https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0 By Kate Fagan en-us 2022-02-04 17:17:49 UTC 2022-03-19 07:11:43 UTC hello@padlet.com morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092042921 Fagan, Kate. What Made Maddy Run. Little, Brown and Company, 2017.

]]> 2022-03-13 04:50:21 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092042921 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092045365 Going from Middle school to High school, Madison was nervous becuause many people already knew her, and expected her to be the freshman who makes the varsity soccer team, and get straight A’s.

Quote #1
"This was the first time any of Maddy's friends had seen her unsteady, doubting. The transition to high school was the frst major challenge for all of them - the first life change they faced with concerns beyond who they might sit next to on the bus...She began crying. MJ and Trisha said all the right things: that she would be great, that everyone would love her, that everything would work out. But their words couldn't make it better. Words meant little. Only excellence helped chip away at self-doubt. And so she excelled" (53).]]> 2022-03-13 04:54:58 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092045365 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092057613 During her sophmore year of high school, she started running track to stay in shape for soccer, but she was a natural and kept getting faster. She became one of the best athletes and many professional colleges started looking at her for soccer and track.]]> 2022-03-13 05:25:02 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092057613 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092083052 The Penn soccer coach stopped recruiting Maddy after one game she played poorly in. On the other hand, the soccer head coach of Lehigh University, Eric Lambinus, offered Maddy an official scholarship. In April of her Junior year, she gave Lehigh  a verbal commitment, which was a promise that she would sign a national letter of intent to play soccer for them in November of her senior year. Also, Maddy had recieved har acceptance letter from Penn State University to run for them. Madison was battling between her dream, and the one she thought she was supposed to have. She didn't know if Penn was what she wanted or what she was supposed to want. Ivy Leage school, name recognition, Division I sports. Madison chose to go to Penn the month after her senior soccer season. Eric beleived she was making the wrong choice because she was giving up her passion and her first love, soccer. 

Quote #2
"When she spoke of soccer, her voice was rich, humming with excitement. When she spoke of running, something clinical happened, all hard edges" (59).]]> 2022-03-13 06:34:04 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092083052 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092088656 On November 2, 2013 Maddy collapsed after her race. The weather was hot and she was running 6,000 meters. Before the race, Maddy didn't say much to her mom, Stacy, because she was nervous, but Stacy noticed that Maddy was "less radiant, dulled." Maddy beleived that people collapsed at finish lines because they weren't prepared and didn't train enough, not because they did too much. Madison recovered quickly after her race, at least physically. The color was drained from her face and she told her mom that she wasn't happy and that something wasn't right.]]> 2022-03-13 06:47:51 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092088656 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092106190 Jim, Maddy's dad, and Ashley, her sister, drove to Philadelphia to pick up Madison for the holiday. By Thanksgiving break, Maddy's anxiety and unease were turning into something she didn't quite know what it was. She was already dreading going back to campus before the week even started. Madison was always silly, goofy, always laughing, always smiling. That was not the version of Maddy that showed up to Thanksgiving break. Her siblings noticed it too. Although, her family wasn't overly concerned with this and thouhgt it normal, that a challenge was good for her. She was transitioning to college. Madison didn't think what she was going through and what she was feeling was normal though. Before break, she had scheduled a meeting with a counselor at Penn and she felt hopeful, because maybe the therapist would be able to help her get through whatever she was going through. The meeting did not go as she expected at all because the counselor could not grasp the depth of Madison's struggles. She did not tell her family about this meeting over break because she thought it was pointless. Madison did try to tell them that something significant was happening though. Jim and Stacy (parents) recognized that she needed professional help and they found her a therapist near Allendale and she didn't use Penn counseling again.]]> 2022-03-13 07:29:36 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092106190 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092694996 December 12, around finals week, Maddy texted her dad that she needed to come home because of how bad the thoughts of suicide had become. Both her and her parents were wondering the same question: when did it get this bad? She also wanted to sign up for a gym since she was staying home for a month and needed to stay in shape. She used running and cardio as an escape from her mind.

Quote #3
"Maybe she could churn out the darkness, force it to seep out of her, like sweat, if she just ran fast enough, long enough" (130).

