We had a classmate who had bulging eyes with an annoyingly high pitched voice, and we, the bullies, would always make her the subject of our jokes. So one day, we decided to keep her Math book, the fellow bullies said that I should put it under my chair on top of my books. So I did, thinking that it won’t affect me because by the end of the class I would return it to her.

But, I actually forgot to give it back. 

So the dismissal came, and I was playing tag with my friends. Then suddenly, I slipped and my mouth bumped in the staircase. So it bled and I rushed to the clinic. But from afar, I saw her and her grandmother talking to my adviser. But since, I completely forgot about her book being with me, I just shook it off and went to the clinic. 

When I arrived the following day, with a facial mask covering my protruding mouth, my adviser started reprimanding me and asking me to return the book. But I kept on denying it, because I clearly don’t remember it being with me. 

Then she accompanied me to my locker. 

Then I found the Math Book. 

Up to this day I can still clearly remember how shiver went down my spine when I discovered her book with me. How the word dumbfounded flashed in my forehead when my fellow bullies told our adviser that they are not accessories to the crime. How my mom said that she won’t come to the principal, or else for sure I’ll be kicked out the school with all the words she is going to say. How my sister narrated during the family dinner how the principal, who was a nun, described me as “She has an angelic face, but her actions…” 

And that was my first and last year in that school.

It wasn’t until I was older that I started to accept who I am and what my weight is. I started surrounding myself with friends who didn’t make my appearance into a big deal. I also had this realization that no matter what society perceives me, it will never be satisfied with what it sees so might as well not care about what they think of me and just love myself the way I am. I also found out that there are certain advantages to being skinny, one of which is being able to fit into an already full FX with it still being roomy for people other than myself. Another advantage is being part of the feeding program which is hello, free food; I can’t say no to that and lastly, if a zombie outbreak were to occur I would probably survive longer. 

by: Carido, Hannah Lesly S.
(3ELS2)
 

Being shy is something that I need to overcome especially right now that I’m in college because being a college student is a big step from high school. In high school, you have friends who are closer to you because you’ve been with them longer, so you know in yourself that you can always count on them much easier. Unlike in college, you have to make new friends and knowing that I’m shy, it would be a hard thing to do. But, I’ve learned that as time passes, you learn to adapt and blend with new social groups because if you stick only with your previous friends, you will definitely not be comfortable with anyone else who you don’t know and that is just pathetic. 

I’m not saying to leave your old friends, but to expand your circle of friends because, at this young age, you will meet a lot of new people and being nervous around them is not always acceptable. Things could go really awkward and that is also not good. 

To end this, I’m not fully changing myself from being shy because that is who I am and I’m proud of it. I just need to learn when is the right time to be.

Believe it or not, when I was young, I was a shy girl. I may seem the opposite right now but I really am. When we have gatherings in our house where visitors come and visit us, I usually just stay in my bedroom. As much as possible, I try to get out of their way and just come out when no one else is left but my family. It will only be by then that I will eat and be with them. 

I overcame the “shyness stage” when I started to join dance performances during my elementary days. I did not overcome it that easy. There was one time that we were having a performance and my dad was taking a video of it. My family is fond of documenting such performances. I saw my dad holding the video recorder and I sense that he was only focusing the video on me and not the whole group who was performing. My shy side went out and all throughout the video, when we got the chance to watch it, I was covering my face with my hands with every possible dance move that I can make. I felt bad and ashamed because it kind of ruined the whole purpose of the video. When they saw me getting all shy about it again, my parents reassured me that I still did a good job and suggested that maybe next time, I would not cover my face while dancing again. Since then, I have learned my lesson and try not to be shy. 

Reflecting to my current self, I think I have already overcame being shy. But there are still times that when I am around a lot of people, say a social gathering, with no familiar face in sight, I still tend to get out of place and to be too shy to mingle with others. Most of my friends’ first impression of me also shows my past in being a shy person. They would say that at first, they thought I was a quiet, reserved, shy person. But once they really get to know me, they would see that I am really not one of those. I think my tendency in being quite reserved during the first meeting is that I like to observe people. And after I observe them, I decide as to how we can get along well. 

The story goes when I was in grade six. I was chubby, dark skinned, shy, new girl that everybody was looking at. I still remember how my first day went, I was wearing yellow pants (flashy, I know) and a while polo shirt. I was the only transferee at that time so my first week was really just trying to fit into the crowd –into friendships that has long been established. Weeks later I thought I have already created rapport among my classmates, I thought I have already made stable friends at that time, I’ve never been so wrong in my “friendship life”.

