https://padlet.com/cewolcott1377/mj9ki7sevthv24pb By Cathleen "Beth" Springfield en-us 2023-09-30 21:10:15 UTC 2023-09-30 23:41:57 UTC hello@padlet.com https://padlet.net/icons/png/1f43b.png cewolcott1377 https://padlet.com/cewolcott1377/mj9ki7sevthv24pb/wish/2727139624 This stage is about how responsive care givers are to the child's needs that results in trust or mistrust for those around them to take care of them.

My parents divorced when I was six months, I was in a single parent household with my older brother. We relocated states at that time. Around 12 months of age my father moved to the state to be closer to us.  Between 0-24 month I had 22 ear infections. I am told I was a difficult to console child, and would scream from the pain and was not able to hear and develop language at the rate of my peers, after the issue with my ears were resolved. I was a fearful and avoidant child, loud noises easily overwhelmed me and caused me a lot of anxiety. 

This tells me I resolved this issue with mistrust, and is probably the root of much of my avoidant attachment style.]]> 2023-09-30 21:26:01 UTC https://padlet.com/cewolcott1377/mj9ki7sevthv24pb/wish/2727139624 cewolcott1377 https://padlet.com/cewolcott1377/mj9ki7sevthv24pb/wish/2727141091 this life stage is how much freedom the child is given to complete tasks on their own vrs the shame of not and feeling as if they can not.

I grew up in a very close knit community during these years, a majority of my time was spent under my brother's supervision (3 years older) or in the homes of my neighbors and friends. My mother worked long hours and we were encouraged to be as independent as possible. By age three I would climb the counters to make my own cereal in the mornings. and could walk to the next neighborhood over on my own to visit friends.

I have always been a very independent individual who want to try and accomplish tasks on my own though I do admit that I struggle with shame and doubt in social interactions. I still struggle with reading social cues and my inability to dissemble or lie makes me uncomfortable company for some. I am also very sensitive to perceived rejection, I think this resolved as both. ]]> 2023-09-30 21:31:39 UTC https://padlet.com/cewolcott1377/mj9ki7sevthv24pb/wish/2727141091 cewolcott1377 https://padlet.com/cewolcott1377/mj9ki7sevthv24pb/wish/2727144742 a stage marked largely by social acceptance from peers and feeling comfortable voicing ones thoughts.

I was slightly delayed in speech and had a speech impediment. I had acceptance in social interactions within the neighborhood and a large circle of friends in my immediate community. In the school setting however, there was teasing in relationship to this delay that resulted in a period of withholding speech in new public settings; until I was able to cover the noticeable speech pattern. During this time when at my fathers home I was told I talked too much and was placed in a closet to play until I learned to be silent. I was as not encouraged to speak if my brother was speaking. In my mothers home I was also expected to defer to my brother as an authority over me, although in my mothers house some concern was expressed about me being too quiet. My mother at one point asked my teacher if I was able to talk. She was assured I had an excellent vocabulary ( I was talking around words too difficult to say)

I think I was trained to be socially pleasing and tailor myself to be palatable for the company I kept. However, I also feel I have made great strides towards unlearning this training largely with credit to the people of my neighborhood who were sweet to the stuttering and shy little girl that was too jumpy to look them in the eye. Many of my neighbors let me eat with them or tell them stories when I was locked out of my house in the summers. I think their influence left me always hopeful of other peoples intentions and open to making deep bonds where the opportunity presents even if I did not receive the same unilateral acceptance and love during this stage and within my own house.]]> 2023-09-30 21:42:55 UTC https://padlet.com/cewolcott1377/mj9ki7sevthv24pb/wish/2727144742 cewolcott1377 https://padlet.com/cewolcott1377/mj9ki7sevthv24pb/wish/2727147089 this stage is focused on encouraging and praising efforts in new activities and talents, preferably leading to the idea that effort and trying new things is rewarding rather then frightening.

I was encouraged to pursue many activities and hobbies in this time. I began dance at age five, horse back riding at six, I was given a lot of materials and books on drawing, calligraphy and sewing. I learned Germán, I played piano, played soccer and began flute lessons. My parents highly valued achievement and it was expected I would preform everything at the highest level for my peer group. I was also expected to earn these activities as well as my food, clothing and room. I preformed my household chores and took jobs to cover the expenses. This included washing mirrors in my dance studio, mucking stalls at the stables, the care and feeding of younger relatives, cooking for the household and my homework. (Began working outside the home at 7)

My parents had a motto "you must earn your oxygen" they did not believe that life was an inherent right. That my existence was a gift from them and it was my job not to squander it and to pay them back with behaviors that would reflect well on their work of raising me. I am an industrious individual. I work hard and try many new things. I enjoy accomplishing tasks and making people proud of me. I am as grateful for this trait that makes me a highly valued employee as I am resentful of it for the level of stress, anxiety, general unhappiness and unhealthy commitment to work it has given me. I have multiple times compromised my health and safety for the sake of not disappointing an authority. I would also not be taking on school, full time work and my family without it. Which will overall better my life and my child's life. I am industrious, I need to eventually learn balance. Just not right this moment.]]> 2023-09-30 21:51:51 UTC https://padlet.com/cewolcott1377/mj9ki7sevthv24pb/wish/2727147089 cewolcott1377 https://padlet.com/cewolcott1377/mj9ki7sevthv24pb/wish/2727152792 This is a stage marked with rebellion and self discovery, the solidifying of likes dislikes morals and values.

