Narrative/Storyboard Peer Feedback by Laura Gulbranson

Exit Ticket Directions

lgulbranson — 2025-09-17 15:54:28 UTC

Directions for students:

Step 1:

Choose the best body paragraph from your essay’s rough draft. Paste the paragraph in this Padlet.

Step 2:

Give Feedback

1. What do you think is the writer's strength? How do you know?

2. What is one area where you believe the paragraph can be improved?

3. What is something interesting or new you learned from the paragraph?

** Comment on at least 2 of your peers' work!

Schedule your Mid-Term Check-in by Monday, 9/22.

lgulbranson — 2025-09-17 15:59:01 UTC

Calendly Page. Updated times to check in virtually will be updated on Friday:

https://calendly.com/lgulbranson

Ms. Gulbranson will be visiting the Gilbert Office, PHHacility, and Legendary for the mid-term check-in next week. If you are elsewhere in Arizona but would still like to meet in person for our check-in, let me know.

Please comment below if you will be at the Gilbert Office, Legendary, or the PHHacility. Let me know which days/times you are available by commenting below:

This week's to-do list:

lgulbranson — 2025-09-17 15:59:54 UTC

Turn in the final draft of your narrative/story board.
Practice in IXL.
Schedule your mid-term check-in.

Xavier

2025-09-17 16:25:33 UTC

Larry, a clueless janitor with a talent for accidentally triggering chaos, is mistaken for a world-famous surgeon when he slips on a banana peel and crashes into a medical conference wearing a stolen lab coat. Suddenly seen as a genius, he’s dragged into surgery where he uses salad tongs instead of forceps, mistaking a patient’s appendix for a jelly donut.

Dalen

lgulbranson — 2025-09-17 16:25:47 UTC

Auditions were held in the school auditorium, under the ever-watchful eye of Mr. Simmons, the drama teacher who still believed he’d one day be “discovered.” Lena performed her Beatrice monologue flawlessly, with enough hand gestures to conduct a full orchestra. Moments later, wearing her wig, sunglasses, and a horrendous fake British accent, she returned as “Lori,” a mysterious new student desperate to be Hero.

alonzomiddleton2 — 2025-09-17 16:25:56 UTC

Alonzo Middleton

2025-09-17 16:26:04 UTC

Harold adjusted his bowtie for the fifth time as he nervously looked into the dusty mirror in the library's break room. Today was the Silent Reading Gala, the most important event on the library calendar. No talking, no laughing, just serious page turning and nasty cucumber water.

But Tina had other plans.

“Uncle Harold,” she had said the night before, “you need to live a little. I signed you up for an improve class. It is at 10 a.m. sharp. Just wear something fun.”

Harold, in a moment of weakness and after two sips of chamomile tea, agreed. He showed up the next morning in a pirate costume, along with a foam sword and a parrot hat. Unfortunately, the address Tina gave him was the library itself.

As Harold burst into the reading room shouting, “Ahoy, me hearties! Who stole me treasure map?” the stunned silence was deafening. Mr. Puddlemore dropped his monocle. A child started to cry. Someone fainted near the nonfiction section.

2025-09-17 16:26:23 UTC

Practice was going to be a light one, but Coach Jones surprised us with suicides like we were training to run in the Olympics. By the second whistle, half of our team was crawling and bawling instead of running. One of my teammates laid flat on the floor and said "Tell my mom that I love her." Even the basketball ran away like it wanted no part of the conditioning.

When we finally finished, Coach told us if we worked this hard that we'd be unstoppable and go undefeated. We all said, "Yes coach" and nodded in agreement while secretly plotting to quit basketball forever. Our point guard whispered in my ear "He'd rather fight a wild lion that do this dumb conditioning". Honestly I'd rather confront that lion that my head coach right now

Braiden

braidenluna — 2025-09-17 16:26:38 UTC

The final event was the talent portion. Fifi performed a series of synchronized backflips and a perfect bow. The crowd erupted in applause. Brenda led Sparky to the center of the stage. He was meant to perform the "Super Sonic Spin," a trick she had worked on for months. As the music started, Sparky looked at her, looked at the crowd, and then, with a yawn that could be heard in the back row, he lay down and closed his eyes.

Austin Smith

2025-09-17 16:26:43 UTC

Elias Gray had only ever wanted to protect his brother.

In a world that burned down cities and called it order, Elias clung to one truth: Micah was worth saving. From the first time he held the boy’s trembling hand as soldiers marched past their hiding place, Elias made himself a silent promise. No harm would come to Micah—not from this broken world, not from the regime, and not from the darkness within themselves.For a time, he succeeded.