She was a veteran at that school, she started her preschool years there, and everybody knows her. I thought she was being kind to show me the ins and outs of the school, I thought I was lucky to be taken under her wing. Yes she did take me under her wing but only to drop me when she sees that people liked me more. 

She accused me for bullying her. 

A quiet hour after lunch, she started crying, she said –shouted actually- that I reported her to the “PD” which is the abbreviation for the prefect of discipline. She started shouting these things and people are now staring at us, wondering what the commotion is all about. Eventually I started crying too, I was clueless. I was clueless of what she was accusing me for, clueless of what “PD” means, clueless why my so called friend is telling mean things about me. I started saying “anong PD? Hindi ko nga alm yun eh, bakit kita isusubong dun?” (What is the meaning of “PD”, I don’t even know that, how would I tell on you?). Everybody is now watching us, judging me for being the bully and pitying her for being the victim. Two weeks pass; I was still the talk of the town. Some are trying to befriend me but this girl would always talk to them behind my back and eventually they won’t like me that much anymore. 

Things changed when the result of the quarterly examinations were posted. I was surprisingly the top 9 of the class; everybody was shocked about my academic capacity is. Since then, this girl who was supposedly my friend stopped bullying me, she stopped bothering me and my friends, she started walking away when I arrive, she started looking up at me. 

The point here is that life is not perfect but keep living anyway. There would always be bullies, there would always be people pulling you down but even though they are there you cannot give up on life. Because when you have proven yourself to them that you are not a pushover they will start to respect you and you should respect them too. 

Days passed and I realized that she hated me because I had many friends while she only had a few. Well I wonder what she expected for being a new girl in school. But fine, okay, I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt because we were all still kids back then. Janna was a mean kid, though. She took all my friends away from me by talking behind my back and making up many rumors about me. I never knew those rumors and neither do I care enough to know about them anymore. But I wasn’t afraid. My parents would always tell me why there are kids like Janna and why I shouldn’t be afraid and be always ready to fight back if needed. Janna wasn’t successful of taking away all my friends too because they kept coming back to me eventually, no matter how many times she told them “’wag natin bati si Venice”.

This went on for six years, all throughout my elementary years, but it wasn’t too bad. I’m resilient enough to rise through every rumor she spread about me. I was tough enough to confront her and the people who believed her. I was never afraid of her and I always gained more friends than she ever did throughout the years. And plus all my friends since nursery grew up too and realized how Janna was manipulating them. They didn’t turn against her either and I’m glad they didn’t because it was just unnecessary when I can always fight for myself and I have friends who would gladly fight for me too.

Since in my old school there is a 7th grade, we all took exams to see who can move up to high school. I’m one of the six people who passed the exam but I chose to stay with my batch mates for the reason that I’ve been with them all my life and I don’t want to graduate with any other people. Janna and the rest who passed moved up to high school and that was the end of her social life. She had many friends too but there were too many issues in their batch so she only had a few real ones, while I had my whole batch to back me up every time. Her name didn’t matter in our school anymore because she was consistently mean to others, but mine kept resurfacing because of the many extra-curricular activities I joined in. I was in theater, I sing a lot, I was a part of a cheer leading squad, I sang in a band and played bass and drums in different bands as well. The teachers adored me too, for being a good student with a good humor. The friends she tried to turn against me? We’re all still friends until now and the two of them are one of my closest friends whom I still see a lot – a few times every month, actually. I’m not saying all this to brag about myself and to bring her down. I’m just simply telling a story of a girl who refused to back down and be walked upon by someone who had issues with themselves. A story of a girl that despite of being bullied, stood firm and tough and chose to better herself every time. 

I was furious at my friend that time, I felt like she exposed my deepest and darkest secret. She said sorry after that and after a couple of weeks, I eventually forgave her. After few years, I realized that there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Instead, I should be proud that I am able to live normally even though I don’t have a complete family. Now, I even share my own experiences to people because I believe that maybe, in some ways, my own experiences can help them or teach them something in life.

When I was young there was a time when I felt like people’s eyes are all on me because of the separation of my parents and the feud between my mother’s family and my father’s. So I was playing at our compound when one of my grandmothers (the wife of my grandfather’s eldest brother) started talking bad things about my situation. I really couldn’t remember what she said but I know it’s bad because I remember crying afterwards and telling my aunts about it. One particular aunt, the 4th sister of my mother got mad when I told them what happened. And as soon as I ended telling them, she went out of the house and started yelling at that grandmother. Not long enough some of our relatives came out of their house to see what is going on and I really thought were in a wrestling match. My other aunts are trying to meddle so both parties would come down. I remember the scene very clearly and more than the fight, what really surprised me is that my grandfather (my mother’s father) was just on the side laughing. He wasn’t even helping to stop the fight and he looks like he’s enjoying it. I think that’s why I remember it that much is because of my grandfather.

