Strategies and supports for difficult conversations by Erik Gordon https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh en-us 2019-02-03 12:41:19 UTC 2019-02-06 19:06:10 UTC hello@padlet.com Email correspondance https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327533903 Stop email and call instead if you see it escalating]]> 2019-02-04 20:43:22 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327533903 During a phone call... https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327533944 During a phone call, you may say, "this is not progressing productively. I will arrange a conversation with the principal."]]> 2019-02-04 20:43:29 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327533944 Listen to the parent and seek to understand the child's needs https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534017 Paraphrase
Let them vent

First instinct for email is to defend ourselves and respond - better to wait.  

Call when you receive an email rather than respond via email

Use positive language
Jot down points before the conversation takes place

Making parents aware of their role.  

Use language that doesn't put a parent on the defensive reaction. 

Setting limits.



]]> 2019-02-04 20:43:40 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534017 Respond do not react https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534140 Allow time before responding.]]> 2019-02-04 20:43:55 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534140 get another teacher to edit reply or feedback before sending. https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534232 2019-02-04 20:44:05 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534232 susan_hallworth https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534237 Communicate from the beginning. Introduction email.  Inform parents of missed or late assignments asap.  ]]> 2019-02-04 20:44:06 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534237 Data https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534261 Keep meticulous records regarding students so that you have something to show (with dates) -- go in with data to show pattern]]> 2019-02-04 20:44:08 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534261 Cool Down https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534479 Wait 24 hours before responding]]> 2019-02-04 20:44:30 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534479 Distance https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534643 Maintain healthy boundaries with parents just as you do with students during communication and meetings.]]> 2019-02-04 20:44:52 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534643 clarify correspondence https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534669 2019-02-04 20:44:57 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534669 ask the parent to clarify or repeat if they are getting abusive or refer to the administration. End an abusive call. https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534688 2019-02-04 20:44:59 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534688 "Get-out-of-jail-line" https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534714 A "line" or key phrase that you can use to exit the situation (phone or email) and refer the situation to another person who can support you. 
e.g: "I feel like this conversation is moving away from the constructive conversation I would like to see... please contact..."]]> 2019-02-04 20:45:03 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534714 https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534767 Don't make assumptions - have someone help you take different perspectives]]> 2019-02-04 20:45:09 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534767 Grade-by-Grade Assemblies https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534790 Articulate that parents are not to come into the classroom...there are no re-do assignments...parents and/or student cannot negotiate marks or ask for marks to be bumped...the time for mark adjustments are during the four months of the course...and it is the student's responsibility to monitor that. Parents need to be reminded that conversations need to be respectful and courteous to maintain a safe and respectful workplace. Maybe these ideas around a safe and respectful community could be sent as part of a school newsletter. Maybe add some of these ideas to the "Parent Responsibilities" section of the school start-up package...perhaps bring these ideas up at a Parent Council meeting]]> 2019-02-04 20:45:11 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534790 Lean on me (cue music) kathryn_stewart https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534901 Talk to someone.  Share the offending email with your department head and get him/her to help you craft a response.
Ask for admin support if you don't feel safe.]]> 2019-02-04 20:45:24 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534901 Phone/Talk in person https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534939 Have a conversation with them as opposed to an email]]> 2019-02-04 20:45:27 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327534939 https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327535077 Ask a colleague to read over your comments to ensure it is only based on facts]]> 2019-02-04 20:45:46 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327535077 Take a moment (or day) to sit back and reflect so that you can come back to the situation with a clear mind. https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327535401 2019-02-04 20:46:31 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327535401 Invite parent/guardian to an in-person meeting with Dept Head or Administrator (make sure to bring Dept Head/Admin up to speed first) candace_smith1 https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327535417 2019-02-04 20:46:33 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327535417 Talk with admin or department head before the conversation. https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327535418 2019-02-04 20:46:33 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327535418 admit errors and apologize https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327535592 2019-02-04 20:46:58 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327535592 refer back to prior documentation. https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327535665 2019-02-04 20:47:09 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327535665 You're not alone... https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327535727 Recognize that you don't need to "fix" the situation in the moment. It is reasonable to delay or postpone the conversation. 
It's ok not to take the phone conversation or to cut it off early so that you don't get caught off guard.]]> 2019-02-04 20:47:20 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327535727 Develop a relationship https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327535792 Find positive talking points about the student]]> 2019-02-04 20:47:31 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327535792 "cool down" period before reacting https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327535885 2019-02-04 20:47:47 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327535885 educate parents about expectations and typical student behaviour https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327536075 2019-02-04 20:48:19 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327536075 https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327536157 Make sure that you have something positive to say about the student - although difficult, be empathetic]]> 2019-02-04 20:48:33 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327536157 Educate the parents about the appropriate behaviour and learn what is acceptable. Can this be discussed at parent/school council meeting? laurie_johnson7 https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327536249 2019-02-04 20:48:50 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327536249 If possible and appropriate, get the student involved, or get the student's perspective, because often what the parent is presenting is not the truth or a version of the truth https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327536389 2019-02-04 20:49:13 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327536389 Better preparation workshops for new teachers https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327536396 New teachers may not know when to escalate the situation to admin]]> 2019-02-04 20:49:15 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327536396 Admin support https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327536830 Never hesitate to involve the admin in any discussion where you feel may become abusive (past experience or on advice from other teachers)]]> 2019-02-04 20:50:19 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327536830 It's okay... https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327536946 to let the parent/guardian know that it is not acceptable to speak to you that way and to let them know that you will speak with them at a later date and hang up the phone.]]> 2019-02-04 20:50:40 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327536946 Avoid email at night https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327536997 Don't check or respond to parent emails during the evening.]]> 2019-02-04 20:50:49 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327536997 Make notes during a phone conversation, keep track of dates and times candace_smith1 https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327537800 2019-02-04 20:53:12 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327537800 There needs to be a teacher's bill of rights to prevent against verbal abuse... https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327538861 2019-02-04 20:55:51 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327538861 Newsletter home to parents to outline appropriate conduct and communication with teachers. https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327593271

