Autobiography by Jason Saephan

99772460 — 2024-08-19 18:24:13 UTC

Got lost in the mall one time because I started at a sock for too long. I have no idea why that sock seemed appealing at the time, maybe I was tired. I searched far and wide for my family, but they disappeared so I was ready to become give up and start a new life in the streets. In that moment, I found my sister, and I never looked at socks the same ever again after that day.

99772460 — 2024-08-19 18:32:28 UTC

This little thing right here won against seven year old me back in San Diego. On the way to San Diego, we took a break to the bathroom. Apparently I play too much because I was struck by a parking curb, did a 360, and then fell flat on the ground. When I got up, my knee was basically missing so I went back to the car and sat there for 10 minutes. My aunt came to the car and saw that my knee turned red so she patched me up, and for some reason asked if it hurt. The answer was yes. The next day, we went to a restaurant called Pho Kitchen, great food, but it's an environmental hazard. I went to go give the car keys to my mom and then lost to a parking curb again. Now I already knew my life was over and I should just become a mediocore comedian so I just limped into a corner very sad and slow. To this very day, I watch my step.

99772460 — 2024-08-19 18:36:02 UTC

Many say that these little creatures are cute, but I beg to differ. My little brother was playing with my cat and it scratched me for who knows why. I was probably around nine at the time, and to be honest, I didn't feel anything. That was, until I looked down and saw that the cat gave my foot a free tattoo that was all red. So like the child I am, I scream at the top of my lungs. Yes, I was over exaggerating, but the medicine did hurt.

99772460 — 2024-08-19 18:39:44 UTC

These red balls are memorizable. Back in my elementary school, we played all sorts of games. Four Square and Kickball were the most popular, but too many kids cheated in Four Square so I was a Kickball main. One day, some kids and I decided to race because we were first graders and wanted the right to brag about everything. So the race began, and as I was zooming a giant meteor came crashing down onto my face. A sixth grader kicked the ball, and I managed to run into it. I had time to stop or dodge it, so I don't know why I didn't. It wasn't that bad though.

99772460 — 2024-08-19 18:42:30 UTC

So here I am, enjoying some fried rice lunch with a few friends. We're walking around school and stop at some college snowman posters. After some talk about colleges, one of my friends start screaming so I thought there was some kind of bug. In reality, it was the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs. I look up for who knows why, and a messed up soccer ball comes crashing down onto my face. A man cannot enjoy fried rice in 2024. This happened last year.

99772460 — 2024-08-19 18:43:05 UTC

Now my playground was not that good, but we kids had a lot of fun on it. Most of the kids were very hyper-active, jumping off of slides and any opening that led to the bark floor. With this, came a lot of injuries, including me. I fell one time and got an insanely bad scrape. It was bad to the point where the entire grade came to check. My other two friends also had some bad injuries. One of them jumped off the slide and got stabbed by the bark, and was bleeding a surprising amount. My other friend tripped and cracked their head a little bit while playing tag; unlike all the other times, this event caused us to never play tag for the entire duration of elementary school. We had some security guards on the playground and they weren't mad at all the shenanigans happening at recess. The only thing that had them mad was the unholy amount of balls that got on the school roof. One of them remembered me when I went back a few years ago to pick up my little brother.

99772460 — 2024-08-21 18:36:49 UTC

99772460 — 2024-08-21 18:38:55 UTC

99772460 — 2024-08-21 18:40:46 UTC

99772460 — 2024-08-21 18:42:50 UTC