I remember when my grandfather died, we were about to eat ice cream because we just ate dinner, not knowing that it is our last dinner with him. The moment we discovered he was dead was when we were about to call him to eat, though I think all of us had that feeling he wasn’t going to last long. Above his bed were cabinets attached to the wall, so when you are not careful enough you might hit your head on it. What happened was when we were moving my grandfather and me, my aunts and my mother were crying, my aunt who guides the head of my grandfather suddenly hit my grandfather’s head on the cabinet. I was wailing and all but when I saw that I started laughing and I look like someone who had lost their mind. Moments later, I found myself sitting with my cousins and my aunt who is in the same age as me on a ladder in our compound. Being kids and all we were very emotional that one of my uncles let us in their house and let us watch the TV. See, we were very gloomy and we had snots of our face so when the TV was turned on and we saw that Bubble Gang was playing, we suddenly didn’t know if we would cry or we would laugh. We look like fools at that time.

I think the reason why I chose this memory to write here is because I miss my grandfather. I’d like to believe I was his favourite, always bringing me Choco Butternut from Dunkin’ Donuts which is my favourite. My grandfather was a very jolly person, so it’s nice to know that even in his death he manage to make us laugh. 

 I studied in an all-girls school ever since my preparatory years. Being in an all-girls school, things like cool lesbians and lesbian couples are considered famous an “in”. During my 5th year, I was unfortunately put in a class where the school’s big bully was in.  I remember that day; it was around lunch time when I had the urge to pee. Since we were not allowed to pee in the other year’s washroom, I ran upstairs to use the washroom designated to 5th grade students. I was running along the hallway when I accidentally bumped into my classmate, who’s a famous person in school, also the big bully’s crush. Later that afternoon, I went to the washroom with a friend of mine and I was surprised to see the big bully with her other friends. She approached me and grabbed me by my collar and asked me about the incident that happened earlier, surprisingly, people stirred up the story by adding that I “kissed” her crush. I tried to push her away but and told her that nothing like that happened, she wouldn’t believe me and held my collar tighter. Her friends just told her that she might break my uniform if she doesn’t stop. 

I’m not really sure how I overcame that but I remained nice to her and to her friends. One day, she just came up to me and apologized for what she did. Maybe my kind gestures mixed with fear softened her heart. From then on, no one ever bullied me.

3ELS2

Bullying experience

Bullying never ended from my early pre-school days until college. It never stop giving me too much pain in which my mental health. It began at an early age when I was offended by certain words that either make me cry or angry. 

The most traumatizing experience in bullying took place in high school, when most of the students bully me by either verbal abuse or violence. Most of the bullying acts involved fist fights and dropping of offensive words. In most incidents, I either become angry of sad depending on the pain I can endure. The result of most incidents would end up being discussed in the guidance office. One such incident happened when they were playing with handkerchief as whips. Then, by playing with those it ended up injuring my eye. This incident made me realize that it has been too much for me to handle. Because of what everything happen, I had to go a psychiatrist to fix my problems. 

By being nice to people, they would later abuse the kindness that I give. With around four years of being a victim, I realize that it may become a lesson in order to grow. It is the very characteristic of the person that gets hurt. It gives the person mental pain that may result to a student having depression.

I wasn’t bullied in my childhood but growing up, I never really had someone I can call a “best friend”.  I don’t know why but I think it’s because I cannot interact with people very well. Whenever I’m faced with strangers, I don’t initiate the introduction, I wait for them to introduce themselves. I’m afraid of how people may perceive me as their first impression. Whenever I got called for recitation, I always stutter because of the fear that my classmates and friends will judge me that it will get to a point where I didn’t got to say what I really wanted to say because fear always eats up my thoughts. Despite this ordeal of mine, I do have friends. The problem is that I cannot relate with them very well. I was an outsider. 

I grew up with strict parents so whenever I ask permission to go somewhere with my friends, I will always be rejected. It got to a point where I don’t even ask permission anymore and just reject my friends’ offer right away. I feel like everything I do is restricted because of my parents. I rarely experience new things. I always feel like an outsider whenever I’m with my friends and because of this, I don’t express my thoughts and feelings very well. My only comfort and avenue for expressing my feelings is music. 