The regime ruled with metal fists and hollow speeches. Rebels were hunted. Hope was a crime. But Elias joined the resistance, determined to fight for something better. He carried messages across rooftops, smuggled medicine under shattered bridges, and whispered freedom in the ruins of bombed-out homes. When Micah turned sixteen, Elias brought him in. He wanted to give his brother purpose—a reason to believe.

Davion

2025-09-17 16:26:52 UTC

Silence the other team shouted in celebration. Jayson stood frozen under the basket the hard truth crashing down on him harder than any defender ever could. he heard a sob and turned to mike head in his hands his own dreams of a championship destroyed the scout was already gathering his stuff shaking his head in disappointment. Jayson had been the strongest player on the court but his arrogance , his belief, that he was the only one who mattered had made him the weakest link and in the end it cost everyone everything he ruined it all because of his arrogance.

Kyhaire

2025-09-17 16:26:56 UTC

It took place in the early 2000's, the cousins Dre and Kelvin Green started their days pretty normal, but a single bad decision changed both them and their families futures for years to come. They were waiting for their usual 16 bus to come and pick them up so they could go to school. But Kelvin had different ideas, "I don't feel like going to school today, you wanna ditch?" asked Kelvin. Dre replied, "What? no.", in a joking way but Kelvin was dead serious. He was failing classes and thought since he's already failing he should just skip because what's going to make a difference if he's there or not. Dre on the other hand was one of the top students in his class and strives to do good because he knew that a little amount of black young men like him get out of the streets of Chicago. They were arguing with each other until Kelvin made his decision and decided to skip while Dre got on the bus to go to school. Later that day, Dre was tired at school and was wondering what Kelvin was doing and he couldn't text him because they had no phones back then. The day goes by and Dre's on the bus looking out the window and sees all kinds of police surrounding a block near where the bus usually drops him off, he thinks nothing of it because he sees stuff like this every month, unfortunately. As he enters his home he sees his mom crying on the phone and hears some muffled voices on the house phone. He felt the sense of death but hoped it was a distant relative, one that he isn't that close with or doesn't know that well. His mom gets off the phone with his aunt, sits down with Dre and breaks the news. “Baby, your cousin has been shot and killed today while you were at school.” Dre’s mom tells him. Dre is in shock, he almost wants to believe he’s dreaming, from his perspective it felt like a part of him died. He didn’t know how to deal with something like this. Of course he’s heard of stuff like this happening but never would’ve thought something like this would happen to him, at least not this close. He breaks down, to the point where the crying feels automatic. He cries like this for a few additional hours, but then it clicks. The feeling of revenge.

Trey Maltby

2025-09-17 16:27:14 UTC

Mrs. Hartwell's bookstore was having a Costume Party, but things rapidly descended into anarchy. I was dressed up as Sherlock Holmes, but everyone kept calling me Watson. My friend Ethan was going to be Hamlet, but he forgot his skull and grabbed my plastic pipe instead. Everyone started calling him "Hamlet the detective," and he played along with the worst British accent I've ever heard.
Then old Mr. Jenkins walked in looking a little worse for wear with a bingo ticket, shouting out, "I am Moby Dick!" and everyone just went along. When it was time for the costume contest, Mrs. Hartwell reached out of the wrong box and announced, "And the winner is… No-one!" The whole room laughed.
I complained, "I'm the worst detective ever," but Ethan just grinned with pipe clenched between his teeth and replied, "No way, you cracked the case of making tonight unforgettable." The confetti machine turned on, Mr. Jenkins yelled out "Bingo!" for the final time, and everyone went crazy in the whole building.

Trevor Maltby

2025-09-17 16:27:22 UTC

So Joe thought his disappearance at the talent show was going to be epic. The gym was packed to capacity, the mayor was in the front row looking all somber, and Doris was already trash-talking him. Benny (his best friend) was nervous sweating because he knew Harold always manages to mess things up.
Joe vanishes behind the curtain but instead goes into the janitor's closet and locks himself in. He's knocking on the door mouthing for Benny to help him out. So Benny goes to put on the cape and rushes out. He trips right away, pops balloons, and lets the doves go. One even lands on the mayor's head. Everyone erupts in laughter as if it were deliberate comedy.

Kameron

lgulbranson — 2025-09-17 16:27:38 UTC

Kev thought he could save the show by taking off the mascot head, but as he pulled, he tripped over a red balloon that had accidentally been set out as a “crown.” The stage rope caught his foot, and with one tug, the entire backdrop came tumbling down in a cloud of feathers, props, and annoying squeaky rubber chickens.

