Writing Response #1 by Jaime

Serena

serena_ta — 2018-02-20 20:13:28 UTC

The claim is clear.

Pranil : The response uses relevant details to support the main claim

pranil_arsid — 2018-02-20 20:13:45 UTC

Saniya

sanya_roberts — 2018-02-20 20:13:45 UTC

points are stated clearly

Strengths

samantha_sugino — 2018-02-20 20:13:53 UTC

Good use of transition words. For example, however and overall.

Strengths

yikaiguillermo_zhuchen — 2018-02-20 20:13:54 UTC

Well organized

Nicholas

nicholas_im — 2018-02-20 20:13:55 UTC

Use different words than also

How to improve

kayla_silva1 — 2018-02-20 20:13:56 UTC

Don't start with "yes, I think"

Clear reasons

sarah_geevarghese — 2018-02-20 20:14:01 UTC

It gives clear reasons about the topic

Linking Words

titus_taing — 2018-02-20 20:14:06 UTC

Instead of using also for most of the sentences, you can use "in addition" or "additionally."

stated your cause

calvin_thomasiii — 2018-02-20 20:14:07 UTC

Calvin

Alvin

alvin_kishore — 2018-02-20 20:14:14 UTC

Don't use also a lot of times.

calvin_thomasiii — 2018-02-20 20:14:14 UTC

Calvin

Strengths

arjun_harikrishnan — 2018-02-20 20:14:18 UTC

Arjun- I think it uses strong words to convince the reader

Sophia S. Strengths

2018-02-20 20:14:21 UTC

You used good details that stated your point and text evidence from the story which was good.

Strengths

caitlyn_kim — 2018-02-20 20:14:21 UTC

Saniya

sanya_roberts — 2018-02-20 20:14:24 UTC

remember to use 3rd person instead of first person

elisabeth_chi — 2018-02-20 20:14:25 UTC

It is good and it states the facts clearly, but instead of using also the second time, maybe use another linking word.

Clarise: The paragraph has a strong reason.

clarise_loi — 2018-02-20 20:14:27 UTC

Suggestions on how to improve the paragraph

yikaiguillermo_zhuchen — 2018-02-20 20:14:32 UTC

Unclear pronoun use, use of too much "it".

Third person

sarah_geevarghese — 2018-02-20 20:14:33 UTC

Use third person instead of first person

Brian

brian_cheng — 2018-02-20 20:14:39 UTC

Gives clear reasoning and is well organized.

Taviana

taviana_woods — 2018-02-20 20:14:44 UTC

Better word choice

Alvin

alvin_kishore — 2018-02-20 20:14:46 UTC

It has good details.

Nicholas

nicholas_im — 2018-02-20 20:14:49 UTC

States their point

The second time, instead of using also, the author could use a differ

anisha_kumar — 2018-02-20 20:14:54 UTC

Pranil : Use stronger wording and try to keep the response in third person point of view.

pranil_arsid — 2018-02-20 20:14:55 UTC

So What??

serena_ta — 2018-02-20 20:14:56 UTC

Add a "so what"

good ending

elliott_kim — 2018-02-20 20:14:57 UTC

Word Choice

sofia_vasquez2 — 2018-02-20 20:14:57 UTC

Make sure to change up the wording once in a while so you are not repeating the same words over and over again.

Daniel Liamson Chanmany

2018-02-20 20:15:02 UTC

Better transition words such as Further on or Such as would help support the essay.

Suggestions on how to improve the paragraph.

samantha_sugino — 2018-02-20 20:15:10 UTC

Don't use the same transition words back to back like, also.

elliott_kim — 2018-02-20 20:15:13 UTC

do not use pronouns

Robert

robert_knowles1 — 2018-02-20 20:15:20 UTC

It states a good reason for why banning will be good

Alvin

alvin_kishore — 2018-02-20 20:15:21 UTC

could include text evidence such as according to blah

Madelyn

madelyn_gonzalez — 2018-02-20 20:15:28 UTC

good examples

Clarise: There can be a stronger use of vocabulary, and transition words.

clarise_loi — 2018-02-20 20:15:33 UTC

Brian

brian_cheng — 2018-02-20 20:15:39 UTC

Should not start with "Yes, I think" in the first sentence.