My appreciation from music started when I begged my parent to buy me a MP3 player as a Christmas gift a few weeks after New Year. After that, I became attached to it. Whenever I do something, I will use it while doing what I’m supposed to do. When I have to go somewhere, the first thing that I carry would be my MP3. It became my “best friend”. I grew up listening to pop songs to pop rock to EDM and mainstream music to contemporary pop and alternative rock. My taste in music back then was so much different than now. Nowadays, most of the songs I listen to have deep lyrics which I relate to. Music is very dear to me and it helps me cope with my daily problems. It helped me shape to what type of person I am today and it will be a part of me until the day that I die. 

                However, this issue stopped when I realized what was keeping me away from having nice friends. It was because I was trying too hard to fit myself in the groups that do not have the same personality as mine. It felt great when I finally found people I am comfortable with.  I do not have to fake the things that I like just in order for them to get along with me.

                Another thing that contributed to this was the fact that I became so conscious in having friends. I now think that this is a ridiculous thing to do. Making friends should just come naturally. You may need to do some things for it, but do not be so crazy about it. Making friends should be fun.

                Now, I have friends whom I am really happy with. They are awesome. They may not be a lot, but they always make me happy and relaxed when I am around them.  They bring positivity into my life. I love them!

 

That was 3 years ago when my family got bullied by someone very close to us. When you say you were bullied, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it was done in a manner wherein you were joked by someone and you felt irritated. We were bullied in a sense that given the fact that we haven’t done anything wrong to them yet they still turned out to be traitors whom we didn’t even imagine them to become. It was in a law office when a discussion a took place between my uncle, who’s a lawyer and my aunt, who’s a friend of my mom.  I was there in the same room so I happened to hear all of what they’ve discussed regarding the case filed to my aunt, and at first, they were just having a smooth-sailing discussion but when their principles didn’t meet in the center, a commotion took place. It was a “dead case” according to my uncle because my aunt didn’t issued a receipt for the engineering expenses to her client, and that would make the case even harder to justify. My aunt was devastated at that time because she’s fighting a dead case, so my uncle brought up one thing that he could do about it, and that is to just pay the judge for the case to be over. When all of us heard what he said, my mom reacted as she was really shocked because she knows her friend and her principles, that even if the situation is very hard to bear, she’ll surpass all of it with clean hands. My uncle stood up from his seat and started telling my mom that she has no idea of what she’s saying, that it is normal to just pay the judge for this hopeless case, but before he continued having an argument with my mom, my aunt stood up and told my uncle that she’s just going to have a different lawyer for this case, whose willing to solve her problems in a legal way. From that moment on, since he is a lawyer, who’s applauded by everyone in our neighborhood, started telling lies about us or should I say, started making us look dumb. He said that we are a family of nothing, that no one can become a lawyer like he is, and that our principles and religion won’t fit in that kind of job since we want everything done in a clean manner. The bullying continued every day, until one day after I came home from church, I heard people screaming and crying, and that’s when I saw for the very first time that my Dad is crying out of anger, that he’s just keeping himself relaxed as much as possible because that uncle of mine is the husband of her sister, and that me and my siblings were there. I admired my Dad so much for not stepping down to their level, and we’ll just leave everything in God’s hands. It became a trauma for me that every time I see my uncle smiling at me, I want to prove to him that we are worth something, that we may not be labeled as he is but we can be something out of our principles in life. Three years have gone but prayers are still on going, and maybe that’s why we are so blessed to be living our lives with nothing to worry about. We haven’t heard of them for a couple of months already but we know that sooner or later, God will be the one who’s going to punish them for what they’ve done to us. What I can say now is do the remorse as soon as possible because you won’t be able to smile anymore if God will be the one who’s going to show you all of things you’ve done to other people and the change you brought to their lives. 

                When I was in 3rd grade, I had a classmate who was one of the naughtiest kids in our school. Being the class secretary, I was assigned to do a lot of things by my teachers. This boy, along with some other kids who looked like his followers, was always so hard to be disciplined. I would always be so mad at them because I hate yelling in class and they never follow even when the whole set of officers tell them to behave properly. Every day, aside from being disobedient, he would always bully almost the whole class and my classmates couldn’t do anything about it because they were scared of him. 

