V=Vault. I would really like to work on common enemy intimacy. I see this a lot in my work place and I'm at fault of participating in it as well (nothing bonds coworkers like a common enemy). I need to be more mindful and aware of when it's happening so not to feed into it. Focus on building real connections, and direct the narrative to be more positive.

I tend to be suspicious of people's intentions and will find myself, especially during times of high stress or workload, trading curiosity and generosity for certainty and protection. To strengthen it, I need to be cognizant of how I am feeling and take time to decompress. I also need to consider potential contexts that I may not be aware of to avoid making unfair and inaccurate conclusions. Slowing down the process looks to be a winner.

Without realizing it, I find that I sometimes put myself in situations where I overpromise. My intentions are always good-- I want to help, or I don't want to disappoint someone, but I'm ultimately overcommitting. It can cause me to get pulled in multiple directions and stretched thin, making me seem unreliable when I'm really just trying to be helpful and available. I'm learning to balance competing priorities by being upfront about my limits and reminding myself that it's okay to say no.

Our October seminar: the usual starting something new and wanting to fit in (or belong, or whatever, as long as I don't feel like an outsider) was exacerbated by physically not at my best (jetlag + lack of sleep, shin splints, insect bites), as well as the psychological and emotional impacts of returning from a significant journey. I felt tentative and uncertain about everything - not the recipe for belonging! In retrospect, I could have planned differently and made it easier on myself, knowing as I do that this tension surfaces at the beginning of things.

When you are the only new one, it's hard to navigate this. When everyone is new, it's hard to convince my heart of what I know in my head - that no one belongs more or less than others here, and that belonging is something we create together.

Whenever I am in spaces where there are a lot of people (think airports, city streets, coffee shops etc.) I've developed a practice of really looking a people and identifying some characteristic that the people who really love them might cherish: crazy socks, a bald spot, shoulders that are pulled back proudly, or stooped with age. Or a facial expression - sadness, contentment, joy.

Noticing whatever detail comes first to mind, I silently wish them well before letting my attention fall on the next person. This practice helps me shift my mind from the busyness and distraction of whatever seems so pressing, and really ground myself in the immense preciousness of the human experience.

Integrity: Particularly around the types of situations like I mentioned above, when practicing my values is likely to create discomfort, or even pain, for someone else.

I also try to remind myself that I don’t know what this person is dealing with today. That person maybe dealing with work pressures, home related struggles, other tragedies in their life that are real and personal. Put in that context, my disagreement with them is a relatively small thing and not important enough for me make sure they “feel” my argument.