I grew up in a religious household with strict gendered roles. I did not feel comfortable in my church. My mother had remarried when I was seven and my stepfather was very verbally and physically aggressive. I had difficulty maintaining the standards they had set for me in their household. I dropped out of public school at 16 and attempted and failed to runaway from home. I then enrolled in community college and completed my high-school equivalency. I left home for a final time at 17 and moved into an abusive situation in Florida. Before seventeen I was not allowed to wear makeup, my clothing was strictly dictated down to what colors I was permitted to wear. I was not allowed to cut my hair. I left a controlled home setting and ended up in a higher control relationship; I then moved even further across the country to leave that situation. I was  very fortunate to meet a group of individuals who encouraged me to find my voice, my style, my sexuality and identity while in Indiana. By 18, I was living independently, had a stable friend group, relationships and work. They were very supportive and were a safe place to explore myself. We didn't have much money and they couldn't pull me out of poverty but they were a calm place to rest when it felt like a time of drowning.

I do feel I have a strong sense of who I am as an individual. I do not give credit to the people who hurt me for the damage and pain they inflicted, rather credit goes to those who loved me enough to give me a space to heal myself and become myself in spite of those earlier influences. I give credit to the strangers who showed up when they did not have to for a scared kid, They taught me more about altruism and unconditional acceptance and love then anyone who had legal or traditional obligation to show it to me.]]> 2023-09-30 22:13:02 UTC https://padlet.com/cewolcott1377/mj9ki7sevthv24pb/wish/2727152792 cewolcott1377 https://padlet.com/cewolcott1377/mj9ki7sevthv24pb/wish/2727157428 the friends gathered during this stage of life largely affect the later stages as far as fulfillment and community.

I do not have a large circle of friends, I have very deep intimate friendships that span decades and large distances. at 19 I moved back to my home state of Virginia and then again at 21 to North Carolina. I married at 22 and had my child at 25. Majority of my adult relationships were formed in North Carolina or Indiana. My relationships in North Carolina were much more intimate and familiar then more recently (in Indiana). That circle of people were present at the birth of my child and helped me rear her the first year. We moved to Indiana in 2017 I was almost 27. I have a handful of close friends here as well, mostly through hobbies. One or two from work. Largely I am an introverted individual who is easily overwhelmed in social settings and often prefer to be home with my family and pets. Three years ago my husband had expressed unhappiness in the marriage and since then I have met many people through those circumstances. We are still navigating what a platonic marriage looks like in the modern landscape or if a separation/ divorce is an option. I find myself struggling to be motivated in my thirties to put forth energy to additional or new relationships. Should we divorce I find the idea of finding another marriage before my next life stage abhorrent. Since I like my own company I expect I will be happier legally single indefinitely should that be the path my life takes. 

While this stage is not completed yet, I suppose it is generally headed in the direction of isolation. I do find my work fulfilling and enjoy the relationships I do have. So I am perhaps less dissatisfied with that conclusion then I should be.]]> 2023-09-30 22:30:59 UTC https://padlet.com/cewolcott1377/mj9ki7sevthv24pb/wish/2727157428 cewolcott1377 https://padlet.com/cewolcott1377/mj9ki7sevthv24pb/wish/2727170758 this stage of life is how you fulfilled you feel about your life to this point and satisfaction with what you have accomplished. should I make it to this stage of life I pray it will be a less interesting time then the years that led to it.

Despite What I wrote in the isolation slide, I am hopeful for this stage of life. I hope to have progressed in my work, that my child will be progressing healthy and happy through her own milestones. eventually going out into the world to follow her own dreams. Once she has a level of independence and stability I would like to use this time to pursue my own dreams that were put aside. I hope I will be able to travel and visit friends across the world and deepen my experience and exposure to other cultures and communities. Even If I never get those opportunities I am content with the choices I've made being the best ones possible that could have been made.]]> 2023-09-30 23:28:18 UTC https://padlet.com/cewolcott1377/mj9ki7sevthv24pb/wish/2727170758 cewolcott1377 https://padlet.com/cewolcott1377/mj9ki7sevthv24pb/wish/2727173689 This stage of life is about feeling pride or despair in the life lived

I am going to be so pleasantly surprised if the world as I am familiar with it still exist when I reach this age. In the chance there is no zombie apocalypses, massive volcanic eruptions, devastating climate destruction or other Armageddon like events. I will be so pleased at successfully making it to old age I find it hard to imagine being upset about anything I did or not do along the way. I am grateful for every day I live. So many small changes and my story could have been tragic. Instead I have a beautiful child, work I enjoy, and a roof over my head. Whatever else I choose I trust In my own compass and self to use the experiences that have shaped me to mitigate any harm I could cause and to do my best to add what benefit I can. Things so far have never turned out the way I planned or dreamed they would, but they still managed to turn out good. Finding the good path when things go off tracks is the real test of living. I am sure life will continue testing and challenging me by throwing out all my plans. I will continue finding a path. So I have faith that should I make it to old age, there will be things to celebrate at the end of a long and full life.]]> 2023-09-30 23:41:57 UTC https://padlet.com/cewolcott1377/mj9ki7sevthv24pb/wish/2727173689