                The time came when I got really impatient with him and decided to tell our class adviser about it. After I told Sir Acky, he asked for Enrico to be reported to the guidance counselor. We were all relieved that he was finally being counseled by the school. Then after lunch, because my lunch would always be delivered to me, I was walking up the stairs when one of my classmates ran up to me and told me that my things were all messed up. I came to the classroom to see that my grooming kit and all my books were scattered on the floor and my armchair was upside down. My classmates told me that he flipped my chair when he got to the room because he was so angry at me for telling our class adviser about his attitude towards most of the class. I didn’t know what to do I was really mad of course but I didn’t want to mess up my class standing for some hot-tempered kid like him. I fixed all my things and calmly came up to him and asked him about what happened. He was really mad and he was saying a lot of bad words to me; I wanted to cry but at the same time punch his face. I composed myself and smiled at him. I told him that maybe next time if he didn’t want to be scolded by the guidance, he should try being nicer to me and all my other classmates. He wanted to hit me so I looked him in his eyes like saying “you wouldn’t dare” because I thought it was really weird how a 9-year-old boy would even think of hitting someone else just because of what happened?????? After that, he wasn’t as notorious as he was before and he lessened being the center of attention. 2 years after that, he transferred to another school and I haven’t heard anything about him from that time until this 2016 when me and my friends were at this restaurant just around town and we saw him working at the place. We smiled at him and asked him how he was and it was just like we were all in grade school again. It turns out that maybe that shallow situation that happened in 3rd grade became a way for him to realize that we all wanted the best for each other. I overcame this bully by composing myself and being the bigger person in the situation. Getting even isn’t always the best idea. 
- Czarina Castro

When I was small I went to a tiny school with tiny classmates in a tiny island. It was really a small school and it has a small number of student, everyone got along very well except for me. I never knew the reason why. My classmates would not talk to me when we were in grade one. In my class we only had 4 girls the three were very close. I was left out. I was shy around guys so being friends with them was out of the question and besides all they do is tease at that time they never really talk to you seriously. I remember when we were practicing graduating in the preparatory stage when the teacher asked us to pretend we were wearing graduation hats and will be moving the tassel to the left. The teacher told us to pretend that our hair was the tassel and to hold a piece of our hair to the left. My classmate who was sitting beside me grabbed my hair and pulled it so hard I cried. It was never clear to me why she did it but I knew then, that she didn’t like me. One day when we were attending our flag ceremony the girl in front told me that she was sorry for not talking to me she told me that if she did the girl who hated me would tell the other children to ignore her as well. Growing up I got used to it until grade 4 when I found out that that girl has transferred to a different school. I never forgot her name and swore that one day I would make her feel what I felt having no one to talk to. I later gained friends and had a pretty normal student life until I graduated and entered high school. 

            When I entered high school I was very shy I didn’t know how to make friends because I grew up with the same classmates every year so I never really experienced making new ones before. I adjusted pretty quickly since I saw my previous classmates before became my classmates again at lunch time though I had a difficult time because my classmates had to go home to eat and I had to eat in the cafeteria. As I entered the cafeteria I saw two students with the same year as myself they smiled and invited me to join them. They were both very nice the boy was funny and was really smart the girl beside him was very pretty. She had a slim figure, pale skin and a small face. She spoke really well and was very nice. We got into talking and later found out that we went to the same school before. I was surprised because I know all of my classmates by heart and I did not remember her. Surely I would remember anyone who was as nice and as pretty as her and then I realized it. I told her that I once knew a girl named ____ and she told me that it was her and that she changed her name when she transferred school. At first I didn’t know how to react the girl who bullied me was right in front of me. I wanted to yell at her and asked her why, but then I realized that she wasn’t the same person as before. I just jokingly told her about how she was so mean to me. She was surprised and told me that she doesn’t remember why she did that and apologized to me. Of course I forgave her and became friends afterward. Friends but not very close friends. She transferred again when we were in 3rd year high school. I didn’t see her again until I was a first year college student when we bumped into each other in the hallway of the AB building in UST.  

                                                                                                                                    -Ruzel Raqueno

 

And so it commenced, “taba”, “baboy”, “pig” were thrown into the air.  I was blamed for earthquake drills. It’s my fault why seats are too tight.  And all the other typical “you’re too fat” jokes were said. It doesn’t help that I was also overly sensitive as a child. It has come to a point that I was afraid to stand up from my seat because I’m afraid that when they do notice me, they would start making fun of me. Every day was a struggle to not get notice in school.

It was when I was in High School that I started to shake off some excess fat. I controlled everything I eat and do exercises in the morning. Fast forward to when I get the desired weight that I wanted. When I reached my desired weight, I realized that it was just the same. People will always find something wrong about you. I was so thin back then, but I didn’t feel like myself at all. 

One of my greatest realizations in life is that everything is all about perspective. It is all about how you view the world you are leaving in. Your personality is the most essential key in your life. The way you react with how people treat you and how you will manage all the obstacles that life is trying to throw in your face will have a huge impact. 

I believe that if you have a good perspective in life, you are good to go. Yes there will be people that will judge you along the way. It’s normal. I’ve learned that “If they don’t know you personally, you should not take their words personally”. 

