Identity is one of the most important things in our lives. One's identity is shaped by many things. Someone's experiences, culture, background, race, ethnicity, gender, religion and sexual orientation are the main things that form our identity. Our identity is something that we all have and some appreciate. Many people accept who they are and are proud of where they come from. But as read in class, some people don't share this same opinion. Some people come to this country in hopes of a better life, to fit in, but the opposite happens. They are seen as an outcast, they don’t seem to fit in with the ‘normal’ standards. This causes people to want to change who they are. They want to have a new identity just to fit in. These are some of the different ways identity is present in our lives.

I have had great experiences in discovering my identity. I come from a large family and we are all supportive of each other. My parents have stressed for so long that my four siblings and I are all different. We are all on different paths and neither path is better than another. We are all on different paths, but are there to support each other through it all. My two brothers are in the Navy, my older sister is a teacher and my little sister is a straight A student about to apply to colleges. I on the other hand have no idea what I want to do. What makes that easier, is the fact that my parents don’t treat me any different than my siblings. In allowing me to be myself and decide what I want to be, they are allowing me to shape my own identity. I have experienced times of struggle, questioning my choice to not go to a University. I have experienced loneliness in feeling left out, not knowing what I want like my siblings. Lastly, my family has played the most important role in forming my identity. I am unsure of what I want, and they have made that okay. I am unsure of what will come next, and they have supported me. I have struggled, I have felt lonely and I wouldn’t change a thing. Through this wide range of emotions and feelings, I have been able to accept who I am, accept that I am on a different path, and take this challenge of the unknown head on. 

Struggle is a period of time someone goes through, short or long, that affects their life. People may have financial struggles, health struggles or in this case, identity struggles. Struggle is directly related to a person's identity. In hard times or times of need, our hardships and struggles show what a person really goes through. They show who a person is on the inside and who they may want to become. The story Good Girls Marry Doctors fits under the theme of struggle in many ways. Throughout the story the main character Mathangi is trying to identify what and who she wants to be. Mathangi is trying to fit in at school where she feels as if she is an outcast. She is different from the other kids, but she wants to have similar experiences such as Thanksgiving and Christmas so she can talk about it in class. Mathangi is struggling to fit in, she is struggling to either accept who she is or become who she wants to be. She says “When I was desperately trying to figure out who I was before I had no friends and no confidence; at that moment, I thought that canned was the answer. Just open and pour, like everyone else.” (185) This shows the contemplation in her mind. She is torn whether to be herself or simply just be like everyone else. This shows the struggle people go through often. People of all backgrounds try to fit in to what is considered ‘normal’ because if they do not, they fear as if they will be treated differently. This is especially relevant to children who are younger and in school because they are constantly being judged and trying to fit in. Struggle is relevant in all different people, through their past experiences and current events. While Mathangi struggles with fitting in and feeling comfortable, Sherman Alexie struggles to find safety and feelings of comfort. Alexie and his experiences described in his story Forty Knives fit under the theme of struggle as well. In the story Forty Knives, Alexie talks about his history with abuse and the men who had abused him. This is a major event from his past that has  caused him to struggle with trying to protect himself. He is fearful that this could happen again at any time. In Forty Knives, Alexie says “I had been abused by one man. I knew he’d be at the party, so I assumed I’d have to specifically protect myself against him and generally protect myself against all of the other predators.” (13) Alexie is showing his internal struggle with his past. He has a history of being abused and he is worried it could happen again with all of the people at the party. There are murderers and abusers at this party so he is struggling to find peace. Alexies struggle to find feelings of safety is one that is too common in society these days. People of all backgrounds, different races, different ethnicities and different religious beliefs struggle to feel comfortable with who they are due to people's reactions to them. While Alexie struggles to protect himself from his past experiences, the people of Wakanda in the Black Panther want to protect their nation from what is to come, from the new king. In the nation of Wakanda there is a king and he rules the land. The king has the powers of the Black Panther but can be stripped of them if a challenger chooses to challenge the king for the throne. This happens twice when N’jakada and M’boku challenge king T’challa for the throne. There is a struggle for power during these scenes. The 2 warriors are challenging the king for power of Wakanda. In gaining this power they will rule how they want to rule. There is also struggle when N’jakada beats T’challa. He becomes king and wants to expand Wakanda’s resources and knowledge to the outside world. There is a lot of resistance from the citizens and a battle takes place over this struggle for power. This battle takes place because the people of Wakanda want continuity. They have been ruled a certain way for so long to protect them and now a new king wants to expand their empire to the whole outside world. This struggle for acceptance and change is what causes the battle among the 5 tribes of Wakanda.