Strengths

kayla_silva1 — 2018-02-20 20:15:44 UTC

Using real life examples

reyana_krich — 2018-02-20 20:15:45 UTC

Use other linking verbs besides also, and

Explained the cause: Calvin

calvin_thomasiii — 2018-02-20 20:15:51 UTC

The response should contain the article from which they got their evidence.

anisha_kumar — 2018-02-20 20:15:53 UTC

Caitlyn

caitlyn_kim — 2018-02-20 20:16:02 UTC

Persuasive reasons and details

Don't shorten words unless it is long: Calvin

calvin_thomasiii — 2018-02-20 20:16:14 UTC

jasminetrinity_nguyen — 2018-02-20 20:16:21 UTC

States clear and strong reasons.

elisabeth_chi — 2018-02-20 20:16:28 UTC

-good info

Caitlyn

caitlyn_kim — 2018-02-20 20:16:38 UTC

The paragraph should be written in third-person not first-person. Replace the word I with they, them, or their.

Robert

robert_knowles1 — 2018-02-20 20:16:57 UTC

Start with a question at the beginning
EX: Should we get rid of the penny?

anisha_kumar — 2018-02-20 20:17:22 UTC

The author does a good job in supporting their points.

Arjun

arjun_harikrishnan — 2018-02-20 20:17:30 UTC

I think that the part about oceans wasn't there so I am just saying also that pennies are not worthless but it is true that they are expensive

madelyn_gonzalez — 2018-02-20 20:17:35 UTC

dont use the word "can"

jasminetrinity_nguyen — 2018-02-20 20:17:58 UTC

Try to expand the use of word choice and keep the paragraph in third person POV

reyana_krich — 2018-02-20 20:18:03 UTC

Great claim and details

Explained the clause really good.:Calvin

calvin_thomasiii — 2018-02-20 20:18:28 UTC

Weaknesses

2018-02-20 20:18:34 UTC

Try to not use the same transition word over and over again because its gets boring to the reader and make sure to put it in 3rd person.

2018-02-20 20:18:36 UTC

great claim.

Needs to be longer:Calvin

calvin_thomasiii — 2018-02-20 20:19:02 UTC

2018-02-20 20:21:47 UTC

use more words

I made a bad paragraph

gavinyoonchoi — 2018-02-20 20:24:48 UTC

deal with it

Dont put it in 3rd person every argumentitve writing should be and stay in 3rd person

2018-02-20 20:27:20 UTC

Writing Response #1 by Jaime

Serena

Pranil : The response uses relevant details to support the main claim

Saniya

Strengths

Strengths

Nicholas

How to improve

Clear reasons

Linking Words

stated your cause

Alvin

Don't use also a lot of times.

Strengths

Sophia S. Strengths

Strengths

Saniya

Clarise: The paragraph has a strong reason.

Suggestions on how to improve the paragraph

Third person

Other linking verbs besides and.

Brian

Taviana

Alvin

Nicholas

The second time, instead of using also, the author could use a differ

Pranil : Use stronger wording and try to keep the response in third person point of view.

So What??

good ending

Word Choice

Daniel Liamson Chanmany

Suggestions on how to improve the paragraph.

Robert

Alvin

Madelyn

Clarise: There can be a stronger use of vocabulary, and transition words.

Brian

Strengths

Explained the cause: Calvin

The response should contain the article from which they got their evidence.

Caitlyn

Don't shorten words unless it is long: Calvin

Caitlyn

Robert

Arjun

Explained the clause really good.:Calvin

Weaknesses

Needs to be longer:Calvin

I made a bad paragraph

Dont put it in 3rd person every argumentitve writing should be and stay in 3rd person