 Right now I started gaining weight but it doesn’t matter to me like it mattered before. I started getting fat jokes again, but that doesn’t hurt at all. I learned to laugh with them now. That is because I know I’ve made peace with myself that it isn’t all about the looks that will take me to my goals it’s all about my experiences, my guts, my passion, and my willingness to chase my dreams.

Yes I am the Fat Girl and will always be that Fat girl. And I’m fine with that :)



-Michelle Marasigan, 3ELS2

One of my friends who was with me inside the classroom suddenly called those who were playing to already go inside. I was completely unaware that my friend called them so I was confidently planning how my performance should turn out. My plan was to hide behind a curtain that was hanging to cover the blackboard and come out as I begin to sing. When I came out of the curtain, suddenly a dirty rag was thrown at me, right at my face. Bulls eye! They were annoyed because they had to stop playing and there I was, singing my heart and throat out. I was in front, in my most shocked face, unable to move, and there sitting at the far most corner of the room were the group of boys and girls laughing at me. The humiliation I felt was too much. I had to run inside the comfort room to gather myself from what happened. I was the type of girl that when I feel so embarrassed about something, I cannot help myself but cry. So, I cried. I was annoyed with them. I was even more frustrated when I found out that three of my friends were with those boys who threw the rag at me. I can only think of one thing at that time, those three were traitors! 

After I was done being over too dramatic, I went out of the comfort room. My friends who were with me inside the classroom immediately approached me and asked how I was. I know for a fact that I have gained enemies that day. It was only after a week that we talked to each other again. I guess I've realized what a petty thing it was to be mad about. Well, although what happened was so humiliating, I still forgave them. I might have forgiven them, but I will never forget. 

 

To the one reading my story, I hope you’ll find the strength to move forward. I may not know who you are (physically) reading this, but I tell you now that you are not alone. If you are still experiencing the pain that I had before, please do not hesitate to come to me so I could give you the Light towards your wonderful healing.

Looking back to my past experiences as a child, I really never had an experience being bullied or whatsoever since I was the most reserved in the classroom. Way back then, all I could think of was acing my academics, and fixing my family’s personal issues. However, when I got to College, life started to give me portals. Portals that have different experiences may it be happy or sad. My College life was the most challenging phase of my life because it was very different from the few years back. It is in this phase of my life that I started learning how to be independent even at my most downtrodden moments. It is within this phase of my life wherein I learned how to stifle my cries at night so I won’t be heard by my mom.

One of the portals which brought a lot of challenges was my love portal. I was shaken and shattered. This was where I lose my own identity so as to my own worth. I didn’t know how to cope up with this kind of storm when I was still in that moment. 

As a person, I really give my 100% in everything that I do, may it be in academics, in my organization responsibilities, and in all kinds of relationships that I have in my life. However, after experiencing the biggest storm in my life, I started to realize that it is not selfish to give a bit and reserve more as a way of giving myself more love and respect. I realized that I am not the Messiah who could make things or people be changed in the way you wanted them to be in order to have a harmonious or utopian living. Above all, I realized that only the true Light could give you the light from the darkness you are in.

Yes, I am talking about Jesus. It is through Him that I was able to get up, move forward and start again. It is through Him that I realized that people are not perfect. All of us will fail each other in one way or another. Also, it is through Him that love isn’t supposed to hurt. 

                To tell you honestly, I was blinded by some things. The things that I thought of was real…but never was. I was blinded to an extent that I thought my worth was not worthy enough to be appreciated. I was blinded by my own emotions; thus, hindering my own logical thinking. 

              And yes, it may be weird for you, but I guess it is I who bullied me most of the time. I remembered the previous talk from Bro. Bo Sanchez at the Feast; he said that most of our hurts are self-inflicted. That’s why; it is so hard for us to move on because we are our greatest enemies when it comes to managing our pains. 

                I may be the most religious one that most people know, but it was only recently that I really get to have a relationship with Jesus. When I started attending Feasts, my love tank became full once again..well, it’s not just full but OVERFLOWING WITH GOD’s LOVE to the point that I get to share this love to the broken people I know. ‘Twas true that God uses broken people to administer healing.

                My friend, I was cheated four times, verbally abused at home, betrayed by some of my friends, and got pressured in academics, you may be thinking as to how I still managed to move forward from all of these? Yes, I got depressed. I believed in all the lies that were thrown at me to the point when I started questioning why I still live. 