Family is something that plays a vital role in shaping one's identity. A person's family is usually who they are around most often. Someone's family and how they were brought up shapes who they are and how they see the world. For example, Sherman Alexie talks about his different relationships with his parents in Forty Knives. He has a strong relationship with his Mom, but not as strong with his Dad. In Forty Knives, Alexie states “ ‘My mom saved us,’ I said. ‘She saved us from the drunks’” (18) which shows the respect he has for his Mother. He can't rely on his Father due to his drinking issues so he relies on his Mother for support. Alexie also states  “She cursed our father as she drove.” (17) in reference to his Mother's reaction to her husband. He has such an issue that she has to take the kids away from him. Alexie has little to no relationship with his Father and this shapes who he is. It shapes how he sees the world with essentially only the influence of one parent. In growing up and developing as a person, someone's family provides the best advice and acts as the best role model. This idea is touched upon in the Family Feud video by Jay Z and Beyonce. Michael B. Jordan, one of the stars of Black Panther is in the Family Feud video as well. In the beginning he says to his sister “Look at you, you don’t deserve to be the face of this family, you’re a disgrace” He is referencing that they are a part of the royal family. He also references his Father and how he would not be pleased with her actions. In voicing his displeasure he is hoping that something will change with his Sister. The family and face of the family have shaped who Michael B Jordan has become. He wants to represent his family well and he feels as if he would fit this role the best. Families and their aspirations shape who they are. Some families or members want to change how they are seen and what they represent, Mathangi’s family is one of them. In Good Girls Marry Doctors Mathangi is at dinner with her family trying to get them to eat a ‘normal’ thanksgiving dinner like a ‘normal’ American family. She is embarrassed and worried about her situation at school and the fact that she does not have any experiences related to the other kids. The school kids talk about what they ate and what family members attended their holidays, whereas Mathangi is at a loss for words. In Operation Make My Family Normal, Mathangi says “As my mother set the table for Thanksgiving dinner, I opened the can of cranberry sauce and divided it four ways…” (184). Mathangi is showing her determination to really make her family ‘normal.’ All of the kids at her school eat cranberry sauce and turkey and then they bring it as leftovers for the whole week. She feels excluded because she does not share similar experiences. She uses her family and their celebrations to try and relate it to who she wants to be seen as.

Loneliness is caused by many different things. It can be caused by past experiences or present circumstances. A lonely person is someone who is literally alone or someone who feels left out in a certain situation. These feelings of loneliness shape our identity because they allow us to see deep inside ourselves. They allow us to be independent and figure out who we are. Loneliness is literal in Sherman Alexie's Forty Knives. He says “But those forty knives would be enough to make a monster pause and reconsider.” (15) Alexie is giving vivid imagery to the reader. He talks about his past experiences with abuse and how he intends to protect himself on the night of the party. He sticks 40 butter knives in his door to try and stay lonely, to try and protect himself. These feelings of loneliness by Alexie are comforting and allowing him to stay calm. He feels as if his knives will protect him against predators. This loneliness portrays Alexie’s identity as defensive and hopeful that he can find comfort in being locked in his room.  Loneliness is portrayed in certain situations where someone may feel left out. These feelings of exclusion shape who we are and our identity. They allow us to try and be someone different or accept who we truly are. Mathangi in the story Operation Make My Family Normal talks about how she wanted to be the same as all of the other kids for so long. She wanted to have a similar conversation about her holidays. In the end, Mathangi is happy with her Indian food for lunch as opposed to leftovers from thanksgiving like everyone else. Mathangi says “Not a drop of cranberry sauce in sight. Only weirdness. Delicious, homemade weirdness.” This quote shows her appreciation for her background and identity. While she is still unsure of who she wants to be seen as, she is not unsure of who she is. She has feelings of loneliness at lunch but she is happy and content with her “weirdness.” She is comfortable with who she is and that is what matters most. Killmonger in the movie Black Panther has similar feelings of loneliness. In the movie his father is killed when he is young. He and his father are both from Wakanda. He is all alone in America without a father. He joined the military to train and come back to avenge his father. He killed hundreds of men in preparation to challenge king T’challa and become the ruler of Wakanda. He defeats him and avenges his Father becoming king. He defeats his feelings of loneliness and his challenge becoming what he feels he was destined to be. He has seen himself as the one to save the nation and his identity is being confirmed.

