was a little confusing, when you said, “. . .case for most surfers until the skateboard rolled around.” As a reader, I didn’t know that the skateboard was originally invented for surfers, and I was bewildered before finding that out. But other than that, you did great!]]> 2023-06-14 19:43:19 UTC https://padlet.com/29mnewell/nili6c9cme02m3uf/wish/2623730964