                Nevertheless, I conquered the bully inside of me. I conquered the Paulyene who was once hopeless and felt that no one loves and appreciates her. I conquered the bully that I was when Jesus came into my life. I may sound preaching to you right now, but once you get to experience the love from Jesus…I tell you..you will be so overwhelmed by it. 

                You may be battling with the greatest storm right now, but I tell you it will pass. I learned that storms came in our way to clean up what was not good for us, to make us stronger, and to make us wiser. Always remember to give a bit and reserve more. Be the love you wanted to have. Do not be your own bully. 

                You are beautiful, you are precious and you are really loved by Jesus. Don’t ever think that you are not worthy because God didn’t brought you to life to experience pain all the way. He brought you here so you could be the light for others.

                Let me leave you with these five words from Abba (God):

                ‘My child, I love you”

They have to excuse me in all of my class in that day. I stayed in the office and all I can feel was the piercing stare of my classmates and teachers, as if they are judging me in the back of their minds. I didn’t mind that though, I did not do anything, I’m not a bad person, at least  i know I’m not. But the moment I saw my mom walking into the principal’s office that’s the time where my world stumble, I won’t forget the frown and anger in her face, it was like she’s ready to disown me anytime soon. She had a word with the Asst. Principal, in which I didn’t hear because I was outside and after a while when she came out she got this paper in her hands. I don’t know what was that for, but I know that it’s from school because that was also the same paper that they use in our exam questionnaire.

My mom was quiet the whole time, it seems like she was in the verge of crying and trust me I hate seeing her cry. We ate in the canteen and she simply asked me “did you steal those?” I shook my head crying, hoping that she would believe me. After we eat, we have to come back to the office to talk to the Principal. As we entered the room there are 3 familiar faces which are my schoolmates, two of them are in the third grade while the other was in the fourth. They have to talk again inside, and I was outside, after a while other people came and then there’s a lot of them in there. I don’t understand what’s going on, I have tons of questions in my mind like, why am I the only one outside, What are they talking about, and how my mom would spank me later when we got home, such thing as those. After waiting for the longest time in my life, mom went out, she hugged me and said sorry because she almost believed them. Those kids that we saw earlier are the people who put those foreign things in my bag, and the reason was way too ridiculous, because their crush have a crush on me. It was epic. I almost lose my sanity that time.   

-Noreen Penullar 

I belong to a broken family.I have two older brothers and one older sister, and I am the youngest. When I was a little kid back then, I was the one who is always left in the house because my older siblings are already in school. When my siblings are not around, I always caught my parents fighting. I saw them hurting each other physically, emotionally, and mentally. As a child I can't do anything about it, I tried shouting "Tama na po" over and over again, but it didn't work anyway. I found out that my dad had an affair, he was secretly seeing this woman for almost nine years, and they had a daughter who was exactly the same age as mine. At the age of eight, my parents decided to file an annulment. Filing an annulment is not easy; it is a due process and you really need to prepare a lot of money. During the process, we talk to their perspective lawyers; they wanted us to pick between our parents who we want to live with. As a kid, I can’t understand what's happening to our family that time. I didn’t want to choose between them; I just want them both in my life as I grow up. 

I begin to hate life. I questioned God, of all people in this universe why do I need to experience this thing?

I cried, a lot.

I became a rebel. 

But I felt someone is embracing me. 

That’s the time when I realized, it is God. I just felt His wide open arms; comforting me, whispering, “Don’t worry. I am right here, my child.” 

As I grow up, I’ve realized, what happened to me made me stronger. Today, I live with my mom together with my siblings; my dad has his own house, but he still visits us from time to time. I just thank God even though my family is not perfect he had better plans for us. Now, my family is happy and at peace.

I did not know what I saw in him. I needed no reason. What I know then was I could not survive this cruel world without him. He was my escape from the ruthless outside for we were inside our own little world.

He said he would make me happy. Of course, he actually did for a while. We liked the same movies, watched the same TV series, and sang along to the same songs. We had numerous similarities that it made us carefreely comfortable with each other. 

As time passed by, his presence was enough for my day to be made. I unknowingly let him became my felicity. I gave and gave everything and anything, including those I didn’t even know I had. Simply because I wanted to.

What I did not know then was he could disappear out of thin air at any moment. 

As it turned out, he did. Not once, not twice, but as many times as what’s impossible to count. It made me the most devastated that I can possibly be that all I wanted was either have him or die.

He kept coming back. Being extremely stupid that I was back then, I always accepted him without feeling the need for apologies nor explanations. 

At the time he left me without a word for the thousandth time, that was my limit. It was miraculous that I changed so suddenly. I deleted his number, blocked his every social media account from mine, cut him off out of my life, which I always found arduous to do.  