Identity is the fountain that runs through us. It is shaped by all aspects of our life. What we have done, who we are and what we believe shape our identity. To me, understanding and accepting your identity is one of the biggest challenges in life. I still struggle understanding who I am and what I want to be. Everyone around me seems to know and I feel as if I am just lost in the crowd. Through learning more about identity and what it truly is, I have been able to understand how many people there are just like me in this world. I may not be seen as different, and I may not feel different as other people are made to feel, but inside I feel different. I feel as if I am lost and that is ok. My family is here to support me and that is what matters most. For those people who are not as lucky as I am, keep fighting and working hard. Keep being yourself and accepting diversity. You and your identity are what make this country a better place for all.

Family is something that we all have. We are all brought into this world and into a family. Whether it be a good or bad situation, it is something we all have. Whether it is family we want or don’t want, we all have it. Whether it is a source of pain in our lives, or an source of power, we all have family. The theme of family fits under the larger theme of power in the book When They Call You A Terrorist. This is present in the form of Patrisses relationship with her Mom, her Father's impact on her life, and her family being her main support system. “I cannot look in the face of those judging men and believe that they truly are the ones who could hold my mother to account.” (71)  says Patrisse regarding the way Jehovah's Witnesses treated her Mother. Patrisse at such a young age realizes that her Mom has worked so hard to provide for them. She realizes that her mother is being scrutinized for having a child out of wedlock, and she realizes that she needs to find God and get away from this. This interaction with her Mother has allowed her to realize this is not her path, and only she has the power to fix that.

Gabriel and Alton, Patrisses real father and father figure provide strength, power and support for Patrisse and her family. Referring to Patrisses discovery of her real father, Gabriel says “I’m not here to take you away from anyone, he tells me more than once. I’m just here to add to your life in a way that is good and useful.” (41) Gabriel understands that Patrisse has a great relationship with Alton and her mother and siblings. He is letting her know that although he hasn’t been present thus far in her life, he doesn't want to take away from her life, but add to it. He wants to give her his love and empower her to be whatever she wants. He is there to support her and now it is very clear. Talking about this same instance, upon the discovery of Gabriel, Alton says “I never wanted you to feel like you were half anything, step nothing. Like you weren’t mine. You’ve always been mine. I don’t want you to feel any different.” (32) Alton is showing his support for Patrisse as well, he didn’t want her to feel left out so he let her believe he was her father. He built up their relationship and made her into who she is today.

A community is different for each person. It can be where you live and the people around you It can be a sports team or a group of people. It can even be your family and those you surround yourself with. In this case, when Patrisse mentions her community she is referring to where she lives and who she is surrounded by. She is in the middle of the war on drugs and the police presence in her area is unreal. Patrisse is also referring to people of color all across the country who face similar hardships. These hardships have been sources of pain, but also sources of power. She uses community in a literal and a more broad term. Through talking about her community, she shows us how it shaped her life, how it has shaped how she views society and the struggles that her community has endured. Growing up in Van Nuys, Patrisse has been exposed to police brutality, starvation, poverty and injustices. These experiences have both shaped who Patrisse has become, and led her to deal with struggles in life. Regarding her struggle in life Patrisse states “Being hungry is the hardest thing, and to this day I have prayers of gratitude for the Black Panthers, who made Breakfast for Children a thing that schools should do.” (12) This experience of hunger and starvation has been painful for Patrisse and her community. The amount of poverty is devastating and the children as well as the parents are suffering. Patrisse also talks about children of color at school and the impact the school system has on kids lives, saying “Black children were far more at risk, suspended at nearly four times the white students despite similar behavior patterns.” (217) The statistics are showing that children of color are four times as likely to be suspended for doing the same thing as a white student, who gets no punishment. This is also a source of pain in the community. These children whose parents are not around or are out working are now suspended and sent home to be alone. In being alone they are perceived as being criminals or committing crimes, so they are arrested. We are sending kids home from school to a rundown community with no supervision and they are then locked up for hanging out in an alley. This pain has reached a new level.