Ismael

ismaelgranados — 2025-09-17 16:29:13 UTC

This story begins with a boy named Jacob. Jacob was a high school student who got decent grades that weren’t the best. But his first day of sophomore year starts today. Jacob was very excited. His day goes by pretty smoothly. He was liking it until he met these dudes named Ethan and Gerorge in his 5th period class which was p.e.

Andrew W.

lgulbranson — 2025-09-17 16:29:48 UTC

he was known around town as the life of the party. It wasnt a title he chosen, but it was givin to him, his life was a series of esculating comedic disasters. If there was a rouge bananna peel he would find it and know how to make it fun.

The sun was a pale smudge in the foggy sky, casting a muted, gray light over the city. He looked down at the streets below from the helicopter, the familiar landscape of Los Angeles obscured and indistinct. It was an unusual kind of day for LA, heavy and quiet. But the fog, like a blanket, felt oddly peaceful. It hushed the city's ceaseless noise, creating a sense of private suspension between heaven and earth.

ladellwhite — 2025-09-17 16:29:53 UTC

Gigi sat next to him, her head leaning on his shoulder, earbuds in, probably listening to music and dreaming of championships. He put his arm around her, the simple, paternal gesture feeling like the most important thing he had ever done. All his years of practice, all his hours in the gym, all the trophies and rings—they were all a prelude to this, to being her father. He was in his element, not on a court, but with his daughter.

Jaquan

lgulbranson — 2025-09-17 16:32:34 UTC

It all started with something small. A single plate. Clara said it was her brother Jake’s turn to clean because she had cooked dinner. Jake argued that toasting bread did not count as cooking, so the dishes should be her job. The plate sat on the counter between them like a prize, and neither one wanted to touch it.

Jake grabbed a dish towel and threw it over his shoulder like a cape. “Fine. I will wash. But let it be known that I am a hero making a sacrifice.”

Clara rolled her eyes. “You? A hero? You are more like a mess maker.” She grabbed a sponge, ready to fight.

The argument over one plate quickly turned into a disaster. Jake squeezed dish soap into the sink, but the bottle slipped and fell. Blue soap poured out like a waterfall, and the sink filled with foam. Clara tried to stop it, but she only sprayed Jake’s shirt instead.

Jake yelled, “I have been slimed!” and stepped back. He grabbed a saucepan lid and held it in front of his face like a knight’s helmet. “Do not worry, Sir Suds will save the kingdom.”

Clara burst out laughing and picked up a fork like it was a sword. “Prepare yourself, dishwasher. You will never win.”

They ran around the kitchen, slipping on bubbles, hitting pans with forks, and shouting like they were in a battle. At one point Jake slid across the floor like a penguin, and Clara laughed so hard she knocked over a pile of cups. The dog barked and joined in, chewing on a spoon.

Then their mom walked in. She froze, staring at the messy kitchen. “Care to explain?” she asked, trying not to laugh.

Jake lifted his saucepan lid. “We were cleaning the dishes.”“Creatively,” Clara added.Their mom shook her head but started laughing. “Well, if you are both already covered in soap, you can finish cleaning the kitchen.”An hour later the dishes sparkled, the counters were clean, and even the dog smelled like lemon soap. Clara and Jake collapsed on the couch, tired but happy.“You know,” Clara said, “that was actually kind of fun.”Jake lifted his saucepan lid like a cup. “To peace and clean dishes.”They clinked their sodas together like they had won a great battle. For once, the kitchen was spotless, and for a little while their fighting was gone too.

Titus

2025-09-17 16:34:43 UTC

They found him a few days later. The door had to be broken open, and inside, everything was covered in dust and silence. Nickademus was lying at the base of the sculpture, one hand resting gently on her foot, like he had fallen asleep there. Only he wasn’t asleep. The town was heartbroken. They had lost the most talented artist they had ever known. But when they saw the sculpture, they understood. It was more than art. It was the last piece of Nickademus himself. They left it there in the studio, exactly the way he had finished it. Nobody wanted to move it. Some people say that when it rains, the sculpture looks like it’s crying. And maybe, in some way, she is.

2025-09-17 16:35:30 UTC

1. I think the writers strength is he paces the information he gives out while keeping the reader engaged.

I believe the paragraph can be improved on a lot of fronts especially the opening, but considering there is only one paragraph of context, maybe there was info given to the reader earlier.
I didn't learn anything interesting or new considering it is a fictional narrative paragraph and essay meaning by default it isn't fact based, but I learned a different writing style for sure.

Landon Ziegenhorn

landonziegenhorn — 2025-09-17 16:37:59 UTC

There was going to be the big spring festival in Merrywood town. Simon the baker, who also desperately wanted to compete and win in the pie competition that occurred every year but was a poor baker, secretly replaced his pie with Martha's, the reigning pie queen, unbeknownst to either, Martha had unwittingly prepared her pie with salt instead of sugar. Meanwhile, the mayor, not wanting to be outdone by the crowd, donned the disguise of the "Mysterious Minstrel," but mixed his songbook with the town jester's, so he ended up reciting a series of extremely bad vegetable jokes.