I was finally released from the madness cage he put me into. 

Now, I’ve found my worth.

 I’ve realized that he was the cruel world that I had to escape from. 

Luckily, I did. And it gave me the most relieving feeling I’ve never felt for so long.

By: Yanni Canilao 

This goes out to my frienemies in high school. 

I was a popular kid in my school. Everyone knew me because I was vying for honors and recognition. I was active in every organization that even my seniors like to spend time with me. I was the charming, gullible, and friendly so-called ‘baby girl’ that everyone knows. Students from different schools even heard about me, but despite that, all these people do not really know who I was.

I am like a diary with a lock; one can never really understand who I am unless he or she unlocks me. I had friends, I had lots actually but now, I consider some of them as acquaintances. I easily trust a person when they are nice to me, but I do not want to engage in their activities. In fact, I would prefer being alone than with my peers. But, newsflash! I was dependent- to my parents and to my friends, simply because I was spoiled. I was always a part of the group, never left behind.

Everything changed when I became a 2nd year high school student. The academic year started fresh, people were joining clubs and all that but one thing changed, the class section was divided into two. There were no top or least section, it was a combination. To me, the list of people from each section was a mess. I did not like it. Although I have friends from my section, the ones I usually hang out with are on the other side.

So this is what happened, the class started, and everything was in place until my so-called friends from the other section thought I was betraying them because I was nice to my classmates. I mean hello? Am I supposed to be a snob when I’m the only one apart from my group of friends? The case was that we had different schedules and could not meet unless it’s time to go home. They gave hints so I kind of stepped back a little, but unfortunately, they did not want me to interact with my classmates completely. I tried to be understanding so I ended up being alone; I was striving to keep distance so that my so-called friends won’t get mad. It went on for weeks until I got used to it.

In the middle of the school year, we had a sleep over at my house. I enjoyed it because it was fun and we are able to tell stories with each other. The next day, everyone at my section talked about how pitiful I was because I had ‘fake friends’. I did not know the reason behind this rumor so I asked “len” about what was going on. Basically, she told me that my so-called friends from the other section were just using me for whatever reason they have, and that they have been talking behind my back. They made me look pathetic and were actually dragging me down. Len even mentioned that they were secretly jealous of me. I was so down that time that I cried myself to sleep. I lost trust to everybody I knew (not including my family of course), and I basically gave up on making friends. I was hopeless, maybe because I was not able to handle the impact. It was too much for me, I was fragile.

Thanking God for surrounding me with nice people, I was able to overcome my sadness and anger towards my so-called friends. Even though they did not apologize directly to me, I was able to forgive them, and let the past go. I guess they were the ones who helped me in being a stronger and better person. 

I can remember it crystal clear; it was during our biology class, when we are tasked by our teacher to make a food chain out of cut-out pictures of animals in a ¼ cartolina. I went with my group mates to the side of the room and pasted all the pictures needed for the chain. Then it happened, it was when we were drawing the arrows of the food chain. This particular girl, that shall be called Y in this narrative, drew the arrow heads in the wrong direction. Then as politely as I can, I told her that the arrows were supposed to be facing to the different direction, with the arrow head pointing to the animal that ‘ate’ the other animal. She didn’t bother to listen to me. Then I asked her for the second time to change the arrow heads, no response. I know this is petty, but I felt agitated, or should I say triggered, when she was asking for other people’s opinions, and not taking mine. Is it because of my rank that she didn’t bother to listen to me at all? Do they really look down at me? Maybe I am just paranoid at that time, so I decided to shove those worries away. However, my worries were confirmed by a certain guy in my class. 

It was when I was sitting with my friends during our free time, probably doing small talks with each other, when my male classmate whom shall I call J in this paper, approached us just to say this remark “parang may naiiba sa inyo”. At first I ignored it, then it came to me, all of my friends belong to the honor role, except me. I wanted to cry at that time but I was in the classroom so I just lowered my head letting my ‘full –blown’ bangs to cover my already crying face. 

I already have a lot of insecurities and this one decided to come up. It was really a mess. I doubt myself a lot of times, even saying that I am a disappointment to my family being the Asian kid that I am. I felt that I am the inferior one in the class. Then one of my male classmates approached me during our card day. I though he was going to mock me since I was the dimwitted kid in the class and he was in the pedestal as our great mathematician. He scanned through my grades and looked at me straight in the eye saying “ Okay naman grades mo eh, math ka lang talaga mababa.” That simple remark gave me hope. It was a hope that someone do believe in me. That is already enough for me to strive forward. 

-Hannah Hazel Cabardo