Power has also come from the community of Van Nuys, and those across the nation. Patrisse along with members from her social group have become activists. They are protesting injustices and advocating for those whose voices are not heard. In a heated moment she says “...standing shoulder to shoulder against the tanks, the machine guns. We have already learned from people in Palestine to douse our eyes with milk, not water, when attacked with tear gas.” (217) This statement shows just how much of an impact these protests are having. These injustices are being fought with tanks and machine guns. These wrong doings are being met with heavy weapons, not people willing to solve the problem, or even listen. This is fueling this Black Lives Matter movement and empowering its supporters to keep fighting. 

Patrisses sexuality and preferences have had a large impact on her life. They have led her on journeys to find social acceptance and to find independence. In searching for social acceptance, Patrisse is looking to be understood by her family and community, “There are 20 girls of color who come out during my time at Cleveland, I am one of them” (77) she says.  There are not many people who come out, Patrisse is one of them, they all have something in common, that is the desire to be accepted, the desire to be understood. Patrisses sexualtity has also put her on the path of independence. She is looking to find God and figure her life out, she is not sure who she likes and what she wants. Patrisse has struggled to find herself and she is ready to find out. She has seen the path her Mom has taken being a part of Jehovah’s Witness, and does not want any part of it. In her search to find herself, Patrisse says “And beyond the doors of the Kingdom Hall, I set out to find God, to find my spirit, to find myself.” (73) On this path to find herself and go out on her own path, Patrisse is taking the first step to independence.

Prison is a controversial topic, seen differently by many people. Some support prison due to public safety, other oppose it due to bigger issues. The bigger issues are the need to address mental health or living conditions which are the roots of these problems. The majority of arrests are on drug charges, why lock an addict up when we could get them the help they need so when they get out they can be healthy? Prison tears people apart. Prison provides years of pain, sometimes completely unnecessary and illogical. Prison has a large impact on families, on society and in creating injustices across the nation. Patrisse has grown up around poverty and struggle. She and her family have endured a lot of pain due to prison, saying “I spent my childhood watching my brother get arrested.” (50) During her childhood her brother Monte got arrested and put in prison, as well as her father Gabriel. These arrests have rattled her life and changed her views on the world. The torture and mishandling of her brother Monte has shaken her up and fired her up. The locking up of her father instead of getting him help has added to this pain and hatred. Patrisse uses this motivation to advocate for people of color and reduce prisons impact on society. 

The societal impact prison has is serious as well. Communities that are facing poverty and challenges are policed the most. Parents are out working three jobs to make ends meet, and when they get home they find out their child was arrested for standing in an alley with friends. It is said that “In the city of Los Angeles, almost 50 percent of all homicides go unsolved and gang injunctions did absolutely nothing to stave off violence in the street.” (186) What is happening is that these people are being locked up for possession of drugs or sometimes even nothing, but the ones who are arrested for murder are let off the hook. The entire prison system is corrupt and is aimed to hurt people not help our society. As previously mentioned, the injustices of prison have affected Patrisse and many families across the country. Police are abusing Monte and other prisoners, they are calling him a terrorist because he has a disease and he had an outbreak. As opposed to getting Monte help they labeled him a threat and abused him, exclaiming “But he has been stripped, beaten and starved, kicked and humiliated by cops. So they get to call him the threat. They get to call him the harm. They get to charge him with terrorism.” (117) This quote really displays the flaws in the prison system. They abusing and beating an innocent man… but he is the terrorist?

Pain and power have a unique relationship. They are oddly similar but also very different. Pain and power both lead to understanding our identity, but in two different ways. Pain helps us grow as people and deal with hard times, hopefully coming out on top. Power allows us to realize who we are and what we stand for. While they both affect us, they do not both define us. Pain and power apply to almost all current issues today. Issues regarding race, poverty and identity, mainly seen in the news today, concern pain and power. The pain Americans feel from discrimination and hardships allow them to work hard, gain power, and take these challenges head on. Through When They Call You A Terrorist: A Black Lives Matter Memoir by Patrisse Khan-Cullors and Ashe Bandele, I have learned a lot about the Black Lives Matter movement. I learned who started it and the reason behind its creation. Those most affected by society's actions including the police and prison spoke up and started the movement. They did not start it for fame, but they started it to be heard. Black Lives Matter is dozens of years of inhumane and appalling acts of cruelty being called out and protested to prevent people of color from experiencing these injustices any longer. Routed by painful times and powerful triumphs, Black Lives Matter lives to this day to protect and honor people of color in America.