]]> 2019-02-05 00:44:22 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/327593271 During meetings with admin/parents and teachers - admin should outline RIGHT AWAY the norms of the meeting. Make sure these norms are adhered to. https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/328438199 2019-02-06 18:59:15 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/328438199 If parents have complained multiple times against different teachers then admin should intervene with a follow up stating how teachers are to be talked to in a constructive manner and any abusive language is not to be tolerated. https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/328438639 2019-02-06 18:59:59 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/328438639 https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/328439440 Start up email and/or signage from admin stating that this is a professional work place for the teachers and admin supports their staff and will not tolerate harassment so the message out there and expectations of behaviour are clear. ]]> 2019-02-06 19:01:18 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/328439440 The idea that teachers come up with strategies to mitigate aggressive parents implies that it is the TEACHERS FAULT. this is the wrong message an organization like YRDSB wants to inculcate in their employees. https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/328439458 2019-02-06 19:01:20 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/328439458 Parents should receive information about the number of abuse complaints during the year. Not specifics, just data. This has been shown to decrease this abuse. https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/328440116 2019-02-06 19:02:24 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/328440116 Letters home to families describing how abuse impacts the school and how there are appropriate ways of complaining about issues. https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/328440921 2019-02-06 19:03:36 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/328440921 I think email is better than phone in some cases, particularly with aggressive parents....it is a written document https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/328441899 2019-02-06 19:05:17 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/328441899 be prepared to hang up/walk away when your standards of respect have been broken. https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/328442400 2019-02-06 19:06:09 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/328442400 https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/329653455 We need to know that we have admin support so that we can then stop an confrontation with "This conversation is no longer productive and it is best that we speak at a different time". Then speak to admin and tell them that you need their support.

]]> 2019-02-10 20:52:24 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/329653455 It is okay to take care of yourself https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/329654286 Know when to stop a conversation and feel comfortable asking for assistance in dealing with difficult parents. ]]> 2019-02-10 20:56:03 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/329654286 https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/329654473 It would be great if Admin provided the staff with the reassurance that they would be there to support us and that we do NOT deserve abusive type behaviour from parents]]> 2019-02-10 20:57:03 UTC https://padlet.com/erik_gordon/nczde5qxh9oh/wish/329654473