Daniel

danielwashington2 — 2025-09-17 16:44:13 UTC

Joe had thought his disappearance/act at the talent show was going to be amazing and really wow the crowd. The gym was full to maximum capacity, even the mayor was in the front row, and Doris was already trash-talking him. Benny who is his best friend was nervous the whole time not knowing what was gonna happen because he knew Harold always manages to mess things up all the time. but as what his friend was nervous about, happened instead of hiding behind the curtain he got stuck in the janitors closet. Benny goes to help him while in a hurry he trips and pops the balloons, also releasing all the doves which one landed on top of the mayor everyone loved it as they laughed as if it was a part of the act.

Ethan B.

lgulbranson — 2025-09-17 16:47:17 UTC

Thursday morning I was running late for school like always. I grabbed the brown paper bag off the counter without even looking. At lunch I sat down with my friends, opened it up, and stopped. Inside wasn’t my peanut butter sandwich and chips. It was a fancy turkey wrap, a tiny packet of crazy hot sauce, and a note that said “Good luck at the big meeting!” Everyone at the table started laughing. Meanwhile, across town, my dad was opening his bag in the middle of a business meeting. Instead of his healthy wrap he pulled out my dinosaur-shaped peanut butter sandwich and a juice box. He texted me: “What is this?” I figured I’d try the wrap anyway, but I forgot about the hot sauce. One bite later, my mouth was on fire. My eyes watered, my friends were practically falling off their seats laughing, and I sprinted to the water fountain like my life depended on it. That night at dinner we swapped stories. Dad said his coworkers thought the juice box was hilarious. I told him about the hot sauce incident. We both laughed until we cried. Now our lunches have giant sticky notes that say “Dad” or “Jayden” so it never happens again.

2025-09-17 17:04:03 UTC

There was a old theater that was on a forgotten run down street. It had seen better days. Inside there was a young actress Katie where she was full of dreams and loaded with talent. Her voice echoing in the halls she was playing the rolls of love and betrayal. This was her first chance to shine. There was a veteran actress playing Katie's mother she was filled with revenge. And behind the curtains, where everyone was playing a part in a twisted game of ambition and revenge on Katie.

The crowd erupted in applause. Brenda led Sparky to the center of the stage. He was meant to perform the "Super Sonic Spin," a trick she had worked on for months.

2025-09-17 17:34:17 UTC

Camden Jenkins

2025-09-18 03:44:45 UTC

Just like any other day we were at lunch and we always get a parfait and sit right in the front to look at Jayla and Cecila they look so good just like every other day. Cam" Mark they look good today bro" , Mark"I know right", Alex "Lets go sit with them ". Cam "bet lets go ". Mark "Cecilia you look good today " Cecilia" thank you mark ", Mark" Are you guys going to our party today, Cecila " you having a party today ", Cam " Yeah its at Tae’s apartments bring Jayla". Cecilia laughs "Okay Cam", Mark " Okay bet we want to see you guys there then". Cam " I'm glad they're going to the party", Mark " Me too she looked good today too". Mark " I'm go to class", Cam " Bet I'm see you at the party then".

Amir

2025-09-18 04:00:24 UTC

But Charlie's strength was also his weakness. He was so sure of himself that he seemed controlling, and it was hard for him to consider other people's ideas. He started to believe only what he thought and didn't really listen when others had different ideas. This made people angry, and because he wouldn't talk nicely to them, many people who could have been his friends turned away. Did you know that being a good listener can actually make your brain work better? Studies show that when you really listen, you understand things more deeply!

Amir

2025-09-18 04:02:03 UTC

Isaiah Mutoya

2025-09-18 15:27:49 UTC

When Mrs. Thompson stepped outside for a phone call, Mr. Jones accidentally wandered into her kitchen, mistaking it for the community spot, and took her bowl of cake batter, thinking it was cookie dough. When Mrs. Thompson returned, she grabbed his bowl of uneven cookie dough and started frosting it as if it were her famous cake.

2025-09-18 16:39:05 UTC

A young athlete dreamed of earning an athletic scholarship to play basketball. He trained day and night, while ignoring his body’s warnings and pushing past injuries. His determination was everything, but pride, his one flaw blinded him to the damage. During the championship game, his knee gave out completely. Not only did he lose his chance at the scholarship, but he was forced to watch his team finish without him.

Javon Owens

2025-09-18 16:44:23 UTC