Quote #4
"Everything had escalated so quickly in her mind. How had that happened? She had been fending off the worst thoughts for weeks...the worst thoughts had actually calmed her. They were reassuring, like knowing that there was a secret escape route in case the room lit on fire...they were offering something clear cut: a way out. Suicide... Where had all this darkness come from?" (123-124).]]> 2022-03-13 22:18:22 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092694996 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092703705 On the afternoon of December 28, Maddy and one of her best friends, Emma went shopping for New Year's Eve outfits. Emma had noticed that all the dresses Maddy was trying on were too big on her, even though they were in her normal size. When the friend group got together, they all noticed that the dress Maddy had bought didn't fit her and that she had lost weight. There wasn't any evidence to support this theory, but it was a possible and logical guess that Maddy might have been developing an eating disorder. She was an athlete, she had to think about what she was eating. Her friends weren't overly concerend though, because she had been losing weight before she left to go to college, so the change they noticed wasn't extreme. ]]> 2022-03-13 22:34:48 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092703705 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092716968 Madison knew that something had to change, or she at least had to try to change something, in order to start feeling better. The options she was considering were: quitting track, transferring schools, or both, The first option she wanted to act upon was quitting track and experiencing Penn like a normal student. Therefore, she scheduled a meeting with Coach Steve Dolan. Before she went, she had been planning what she might say to him and she ended up writing a two page letter because she expressed herself best in writing. The letter made her have hope, and she was more convinced that quitting was the right desicion. At the meeting, she read the letter aloud and Coach Dolan offered her solutions other than quitting, like taking a break, changing the training plan, pick the events she wanted to run, train and not compete, and more. He offered for her to change her training plan and if she still didn't like it, she could quit. Naturally, Maddy felt obliged to stay since Coach Dolan had been so nice and she felt she would be disappointing him if she quit. Fastforward, the new training plan didn't help at all, but Maddy just couldn't bring herself to quit track because she felt she would be letting down her parents, Coach Dolan, and her teammates.]]> 2022-03-13 23:02:26 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092716968 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092725350 Before returning to Penn in January, Madison was preparing to follow through with a plan that she told no one else about. To do that, she took some things to her dorm room from home.

Quote #5
"...Maddy asked if she could take with her a picture of herself as a kid, holding a tennis racquet...And eventually, at some point before she left her dorm room on January 17, she opened her MacBook and wiped her Internet History. She was preparing for what had been simmering on the back burner; she was moving it to the front" (242).]]> 2022-03-13 23:19:26 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092725350 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092746875 On January 17th, Maddy was walking on a downtown Philly street corner, intead of at track practice. She ran into the soccer recruiter/coach at Lehigh University, Eric. They talked a little bit and caught up. Madison told him that Penn wasn't anything like she expected and that she wasn't enjoying it. Eric thought that running into Maddy was meant to be and that it wasn't just coincidence and Maddy could transfer and play soccer for Lehigh after all. 

Quote #6
"...felt he knew Maddy, what drove her, and he had alwasy believed she loved soccer. So he wanted to convey a simple message to her without saying the actual words: she could still come play soccer at Lehigh...too thrilled at the idea that they might have a second shot at Madison" (263-264).]]> 2022-03-13 23:56:00 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092746875 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092771911 Madison went to the parking garage at the corner of Spruce and 15th right after running into Eric. It was a block away from a restraunt called Fado. It also had nothing that was extraordinary or eye catching about it. On January 17, Maddy made her bed, which she never did. She also cleaned her side of the dorm and left a scribbled note there.

Quote #7
"'I don't know who I am anymore. Trying. Trying. Trying. I'm sorry. I love you...sorry again...sorry again...sorry again... How did this happen?'" (266).
 
In the parking garage, Madison left a shopping bag that had gifts for her family. Among those gifts, was the book Reconstructing Amelia, and inside it was the picture of herself as a kid, holding a tennis racquet. ]]> 2022-03-14 00:25:15 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092771911 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092774210 Madison Holleran jumped off of the parking garage of Spruce and 15th in Philadelphia, on January 17th, 2014. 

]]> 2022-03-14 00:27:21 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092774210 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092782199 The note that was left inside the shopping bag with the gifts for her family that explained which gift was for whom read:

Quote #8
"I thought how unpleasant it is to be locked out, and I thought how it is worse to be locked in. For you mom...the neckalces...for you, Nana and Papa... Gingersnaps (alwasy reminds me of you) ... For you Ingrid...The Happines Project. And Dad...the Godiva chocolate truffles. I love you all...I'm sorry. I love you. The first sentence of Madison's note is a quote from Virginia Woolf, who drowned herself at the age of fifty-nine" (270).]]> 2022-03-14 00:33:48 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092782199 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092788427 The three coaches, Eric, Amy, and Mike noticed police cars blocking the street when they were leaving Fado, about an hour and a half after they ran into Madison. That was not unusual in Philadelphia though, so they didn't think about it too much.]]> 2022-03-14 00:39:17 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092788427 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092801823 Steve Dolan called Stacy Holleran, Madison's mom late on that Friday night, and she answered because she felt something was wrong. Steve Dolan thought she already knew about what happened to Madison, and said that he would find more details about Madison and call her back. Stacy then called her husband, Jim Holleran. Then, she called Ingrid Hung, Maddy's friend at Penn and she didn't know where Maddy was. Ingrid then called Maddy's roommate, Emily. Jim was calling Ashley Holleran (Maddy's sister) who said that she had just talked to Maddy that afternoon. Ashley called Maddy who didn't answer, but that was usual for Maddy. She went on her Facebook account that said that Maddy was active a couple of hours ago. A few minutes later, Stacy called Ashley because she had gotten a call from Penn Chaplian. Meanwhile, Ingrid called Emily and told her to come down to the lobby. She asked Emily to call her coach and she spoke to him on the phone and started crying. Stacy and Jim called Shley and told her that Madison was gone. Then, Steve Dolan sent out an email, Sat, Jan. 18,2014 at 12:14 AM to the Track and Field team, informing them that Maddy had died. Emma, one of Madison’s best friends who was at Boston college was the last one to know when she woke up and read the messages.]]> 2022-03-14 00:50:35 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092801823 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092841738 Early the next morning, Jim’s good friends drove him to the medical examiner’s office where he was shown a photo of Madison’s body to confirm that there was no mistake. He also received the gifts that Maddy had left behind for her family. Then Jim and his friends went to 15th and Spruce because Jim was still in denial, didn’t believe everything happening and he needed to see the parking garage.]]> 2022-03-14 01:21:28 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092841738 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092847490 Jim came home at the same time as his daughter Ashley(she was coming home from college in Alabama) and she was thirsty for answers so she went on Maddy’s computer(the authorities had given Jim Maddy’s phone and computer because they thought they might want them). Ashley couldn’t find any answers, Maddy had deleted her Internet history and Ashley had assumed she did. Ashley believed that Maddy was researching different methods of suicide and didn’t want her family to know what she was thinkning about.]]> 2022-03-14 01:25:35 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092847490 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092849748 Ashley Holleran was incredulous that no one knew that Maddy was thinking about suicide. She thought that out of all people, she should have had some kind of clue. Madison’s friends thought that maybe a boyfriend would have seen some warning signs, because he would know her on a more intimate level. One of Maddy’s ex-boyfriends from high school was the only person who she told that she started to go to church because it comforted her. Even Ashley didn’t know that because he was the only person who Maddy told.]]> 2022-03-14 01:27:12 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092849748 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092858539 About a year after Madison’s death, one of her teammates decided to quit track.

Quote #9
"...She sent the following explanation to her teammates and included Maddy's e-mail address among those who received the message...And if there is any positive message I have taken away from the tragic weekend with Madison, it's that we need to do what makes us happy" (297-298).]]> 2022-03-14 01:33:33 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092858539 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092868132 Penn State University has improved its counseling system since 2014, because six students, including Madison Holleran, had taken their lives in the span of thirteen months, from 2013 to 2014. 

Quote #10
"The tragedies led to a task force, which led to the hiring of additional counselors and the ounseling center moving to a bigger space. The improvements allowed the school to cut its wait time for an initial appointment from 13.2 days (the average from 2012 to 2013) to just two to three" (118).]]> 2022-03-14 01:40:35 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092868132 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092977378 1) "This book's presence on the roof of the parking garage remains confusing to her family and friends...Did Madison want them to comb through her past to try to piece together the different versions of her, to come ot some logical solution for why she had jumped off the building? And that final twist at the endof the book: Was that just an inconvenient detail that didn't fit into Madison's story, but since so much else about the book did fit- Amelia was even Madison's confirmation name- she was willing to overlook the ill-fitting ending? Or was she figurativley trying to say that Madison felt she, too, had been pushed? Maybe all Madison was trying to say was that she saw a version of herself in Amelia, in the perfectly crafted veneer that could never feel like an honest reflection of her interior life. Just as Madison worried that she could never find validation for her struggle, because how could someone so beautiful, so seemingly put together, be unhappy? This is illogical, of course, like believing a computuer's hard drive can't break simply because the screen hasn't a scratch" (268).

2) "Nobody understood, Ashley especially, how one of their favorite people in the world had decided, so swiftly and suddenly, to leave them...She felt she was working against a clock; that something could still be done to rewind what had happened. She had to find the thing that set all this in motion so she could fix it, so she could say or do exactly what Maddy needed" (293).

3) Maybe, even at the end, she wanted to control her story. She was sharing some thoughts - in the notes, in the choice of gifts - about why she had made this choice. Her family didn't need to know the desperate thinking that had gone into what looked like a tidy ending. This thinking was, in a striking way, similar to the concept of the Penn Face, the idea that most students at Penn aimed to project a calm, collected, placid exterior, while beneath the surface they were furiously pedaling to stay afloat. Even in her suicide, which seemed to convey the message that life had overwhelmed her, Maddy apparently still cared about projecting a collected, determined message" (294).

4) "More than two years after Madison's death, Ashley still can't quite wrap her mind around the dearth of answers. 'I kept thinking there was definitley more to this,' she says. 'I just felt like there was a secret or something, like someone must have known, that one specific thing happened, that she had told someone about her plan. I just kept wishing I knew the extent of everything, but obviously I can't ask her. So now I know that I'm not going to know. And I guess I've just kind of accepted that'" (297).]]> 2022-03-14 02:54:18 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2092977378 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2094639610 2022-03-14 20:44:19 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2094639610 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2094642700 2022-03-14 20:47:08 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2094642700 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2094646692 2022-03-14 20:50:50 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2094646692 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2094652218 2022-03-14 20:55:35 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2094652218 morgakar001 https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2094658558 2022-03-14 21:01:39 UTC https://padlet.com/morgakar001/mxf39sn4018tm9e0/wish/2094658558