You set reminders. You write in your calendar. 

You tell yourself you'll start early. 

You tell yourself 5 more minutes of Netflix and then you’ll do the work. 

You tell yourself you’ll only scroll through your social media for a couple minutes because you have homework. 

You tell yourself after you eat this you'll do your work. 

You set up a time frame to control your work. 

You blame the teachers. You say they don’t understand how much you have going on. 

You say they expect too much. 

You blame your sport. You say it takes up too much time. 

You claim there was not enough time given - Its too much work ! This is not enough time ! 

Every hour you come up with a new excuse. 

You try it all, but no matter what you do you still end up procrastinating. 

You yell at them. You cry to them.

You interrogate them. You ask them how

they could be so careless.

You get angry and yell. You make them

delete others off of social media.

You make him block her when she tries

to slowly return into his life. You scream

irrational assumptions that 

only make sense to you.

You blame her. You blame him.

You blame yourself.

You think it’s your fault as to why

it all happened.

Why?

You lose your sanity because 

the mistakes left you wounded.

Nothing seems the same. 

You miss that affection and compare what

you have to the assumptions you made.

You victimize yourself for the aftermath.

You are still in pain.

You want an apology for all that has happened.

You want to feel reassurance for the love

that is still there.

You just have not forgiven anyone.

You still hold on the the broken shards and

Think of the past rather than what is present.

You let it rule your life and relationship.

You want to let it go but still hold on.

You try every trick in the book to forgive

but I just don’t know how.

You say hello with a smile. 

You go to all the games and practices on time 

You include everyone in pictures you take. 

You show you're a leader and are willing to be apart of the team. 

You put all your effort to look good in all of your performances.

You even try to lose weight to look good in your uniform.

You try every trick in the book to fit in with the team but you still feel like an outsider. 

You claim you have trust issues. You let them tell you things. You tell them things. You blame the people from the past. You tell yourself this person isn’t the same as the others. You get their trust. You start giving them your trust. You find out people can actually be trusted. You start thinking positive about others. You find out that person has betrayed you. You start going back to the way you were. In the end you see that the changes you made don’t matter to the people you tried to trust. 

You make alarms. You sleep sooner. You listen to others criticism. You build yourself up. You encourage yourself. You pick up a new diet or lifestyle change to keep you focused. You blame yourself. You blame your mental state and stress. You blame those around you that enable your lazy bad habits. You over-analyze. You become stressed. You cripple under the looming and threatening conjecture that you have to “get your life together”. You break down.. A little. You break down.. A little more.. A little more.. It was the meds you were supposed to take! It was the work you fell behind on! And every hour like clockwork you charm your way through the reasons why you haven’t gotten it together yet. You try it all, and one day, the people around you are going to be fed up and not take your beating around the bush and brushing off and they’ll leave you to fail or slip up this time for good. You’ve considered dropping classes or taking on less work, in fact you say you’ll make the changes that are necessary for the lifestyle you wish to live, yet in the end you don’t. You continue to make excuses for yourself and try but keep brushing it off for another day’s worry.